An observation about interactions between men in Second Life

[Gopi Passiflora]

(Might be yet another incoherent train of thought. I'll try to summarize what I said at the end. I understand some of you may not accept my apology, but please understand that this topic involves gender again. The thought just came to my head.)

So I was in Social Island 10, as one of my man characters. (He's a classic avatar dressed as a cook, I can provide a picture upon request.) I was idling around near a group of women, not doing anything in particular, not even interacting with the women. A man teleports in and greets them in local with a "hi". At first, none of the women respond, so I took some initiative and say "hi (man's name)". He responds with a quip about my outfit: "I'd like a martini please". I'm not really bothered and I like his acknowledgment, so I play along according to my character's backstory. But he still persists on greeting the women, this time by their names, and then ignores what I said. While the women do eventually respond and have a brief genuine conversation, I got the feeling in this particular instance, he seemed more interested in talking to the women than my man character, even though i greeted him first.

Also, most of my male friends are friends with my woman characters. Men mostly want to interact with my women characters, they seemed to not care as much about my man or non-human characters. (It's the women who like to interact with my man and non-human characters.)

This, as well as other interactions I've seen, got me thinking about interactions (and perhaps friendships) between men, in Second Life. Someone made the suggestion a while back that friendships between men weren't as common as friendships between women. Maybe there is some truth to this statement? And perhaps, this could be true of positive and genuine interactions between men in general, based on what I mentioned in this topic?

(But I'm also guilty for not pursuing male friendships myself in real life. Maybe my attitude is common among men in Second Life as well, which explains my observations.)

tl;dr summary:

-I see at man at Social island 10 more interested in talking to women than men, despite me (a man) having said "hi" first.

-Most of my male friends/interactions are with my woman characters. My man and non-human characters are friends with and interact with women.)

-Someone made an observation that male friendships weren't common a while back.

-Maybe there's truth to that statement, and perhaps also true of positive and genuine interactions between men?

-I'm also guilty of not pursing male friendships in real life. Maybe that's the attitude the SL men have regarding them.

[Zalificent Corvinus]

Breaking News:

It was revealed today that Hetro Incels, to NOBODY's surprise, would rather chat up female avatars, than talk to male avatars dressed as domestic staff.

Pictures at 11.

 

[Orwar]

   I mean, you would snub the help, if they presumed to attempt engaging you in idle conversation. Scoffs.

   To be fair though, you saw a man so desperate and socially inept that he's taking to social hubs to try picking up women, and you're surprised he didn't want to engage with someone who's standing around pretending to be a chef? That's not an observation of an interaction between men, that's more like going into a nude beach in a pantomime horse avatar and 'observing' that people are 'hostile against furries' because you didn't get laid.

[Ceka Cianci]

There has been many experiments on this subject..None more extensive than this one though.

 

[Orwar]

11 minutes ago, Ceka Cianci said:

None more extensive than this one though.

   Wow. Best SL Machinima ever!

[Ceka Cianci]

5 minutes ago, Orwar said:

   Wow. Best SL Machinima ever!

Ya, I thought the graphics were really good too.. hehehe

[Arwyn Quandry]

To add an extra layer to this, how are the dynamics influenced by the gender of the typist, if it's not the same as the gender of the avatar? Are women playing male avs more likely to form friendships with other male avs? Similarly, are men playing female avs more or less likely to respond? 

I'm not totally sure myself, but I can say as an AFAB enby who uses an AMAB-presenting avatar, I form friendships with male avatars and often later learn that the people I click most with are women playing men and trans men. It's sort of uncanny how often it happens when there's nothing in their profiles to indicate their RL gender. 

Edited October 22, 2023 by Arwyn Quandry
Clarification

[Arduenn Schwartzman]

Average male-to-male conversation in SL:

Male #1: "Hello!"

Male #2 *teleports away instantly*

[Love Zhaoying]

In Second Life, there's a lot of transparency: people's motives are pretty obvious. If you see a male avatar saying "hi" to a lot of females (but not other males), then it's pretty obvious he is looking for friendship (or more) with a female.

This goes both ways: if you see a male avatar saying "hi" to a lot of other males (but not females), then it's pretty obvious he is looking for friendship (or more) with another male.

The most popular "transparent" sorts in Second Life say "hi" to everyone.

In your story, I saw an implication that "he was saying hi to all these females but not to me or other males". 

It definitely goes both ways also in that YOU can (and possibly should) initiate conversation if you are looking for friends. What someone else is doing doesn't have any bearing on you.

Put another way, in your telling, you put yourself across as a little passive. If you want to make friends, it helps to be more direct / active and initiate conversation- beyond "hi".

I apologize if my response seems superficial, but that's how I interpreted your telling and your response.

[BilliJo Aldrin]

8 hours ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

(Might be yet another incoherent train of thought. I'll try to summarize what I said at the end. I understand some of you may not accept my apology, but please understand that this topic involves gender again. The thought just came to my head.)

So I was in Social Island 10, as one of my man characters. (He's a classic avatar dressed as a cook, I can provide a picture upon request.) I was idling around near a group of women, not doing anything in particular, not even interacting with the women. A man teleports in and greets them in local with a "hi". At first, none of the women respond, so I took some initiative and say "hi (man's name)". He responds with a quip about my outfit: "I'd like a martini please". I'm not really bothered and I like his acknowledgment, so I play along according to my character's backstory. But he still persists on greeting the women, this time by their names, and then ignores what I said. While the women do eventually respond and have a brief genuine conversation, I got the feeling in this particular instance, he seemed more interested in talking to the women than my man character, even though i greeted him first.

Also, most of my male friends are friends with my woman characters. Men mostly want to interact with my women characters, they seemed to not care as much about my man or non-human characters. (It's the women who like to interact with my man and non-human characters.)

This, as well as other interactions I've seen, got me thinking about interactions (and perhaps friendships) between men, in Second Life. Someone made the suggestion a while back that friendships between men weren't as common as friendships between women. Maybe there is some truth to this statement? And perhaps, this could be true of positive and genuine interactions between men in general, based on what I mentioned in this topic?

(But I'm also guilty for not pursuing male friendships myself in real life. Maybe my attitude is common among men in Second Life as well, which explains my observations.)

tl;dr summary:

-I see at man at Social island 10 more interested in talking to women than men, despite me (a man) having said "hi" first.

-Most of my male friends/interactions are with my woman characters. My man and non-human characters are friends with and interact with women.)

-Someone made an observation that male friendships weren't common a while back.

-Maybe there's truth to that statement, and perhaps also true of positive and genuine interactions between men?

-I'm also guilty of not pursing male friendships in real life. Maybe that's the attitude the SL men have regarding them.

if he was gay he would have talked to you. He talked to the women because he was hoping to get lucky

[BilliJo Aldrin]

6 hours ago, Ceka Cianci said:

There has been many experiments on this subject..None more extensive than this one though.

 

in rl, do guys go to clubs to meet other guys, well yes if its a gay club 😂

[BilliJo Aldrin]

4 hours ago, Arduenn Schwartzman said:

Average male-to-male conversation in SL:

Male #1: "Hello!"

Male #2 *teleports away instantly*

heck, that happens on escort sims too. 

“omg that escort talked to me, I must run away now”

😂

[Love Zhaoying]

37 minutes ago, BilliJo Aldrin said:

He talked to the women because he was hoping to get lucky

Since according to Gopi's account - he was saying "hi" to every woman. Desperation is sexy!

Sounds like he'd be good for a "Greeter" position at a club.

 

[Ceka Cianci]

1 hour ago, BilliJo Aldrin said:

in rl, do guys go to clubs to meet other guys, well yes if its a gay club 😂

Or a Biker club, Golf club, a Mens club, shooting range, Barber shop, Gas station, Local Bar and so on.. lol

[Love Zhaoying]

If I were a "woman" in Second Life and a random guy said "hi" to me, I would respond, "I have a boyfriend".

 

[Salem12014]

Men tend to be activity oriented. They tend to go to place that have an activity that interests them. Interaction with other people is secondary and on an "as needed" basis.

If your goal is male to male interaction and you are not gay, go to an area that has an activity that men prefer that requires them to interact with each other.

[BilliJo Aldrin]

1 hour ago, Ceka Cianci said:

Or a Biker club, Golf club, a Mens club, shooting range, Barber shop, Gas station, Local Bar and so on.. lol

all those places are not primarily “pick up” places where the main purpose of going is to try and get lucky. If a guy goes out to try and pick up a girl, he might go with a few male friends but he not looking to make more male friends.

Edited October 22, 2023 by BilliJo Aldrin
spelling mistake

[BilliJo Aldrin]

49 minutes ago, Salem12014 said:

Men tend to be activity oriented. They tend to go to place that have an activity that interests them. Interaction with other people is secondary and on an "as needed" basis.

If your goal is male to male interaction and you are not gay, go to an area that has an activity that men prefer that requires them to interact with each other.

i suppose a shooting range, oh my what a big gun you have 😂

[Love Zhaoying]

1 hour ago, Ceka Cianci said:

Or a Biker club, Golf club, a Mens club, shooting range, Barber shop, Gas station, Local Bar and so on.. lol

Even the Masonic Temple and the "Moose Lodge", not to mention local and regional "Lion's Clubs" (don't remember if they are for the blind, or sick children).

[BilliJo Aldrin]

I’ve never been to a gay club or a gay bath house, it would be interesting to see how guys interact with each other when the primary purpose for being there is to pick up other guys.

I just thought, is it still acceptable to call homosexual males gay, or is that a hateful slur now?

[Ceka Cianci]

1 minute ago, BilliJo Aldrin said:

all those places are not primarily “pick up” places where the main purpose of going is to try and get lucky. If a guy goes out to try and pick up a girl, he might gi with a few male friends but he not looking to make more male friends.

I don't think the topic is about men picking up men to get lucky, but more men meeting in places.

Why did the guy talk to the girls instead of him was what I gathered from it.. Not ,why did the guy try to get laid from the girls instead of me.. hehehe

[Love Zhaoying]

6 minutes ago, Ceka Cianci said:

I don't think the topic is about men picking up men to get lucky, but more men meeting in places.

Why did the guy talk to the girls instead of him was what I gathered from it.. Not ,why did the guy try to get laid from the girls instead of me.. hehehe

Yeah, the topic is about making friends, not picking up girls. Lol!!

[Ceka Cianci]

1 minute ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Yeah, the topic is about making friends, not picking up girls. Lol!!

It's pretty much in the last line of the OP.. hehehe

[BilliJo Aldrin]

16 minutes ago, Ceka Cianci said:

It's pretty much in the last line of the OP.. hehehe

Most guys don't want to make friends with other guys, that's the point. If a straight guy hangs around a club or social hub wanting to make friends with other straight guys, he's probably wasting his time, and THAT is what the OP wanted to know

Edited October 22, 2023 by BilliJo Aldrin
added words

[BilliJo Aldrin]

27 minutes ago, BilliJo Aldrin said:

I’ve never been to a gay club or a gay bath house, it would be interesting to see how guys interact with each other when the primary purpose for being there is to pick up other guys.

I just thought, is it still acceptable to call homosexual males gay, or is that a hateful slur now?

I might have just answered my own question. On another thread, I'm trying to buy land owned by a guy that has a gay art gallery, that's how he advertises it, so yes i guess gay is acceptable, unless of course its like blacks using the n word, they can call each other the n word, but don't you dare try and use it