Resiliency In Second Life

[Persephone Emerald]

2 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

No offense, but in general - over here (points at the ground) - "conservative" doesn't just mean 1) "I prefer a less liberal approach to life", but also for SOME people 2) "don't change anything that may affect ME" to the detriment of actually helping people with such things as charities, social programs, etc. 🙂 I am not really talking about politics, just about attitudes in general.

So, as a member of the "LGBT+" community, I would expect less "support" in Second Life from a "conservative" person due to 1) above.   I would probably get less positive "life lessons" in resiliency and compassion due to 2) above.  

ETA: See how I made this "on topic"?

I like this use of the word "Conservative" as meaning to conserve an existing state (or traditional values). "Progressive" would thus be an opposing term, as meaning seeking change from an existing state (or traditional values) in favor of a state or values that are viewed as "better" or more evolved. ("Regressive" would mean going back to a worse or less evolved state  or values.)

Unfortunately, these terms can't be unwound from their RL political associations, so it's best to avoid them on these forums.

[Luna Bliss]

30 minutes ago, Ayashe Ninetails said:

I

Ayashe, can you explain how the following is a bad thing? Why would this not be a quality we'd want to aspire to? Would it be better to just give upon any problem (SL or RL) and sink into despair over it?  Or would it be better to overcome and move toward whatever goal we have?

                 RESILIENCE

Resilience is the psychological quality that allows some people to be knocked down by the adversities of life and come back at least as strong as before. Rather than letting difficulties, traumatic events, or failure overcome them and drain their resolve, highly resilient people find a way to change course, emotionally heal, and continue moving toward their goals.

Edited April 19 by Luna Bliss

[Rowan Amore]

54 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Awesome! 

"Those millennials just need to be more resilient."

"Boomers were more resilient."

"Stop whining and be more resilient."

TAKE THAT, ANTI-WOKE PPL!

2023 was one of the most difficult and challenging times I've ever endured.  I managed to make it through because, at times, I wasn't resilient.  I sat down and cried and hit things.  I vented my feelings of frustration and anger to my sisters who just listened.   That's all I needed.  To release some.pressure.  No words of wisdom, no anecdotes about how they deal with things.  Just listening.  I cried and whined.  

Do I feel more.resilient?  Not especially.  I'm sure life may throw me another situation I'll have to muddle.through and you know what?  I'll probably cry.and whine about that, too.  Why shouldn't I?  Life is hard.  No.one has to take all the crap life throws you will a smile on their face and a sunny disposition.  Eff that!  Scream, cry, throw.things if that's what helps.you get through.  

To keep it on point concerning SL...Chanting and dancing in SL?  Even for SL stresses, whatever the hell those might be, it's silly.  Log.out, scream, rant, take.a walk.  

[Luna Bliss]

1 minute ago, Rowan Amore said:

I managed to make it through because, at times, I wasn't resilient.  I sat down and cried and hit things. 

Crying is a feature of being resilient.  You move through the pain and are able to come out on the other side. You're totally misinterpreting what resilience means.

[Ineffable Mote]

59 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Messages from the place I'm visiting now...are they using ChatGP?  hmmmm

 Bowl of Wisdom whispers....: The mandala of existence unfolds in intricate patterns. Each experience, a brushstroke on the canvas of consciousness, contributes to the masterpiece of enlightenment.

It's just a series of canned lines pulled from a notecard by a running script. Despoiled wisdom, basically, passing itself off for something it ain't. Like so much else here.

Not that AI is somehow any better or different.

[Dafadilia Wayfarer]

5 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

2023 was one of the most difficult and challenging times I've ever endured.  I managed to make it through because, at times, I wasn't resilient.  I sat down and cried and hit things.  I vented my feelings of frustration and anger to my sisters who just listened.   That's all I needed.  To release some.pressure.  No words of wisdom, no anecdotes about how they deal with things.  Just listening.  I cried and whined.  

Do I feel more.resilient?  Not especially.  I'm sure life may throw me another situation I'll have to muddle.through and you know what?  I'll probably cry.and whine about that, too.  Why shouldn't I?  Life is hard.  No.one has to take all the crap life throws you will a smile on their face and a sunny disposition.  Eff that!  Scream, cry, throw.things if that's what helps.you get through.  

To keep it on point concerning SL...Chanting and dancing in SL?  Even for SL stresses, whatever the hell those might be, it's silly.  Log.out, scream, rant, take.a walk.  

Just want to say...Exactly this. Worded perfectly.

[Luna Bliss]

If you managed to cope with the adverse condition you developed resilience!  This is how it's defined. It doesn't matter if you like the word or use it....the fact remains...you developed resilience.  The issue is, what I've been requesting is....information on how you cope with problems in SL.   These problems might have developed within SL, or they might have developed outside SL yet you use SL to cope/chill out/whatever. Here is my OP again:

I just encountered an interesting experience  @ The Wisdom Circle in SL today where a poem was shared, discussing 'resilience'.
We all encounter difficult experiences in SL -- what helps you cope and develop resilience? Do you recognize patterns in the poem that relate to how you manage difficult situations in SL, and/or do you have coping strategies of your own to share?
Remember to stick to coping with difficulties in SL only.

[Luna Bliss]

3 minutes ago, Ineffable Mote said:

1 hour ago, Luna Bliss said:

Messages from the place I'm visiting now...are they using ChatGP?  hmmmm

 Bowl of Wisdom whispers....: The mandala of existence unfolds in intricate patterns. Each experience, a brushstroke on the canvas of consciousness, contributes to the masterpiece of enlightenment.

It's just a series of canned lines pulled from a notecard by a running script. Despoiled wisdom, basically, passing itself off for something it ain't. Like so much else here.

Not that AI is somehow any better or different.

LOL whenever I read something and it seems lofty but at the same time I can't understand what they're really saying I suspect AI!

[Luna Bliss]

13 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

I'll probably cry.and whine about that, too.  Why shouldn't I?  Life is hard.  No.one has to take all the crap life throws you will a smile on their face and a sunny disposition.  Eff that!  Scream, cry, throw.things if that's what helps.you get through.  

Where did you get the idea that being resilient means you "take all the crap life throws at you with a smile on their face and a sunny disposition"?   It does not mean that at all. It means we go through the process we need to go through when faced with adversity and move on to where we can deal with life again. We eventually overcome, through facing our pain, and learn to live again.

[Luna Bliss]

1 hour ago, Ineffable Mote said:

It's just a series of canned lines pulled from a notecard by a running script.

Never a good idea to use ChatGPT for spiritual purposes.

Speaking of Kirtan, I need to go practice. And I can assure you ChatGPT will be nowhere near me!

Edited April 19 by Luna Bliss

[Love Zhaoying]

21 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

2023 was one of the most difficult and challenging times I've ever endured.  I managed to make it through because, at times, I wasn't resilient.  I sat down and cried and hit things.  I vented my feelings of frustration and anger to my sisters who just listened.   That's all I needed.  To release some.pressure.  No words of wisdom, no anecdotes about how they deal with things.  Just listening.  I cried and whined.  

Do I feel more.resilient?  Not especially.  I'm sure life may throw me another situation I'll have to muddle.through and you know what?  I'll probably cry.and whine about that, too.  Why shouldn't I?  Life is hard.  No.one has to take all the crap life throws you will a smile on their face and a sunny disposition.  Eff that!  Scream, cry, throw.things if that's what helps.you get through.  

To keep it on point concerning SL...Chanting and dancing in SL?  Even for SL stresses, whatever the hell those might be, it's silly.  Log.out, scream, rant, take.a walk.  

I'm going to say it:

Today I learned, "Resilience" is a "dog whistle".

In Second Life terms, wholly within "Second Life" it would mean something like:  Users need to bend, to "take it", no matter what, and not break - no matter what they experience in Second Life.  Otherwise, it's "your fault".

In "Real Life" terms, it is used the same way.  If you're NOT "resilient", it is somehow "your fault".  Employers want the most "resilient" employees.

Instead of being actually compassionate.

Instead of "letting people break", letting them "escape". Letting them experience, then heal on their own terms.

 

[Persephone Emerald]

1 hour ago, Rowan Amore said:

What resilience means and why it matters (just not the way you thought) : Life Kit : NPR

There are l good points made in this interview, but I don't think a racial bias is the only problem with glorifying resilience. 

Now, first of all, resilence is absolutely necessary for survival. However, being able to remove oneself from a harmful situation is better than just being able to absorb and survive harm.

When a child is abused, they may not be able to remove themself from a harmful situation, so they have to develop resilience (and coping mechanisms) in order to survive. A victim of domestic abuse or slavery (and I don't mean just historically) may not be able to escape their abuse either, so they also have to develop resilience in order to survive.

People develop all kinds of coping mechanisms in order to survive physical and mental abuse. These help them to survive initially, but may be less than ideal when that person is no longer in the original abusive situation. Take disassociation as an example. Being able to take one's mind away from reality helps a person to survive during the abuse, but if disassociation is later triggered in situations that are not physically harmful, the person may have difficultly interacting with others or might even experience mental blackouts in their daily life.

I think we probably want to focus on *healthy* coping mechanisms for this thread, such as listening to music, talking with supportive people, journaling, play, exercise, or artistic creation. Many of these activities can be part of a rewarding and healthy use of Second Life. 

If being in Second Life feels like existing in a stressful or toxic environment, however, then removing oneself from it for a while might be the best solution, rather than enduring stressful or toxic situations in a virtual world.

Btw, I prefer using the term "coping mechanisms" rather than "resilience", because resilience seems to me to imply some kind of moral superiority. 

[Luna Bliss]

This thread is so ironic.  I had to fight like the devil to fend off these annoying men in my Heart Menders group where we deal with loss in life. They'd try to tell everybody they should just 'toughen up' or do whatever mansplaining thing to 'fix' the problem.  I'd have to intervene so that people could just describe their loss and FEEL without interference.  It was a big battle, believe me, and I got in a fight with one of the regulars at the place who thought he should tell everyone to 'just be spiritual'.  But I persevered...I won...I won the right for people to feel pain and allow others just to listen to it without butting in. That's so healing, and our society just doesn't typically allow it easily -- they fear grief, want to shove it under the rug.

[Theresa Tennyson]

10 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Where did you get the idea that being resilient means you "take all the crap life throws at you with a smile on their face and a sunny disposition"?   It does not mean that at all. It means we go through the process we need to go through when faced with adversity and move on to where we can deal with life again. We eventually overcome, through facing our pain, and learn to live again.

And with that, a new word joins the lexicon:

"Lunasplaining."

[Love Zhaoying]

1 minute ago, Persephone Emerald said:

because resilience seems to me to imply some kind of moral superiority. 

...is what I meant by "a dog whistle".

[Luna Bliss]

1 minute ago, Love Zhaoying said:

2 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

because resilience seems to me to imply some kind of moral superiority. 

...is what I meant by "a dog whistle".

Are these women doing a dog whistle? 

 

[Luna Bliss]

1 minute ago, Theresa Tennyson said:

13 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Where did you get the idea that being resilient means you "take all the crap life throws at you with a smile on their face and a sunny disposition"?   It does not mean that at all. It means we go through the process we need to go through when faced with adversity and move on to where we can deal with life again. We eventually overcome, through facing our pain, and learn to live again.

And with that, a new word joins the lexicon:

"Lunasplaining."

Oh come on...you know many men tend to try and mansplain grief away, advocate being tough instead of facing their feelings. It's not their fault...they were socialized to stuff their pain and be strong.  Hopefully some were educated in my group, and I remember one guy even started speaking his pain to the group.  There's hope.

[Luna Bliss]

6 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

I think we probably want to focus on *healthy* coping mechanisms for this thread, such as listening to music, talking with supportive people, journaling, play, exercise, or artistic creation. Many of these activities can be part of a rewarding and healthy use of Second Life. 

^^ Like ^^

[Luna Bliss]

8 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

Now, first of all, resilence is absolutely necessary for survival. However, being able to remove oneself from a harmful situation is better than just being able to absorb and survive harm.

One of the attributes of resilience is to have awareness when a situation of abuse arrives, as well as the ability to get to safety. Resilience does not mean being able to absorb and survive harm.

Do you see why I switched to "what makes you FEEL GOOD in SL" instead of calling it 'resilience'.  The word is too complicated, but then 'feel good' became an issue and people had to bring in 'addiction'.  Sigh

[Love Zhaoying]

15 minutes ago, Theresa Tennyson said:

And with that, a new word joins the lexicon:

"Lunasplaining."

Because Psychologists need a word that proves they somehow "helped".

[Arielle Popstar]

1 minute ago, Luna Bliss said:

One of the attributes of resilience is to have awareness when a situation of abuse arrives, as well as the ability to get to safety. Resilience does not mean being able to absorb and survive harm.

Do you see why I switched to "what makes you FEEL GOOD in SL" instead of calling it 'resilience'.  The word is too complicated, but then 'feel good' became an issue and people had to bring in 'addiction'.  Sigh

To build resilience, one has to work through suffering. Is that what you are promoting here, looking for more ways to suffer? Or have you switched the goal posts to something more palatable?

[Ayashe Ninetails]

6 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I'm going to say it:

Today I learned, "Resilience" is a "dog whistle".

In Second Life terms, wholly within "Second Life" it would mean something like:  Users need to bend, to "take it", no matter what, and not break - no matter what they experience in Second Life.  Otherwise, it's "your fault".

In "Real Life" terms, it is used the same way.  If you're NOT "resilient", it is somehow "your fault".  Employers want the most "resilient" employees.

Instead of being actually compassionate.

Instead of "letting people break", letting them "escape". Letting them experience, then heal on their own terms.

Ehhhhhh, kinda sorta. It's a very complicated term, and one I'm not overly fond of myself. I also don't think it'd apply very well to Second Life, but overall themes such as dealing with stress and minor annoyances and handling challenging situations would. I just find SL to lack many of those, thankfully.

[Love Zhaoying]

29 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

We eventually overcome, through facing our pain, and learn to live again

BS.

[Theresa Tennyson]

17 minutes ago, Theresa Tennyson said:

And with that, a new word joins the lexicon:

"Lunasplaining."

 

13 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Oh come on...you know many men tend to try and mansplain grief away, advocate being tough instead of facing their feelings. It's not their fault...they were socialized to stuff their pain and be strong.  Hopefully some were educated in my group, and I remember one guy even started speaking his pain to the group.  There's hope.

Fun fact - I actually made that post before I even saw your post about "mansplaining." I was reacting to your saying, "That word doesn't mean that, it means this."

It was just a remahrrrrrrkable coincidence...

[Love Zhaoying]

Quote: "Psychological resilience is the ability to cope mentally and emotionally with a crisis, or to return to pre-crisis status quickly.[1]"

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_resilience