Kiera Clutterbuck

Yeah sometimes we will never know what happens in experiences with others, and that can be unsettling. Or sometimes the person we feel hurt by doesn't even know. Thinking about a time I reflected on an experience I had with a friend where I felt hurt, and we were processing it nearly 10 years past the incident. I asked them "what the hell were you thinking when you did that!? They honestly didn't know why they did what they did. Such things as you describe do seem to stem from their insecurity; not feeling empowered at deeper levels and so trying to make themselves safe. But in the process they take away other people's power by taking away the choices another might make if they knew certain truths. For example, what if someone only wanted monogamy, or what if someone knew disaster would likely ensue if one person in a social group had a romantic relationship with several people in that social group, or what if one person wanted to talk about another in confidence about a problem they were having with a partner but would never want their partner to hear their attempts to process their emotions with a confidante. If they knew the above was to be a part of the relationship perhaps they would feel it was not wise to be involved. We should all have a choice in these matters through agreements or boundaries we set with partners, but the person sneaking around and pretending with others takes away our choice, our ability to have a say in the matter. So I'm not surprised those left in the wake of these incidents feel betrayed and bewildered.

Your struggles have been noted. Keep up the good fight! Thanks for the well-wishes! Yeah, the mind gets addicted to seeing things in a certain way, gets into a rut caused by past experiences (not using 'addicted' in a purely clinical sense here), and if we had negative input in the past for say, a certain race, or the LGBTQ+ folks, we tend to look at those people negatively if we seldom have additional experience to change our mind. And so, in addition to fostering connection for various communities, these community pages are new data points of positivity to counter any negativity. Build enough positive data points and a negative mind can change!

I liked your honest, visceral response, and felt it appropriately expressed anger at someone who was basically equating you to a breeding machine! I had a bit of a laughing fit over it as it was so honest and shocking, and also not like you in terms of presenting such anger. I would have commented but it was late and my punchiness overtook me as I laughed myself to sleep I understand though, we have to be careful, as often these types of people who attempt to evoke anger in others feel they got the response they wanted (yes it is a kind of trolling or griefing), and also it leaves us open to being the ones who are AR'ed when we respond in anger, even if justified. The next day when I saw the thread poofed I felt annoyed because I really wanted to discuss the 14th amendment with a few on another thread who had become a bit 'lawyer-ish' regarding the founding of the US. I have never quite understood States rights vs Federal rights, and how it plays into the abortion fiasco here, but the new information at the link I posted caused the issues to begin to make sense. It's a shame we often can't have civil discussions because some choose to troll instead of discuss.

Yes I was reading about this phenomenon, how people will have a negative experience with a member of a particular group they're not familiar with and then assign the negative characteristic they encountered to all the members of this unfamiliar group. To change we have to become aware of how our mind tends to operate. Such self-awareness is not easy to master.

I'm sorry that happened to you, and I would imagine it makes trust difficult in SL? Or at the very least lends a kind of distance toward others knowing such things are possible? Typically we share our secrets to a greater degree in romantic relationships, and this gives our partner the power to use that knowledge against us. Wise partners know when to share such knowledge with others outside the partnership, while unwise and/or abusive partners don't keep the secrets or use them against their partner if it's advantageous. And so, this person you mentioned had greater power via having closer connections with many partners within a social circle. I'm curious, do you think he actively abused this power by slanting situations to his advantage when it benefitted him, or did he just revel in the power without manipulating people overtly? Either way, it's totally annoying and an abuse of power. I've heard many similar stories and am a bit perplexed as to why these types attempt to harm others in this way.

I don't think it's inaccurate, though thankfully I don't see it manifesting much at all here recently. But I've been in many forums, and studied Sociology, and in all groups a kind of "in-group" forms, usually just the posters who post more often, and while not usually malicious they are often suspicious of outsiders and don't treat them as well as they do the "in-group". I always try to tread lightly on the new person as they are at a disadvantage due to their unfamiliarity with a new environment.

It's human nature to give those we like more leeway and feel less inclined to report them (if at all). So this is something to watch out for, if one cares about fairness. I'd be suspicious of myself if I felt the need to report someone I disliked or had major differences of opinion with.

Because if a forum isn't moderated, it becomes an 8-chan-esque dumpster fire, with everyone feeling free to fly the banner for their pet bigotries under their anonymous internet identities. Moderation makes community possible. Oh I know it has to be moderated. If you look at the last line of what you quoted you'll see I stated "barring extreme infractions, of course", and that means I'd need for the bad behavior to be severe before I'd feel okay about attempting to stop it.

I've always thought it was flat out creepy that we can in effect 'call the police' on each other. Appealing to higher power within the community feels like an abuse of power. It creates a sense of distrust among forum members (for many anyway). I wouldn't call the police on a friend so why would I do so here? (barring extreme infractions, of course, either here or in real life).

It's just fun to develop different versions of myself.

Pet Peeve: The addiction to "tribes" so infectious these days. I know this could seem more than a peeve as it causes such harm, but I have sympathy because I realize for whatever reason people need to identify with something and have trouble letting go of an addiction. So it's reduced to a peeve for me, at least for today.

Hmmm, well, I dunno. I saw an intense poem she left on a now disappeared thread last night and I'm worried about her. 😁😉

Oh noes! Now people from the UK even keep talking about America. Make it stop!! 😆

Oh you mean the Lion, well he's so cute he deserves the attention

How do you know you are not connecting imaginary dots to come up with this theory that we are connecting imaginary dots though? Serious question, and not trying to insult you.

Except the Supreme Court just decided that hand guns are legal in all states, and the GOP is now trying to make abortion illegal in all states. So it's not quite so simple as you portray. Adding to the problem is that the laws were formed in order to give undue influence to slave states via our electoral college, and they need to change to provide more fairness to the balance.

I googled this but can't find any information. Can you tell me what the letters stand for?

So you try to prove a point by quoting FBI agent Wray, but then deny his statements when I quote Wray saying Antifa was not present at the Jan 6 insurrection? Did you read what Rowan quoted? While violence can – and does – occur in conflicts between antifa actors and right-wing extremists, it is important to reject attempts to claim equivalence between antifa and the white supremacist and other right-wing extremist groups they oppose. Antifa adherents reject racism, and only a small, militant element use violent tactics to express this opposition. White supremacists and other right-wing extremists, on the other hand, use even more extreme violence to spread their ideologies of hate, to intimidate marginalized communities, and to undermine democratic norms. Right-wing extremists have been one of the largest and most consistent sources of domestic terror incidents in the United States for many years; they have murdered hundreds of people in this country over the last ten years alone. To date, there has been only one suspected antifa-related murder, which took place on August 29, 2020, in Portland, Oregon. Who are Antifa? | ADL

Yes, I've read what always happens during collapse, and its not good. But shhhhh, I need the hope contained in my delusion. Maybe I'm just hoping that some of those I love, younger than myself, can live in a world with more love. So let's put it off as long as we can.

It's my business to report anything abusive. Just like when I see child abuse stuff.

I need to delve into this a little more. There are measurable patterns demonstrating when a country is more democratic vs more autocratic. An organization named V-Dem studies this extensively and makes all kinds of charts. Alarm bells ring when we see a country sliding toward autocracy, and measures on these scales indicate the US is on the decline and heading toward autocracy. We can also study History to learn the signs of disaster approaching too; events that happened during transitions to autocracy are well known and written about by scholars. When we see these signs occurring we need to pay attention. There are many, many signs visible now. If you don't see them it's because you don't know the signs are part of this pattern.

I won't deny that some of the Antifa people are nasty, but your point about them not being just an "idea" is out of context. There was a discussion about whether Antifa is an ideology (Biden misspoke and said "idea") vs a group with members and meeting places. It's an ideology. But the important point is that they were not at the Jan 6 insurrection that tried to circumvent the election required for the US to exist as a Democracy instead of a one-party autocratic state. FBI Director Wray: No Apparent Antifa Involvement in Jan. 6 Attack "Those who have been arrested for their involvement in the deadly melee so far are white supremacist and members of far-right extremist groups, the Director Wray told Congress". https://www.usnews.com/news/national-news/articles/2021-03-02/fbi-director-wray-no-apparent-antifa-involvement-in-jan-6-attack