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Lost and lonely once again


rikacicadas
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I rejoined this game after losing my logins from a year ago. It was no big deal really, I had 0 friends on that account too. 

It seems so many people on SL are confident or either really good at hiding their true feelings. I'm shy naturally, and have a lot of real life stuff going on that puts pressure on me that probably exacerbates that shyness. My real life social life isn't the most expansive so I joined SL in the hopes of helping expanding my contact with people, if only a tiny bit. Each time I was greeted by either being ignored, treated badly, or nicely but only for a bit before they vanished. How am I suppose to make a connection? I really try to get out of my comfort zone and approach people, and know it's just online and they worst they can do is just not respond, but honestly that kind of hurts when it happens over and over again. 

I don't know where to go to make friends, and most of the places I do travel to either are empty or cliques are already formed and they don't really want some new account trying to intrude on it. 

I'm sorry if I sound petulant or whiny, it's not my intention though I understand if it comes off that way, it's just suddenly I remember why I left and eventually didn't care to remember my first SL logins to begin with. 

At the end of the day I know that 50% of making friends is on me. I have to put myself out there, attempt to shake off my sometimes crippling anxiety and just go for it! While I think the other 50% is completely luck - being in the right spot and the right time and finding someone you connect with. I hope this post strengthens my odds. 

If anyone can help point me in the direction of places I could go to possibly find some nice people, or even if you would like to talk to see if we could become friends it would mean a lot to me. 

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Hi, Rika!

If I knew of some secret place where people chat and make friends I would be there too.

So ... whatcha interested in?  I can guess anime from your profile pics, both here and in world.  Anything else you are particularly fond of?  What kind of music do you like?  Is the movie better than the book?  Paper or plastic?  KY or Astroglide? Beer or wine?  Cats or dogs?

And what are you up to Sunday at 8:00 AM SLT?  You could join some of us for breakfast and a dance.

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Welcome back to SL, Rika! (May I call you Rika?)

I don't want to sound like a Debbie Downer, but I think making new friends is actually more than 50% your responsibility in some situations. Many people in SL already have friends, and so you must bring something interesting to the table to enter their circle. That requires time and effort. You can get closer to 50/50 balance by searching for places where other people are also seeking friends.

The Sunday breakfast Rhonda mentions has been going on continuously for years. It's visited by nice people, some regulars and some (like me) occasional drop-ins. The forum, as I hope you'll find out, is also a nice place to meet people and build friendships you might then take in-world. Most (all?) of my friends came from this forum. This place can be a bit of a challenge for the terminally shy, but we're worth it!

Here's the Breakfast Club link... https://world.secondlife.com/group/adf67d17-9017-6f09-02ee-bd0db569302e?lang=en-US

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18 minutes ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

Hi, Rika!

If I knew of some secret place where people chat and make friends I would be there too.

So ... whatcha interested in?  I can guess anime from your profile pics, both here and in world.  Anything else you are particularly fond of?  What kind of music do you like?  Is the movie better than the book?  Paper or plastic?  KY or Astroglide? Beer or wine?  Cats or dogs?

And what are you up to Sunday at 8:00 AM SLT?  You could join some of us for breakfast and a dance.

@Rhonda HuntressHaha, your response kind of made me laugh. But I guess now, spurred on by your questions, is a good time to tell a bit about myself! Anime is okay. I'm more of a fan of a particular novel that was adapted into an anime than anything. Most anime just isn't my speed. Things that are my speed is reading and video editing. I also really like a ton of music, alternative mostly but am fond of Japanese music, at least the non sugary pop kind. I adore cats and dogs but am more fond of cats and have four. I can't work due to a disability and I live with geriatric father. We take care of each other, though we do have weekly help for things we just cannot do. And I would love to meet up with you guys whenever is convenient! Sounds like it could be fun! 

@Madelaine McMasters You may call me Rika! And I suppose I understand what you are saying. I really hadn't looked at it that way. I guess putting so much on luck is a big ridiculous. Thank you for the link. I will certainly check it out! 

I really do appreciate the help. 

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I get it. I am very shy in RL and dont have much of a RL social life, I am constantly worried that people dont like me even when it is obvious they do. I come to Sl for an escape from that. being able to control how I look, for me helps. I don't however go out looking for friends. I take SL one moment at a time, if I meet someone and we have a good time then great, if it happens again that's great too. But if we never get together again I am just thankful that the moment happened. I think a lot of people are so focused on finding a relationships that they miss the moments. SL is a quickly changing place, very few things last here.

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1 minute ago, Talligurl said:

I get it. I am very shy in RL and dont have much of a RL social life, I am constantly worried that people dont like me even when it is obvious they do. I come to Sl for an escape from that. being able to control how I look, for me helps. I don't however go out looking for friends. I take SL one moment at a time, if I meet someone and we have a good time then great, if it happens again that's great too. But if we never get together again I am just thankful that the moment happened. I think a lot of people are so focused on finding a relationships that they miss the moments. SL is a quickly changing place, very few things last here.

You make sense, but I still like the idea of finding a good place with good people to make a moment or two 🙂 

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49 minutes ago, rikacicadas said:

You make sense, but I still like the idea of finding a good place with good people to make a moment or two 🙂 

Oh of course,  I used to know some great spots. but like I said SL is a quickly changing place and they are no more. I need to find some new ones.

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5 hours ago, rikacicadas said:

If anyone can help point me in the direction of places I could go to possibly find some nice people

 

3 hours ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

The forum, as I hope you'll find out, is also a nice place to meet people and build friendships you might then take in-world.

Maddy is right. The forum is a good place to learn about and meet people. If you then meet them in-world, such as at the Sunday Breakfasts, you'll be familiar with them and less uncomfortable. I recommend reading this thread: "How are you feeling today?". The people posting in that thread are very nice and very caring. 

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@rikacicadas come to The Shelter, hop on one of the pink dance pads and hang around there for a while. There's usually at least someone around at any time of day, though it gets busier from noon onwards and there are DJ events at 1pm and 7pm most days. Everyone is friendly and chatty, I've made many new friends there. Several of us Shelter regulars also hang out at Mingle too, which is a club nearby, in the south-east corner of the same sim region.

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