Ideas for Compliments in Second Life (Bonus if Back-handed!)

[Love Zhaoying]

21 minutes ago, BelindaN said:

"Why do you dress like a middle aged Barbie?"

In your defense, my first reaction on reading this was: a lot of the older generation (which I am part of) recognize that the clothing style for "younger" women is overly "sexualized".(I am referring mostly to very young women's/girl's styles.)  From that perspective, perhaps "dressing like middle-aged" could be seen as an actual complement!

20 minutes ago, Spiffy Voxel said:

It's funny you started this topic, Love. I get complimented quite often about my rather unique avatar in Second Life.  I occasionally do the same to folks I encounter who have similarly unique avatars.  And I also compliment folks who've provided great entertainment or customer support.

Thank you! I try hard, and truly did not mean to offend anyone.  I realize that including a "pregnant or fat?" comment in the original post was probably way too mean ("edgy") for a lot of people.  (They may not remember the years when there were common jokes that started, "Yo mama so fat..")

Edited July 11, 2023 by Love Zhaoying

[Ayashe Ninetails]

36 minutes ago, BelindaN said:

"Why do you dress like a middle aged Barbie?"

I'm still trying to figure this out. OK, I dress like Barbie because I can. Thats hardly unusual in SL. 

The middle aged thing? Is this sorta poking at my RL age? Because my avi doesn't look over 30. Or is this a style slap in the face? 

I dunno. It came from a female avi I never met before and haven't seen since. Weird. 

She could've been referring to the fashion style. There are several stores that come to mind when I read/hear that phrase. Still, why she felt the need to ask an entire stranger that question I don't know. Pretty rude. I used to get that "why do you dress like a...?" question all the time in real life and it irked me to no end. Not Barbie in my case, though. Dude, goth, etc.

Now, had she said Middle-Earth Barbie, I would've taken that as a compliment. 😄

[Love Zhaoying]

Just now, Ayashe Ninetails said:

She could've been referring to the fashion style. There are several stores that come to mind when I read/hear that phrase. Still, why she felt the need to ask an entire stranger that question I don't know. Pretty rude. I used to get that "why do you dress like a...?" question all the time in real life and it irked me to no end. Not Barbie in my case, though. Dude, goth, etc.

Right! But, "middle-aged" from what perspective?  Each generation would have probably been referring to their parent's generation, not some specific period like the 1950's.

2 minutes ago, Ayashe Ninetails said:

Now, had she said Middle-Earth Barbie, I would've taken that as a compliment. 😄

"I love your feet, they remind me of a Hobbit's feet!" (Hobbits have very large and hairy feet.)

 

[Silent Mistwalker]

Backhanded compliments are offensive and are meant to be offensive. I don't understand encouraging that. We have more than enough crap we encounter inworld without encouraging backhanded compliments which are NOT compliments. They are insults.

 

I don't think this thread is going to end well.

[Love Zhaoying]

4 minutes ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

Backhanded compliments are offensive and are meant to be offensive. I don't understand encouraging that.

Fair enough.

[Love Zhaoying]

Note that the OP says: 

22 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I think that people don't give enough compliments to others in Second Life.  

How about some ideas? 

That means - the PRIMARY reason for the thread is to discuss "compliments".  AFTER the quote above, was introduced the component of "back-handed complements".

I amended the OP to say: 

22 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

In addition to sincere compliments, do you also have any "back-handed compliments" to share that you've gotten or heard in Second Life? 

Edited July 11, 2023 by Love Zhaoying

[Love Zhaoying]

And now, if you feel "regular, sincere compliments" IN SECOND LIFE are worthy of discussion. How about it?

I don't get many compliments. So, I'd have to think long and hard about it.

 

[Ayashe Ninetails]

1 minute ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Right! But, "middle-aged" from what perspective?  Each generation would have probably been referring to their parent's generation, not some specific period like the 1950's.

My interpretation is she's referring to the "midlife crisis" style of dress some men and women are often accused of adopting past a certain age. Doesn't require actually BEING middle-aged. I've seen people do this in their 20s. People are just mean as hell.

Some think a person who suddenly starts adopting brand new fashion trends or reverting to old trends or mixing and matching styles wildly, regardless of whether or not these things actually work on them, is having a midlife crisis and trying to dress a lot more trendy to fit in with younger crowds. But no, maybe they're just at that age where they realize some of the outfits they used to rock at 19 no longer look right on them at 32 but the stuff targeted to older markets is not really their jam either, so they experiment and struggle to find something that works.

I still struggle to find clothes in my preferred styles that don't look like a cross between "angsty teen" meets "warehouse party raver." There are not a lot of stylish alternative outfits for the 30+ crowd - go figure. I knew I should've learned to sew, dangit.

[Marigold Devin]

"You're kind of a treasure".

What the f "kind of" 

I AM a treasure, and you're bloody lucky I ever gave the likes of you the time of day. 

[Marigold Devin]

14 hours ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

@Love Zhaoyingthe only nice sounding thing I can think of that people say, that doesn't mean what a person might think, is, "Well, bless your heart."

If someone ever says to you, it is not good.  This probably doesn't translate to any other culture besides the southern US.

I'm in the UK, don't know how this comes across in southern US, but I've occasionally used Bless your heart in real life, usually meaning it nicely to a stranger who has caught me a little off-guard by offering to do something for me that would appear to be a good turn.

My neighbour got a Bless your heart too from me while I thought about how I was going to respond when he offered to house-sit while someone installed a new door that I didn't want. What went on inside my head was actually "What the bloody hell? Why would I let you, someone I don't even know all that well to trust enough to look after my property while I go out and have a new door installed?"

[Jennifer Boyle]

14 hours ago, Bree Giffen said:

How about, “Wow, you’ve bought a nice looking avatar!”

Although I usually think this about myself when someone says I look good. It’s just a bunch of stuff I’ve bought.

Since each of us creates our avatar, we do deserve credit for the result of our efforts. The appearance of our avatars is creative expression because they are entirely our creations and, within the limits imposed by the platform, show what we want to look like. I feel good when someone tells me that my avatar looks nice because I put time, effort, and money into trying to make it look nice. And, no, I didn't buy the avatar; I put it together. 

[Jaylinbridges]

Hey Boomer!

Being a pre-boomer, I don't take that as an insult.  Boomers also built this country after the Great Depression and WW2 - without the boomers you would all be using your party line telephones.   Boomers also did not think they were God's gift to the world, although they raised their children to think that.

 

[Jennifer Boyle]

14 hours ago, Bree Giffen said:

How about, “Wow, you’ve bought a nice looking avatar!”

Although I usually think this about myself when someone says I look good. It’s just a bunch of stuff I’ve bought.

Since each of us creates our avatar, we do deserve credit for the result of our efforts. The appearance of our avatars is creative expression because they are entirely our creations and, within the limits imposed by the platform, show what we want to look like. I feel good when someone tells me that my avatar looks nice because I put time, effort, and money into trying to make it look nice. And, no, I didn't buy the avatar; I put it together. 

[Love Zhaoying]

20 minutes ago, Ayashe Ninetails said:

My interpretation is she's referring to the "midlife crisis" style of dress some men and women are often accused of adopting past a certain age. Doesn't require actually BEING middle-aged. I've seen people do this in their 20s. People are just mean as hell.

Wow, then the OPPOSITE of what the words actually say!! (It really means, "dressing like a middle-aged woman TRYING to look too much younger / in much too young a style". Interesting.)

[Ayashe Ninetails]

3 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Wow, then the OPPOSITE of what the words actually say!! (It really means, "dressing like a middle-aged woman TRYING to look too much younger / in much too young a style". Interesting.)

That's the insult. It's coming from someone accusing someone else of trying to look younger, when that isn't actually always the case.

[Love Zhaoying]

Just now, Ayashe Ninetails said:

That's the insult. It's coming from someone accusing someone else of trying to look younger, when that isn't actually always the case.

I suppose the stereotype is things like ponytails, too much makeup, too-short skirts.

..and considering that many SL users are older in "real life"..perhaps it applies often in SL? Although it's "none of their business".

 

[Ayashe Ninetails]

14 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I suppose the stereotype is things like ponytails, too much makeup, too-short skirts.

..and considering that many SL users are older in "real life"..perhaps it applies often in SL? Although it's "none of their business".

I've seen people get criticized that way for absolutely everything. Footwear, hairstyles, skirts, pants, athletic wear, makeup, jewelry, suits, etc. And why does it always seem to come from someone wearing budget knockoff Louis Vuitton...? 😄

I've not seen it happen as often in SL. Some stores do sell clothes in that "ack what do I wear" style, though.

Edited July 11, 2023 by Ayashe Ninetails
Grammaring

[Orwar]

2 hours ago, BelindaN said:

"Why do you dress like a middle aged Barbie?"

   I once told a friend her style made her look like a 'trendy nan'. She was asking my opinion as she was trying to put together an outfit, and I suggested she'd just wear a piece of apparel I'd seen her wear prior to go with it - but she wasn't 'allowed to'. She'd just gotten married in SL and her husband had told her she couldn't wear anything too revealing in public (or around me!).

   It wasn't a very long-lived marriage. Fairly short, in fact, even by SL standards. 

[Scylla Rhiadra]

"You're a very pretty girl. Why do you hide it under so much makeup?"

"You look so pretty when you smile. Why don't you smile more?"

[Scylla Rhiadra]

Just now, Orwar said:

She'd just gotten married in SL and her husband had told her she couldn't wear anything too revealing in public (or around me!).

She married Jonah Hill in SL?

[Love Zhaoying]

13 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

"You're a very pretty girl. Why do you hide it under so much makeup?"

Something you'd expect to hear from an older woman..

14 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

"You look so pretty when you smile. Why don't you smile more?"

Something you'd only expect to hear from a man!

[SpiritSparrow Skydancer]

I think a lot of times people take things way to personally and get overly sensitive.  

This is why I RARELY give out compliments and when I do they are well deserved.

I really have learned to keep my mouth shut, mostly.

 

 

[Love Zhaoying]

Ok, back on the "complimentary" (front-handed) compliments. 

One problem with compliments is, it can be difficult to both seem "sincere" and also give a "superlative" compliment.  

Example:  "This is the best soup I ever ate!" (May be insulting to anyone else in the room who ever cooked you soup, and thus inappropriate.)

So for Avatars, how can one give a "superlative" complement?

- If the Avatar is 100% custom (the user created it themselves from scratch, in Blender/Maya, etc.):  "I really like your Avatar, I can tell it is truly unique!"

- If the Avatar is beautiful, well put-together, but not in an "over-the top" way:  "I really enjoy your Avatar's subtle beauty, you have done an excellent job!"

- If the Avatar is some combination, example "Furry" + "Stempunk":  "I really like the way you've created your Fursona with such interesting Steampunk elements!"

So I think from these examples, the key for each was that there was something "special" that could be singled out for the compliment to ensure it was sincere.

 

[SpiritSparrow Skydancer]

1 hour ago, Marigold Devin said:

I'm in the UK, don't know how this comes across in southern US, but I've occasionally used Bless your heart in real life, usually meaning it nicely to a stranger who has caught me a little off-guard by offering to do something for me that would appear to be a good turn.

My neighbour got a Bless your heart too from me while I thought about how I was going to respond when he offered to house-sit while someone installed a new door that I didn't want. What went on inside my head was actually "What the bloody hell? Why would I let you, someone I don't even know all that well to trust enough to look after my property while I go out and have a new door installed?"

Bless your heart is equated to someone being simple minded. I was very offended when working for a woman in Montana who said that to me a lot. I asked her to stop. Her daughter came to my defense and she got an education that day (my boss) she honestly did not think it was insult. (or she did and was just a good God fearing liar) anyway, its all about the tone or context I guess.

HOWEVER. When used in regards to a tragedy directed to the person having to go through a rough time, Bless their heart can be used with a respect and sympathy.

 

Edited July 11, 2023 by SpiritSparrow Skydancer

[SpiritSparrow Skydancer]

Aren't you precious