Nicest way to turn down friendship

[CeleneHighwater]

When someone IMs me at a club I figure they are after something other than legit friendship. Lol. Like others have said, you could always befriend and then unfriend in a few days. Or just tell them you'd like to get to know them a bit first.

 

The beauty of SL is that it's not like they know who you are aside from your av, and you might not see them again in world because of the amount of people floating around.

 

[Cinnamon Mistwood]

I wish there was a way to gently tell someone that you don't want to be friends.  The other person is going to take it how ever they want.  I tend to tell people that I usually log into SL to be alone.  On the rare occasion that I am in a populated area, it means that I am feeling social at that moment.  If that club is a place you go when you feel social, then let the person know that that is the place to meet and chat with you.

Everyone uses the friend list differently.  Some people just collect friends others want the list very small and meaningful. Mine is small and meaningful on my main account.  When I don't even want that, I have alts with zero friends.  It's easy with alts.  I say "This is an alt that doesn't log in very often.  I have no friends on this account."

[Alma Palmira]

This may seem old school, but whenever I get an “out of left field” friend request, I offer my calling card. I politely say, “I don’t friend on first meetings, but I would love to talk with you again. If I’m in-world, IM me and we’ll make a date.” I’ve never had any blowback from this transparent approach. I had a very dear friend used this approach on me about 12 years ago, when we first met at a club and sparked up a conversation. I have used it ever since. It’s friendly, accommodating, without the intimacy of immediate “friendship.”  It allows the seed of organic friendship take root so that when you actually ask for friendship they say, Duh! Dude, What took you so long? 

[Orwar]

8 hours ago, Alma Palmira said:

This may seem old school, but whenever I get an “out of left field” friend request, I offer my calling card. I politely say, “I don’t friend on first meetings, but I would love to talk with you again. If I’m in-world, IM me and we’ll make a date.”

   I think I might start using that, actually .. My contact cards' folder is a mess though. It would save me from the whole, people sending a friend request, not speaking to you for a few days - then removing you again; obviously expecting you to do the heavy lifting in building any sort of relationship. 

[Ren Toxx]

13 hours ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

I wish there was a way to gently tell someone that you don't want to be friends.

Sort of, at least in some viewers. Firestorm lets you reject requests automatically, with a message—which maybe you could leave empty, or perhaps write something very neutral like “this user has disabled requests and prefers to make friends organically”. Some people understand & accept it. Others don’t, but whoever won’t talk to me unless I add them, that’s actually to my benefit: they save me the effort to discern the ones I’d never add—or even talk to.

Edited March 25, 2021 by Ren Toxx

[Cinnamon Mistwood]

13 hours ago, Ren Toxx said:

Sort of, at least in some viewers. Firestorm lets you reject requests automatically, with a message—which maybe you could leave empty, or perhaps write something very neutral like “this user has disabled requests and prefers to make friends organically”. Some people understand & accept it. Others don’t, but whoever won’t talk to me unless I add them, that’s actually to my benefit: they save me the effort to discern the ones I’d never add—or even talk to.

I like this idea a lot.  I didn't realize you could reject with a message and had no idea what even happened when you check the box for denying friend requests.  Always a noob.

[Irina Forwzy]

Depends on the situation:

1. Out of nowhere = Don't accept.

2. Just met and I'm reading it as a pickup attempt.  = Say I'm with someone (which I am) and that I don't talk all that much.  If they insist, then no.

3. If We are just having fun and I can sense the person isn't really interested in me.  I will friend back.

After many years in SL I can tell you that your instincts with the folks usually isn't wrong.  When I've thought the person was trying to flirt, it usually is that. Though some of them do it very politely and actually do not bother me most go full Don Juan on you.

[FairreLilette]

On 3/9/2021 at 2:50 AM, Orwar said:

 Strictly speaking it's a 'contact list'. Being on that list does not necessarily mean that you're friends

Yeah this.  About half my friends are friends though, the other half is contacts and some have become friends.  

I don't think the OP is networking here though and is here for purely social reasons.  So, perhaps the best thing the OP can do is just be honest.  I've been there.  It does feel awkward to turn a friendship down except on FB.  On FB, I am friends with family for about 90% of my friends and most of the others are like family or know our family.  I don't have time to read strangers funny pictures or videos.  I just don't.  So, whatever your reason, to the OP, just be honest.  

[EvieSartaine]

Honesty as to "why" can go a long way.... Be honest with the person if you feel like you need to, and be polite (this is mostly because there enough rude people in the world) .... If they can't take no for an answer, do you really want them in your SL hounding you for whatever reason? 

I use mine more as a contact list, but a few on my list are actual friends, the folks that make my SL fun. 

I absolutely hate the "we talked for 30m, I'm a guy, you're a girl, let's be friends so I can try and stalk you /bootycall" invites though. Those people need to at least try to get some common sense and manners....