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I guess I am writing this because I need to get it off my chest. I haven't really talking much on sl because my two best friends died within 5 days of each other. So I emailed friends from sl in doses that my emotional state could handle. Well I got this angry email stating how much of a poor friend I am for not responding right away,. I had explained previously that I am a busy person, school/work 60 plus hours a week. 

I guess my point here is Sl is amazing fun but there are real people with real lives attached to them. If a friend doesn't reply back right way let them breath. Life might not be amazing as sl. 

 

Thank you for letting me say that. Sorry for wasting your time, I just needed to say this to someone.

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Sephina Frostbite wrote:

I guess I am writing this because I need to get it off my chest. I haven't really talking much on sl because my two best friends died within 5 days of each other. So I emailed friends from sl in doses that my emotional state could handle. Well I got this angry email stating how much of a poor friend I am for not responding right away,. I had explained previously that I am a busy person, school/work 60 plus hours a week. 

I guess my point here is Sl is amazing fun but there are real people with real lives attached to them. If a friend doesn't reply back right way let them breath. Life might not be amazing as sl. 

 

Thank you for letting me say that. Sorry for wasting your time, I just needed to say this to someone.

I'm so sorry for your losses, both of them.  And your SL friends should understand the strain but, could they have been worried about you?

Not a waste of time at all, and I hope the responses you get offer some comfort. 

Sending you a hug and I hope things get better for you :matte-motes-asleep-2:

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Seraphina, I am so very, very sorry for the loss of your two friends.  I lost a dear friend of 15 years a bit over a year ago and can only imagine the pain you are in.

I don't know the relationship between you and the person who sent the email but, even if you didn't have a RL situation, an email accusing you of being a "poor friend" is way out of line, imo. Other than that opinion I am not suggesting how to handle that, but do want to say I care and support you during this grief.  *Hugs*

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I am very sorry for the loss of your two friends and hope you find some peace and comfort in remembering them and the good times you had together.

As far as your SL friend, that was out of line IMO under most any circumstance, but especially since you had told them the reason for it.  This attitude of "if I contact you, you better drop everything and get right back to me" is something I've encountered before and it strikes me as selfish. But hopefully they reacted that way because they were worried that you were not talking to them.  I'd let it pass for now, but if the demanding 'its all about me' attitude continues, I'd re-evaluate my friendship with them.

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Amethyst Jetaime wrote:

I am very sorry for the loss of your two friends and hope you find some peace and comfort in remembering them and the good times you had together.

As far as your SL friend, that was out of line IMO under most any circumstance, but especially since you had told them the reason for it.  This attitude of "if I contact you, you better drop everything and get right back to me" is something I've encountered before and it strikes me as selfish. But hopefully they reacted that way because they were worried that you were not talking to them.  I'd let it pass for now, but if the demanding 'its all about me' attitude continues, I'd re-evaluate my friendship with them.

I think you are the unreasonable one, actually. There is nothing more worse in the world than for somebody to feel ignored by the people they care about. If a "friend" is reaching out to you, then there is almost always a good reason why they are doing so and it is never okay to just ignore them. If you consider yourself their friend and you are able to respond, then you should respond. If you cannot respond, then you respond when you can. That is what being a friend is about; being there for somebody.

 

You describe them as having an "its all about me" attitude, but they are probably just thinking you have the "my life is too important for you" attitude. None of it matters because friends are supposed to be there for eachother.

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Guilliaume wrote:

 None of it matters because friends are supposed to be there for eachother.

I don't remember reading that in the friendship rule book. Oh yes, that is because there isn't a friendship rule book. So your concept of what friendship should mean is exactly that.It's your concept and only applies to you and I assume those who choose to be your friends. 

I have many friends in RL and SL. A few of them I would do anything for and be there for them regardless. Many I would help out and be there for them as long as it didn't have any serious negative impact on my life. Many I would not go out of my way to help if it inconvenienced me, they are my friends, we may go to the pub for a drink or to a football match and have a good laugh but that is where our friendship ends.

So most people have different relationships with different friends and there is not some blanket ruleset on how friends should act.

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did you read any of this thread?

The "friend" in question was told the reason the OP wasn't around was that she had 2 RL friends pass away.. and their response was and angry nasty email about how come she didn't respond right away. If i tell one of my SL friends that i haven't been around due to the death of  2 of my RL friends and they get bent because of that.. i will defriend and mute their ass faster than you can blink..

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I can only speak for myself, but if the first words in my friend's response wasn't 'omg i am so sorry for your loss' - or words of that nature - I would definitely evaluate what level of friendship we shared.  As someone who is incredibly self-absorbed, I may have felt dismayed that my friend didn't respond, but even I would never say that to them under these circumstances.  You may stay friends with this person, but my guess is they've dropped a few rungs on the friendship ladder. 

I am truly sorry for your losses.  One right after the other like that must have been devastating.  I'm glad you took the time to write this. 

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I think your friend count needs to go down by 1.

People that lack sensitivity do not make for good friends. Its normal around here for things to take time in getting back to people, and you had even extra reasons to be less than active.

 And yes, friends -ARE- supposed to be there for each other (Though I put ethics and upright conduct first before friends - in this case the upright thing to do would be to be there for you, give you time, and then support when ready).

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Guilliaume wrote:


Amethyst Jetaime wrote:

I am very sorry for the loss of your two friends and hope you find some peace and comfort in remembering them and the good times you had together.

As far as your SL friend, that was out of line IMO under most any circumstance, but especially since you had told them the reason for it.  This attitude of "if I contact you, you better drop everything and get right back to me" is something I've encountered before and it strikes me as selfish. But hopefully they reacted that way because they were worried that you were not talking to them.  I'd let it pass for now, but if the demanding 'its all about me' attitude continues, I'd re-evaluate my friendship with them.

I think you are the unreasonable one, actually. There is nothing more worse in the world than for somebody to feel ignored by the people they care about. If a "friend" is reaching out to you, then there is almost always a good reason why they are doing so and it is never okay to just ignore them. If you consider yourself their friend and you are able to respond, then you should respond. If you cannot respond, then you respond when you can. That is what being a friend is about; being there for somebody.

 

You describe them as having an "its all about me" attitude, but they are probably just thinking you have the "my life is too important for you" attitude. None of it matters because friends are supposed to be there for eachother.

Just wow!

First, OP didn't actually explain "immediately."  Had the person sent an offline IM?  I don't always reply to offlines because they don't always "require" a reply.  A "haven't seen you in a bit, hope you're ok" doesn't necessarily mean I should reply.  I'll sign in in an hour/day or so & let them know.  Or it could've been from someone I hadn't spoken to in weeks/months who was just concerned about not seeing my name online.

Was OP online and ignored the IM?  Well...  sometimes you're not in the mood to lie with an "I'm ok/good" or you don't want to get all into the "I'm not great, but don't really want to talk about it."  OR, maybe you crashed and never saw the IM.

To top that, unless it's my partner I have no "obligation" to answer ANYONE right away.  Friend or not.  Anyone who got their panties in a twist over it, delete me please.

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Madelaine McMasters wrote:


TDD123 wrote:

Not from a friend :

 

You wasted my time, but that's ok.

 

I'm sorry for your loss in life.

TDD123, the only person capable of wasting my time is me. Strive for that exclusivity, then avoid using it.

The latter part of mentioned sentence is more important to the OP according to me than the first.

 

Please comply.

 

ETA For the OP's sake. Not yours or mine ...,

 

.... Madelaine.

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Porky Gorky wrote:


TDD123 wrote:

Of course.

Of course maybe your intention
was
to waste time, in which case, wasting time doesn't become a waste of time as you intentionally chose to waste it.

Or maybe I am just over analysing things.
It's tricky to say. 

The waste of time is not essential in my general message to the OP.

This is :

 

  • Time is not precious amongst friends without consideration.
  • Expect common decency even from non-friends.

 

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I empathize with you about friends going "nuts" if your RL suddenly is a priority. I visit SL almost daily but every so often I take a day or two off. No matter what the reason - vacation, illness, just wanting to touch a human again - I should have the freedom to be out of SL for a while but sometimes I feel that is not how my friends see it. Two in particular are very close but even they have sent notes after not seeing me for 24 hours that make me want to smack them! What I immediately do when I come back is remind them SL is not RL and never will be. I explain that, although I don't intentionally make friends and family worried about me, it is not acceptable to go nuts just because they have not seen me in SL for a day. It is also not acceptable to rant about me not being around before they simply ask if I am ok. Thankfully my friends usually apologize for jumping off the sanity wagon and things go back to normal. If they don't, its their problem and they were not that good of a friend to start. So my advice is to tell them nicely how it is and to deal with it. Those that understand are your friends. Those that don't can go find someone else to pester. :matte-motes-bashful-cute-2:

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