Arielle Popstar Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 Looking like an adult is hard, being an adult is really hard. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayashe Ninetails Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 38 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said: I think in some ways the ickiest part of it is not so much being perved, as his apparent compulsion to make sure that I knew I'd been perved. Possibly, I suppose, he hoped that I might respond with something like "If you like what you see, come up for a closer look" . . . but I suspect part of it is also about exerting power -- "I've seen you naked, and that makes you in some sense vulnerable, and there's nothing you can do about it." This entire situation is so weird to me. Not your side of things, of course, but this peeping perv's actions are just strange. No Sir Creep, you haven't seen *me* naked. You've seen Maitreya (Legacy, Reborn, etc.) naked. You can even grab a demo for yourself and see it naked all day long. The heck is the big deal? I'm not one to associate that closely with my avatars and I guess the fact that the only one I wear that looks even remotely anything at all like real life me is walking dead probably has a lot to do with that. I don't make a whole lot of effort to shield my Maitreya's bits and bobs from prying eyes (no undies unless something's visible with normal wear and I might head to a G-area, like those skirts with those super high slits). Clothes derendered? Takes my clothes ages to rez? Don't care. Things look the same as anyone else, I'm sure. Theirs may even look better given all the third-party addons people wear. My bits are boring (not a peeve). I think I've seen far too many "naked bank alts" standing around mailboxes and auction houses in their underwear in various games to even give a second thought to half-nekkie third-party bodies in SL. Knock yaself out, buddy! Peeve: So few men perv my weirdo avatars that I cannot laugh at them for doing so! 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scylla Rhiadra Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 34 minutes ago, Ayashe Ninetails said: This entire situation is so weird to me. Not your side of things, of course, but this peeping perv's actions are just strange. No Sir Creep, you haven't seen *me* naked. You've seen Maitreya (Legacy, Reborn, etc.) naked. You can even grab a demo for yourself and see it naked all day long. The heck is the big deal? I'm not one to associate that closely with my avatars and I guess the fact that the only one I wear that looks even remotely anything at all like real life me is walking dead probably has a lot to do with that. Technically, you are of course absolutely correct. I think there are three things, though, that can impact on how one feels about this. First, as the reference in the last quoted sentence above suggests, many of us identify very closely without our avatars. For better or worse, I am one of those people. So a "violation" of my avatar is, to some degree, something that does impact on me at some emotional level. It's important to recognize the difference, of course, between a "violation" (in whatever way) of one's avatar, and one in RL, and it would be silly to get upset in the same way about the one as one would about the other, but that doesn't mean that there isn't some impact. But, as you note of yourself, YMMV on this: we don't all "inhabit" our avi in the same way. The second thing, which I sort of referenced in my second post on this, is that I feel much less icked out about being seen partially or fully unclothed (which of course is likely to happen when one TPs into a crowded place anyway), than I do about interacting with someone who clearly gets off playing the voyeur. It's not so much my exposure, as having engaged with a person who not only enjoys playing Peeping Tom, but actually wants you to know that he's spied on you. That's where the issue of "power" that I alluded to comes in: it's quite possible that even he isn't nearly so turned on by the view of a naked Maitreya as he is by his belief that he's somehow established his dominance over me through his ability to look without my consent. He hasn't, of course, but it's not being seen, to me anyway, that's gross -- it's exposure to someone with that kind of creepy fetish that is icky. The third thing is probably somewhat less important, but real too for some people. There are of course people who don't care about the "real person" behind the sexy avatar -- as witness the existence of AFK sex places -- but for most people, I think, the avatar is a kind of bridge, or represents a means of accessing, the "real person." And, for most people (again, this is my assumption, but I think a valid one), SL sex isn't really between two avatars, it's between two typists who are using their avatars as the means of establishing and expressing that connection. And what I think that that means is that sexual advances, violations, or whatever, most usually have a sexual subtext that is implicitly about the "real you." This guy wasn't getting off on spying on my lifeless bundle of COLLADA-encoded mesh: he was getting off on the idea that he was in some sense spying on me. Anyway, this isn't a big deal -- I've experienced far worse in SL. But it's an unpleasant reminder that there are a lot of pretty creepy people out there. 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Bliss Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 1 hour ago, Scylla Rhiadra said: The second thing, which I sort of referenced in my second post on this, is that I feel much less icked out about being seen partially or fully unclothed (which of course is likely to happen when one TPs into a crowded place anyway), than I do about interacting with someone who clearly gets off playing the voyeur. It's not so much my exposure, as having engaged with a person who not only enjoys playing Peeping Tom, but actually wants you to know that he's spied on you. That's where the issue of "power" that I alluded to comes in: it's quite possible that even he isn't nearly so turned on by the view of a naked Maitreya as he is by his belief that he's somehow established his dominance over me through his ability to look without my consent. Yeah 'taking something from another that doesn't belong to them', the power of being able to do so, is what they love. I have a friend being stalked by an ex who sends gifs of her he's taken in her presence at social functions (and of me when I'm with her), proving that he's watching us, that he has access to us even though we don't like it. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ceka Cianci Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 3 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said: Thanks Spiffy! I'll survive! I think in some ways the ickiest part of it is not so much being perved, as his apparent compulsion to make sure that I knew I'd been perved. Possibly, I suppose, he hoped that I might respond with something like "If you like what you see, come up for a closer look" . . . but I suspect part of it is also about exerting power -- "I've seen you naked, and that makes you in some sense vulnerable, and there's nothing you can do about it." Your friend's experience is probably not an uncommon one. Unfortunately, parts of my parcel (the ground level, and the gallery) are public, and there's no way to restrict views into my sky platform. (And I get even less privacy in my little apartment in Voroznia.) Oh well. Learning to deal with creepy people is part of adulting, I guess. They aren't going to just go away. I just tell them I'm a tease. So not so shocking to me.. They hate that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayashe Ninetails Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 8 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said: First, as the reference in the last quoted sentence above suggests, many of us identify very closely without our avatars. For better or worse, I am one of those people. So a "violation" of my avatar is, to some degree, something that does impact on me at some emotional level. I definitely agree with you that some do identify with their avies and it's entirely valid to feel icked out when someone behaves in this way. I just personally don't relate to it given how many "characters" (probably a better term for me than "avatars") I have, both here and across the entire gaming spectrum. I don't have that kind of energy. 😄 I'm not really questioning a victim's reaction to that situation, though, as everyone's got the right to determine for themselves how offended (squicked out, bothered, annoyed, etc.) to feel about such things. For me, I always just wonder about why on Earth a guy thinks that's still some kind of clever gotcha in this here 2024, year of our Pedro Pascal. Perhaps I've just been desensitized to such shenanigans. I've played multiplayer games for decades and met every type of troll and gross creeper under the sun. They aren't ever original. They aren't clever. Goodness knows they aren't funny. It's all just rather boring and predictable. 42 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said: It's not so much my exposure, as having engaged with a person who not only enjoys playing Peeping Tom, but actually wants you to know that he's spied on you. Yeah, I've met that type before in SL, too. The kind who comb through groups and send cryptic IMs to random women (and I've had one or two IMs come through while standing alone in my home on my private parcel on an empty private region). You look good blah blah blah. Just to give you a sense that they're somewhere nearby watching, as if we don't know how to use our radar to see that they indeed aren't, or to find out exactly where they parked themselves. Pfft. Back when I cared a lot more than I do now and had way more free time, I'd mess with them. Go full Annie Wilkes on em n stuffs. Peeve: Gotta be careful with that, though. That works until it doesn't, and there's always someone who will get real into it (or catch on and start messing right back), thus prompting me to dig very far into the inner reaches of my memories of my favorite horror books for more disturbing ideas, LOL. There was one guy many years ago I just could not shake, no matter how much I tried to scare him. I eventually gave up on doing that and started just closing the IM window instead of dealing with it. 🤣 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Bliss Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 3 minutes ago, Ceka Cianci said: I just tell them I'm a tease. So not so shocking to me.. They hate that. Haha...all sorts of mind games one can play to disturb them. Like saying.... "I'm so sorry your mother didn't give you enough attention as a child and so the only way you know how to interact with others is to try and steal attention without their permission" . "hugs" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ValKalAstra Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 (edited) There's another dimension to their behaviour as well. Some are fishing for humiliation, creeping and provoking just so someone insults and demeans them. It's a whole fetish thing for some, sadly. Seen that a few times in SL so I instead responded with super sweet kindness. Strangely that really seems to piss them off Edited June 13 by ValKalAstra accidentally the rest of the owl 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PheebyKatz Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 (edited) Not Peeving myself, just throwing a couple of pennies in on the peepers. This may come as a shock to some, but the reason some peepers make contact is because they're actively trying to pick you up. Real voyeurs tend to want to keep their distance. In SL, we have a sort of sub-category of voyeur - the temp voyeur who is cruising for dates. There are ladies (benefit of the doubt, and all) who do, in fact, stand around alone and naked in the hopes that someone will see them. Some of them even hope that someone will see them, make contact, tell them they're hot, and ask to come visit. Apparently this is an evolution of dating that has occurred within SL itself. Lonely gal parks naked and waits for a lonely guy to notice her. Someone IMs and says hey, I just cammed on you and you're attractive, they respond with hey, come on up then. Knowing this, a lot of the otherwise completely bizzarre behavior I've witnessed makes sense. I saw a naked lady once while I was surveying my home sim. We had a neighboring sim at the time, and I saw someone there, and I didn't know any better back then,.and so I looked. I noticed it was a naked lady, felt embarrassed to be spying on her, and looked away. A while later, she IMs me, and we have a chat. I was the only other dot on the mini map, so I was the one who got the IM. I'm presuming she wasn't camming or she'd have given me a pass that day; she was just messaging anyone she saw around, in her attempt to lure someone up to "keep her company". I also know subby ladies who do similar. They'll show up and go to their house, and make themselves into bait, and just park there, waiting to see if some guy will come along, peep in on them, like what he sees, and make contact so they can initiate their RP game. Knowing that it isn't just guys acting on their own, and that there's a faction that encourages the peeping-with-contact thing might not make it any less creepy for those who witness it and aren't used to it, but at least it makes more sense. I can't think of any other reason a voyeur would want to blow his whole game. They're not really voyeurs, they actually want company if they can get it, and not to be alone and have to kiss the binoculars, as it were. Their idea of romance includes room for, say, eyes meeting across a sparsely-populated region and through the walls of houses instead of just across a dance floor. Edited June 13 by PheebyKatz 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love Zhaoying Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 2 minutes ago, PheebyKatz said: just throwing a couple of pennies in on the peepers. https://www.catholicprofiles.org/post/coins-on-the-eyes-of-the-dead Peeve: OMG! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PheebyKatz Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 3 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said: https://www.catholicprofiles.org/post/coins-on-the-eyes-of-the-dead Peeve: OMG! For the record, I would never give money to a peeper, let alone a dead peeper. I use a sharp stick instead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love Zhaoying Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 1 minute ago, PheebyKatz said: For the record, I would never give money to a peeper, let alone a dead peeper. I use a sharp stick instead. Peeve: You wouldn't pull their teeth out, to protect the living? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PheebyKatz Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 26 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said: Peeve: You wouldn't pull their teeth out, to protect the living? If they were made of gold, yes. I would. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ceka Cianci Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 2 hours ago, Luna Bliss said: Haha...all sorts of mind games one can play to disturb them. Like saying.... "I'm so sorry your mother didn't give you enough attention as a child and so the only way you know how to interact with others is to try and steal attention without their permission" . "hugs" It's not really a mind game.. It's just that I like to let someone like that know that there are no rooms for rent in my head.. Besides, I get called a tease all the time just for laying out doing my inventory at a nude beach.. So I've embraced the term and own it now.. I like going to nude beaches because I don't have to worry about what to wear.. hehehe it's the truth. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scylla Rhiadra Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 3 hours ago, Ceka Cianci said: I just tell them I'm a tease. So not so shocking to me.. They hate that. Too much like flirting! I'd rather tell them I'm a b*tch. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scylla Rhiadra Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 2 hours ago, ValKalAstra said: There's another dimension to their behaviour as well. Some are fishing for humiliation, creeping and provoking just so someone insults and demeans them. It's a whole fetish thing for some, sadly. Seen that a few times in SL so I instead responded with super sweet kindness. Strangely that really seems to piss them off lol, I'd love to have obliged if that was the case, but he disappeared when I called him out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ceka Cianci Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 3 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said: Too much like flirting! I'd rather tell them I'm a b*tch. It's more like. I didn't fall into your trap. You fell into mine! \o/ hehehe 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Bliss Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 40 minutes ago, Ceka Cianci said: 3 hours ago, Luna Bliss said: Haha...all sorts of mind games one can play to disturb them. Like saying.... "I'm so sorry your mother didn't give you enough attention as a child and so the only way you know how to interact with others is to try and steal attention without their permission" . "hugs" It's not really a mind game.. It's just that I like to let someone like that know that there are no rooms for rent in my head.. Besides, I get called a tease all the time just for laying out doing my inventory at a nude beach.. So I've embraced the term and own it now.. I like going to nude beaches because I don't have to worry about what to wear.. hehehe it's the truth. I guess we could call it a 'mini mind game' lol mind game /ˈmīn(d)ˌɡām/ noun noun: mind game; plural noun: mind games; noun: mindgame; plural noun: mindgames a series of deliberate actions or responses planned for psychological effect on another, typically for amusement or competitive advantage. "I have been playing mind games to get him to invite us" * I love to think think them up when someone is being a tw*t...keeps my mind off of feeling offended. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scylla Rhiadra Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 1 hour ago, PheebyKatz said: This may come as a shock to some, but the reason some peepers make contact is because they're actively trying to pick you up. Real voyeurs tend to want to keep their distance. In SL, we have a sort of sub-category of voyeur - the temp voyeur who is cruising for dates. There are ladies (benefit of the doubt, and all) who do, in fact, stand around alone and naked in the hopes that someone will see them. Some of them even hope that someone will see them, make contact, tell them they're hot, and ask to come visit. Apparently this is an evolution of dating that has occurred within SL itself. Lonely gal parks naked and waits for a lonely guy to notice her. Someone IMs and says hey, I just cammed on you and you're attractive, they respond with hey, come on up then. Knowing this, a lot of the otherwise completely bizzarre behavior I've witnessed makes sense. Yeah, I acknowledged somewhere above that he might have been hoping for a more positive response from me that he received. He can have had no illusions about my intentions though. I was literally 1800m above him: he had to cam that far up (and over: he was on a neighbouring parcel) to see me. I was clearly not inviting comment or even conversation, and this was very clearly not a case of two strangers randomly and serendipitously making eye contact across a crowded room. He knew I had the expectation of privacy, and he was quite happy to violate that. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Bliss Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 I had success once with making someone stop who was annoying me. He kept running into me, jarring me, making it hard to explore/shop. Finally I turned around and faced him and said "here we're in a wold where we can create ANYthing...and you want to create THIS??!!" He vanished..lol 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Bliss Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 Another one...if somebody won't stop hitting on you...is to run right up to them and say "omg, I've been wanting a boyfriend for so long......hugggggz...what times are you usually inworld"? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ceka Cianci Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said: I guess we could call it a 'mini mind game' lol mind game /ˈmīn(d)ˌɡām/ noun noun: mind game; plural noun: mind games; noun: mindgame; plural noun: mindgames a series of deliberate actions or responses planned for psychological effect on another, typically for amusement or competitive advantage. "I have been playing mind games to get him to invite us" * I love to think think them up when someone is being a tw*t...keeps my mind off of feeling offended. Mind games just sound like too much work.. I'm really lazy when it comes to someone trying to mess with me..in that way anyways. hehehe Edited June 13 by Ceka Cianci 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PheebyKatz Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said: Yeah, I acknowledged somewhere above that he might have been hoping for a more positive response from me that he received. He can have had no illusions about my intentions though. I was literally 1800m above him: he had to cam that far up (and over: he was on a neighbouring parcel) to see me. I was clearly not inviting comment or even conversation, and this was very clearly not a case of two strangers randomly and serendipitously making eye contact across a crowded room. He knew I had the expectation of privacy, and he was quite happy to violate that. Whenever I feel like that, I teleport down and say "sup". They usually don't say anything to me after that. They just poof. That's all the confirmation I needed. Mr. Arik takes care of it from there, usually. He has the banhammer. Fortunately, I need never worry about these things ever again, for if anyone cams on me and makes a pass, I can just report them, now. Unless I was a Yithian, or a Deep One, or a ghoul or a skeleton at the time. But if they think a Yithian is sexy, hey, there's no rules against that. Anyway, if I was my human avatar I could report them. Nobody really bothers me anymore, though. I guess all of them have met me already, and are avoiding me. Edited June 13 by PheebyKatz 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scylla Rhiadra Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 (edited) 3 hours ago, Ayashe Ninetails said: I'm not really questioning a victim's reaction to that situation, though, as everyone's got the right to determine for themselves how offended (squicked out, bothered, annoyed, etc.) to feel about such things. This is certainly true, but I think too that anyone who is trying to connect, particularly when it is apparent (as it certainly should have been in this case) that I wasn't angling for, nor even expecting, any kind of contact. Which is, I know, also what you're saying -- I just want to underline that the onus is always on the person reaching out, whatever their intentions, to not make assumptions about the person they are contacting. 3 hours ago, Ayashe Ninetails said: For me, I always just wonder about why on Earth a guy thinks that's still some kind of clever gotcha in this here 2024, year of our Pedro Pascal. Perhaps I've just been desensitized to such shenanigans. I've played multiplayer games for decades and met every type of troll and gross creeper under the sun. They aren't ever original. They aren't clever. Goodness knows they aren't funny. It's all just rather boring and predictable. Which, to follow your line of thinking, is why, like you, I don't get this approach to mating, courtship, hookups, or whatever. Unless, as Nina or Pheeby suggest above, the person is looking for a particular kind of reaction of the sort that might be the result of deliberately being a jerk, I really can't imagine that this is likely to be the most productive or effective approach to women. Why, in this day and age, would one not take a more respectful approach? It's surely FAR more likely to succeed, or at least less likely to offend. Is this just the result of an unshakeable element of misogyny? Have they been Rip Van Winkling for the past 60 years? Are they just stupid? Edited June 13 by Scylla Rhiadra Clarity 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scylla Rhiadra Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 3 minutes ago, PheebyKatz said: Mr. Arik takes care of it from there, usually. Mr. Arik, in my experience, is the Patron Saint of People Who Protect One against Idiots and Griefers. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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