I decided to make my Second Life a tad bit easier. I disabled incoming IMs from "non-friends" for some of my accounts.

[Love Zhaoying]

4 minutes ago, Paul Hexem said:

I wasn't calling you out as much as I was actually giving @Love Zhaoying a hard time for that bit about posts like these trying to be "not too contentious".

We'll call it a... silly assertion of the situation.

Plus, we can "agree to disagree" and yet, somehow be civil!

 

[Paul Hexem]

2 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Plus, we can "agree to disagree" and yet, somehow be civil!

I'm always civil. It's my best feature.

[Love Zhaoying]

1 hour ago, Ayashe Ninetails said:

I have no idea what's going on

I thought maybe it was a segue into "how would Luke Skywalker handle unwanted IM's from a Sith Lord?"

 

[Cinnamon Mistwood]

This would be a really dull place if no one started threads.  Really dull.  I don't feel I need to discuss the motivations for every post.  If you don't like the subject, grow up and scroll on past it.  Take some personal responsibility for what you read and respond to.  No one is making anyone read anything.

If a person thinks they know exactly where a thread is going to go and they don't want to go there, don't. Responding means you do want to go there.  It's a conscious decision to participate. 

Gopi, just to make a couple people happy,  end each post with

What do you think?

How do you do it?

How would this impact you?

Discussion problem solved.

[Gopi Passiflora]

2 minutes ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

This would be a really dull place if no one started threads.  Really dull.  I don't feel I need to discuss the motivations for every post.  If you don't like the subject, grow up and scroll on past it.  Take some personal responsibility for what you read and respond to.  No one is making anyone read anything.

If a person thinks they know exactly where a thread is going to go and they don't want to go there, don't. Responding means you do want to go there.  It's a conscious decision to participate. 

Gopi, just to make a couple people happy,  end each post with

What do you think?

How do you do it?

How would this impact you?

Discussion problem solved.

I guess I'll do that. Thanks for the suggestions!

[Love Zhaoying]

8 minutes ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

This would be a really dull place if no one started threads.  Really dull.  I don't feel I need to discuss the motivations for every post.  If you don't like the subject, grow up and scroll on past it.  Take some personal responsibility for what you read and respond to.  No one is making anyone read anything.

If a person thinks they know exactly where a thread is going to go and they don't want to go there, don't. Responding means you do want to go there.  It's a conscious decision to participate. 

Gopi, just to make a couple people happy,  end each post with

What do you think?

How do you do it?

How would this impact you?

Discussion problem solved.

Good job!

[Ezbeharra]

It is absolutely hilarious that anyone pointing out that having a female avatar in some places results in certain types of undesirable experiences with other users is a radical feminist who is trying to get people riled up. Not only that, but wanting to discuss and compare these experiences is apparently Political Correctness run amuck.

Personally, if someone is talking about a kind of bad behavior that I don't engage in, I never feel defensive about it. But I guess I'm just built different.

[Luna Bliss]

29 minutes ago, Ezbeharra said:

It is absolutely hilarious that anyone pointing out that having a female avatar in some places results in certain types of undesirable experiences with other users is a radical feminist who is trying to get people riled up. Not only that, but wanting to discuss and compare these experiences is apparently Political Correctness run amuck.

Personally, if someone is talking about a kind of bad behavior that I don't engage in, I never feel defensive about it. But I guess I'm just built different.

Or worse...gaslight the women speaking up and telling them it's not happening to them, or if admitting that, yes, it does happen a little bit but the woman has a defective brain (suffers from selective memory and so imagines it's happening more than it does).

Edited April 11 by Luna Bliss

[Paul Hexem]

6 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Or worse...gaslight the women speaking up and telling them it's not happening to them, or if admitting that, yes, it does happen a little bit but the woman has a defective brain (suffers from selective memory and so imagines it's happening more than it does).

Do you really think someone experiencing a common and mostly harmless phenomenon suffers from having a defective brain?

[Luna Bliss]

Just now, Paul Hexem said:

7 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Or worse...gaslight the women speaking up and telling them it's not happening to them, or if admitting that, yes, it does happen a little bit but the woman has a defective brain (suffers from selective memory and so imagines it's happening more than it does).

Do you really think someone experiencing a common and mostly harmless phenomenon suffers from having a defective brain?

Do you really think constantly telling women what they do or don't experience is a good thing?

[Paul Hexem]

25 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Do you really think constantly telling women what they do or don't experience is a good thing?

If that's what they're experiencing, sure.

[Luna Bliss]

Just now, Paul Hexem said:

26 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Do you really think constantly telling women what they do or don't experience is a good thing?

If that's what they're experiencing, sure.

You aren't inside their head -- you can't know that. I mean you can suspect or guess, sure. But it's disrespectful to tell someone you know what they're experiencing and they don't.  It's called psychoanalyzing, and while it's okay to bring up a psychological dynamic in general, in a more abstract way, that's not what you were doing here. You were specifically telling the women here, citing examples, that their perceptions were 'off' and had no merit.

If you knew any women's history you'd know this has been done to women mercilessly, and still is, especially by those who want to remain in an authoritative role over women.

[Paul Hexem]

9 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

I mean you can suspect or guess, sure.

  

On 4/10/2024 at 7:49 AM, Paul Hexem said:

My bet though

 

9 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

 it's okay to bring up a psychological dynamic in general

  

On 4/10/2024 at 7:49 AM, Paul Hexem said:

like when we 

 

9 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

You were specifically telling the women

  

On 4/10/2024 at 7:49 AM, Paul Hexem said:

we

 

9 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

If you knew any women's history you'd know this has been done to women mercilessly

But not entirely without merit, apparently.

I can't help it, you lobbed me that one.

Edited April 11 by Paul Hexem

[Charlemagne Allen]

What did we learn today, children?

[Ezbeharra]

15 minutes ago, Charlemagne Allen said:

What did we learn today, children?

That some men on this forum are so fragile they feel the need to dogpile and spam any discussion that they feel threatened by until it gets shut down by some mole.

[Love Zhaoying]

31 minutes ago, Ezbeharra said:

That some men on this forum are so fragile they feel the need to dogpile and spam any discussion that they feel threatened by until it gets shut down by some mole.

But that's not learning something NEW!

I personally learned, that turning off IM's is a valid way to manage / avoid unwanted communications from other users.

 

[Charlemagne Allen]

3 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

But that's not learning something NEW!

I personally learned, that turning off IM's is a valid way to manage / avoid unwanted communications from other users.

 

 

[Jaylinbridges]

31 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I personally learned, that turning off IM's is a valid way to manage / avoid unwanted communications from other users.

Let me write that down.  Who would have thought?

[Chery Amore]

People have such different experiences or... I guess reactions to things.
I present in sl in a way that I absolutely expect to get IM's from men, but they have gone down over the years..  I was talking to a woman that ran a club that noticed this also... and see this echoed in the thread from some. That constant stuff just doesn't happen as much anymore. In the last year or so I get more aggression from women or those presenting as women. They seem to be more bold and pushy when hitting on me. Also if you act nice in return with a firm no.. it seems to be a challenge to them. Yucko. Those ones I have to just ignore and go on with my day.
Men are easy.. they are trying cause they have too. They by and large have to be the ones to approach if they want to get anywhere. It's expected of them. Friendships, romantic partners, whatever. So when they send me a compliment or even just a hello type of opener I'm nice back. I give them the "no" and because it's fun for me to do, I do it in a flirty in character way. More often than not there is a well darn I tried kinda answer on their end. It leads me to believe that they get a lot of nastiness back from a simple approach and return the energy they just received. Just saying.
Now and then I get a crude one and those are just funny as heck to me. I rub my hands together in glee when that happens. "Nice (whatevers)!"
"Yes! they really are right! My boyfriend loves them!", I reply.  Usually it shuts them down quick with very, very few exceptions. I really think they expect me to bark at them. I can't remember the last time anyone got mean with me in world. It's weird.
This thread was entertaining!
OP if it bothers you and using those tools that sl provides makes you feel better in sl... Use them!

[Luna Bliss]

3 hours ago, Chery Amore said:

Men are easy.. they are trying cause they have too. They by and large have to be the ones to approach if they want to get anywhere. It's expected of them. Friendships, romantic partners, whatever. So when they send me a compliment or even just a hello type of opener I'm nice back. I give them the "no" and because it's fun for me to do, I do it in a flirty in character way. More often than not there is a well darn I tried kinda answer on their end. It leads me to believe that they get a lot of nastiness back from a simple approach and return the energy they just received. Just saying.

Sadly, even today men are generally expected to be the assertive one -- they were socialized into this role. It's a heavy burden to bear really, and I don't envy it.

And they probably do, as you say, get a lot of nastiness back from a simple approach requesting sexual favors (compared to times past).  That's because times are changing and those waking up to better ways of relating in the world don't like to be stuck in prescribed roles (men as the assertive one, women as the receptive one). For example, lots of men these days don't want to be stuck with such responsibility (to always take the lead), and lots of women want the choice to be assertive and also not have it assumed that all approaches from a male would automatically be welcome.

What I don't like about this thread (from some people) is that the onus has been placed on women defending themselves (via saying 'no' or blocking) whereas zero onus (responsibility) is placed on the male. In addition to creating an unfair situation, this makes 'relating sexually' the default for SL, but many don't view this as the default SL -- the last thing on their mind when entering SL is having sex with someone. And in such cases an approach for sexual favors is an intrusion on how they've chosen to experience their SL. 

Sure, it's easy for a woman say 'no' and block if needed, but at the same time it's annoying that others automatically make assumptions about what another individual is doing here and what they must want. Women (and those not here for sex) need a voice too and not have automatic assumptions placed on them.  When men (or assertive women) do approach they need to be sensitive to their surroundings and not approach someone for sex without reading the room. Context is needed when executing any action -- it's likely a woman does not want to be approached for sexual favors when out shopping or at a therapy group, for example.

So this is far more complicated and requires much more awareness than the simple solution of 'just ignore and block them', forcing one party into the defensive position while the other party takes zero responsibility for the conflict.

 

 

Edited April 11 by Luna Bliss

[Chery Amore]

6 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

Sadly, even today men are generally expected to be the assertive one -- they were socialized into this role. It's a heavy burden to bear really, and I don't envy it.

And they probably do, as you say, get a lot of nastiness back from a simple approach requesting sexual favors (compared to times past).  That's because times are changing and those waking up to better ways of relating in the world don't like to be stuck in prescribed roles (men as the assertive one, women as the receptive one). For example, lots of men these days don't want to be stuck with such responsibility (to always take the lead), and lots of women want the choice to be assertive and also not have it assumed that all approaches from a male would automatically be welcome.

What I don't like about this thread (from some people) is that the onus has been placed on women defending themselves (via saying 'no' or blocking) whereas zero onus (responsibility) is placed on the male. In addition to creating an unfair situation, this makes 'relating sexually' the default for SL, but many don't view this as the default SL -- the last thing on their mind when entering SL is having sex with someone. And in such cases an approach for sexual favors is an intrusion on how they've chosen to experience their SL. 

Sure, it's easy for a woman say 'no' and block if needed, but at the same time it's annoying that others automatically make assumptions about what another individual is doing here and what they must want. Women (and those not here for sex) need a voice too and not have automatic assumptions placed on them.  When men (or assertive women) do approach they need to be sensitive to their surroundings and not approach someone for sex without reading the room. Context is needed when executing any action -- it's likely a woman does not want to be approached for sexual favors when out shopping or at a therapy group, for example.

So this is far more complicated and requires much more awareness than the simple solution of 'just ignore and block them', forcing one party into the defensive position while the other party takes zero responsibility for the conflict.

 

 

No.. the answer is to block and ignore people that you can not deal with. I'd go further and suggest if no tools at our disposal works in a way that someone can feel safe here.. in a virtual world. They need to log out and touch grass.
You can also put something on your profile that indicates what you want and do not want in sl if you are not looking for people to approach you in that way. When people don't read your profile .. and it will happen so brace yourself if that bothers you.. you can chose what to do then. If you can't deal with making a simple statement back you can block and ignore all them icky men-folk.  Me - I just chuckle and say no in my own way-- and it works.

I know you can't be suggesting that men not approach women at all .. because some people want to be in relationships. I know you indicated its only for "sexual favors" but it isn't... Some men say hi because it's a way to try to start a relationship or even just a friendship. Maybe they just want a dance to not be alone for awhile or to share some other interest. Yes, I know most seek sex at some point but so do some women. Some women appreciate an approach because they expect it and appreciate it. People can't read minds and men as the ones that are normally expected to approach often have to do so blindly. They also have to do it knowing they will probably face rejection. So no.. I won't accept that women can't just learn to say no in a virtual world.  I won't accept that a minority of people that believe they are more evolved get to dictate the rules for everyone else either. 

A lot of things are annoying to some people in this world. You have to learn how to deal with life practically and constructively if you want some peace.
Someone begging for money in sl. Just say no.. or don't say anything at all..
Someone pasting a phishing link in chats.. learn not to click. A nice AR is helpful also.
Some jerk being aggressive about anything block and mute. Guess what? Guys have to do this too.
Some guy saying hi.. hoping for something more? Yeah why all the angst? It's really not that hard to say no  I'm not interested.

[Ezbeharra]

6 hours ago, Chery Amore said:

No.. the answer is

...

I know you can't be suggesting that

...

You have to learn how to

...

One of the purposes of a forum like this is for people to share and discuss their experiences. People do that all the time for other experiences in SL, both positive and negative, without a bunch of people flipping out and shrieking, "Well deal with it!" Buddy, I already do, everyone who's talked about experiencing it already deals with it. We can still talk about it.

Nobody seriously thinks that there's going to be a change in behavior in SL based on a discussion that occurs on a forum that maybe a few dozen people read.

So maybe take your own advice: "A lot of things are annoying to some people in this world." Yep, that includes forum topics that you find upsetting for some reason.

[Paul Hexem]

19 minutes ago, Ezbeharra said:

topics that you find upsetting

Of all the people posting in this thread, that's the one that strikes you as being upset by it?

[Love Zhaoying]

1 minute ago, Paul Hexem said:

Of all the people posting in this thread, that's the one that strikes you as being upset by it?

"Well, deal with it!"

 

[Love Zhaoying]

18 hours ago, Charlemagne Allen said: