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"That is not what I meant, at all": How to Connect Respectfully


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6 minutes ago, Alyona Su said:

HEY! Welcome to the club! Now you're LEGIT, BABY!

And for future reference, even the slightest innuendo that anyone can (though aught not to) take personally can be flagged as "I am snowflake boo-hoo" and you get dinged that way, too. :D

That's it! U make an enemy, they don't like what you say and flag ya, its not checked in to cause it's usually a long drama post.   POOF

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Having recently experienced a rash of people attempting to engage or connect with me for the first time in a manner that I've found annoying, disrespectful, and, to put it mildly, ineffective, I thoug

My husband accused me of shopping the other day.. Him:You've been on SL shopping again haven't you?!! Me:No honey ,I swear! I was only having Sex with strangers!! You gotta believe me! \o/

I think it's fascinating, and suggestive, that, nearly whenever this issue of assigning blame to a woman for what she chooses to wear arises, this is the analogy that is employed. It is interesti

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2 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:
3 minutes ago, Kiera Clutterbuck said:

whaaat? I have never seen you be disrespectful!

NOOOOO! You're so wrong!!!

I am a BAD GIRL!

(/me hugs her new reputation as a badass tightly to herself)

Anyways, back to da topic, what U wearin' hon? hehe

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1 minute ago, Selene Gregoire said:

Not until you get the 3day. Then you can join the rest of us on the Group W bench.

THIS. I got one for something I said for "personal attack" in, are you ready for this? The "What OS do you use other than Windows" thread LOL I suppose MS Windows themself came in and flagged it. BAM - 4-day-er. :) (And people ask why do we have alts?)

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1 minute ago, Kiera Clutterbuck said:

what comes after the 5 day, do u get banned from SL too?    is there a really bad person here who knows?  :P

Forum ban is also Grid Ban and Market Place ban (unless you are already logged into MP LOL)

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Just now, Alyona Su said:

Forum ban is also Grid Ban and Market Place ban (unless you are already logged into MP LOL)

I wasn't banned from the grid, actually. Not sure about the MP.

(WHY am I encouraging this off-topic discussion! I'm going to AR you ALL!)

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3 minutes ago, Kiera Clutterbuck said:

what comes after the 5 day, do u get banned from SL too?    is there a really bad person here who knows?  :P

Yes.

And no I've never been suspended or banned from any website in more than 20 years on the net until I started posting on the SL forum. That should tell you a whole hell of a lot about the people who mod the forum.

Edited by Selene Gregoire
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4 minutes ago, Kiera Clutterbuck said:

Anyways, back to da topic, what U wearin' hon? hehe

I've never gotten that, though I do get the "are you lesbian?" often. My usual answer is "No, I'm a man-meat fan". Then a reply I did NOT expect: "What about men with boobs? [so-called "shemale"] It took me a few seconds to think about that because I *knew* where this was going, but rather than "touché," I tossed out "well, those aren't men, either, by their own self-description". 

//CloseOne. LOL

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Just now, Kiera Clutterbuck said:

uhhh, I know that's not true, somehow I know that   :ph34r:

It's not now. There was a time when being suspended/banned from the forum meant you were also from inworld. It still happens just not every time now. Never heard of anyone being suspended/banned from the MP though unless they violated MP rules that have nothing to do with the forum or inworld.

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10 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

It's not now. There was a time when being suspended/banned from the forum meant you were also from inworld. It still happens just not every time now. Never heard of anyone being suspended/banned from the MP though unless they violated MP rules that have nothing to do with the forum or inworld.

My most recent (couple weeks ago) - was from Thursday noon until Monday noon - Forum, Log into SL, AND MP. So, maybe they are little checkboxes that are turned on and I happened to get all three? Either way - I am describing this for others' knowledge (so to not get suspended) and not any effort to discuss moderation practices. NOW BACK TO THREAD:

I agree with the OP wall-o-text (I rarely read walls-o-text) - and I'd say generally well-thought and explained. The main problem with the world is that common sense is definitely not common.  My responses to *everything* is always polite, I try to be lighthearted about it all and have fun. 

Once, I ended up in a chat with some guy, he talked me into following him to some low-traffic'd beach, I warned him I'm not here for "playtime" and will not allow it... long-story-made-short: He was very "touchy-feely" and I literally emoted slapping his hands and telling him "stop that or I'll leave". It was another half hour or so until I did finally leave and scolding him (with somewhat chuckle and finger-wag).

In general: I believe too many people take their SL way too seriously. IT'S A CARTOON. Have fun with all of it, even the gropers and obnoxious low-lifes. It's just far too easy to TP away and if it gets that bad, the little red dot (macOS) or X (Windows) in the corner solves every single SL problem in existence since the beginning and will until the end.

Edited by Alyona Su
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22 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Well, they are right about themselves. This cuts both ways: both parties have the right to determine their level of availability and interest.

And the most polite reply might be something like, "Thank you, I'm very flattered, but not interested"? Or something like that?

Depends on the context, I should think. Someone who "slaps" my a**" is likely going to get a somewhat less polite response from me.

I find some people react in a triggered manner to “not interested”. I’m considering going with, “sorry, but I’m demisexual”.

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Just now, Love Zhaoying said:

I find some people react in a triggered manner to “not interested”. I’m considering going with, “sorry, but I’m demisexual”.

Yes, actually -- "not interested" can seem, especially if you are representing yourself as "available," a sort of personal insult? Like, "sorry, but you're not good enough for me"?

I generally just point to, and perhaps quote, my profile, which makes it clear (or so I'd have thought) that I'm not looking.

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2 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Yes, actually -- "not interested" can seem, especially if you are representing yourself as "available," a sort of personal insult? Like, "sorry, but you're not good enough for me"?

I generally just point to, and perhaps quote, my profile, which makes it clear (or so I'd have thought) that I'm not looking.

There’s always the ever-popular, “sorry, I’m all wanked out today”.

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13 minutes ago, Alyona Su said:

I agree with the OP wall-o-text (I rarely read walls-o-text) 

She used complete sentences, section headings, and paragraphs! A pretty well-built wall.

Edited by Love Zhaoying
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22 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

And you've also highlighted another contextual thing: the difference between RL and SL. I have several outfits that would, without question, be considered "provocative" and "revealing" in RL, but that in SL . . . well, they just look like pretty standard club wear. Outfits like that don't actually mean the same thing here that they do in RL . . . but there are some who seem not to get that, and assume that, because I have a plunging neckline, I must therefore be ripe for a pickup.

Not only does an outfit not actually mean the same thing here, but many of the additional contextual clues we would have in RL, such as inflection or tone when speaking and body language, are missing in SL or are misrepresented in SL due to AO's which may not accurately reflect the body language a person may want to show in a given situation. In my mind, these give more weight to being respectful and not assuming everyone is here for the same reasons.

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Just now, moirakathleen said:

Not only does an outfit not actually mean the same thing here, but many of the additional contextual clues we would have in RL, such as inflection or tone when speaking and body language, are missing in SL or are misrepresented in SL due to AO's which may not accurately reflect the body language a person may want to show in a given situation. In my mind, these give more weight to being respectful and not assuming everyone is here for the same reasons.

These are really excellent points! Especially about the AOs, which are generally pretty "sexy," and are a sort of stand-in for body language and intonation.

I wonder . . . are there people who use different AOs for different contexts? I don't.

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26 minutes ago, Alyona Su said:

Maybe I'm special. :) (And I should *CLARIFY* - In my case it was a *suspension* not a "ban*)

Some of us use “ban” as a catch-all when we really mean “suspension”. Because “ban” is a fun word.

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2 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Some of us use “ban” as a catch-all when we really mean “suspension”. Because “ban” is a fun word.

It's also permanent. I always scold people that words have meanings, so I have to abide my own rules LOL

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