Basic SLetiquette Friendship Rules

[BelindaN]

I hardly get unsolicited tp requests but I had one last week to an adult themed place from a stranger. I like the spider avi solution!

I no longer friend so easily, having had a number of needys on my books. 

It goes like this. 

Friend...Then instant IMs.....if I can't hang out they log off. 

They they get squiffy.

Then they get defriended, and sometimes blocked.

It's happened a lot.

[Claraona]

 

It's common courtesy.

Reading saves lives and time, not being a waste of time. 

Respecting people's boundaries. Everyone has their own rules but once broken can never be again. 

(Hi , Hey ) Well Hi and Hey my name is goodbye.

Have a bit more to say to make it interesting if you really want to make conversation. still with  Hi and Hey No Questions , Answer , Down the stage door you go well I told ya so go find bill and bob they are looking for you. 

Hitting me up? You have to get out of the Frat house lifestyle ,  First Master yourself on grown up level, be willing to get to know someone over time getting in the mind and soul.  Still stuck on Frat mode well  No Question  , No Answers  , On Block into the black hole sure it's dark paradise. 

Bump and Grind ?what are you into? Well, go to your local travel agent and find a location that has rodeo's then  book your next flight. You will have such a good time safe travels to you. 

Nice hot body ? Well, I can show you a place that is really Hot!.  Send the tp to then he falls in the hot lava now his body really hot he gonna need a lot of bandages.  Well he should read the warning label. 

Fast Friend request :  friendship  request button out of  order have a  nice day please call  Complaint department 1800-Make- a-Friend. 

Random Guy: Give you tp to their house or ask you to come to their home ?  You put on a starter guy avatar then when they see you O I am sorry I am Dude gotta go. 

Wanna bump with me ?  Because I can't be their wish , I am sending you a copy of How to talk Dummy Dolls and a Dummy doll that was found in a crime scene sending it First class mail on its way.  His Answer he was shocked said bye. 

They show up naked in front of you and say wanna do it? Put on skin that has no parts painted  naked say well I am a  It that is my life, not much I can do for you. 

Get a message out of the blue they send me a partnership?  Message them back and meet me  in Vegas.  When they get their old guy avatar with a wedding dress on that made my day they proofed so fast out of here. 

Get a random gift from a stranger with a personal message that says I love you!  You send the Im says: Returned to sender with message says love yourself.

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Friendship is earned in trust and respect in exchange with energy and effect overtime. Not just for anyone, not just given. 

Your temple, your avatar, they want to be part of it. They're going to have to respect your temple to get in. 

Just because we talk for the first time does mean we will be friends or lovers. This is just talking about a date. 

I tend to keep my friendship in a small circle so don't  get me wrong but I am not looking for any more friendship than just me but there are plenty of people in this place. 

Bit selective when it comes to friendship has to be on the same page just how I am sorry. 

Deferentially not looking for any relationship I am here for travels and music. 

I really have to know you for a long time to open up my Pandora box. I only share things with people I already know, not just someone who walks in.  Just this not just for anyone. 

I am fine with making conversation but I will only meet you in a public place not your house or adult sim. No respect, no conversation.  Go horseback riding that fine. 

Just because we meet this only meeting this not a date or relationship. 

 

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I tend to stay away from profiles that say no drama is making their own but maybe they just need to get over whatever happens to make peace with it. We can't fix everyone, they got their own growth to do. 

If we don't talk every day I will unfriend you. This is not what friendship is as people need space and time as there is  a time place for everything you meet up in the middle somewhere. If you are controlling your friends you're gonna find yourself having people walk away and finding yourself alone. I have had a great friendship with friends from high school since 2002. We all moved away and made our own lives. We stay in touch not every day but we meet in the middle when we have time to share a special bond. 

Nude profiles with your junk showing ya does really do anything for me but we can't be friends. Some people might be into that though. 

Just because we become friends does mean you own me you have to know where I am every minute you need to keep yourself busy on your own terms. 

Fine talking to people, even strangers but I am not giving out all my details of my real self when people are only digging for real. When the conversation stops just only for people I really trust not everyone. 

When it comes to voice I will but I like to talk first in a mature manner. 

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What are boundaries?

A boundary is an imaginary line that separates me from you. It separates your physical space, your feelings, needs, and responsibilities from others. Your boundaries also tell other people how they can treat you – what’s acceptable and what isn’t. Without boundaries, people may take advantage of you because you haven’t set limits about how you expect to be treated.  

You can think of a boundary as a property line. My friend Chris had a problem with his neighbor that perfectly illustrates how boundaries work.

Chris’ neighbor would come into his yard and bring Chris’ newspaper from the driveway to his doorstep. She’d pick a few of Chris’ flowers along the way. Chris felt annoyed but didn’t say anything. Chris figured it wasn’t worth making a stink over it. The neighbor probably assumed it was okay for her to move the paper and take a few flowers. Maybe she thought she was doing Chris a favor.

Months passed like this. Chris would sometimes find her neighbor’s dog in his yard. The dog pooed on his grass and chased away the birds at his bird feeder. Still, Chris said nothing. He wanted to be a “good neighbor.” He didn’t want a reputation for being difficult and he worried his neighbor might get angry at him if he told her to stay off his property. 

Finally, Chris came home one day to find the neighbor’s kids playing in his yard – yelling, trampling the flowers, leaving empty juice boxes on his front step, and throwing toys around like they owned the place. Understandably, Chris’ blood was boiling at this point.  

Chris was responsible for not setting and enforcing the boundary. He allowed his neighbor to take advantage of his lack of boundaries. Certainly, it seems Chris’ neighbor behaved badly. She is, of course, responsible for her own actions, her kids, and her dog. Some behaviors are clearly wrong, but many, like the actions of Chris’ neighbor, start out in the gray area – acceptable to some people and not acceptable to others. 

Chris’ neighbor may or may not have known that Chris didn’t like her picking the flowers. The point is, when you don’t speak up and say that a boundary has been crossed, it gives the impression that you’re okay with it.   It would have been better for everyone if from the beginning Chris had said, “Hi Neighbor. I’m sure you didn’t realize it, but I like to bring in my own paper and please don’t pick the flowers in my yard.”  

When a boundary is crossed, you need to provide feedback saying it’s not okay. The boundary is worthless if you don’t enforce it by giving feedback and consequences. Some people will easily accept a boundary and others will continue to challenge and escalate it. So, if Chris’ neighbor continued to violate the boundaries, he’d need to address it with her again. The specific consequences depend on the nature of the relationship and the history of the relationship.  

Chris could build a 10-foot-tall fortress around his house. This would definitely keep his neighbor away, but it would also keep out his friends and everyone else he wants to see. Chris needs a flexible boundary, like a fence with a gate, that keeps unwanted people out while still allowing other people in.  

 

Why do you need boundaries?

Like Chris, without boundaries, you’re going to have dogs poo all over your lawn. You’ve probably already experienced the human equivalent of this.

 

1. Boundaries allow you to be your true self

Boundaries create a separateness that allows you to have your own feelings, make your own decisions, and know and ask for what you want without needing to please others.

 

2. Boundaries are a form of self-care

Healthy emotional boundaries mean you value your own feelings and needs and you’re not responsible for how others feel or behave. Boundaries allow you to let go of worrying about how others feel and places accountability squarely with the individual. Boundaries also keep you from overextending yourself. You can’t take on every project, work every shift, or be on every committee that you’re asked to join. Boundaries mean saying “no” to things that don’t align with your priorities.

 

3. Boundaries create realistic expectations

Whether it’s with a friend, spouse, neighbor, or boss, relationships function best when we know what’s expected. When you clearly communicate your boundaries, people know how they’re expected to behave. When expectations aren’t communicated and met, resentment and anger grow.

 

4. Boundaries create safety

Boundaries provide physical and emotional safety by keeping out what feels uncomfortable or hurtful.  

 

What prevents you from setting boundaries?

Now that we’ve talked about what emotional boundaries look like and why we need boundaries, let’s explore why we fail to set boundaries even when we believe they’re important.

1. Fear

It’s scary to do something different. What are you actually afraid of? How likely is this to happen? What will happen if you set a boundary? What will happen if you don’t? By asking yourself questions like these, you can give yourself a reality check and find out if your fear is alerting you of real danger or keeping you stuck.

2. Ambivalence

Similar to fear, ambivalence represents that you aren’t 100% convinced that boundaries will solve your problem. Some ambivalence is fine. You don’t need to be 100% sure before you act.

3. You don’t know how

If you grew up in a family without boundaries, you probably never saw anyone model or teach you healthy boundaries. Setting boundaries is a skill that can be learned.

4. Low self-worth

Some part of you feels unworthy or unlovable. Therefore, you always struggle to prove your worth by putting other people’s needs before your own. You’re not used to being treated with respect, so you don’t even know what it looks like.

5. People-pleasing

You don’t want to ruffle feathers. You don’t want to disappoint people. You’ll pretty much avoid conflict at all costs.

The truth is that setting limits can disrupt relationship systems. You will probably get resistance. Sometimes this resistance isn’t as bad as you imagined. Other times, there is a real danger. If you think that setting a boundary l put you in serious harm, please get help find support. 

 

Edited September 8, 2021 by Claraona

[LittleMe Jewell]

48 minutes ago, Claraona said:

 Really long post

Don't suppose you have a "tl;dr" version of that, do you?

[RiceStevens]

17 hours ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

Don't suppose you have a "tl;dr" version of that, do you?

You don't make any sense seems you have many alts to bash people. 

Edited September 8, 2021 by RiceStevens

[LittleMe Jewell]

30 minutes ago, RiceStevens said:

You don't make any sense seems you have many alts to bash people. 

Not sure what I don't make sense about, unless you don't understand what "tl;dr" means.  That means "Too Long; Didn't Read" and is often a response to super long posts.

As to alts - while I do have a dozen or so account, this one is the only one that ever logs into the forums.  I don't have time or patience to mess with logging multiple accounts in and out.

 

For someone who has only been in the forums for a few months, I'm not sure how you figure you can claim that you know alts or that I'm bashing lots of people --- unless you are an alt of someone that has been around a long time and just too afraid to post on your main account.

 

Edited September 8, 2021 by LittleMe Jewell

[Roxy Couturier]

The only time i get an unsolicited call from someone that's added everyone around for a group IM is some sad person pretending to be Prok in an attempt to get Prok AR'd. While I'm no fan, certainly, this continued, persistent hate directed at them years after the fact makes me think that maybe Prok was right. Another part of me thinks 'how sad' for the wasted time someone puts into a useless vendetta.

YMMV

On Topic: There are some people whom I love in my IM box as soon as i log on. They're the people I care about most. They know who they are. But, if that's a problem, you can always log on in hidden mode until you're ready to unhide.

As for club / store / etc messages.. well there's a check box in group profiles that lets you turn the group chats off if they get spammy. The same goes for group notices. you do have control of your SL.

[Prokofy Neva]

On 8/24/2021 at 8:36 AM, Karly Kiyori said:

Yep.

I used to be an official Mentor, back when they were a thing, and it was very common for a newbie to ask to friend me, because they were afraid that they wouldn't be able to find me otherwise. I always accepted. But if they had not contacted me again, I deleted them after about a month, figuring that they either weren't logging in any more or they'd managed to deal with everything else by themselves.

I still do that, pretty much. I will accept most friends requests if we've actually chatted (and I don't think that they are a creep) but if we haven't ever talked for months after that first contact, I'll let them go.

Come to think of it, I think I added you as a friend last year when I rented from you; if I did, I must have dropped you too, once I was no longer renting there. Nothing personal, I hope you didn't mind.

I don't seem to have your card so don't worry about it. Come back any time.

 

[Prokofy Neva]

23 hours ago, Roxy Couturier said:

The only time i get an unsolicited call from someone that's added everyone around for a group IM is some sad person pretending to be Prok in an attempt to get Prok AR'd. While I'm no fan, certainly, this continued, persistent hate directed at them years after the fact makes me think that maybe Prok was right. Another part of me thinks 'how sad' for the wasted time someone puts into a useless vendetta.

YMMV

On Topic: There are some people whom I love in my IM box as soon as i log on. They're the people I care about most. They know who they are. But, if that's a problem, you can always log on in hidden mode until you're ready to unhide.

As for club / store / etc messages.. well there's a check box in group profiles that lets you turn the group chats off if they get spammy. The same goes for group notices. you do have control of your SL.

Yes, that was definitely not me because I don't have bots, even pretend bots, and I don't barge into other groups spouting racist Trumpian nonsense. I mean, who would do that if they were in business? I'm glad you realized it was a griefer -- which of course you could tell by the age of a day or two, not just the bad behaviour.

Apparently this is related to the long-banned Woodburies who keep coming back, but my God, they must all be in their 30s now and working for Facebook and Google!

[bambi Littlebird]

I'm really busy rl so don't spend much time on SL. For this reason I like to chill out on my land on my own, it relaxes me. 

I think it's rude to send a tp without so much as a hello it really grinds my gears. It's so presumptuous of the other person to think I'd be interested in just dropping what I'm doing and tping into who knows what drama. 

I've found this to be the case on the few occasions I've accepted the invite. One in particular stands out when I seemed to find myself in the middle of a volitile argument (on voice) and I was stood there like a lemon, cringing inwardly. Men and women going at it, cursing at each other, it was awful. 

Never again! The busy /unavailable response is a handy tool 😂 

Edited September 22, 2021 by bambi Littlebird

[Lewis Luminos]

I think I have found a solution to unsolicited friends requests on my alts: I have added this as an autoresponse to all friend requests:

"I am an alt, this is not my main account, so I do not accept friends requests here. However, if we have had a conversation that I found enjoyable and interesting, I will be happy to offer you a friend request from my main account instead, so that we can more easily keep in touch".

[Gabriel Isodo]

Here on this forum usualy people ask how to have more friends

Now the topic is how to have less friends

Some people complain because they want to be alone without any social interacton (no IM no TP nothing) and other request for IM TP and fun.

Personaly I don't know the rules. There are as many rules as people. Sometimes I am welcome sometimes rejected. If I don't try interaction I am playing alone and in that case SL is useless. Such rules is like lottery. you can have chance or not.

 

[Ayeleeon]

22 hours ago, Gabriel Isodo said:

Personaly I don't know the rules. There are as many rules as people.

Exactly, so play by your own rules and let others play by thiers, if everyong did this SL would be a better place, and in fact the same is true in RL.

[Elysienne Nebula]

23 hours ago, Gabriel Isodo said:

Personaly I don't know the rules. There are as many rules as people. Sometimes I am welcome sometimes rejected. If I don't try interaction I am playing alone and in that case SL is useless. Such rules is like lottery. you can have chance or not.

 

It's like RL that way, because it's people. Everyone has their own boundaries and those must be respected. If some people don't want to be bothered by interactions with others, let them be. If you are looking for interactions, go to places and events where residents gather and it's more expected to have interactions. 

It's not really like the lottery. It's discernment and respect. 

Edited September 26, 2021 by Elysienne Nebula