Probably an odd request.

[Valedric Faith]

Hello all,

I can imagine that this thread will be mostly filled with hate towards me for even posting this, but as this is my first time to the SL forums, I can only hope I am wrong.

I am 20 years old in RL.  I have a good job, a great family, and some alright friend.  All-in-all I am your average guy.  Somewhere along the line though, I became extremely shy.

I will get straigh to the point.  I am looking for friends in SL but I don't want to just go sim to sim looking for them.  I have a hard time joining in and, being a Vampire avi (although I never go hunting/recruiting) I seem to encounter a pretty good amount of trolling wherever I go.

SO! My question is:

Where can I go to meet friends.. A place where people also go to meet friends.  Surely there are new people or old people who are in the same boat as me, and the beginner areas are a sorry excuse for friendly.

Also, I am slightly interested in meeting a gal in SL I can spend lots of time with.  Is there a place where, instead of guys going out and being perverted in some sim, girls can go to meet guys?

Sorry for terribad questions but I figured this is the best place to look.  If you're going to flame, at least make it an argument my 3 year old niece couldn't come up with.   Also be aware I won't read it anyway.

 

Thanks in advanced, community.

- Valedric.

[Randall Ahren]

Dude, don't be so negative. Why don't you try some groups? I recommend NCI. Join both the main NCI group (it has the most members) and NCI Spam. NCI Spam is for chit chat and the main group is for people to ask questions and get answers. It's fun to banter with the NCI chatters.

For the girls, try Orgy Island. There are some ladies that go there specificially in the hope meeting a guy to be perverted with. In general though, your shyness is going to be a real obstacle as the dude is usually expected to make the first move.

I like your surname. Try to live up to it and have a little faith.

[Valedric Faith]

Hahaha liked that last line.

 

Sorry if I came off super negative.  I'm not a negative dude but I'm just super shy to start a convo.  Unless I'm talked to I'll just keep quiet.

But alright, I'll try NCI.  Thanks a ton for the response.

 

[Ishtara Rothschild]

---

... this thread will be mostly filled with hate towards me ...  If you're going to flame, at least make it an argument my 3 year old niece couldn't come up with.   Also be aware I won't read it anyway.

---

Troll. Don't waste your time.

[Randall Ahren]

I have the same advice for you that I had for Valdedric. Don't be so negative. Have a little faith. 

[Ian Undercroft]

Be more positive, Valedric! Self-confidence is an attractive quality whether misplaced or otherwise!

Over my time in SL I've met lots of nice and pleasant women in SL bars and other social locations.

Stand back at first and listen to the local chat, get a feel for the personalities of those present and then contribute. May be follow up your local chat contribution with an IM saying that you found what a particular contributor said interesting or that you share similar views etc. If nothing comes of it, so be it. I doubt anyone receiving such an IM is going to jump down your throat. On the contrary, in my experience the typical SL woman will be only too glad to receive an IM which doesn't make some shallow comment about appearance or ask for sex. Just let the amount you chat with a particular person build up over time. Take things slowly. Make getting to know someone rather than a relationship your aim, and then see where things lead. 

[Venus Petrov]

I heartily second Ian's post.  As a woman, I detest IMs from guys that start out 'Hey sexy, you're hot.'  A person would not start a conversation like that in RL unless they were drunk in a bar so do not do it in SL.  Look at profiles and see if the person has been anywhere that interests you or has done anything that interests you. Compliment them on something.  Just be a nice guy.

You can always meet people at dance clubs.  The one where I DJ is quite popular and the crowd is friendly.  I can send you a LM inworld if you're interested.

Be positive and good luck.

[Kelli May]

I don't think it's such an odd request. It can be tricky finding people you click with in SL, just like in RL. The popular places can seem a bit cliquey, and the quiet places completely empty. The great thing about SL is that you can cut loose a bit more than in RL. People are generally less easily offended, more forgiving and more tolerant of odd behaviour. So take a few risks and say hi to people, they might just be a little shy too. The worst that can happen is you'll get a few knock-backs, and you won't be any worse off than you are now.

Second, there's the vampire av. If you find it draws a lot of flames, maybe you could try going incognito when you aren't involved in vampire RP? You could try a totally different look, or at least play down the vamp aspects and just be the cool goth guy. When I look at your av in your profile pic, I don't see anything that makes me want to flame you as a Bloodlines player. Unless you go round with a combat meter flashing over your head or something, it probably wouldn't occur to me that you weren't just rocking the goth look. If you don't want to set the vampire stuff aside for social times, then you'll have to live with the flames (Bloodlines is *very* unpopular with some people), or only hang out in vamp-friendly locations.

[Willow Danube]

I can adopt you and bring you around  (.. if i'm not pre-occupied that is...) and pimp you a little..

Tell us what kind of a gal and I suppose your age range preference... I'm surprised why Randall did not say this already but if you have been joining building classes, another best place to meet up is the sandbox. Show off your creation and have the girls coming on to you... instant magnet! Actually it worked both ways.. I've met many interesting people just by hanging around at NCI and Hippo sandboxes practising my skill... and I'm not even that good!

Finally, it is a brave thing to come here and pour out in the public with the chance of making a fool of yourself. Actually, you sound quite interesting,.. and fun to be with.. too bad because I'm too old to be your gal and also I have a thing for much older men.. ).

[Kylie Jaxxon]

I second Kelli's suggestion of going incognito if the attention you get from your av is negative...vampires do carry a stigma of sorts, sadly.  Welcome to the forums and good luck

 

[Lyra Blackthorne]

Since you are a vamp, have you tried any of the vamp groups?  I know you said you are not a joiner but a common interest will go a long way to creating a bridge with others.  SL really is a 2nd life and just like in RL, not much is going to happen if you just stand in one spot hoping things will fall in your lap

Other suggestions:

• Get a job where you can meet people while working
• Take classes which you will find in Events/Education
• Hire a dating service

[Peewee Musytari]

One thing about SL is that it is a fantasy world, just because you are a shy person in RL doesn`t mean that your avatar has to be shy too. You can decide that your avatar plays the role of the most confident guy in the room, no one can see you on the other end of your computer shaking in your boots. Joining a RP (RolePlay) group could help you bring out the other you.

Another tip would be to read profiles, you can tell a lot about a person by what they write on their profile and its not hard to spot people with the same sense of humour or interests that you have & sending an IM using common ground as an opening is always a better start than "I like your shoes". I have a quote on my profile by a french philospher and I can`t count how many people have IM`d me making reference to him and his works and some of the cool ideas he had.

[Marigold Devin]

---

Valedric Faith wrote:

Hello all,

I can imagine that this thread will be mostly filled with hate towards me for even posting this, but as this is my first time to the SL forums, I can only hope I am wrong.

I am 20 years old in RL.  I have a good job, a great family, and some alright friend.  All-in-all I am your average guy.  Somewhere along the line though, I became extremely shy.

I will get straigh to the point.  I am looking for friends in SL but I don't want to just go sim to sim looking for them.  I have a hard time joining in and, being a Vampire avi (although I never go hunting/recruiting) I seem to encounter a pretty good amount of trolling wherever I go.

SO! My question is:

Where can I go to meet friends.. A place where people also go to meet friends.  Surely there are new people or old people who are in the same boat as me, and the beginner areas are a sorry excuse for friendly.

Also, I am slightly interested in meeting a gal in SL I can spend lots of time with.  Is there a place where, instead of guys going out and being perverted in some sim, girls can go to meet guys?

Sorry for terribad questions but I figured this is the best place to look.  If you're going to flame, at least make it an argument my 3 year old niece couldn't come up with.   Also be aware I won't read it anyway.

 

Thanks in advanced, community.

- Valedric.

---

You don't sound super-shy to me, you just sound jaded and lacking in confidence currently.  I don't see why you'd think anyone would want to flame you.

I don't think my comments will particularly help you, but the friend's I've made along the way, the ones I consider to be very special to me, have just come along when I've not been looking for them, while I've been occupied building, or ghost-hunting (an old hobby now that's passed), or generally exploring.  People with common interests have come along and stayed in my life. I think if you go out of your way to look for good friends, those friendships can be forced and short-term, and that can make you feel quite disillusioned at times.

You say as a vampire you don't go hunting or recruiting. It is the look of being a vampire that appeals to you then?  In another of my lives I've been part of a vampire clan, and they were wonderful family, but I didn't feel close to any one of them.  Maybe you could try some different looks too part-time, and gauge people's reactions to you. Who knows where that could lead? You might find this will lead to you finding a very special chum/girl.

Just keep all your options open. I know you stated clearly you didn't want to go sim to sim looking, but it sounds like you need to widen your horizons. When I get stuck I consult the destination guide. I like to take photos (although I am not a photographer - just a taker of snapshots), so I just find places that might look nice to photograph.  Whatever it is you get absorbed by, you are bound to find something within the destination guide, be it building, or treasure hunts,or looking at flowers! And somewhere on one of those sims is the very special person you are destined to meet. Think about that :smileyhappy:

 

[Wendi Faith]

"On the contrary, in my experience the typical SL woman will be only too glad to receive an IM which doesn't make some shallow comment about appearance or ask for sex."

Ain't that the truth!!!!!!

[Valedric Faith]

Thank you, everyone.  Truly.  This thread is a perfect example of how mature this community is.  

 

I will take everything into consideration.  I have been an avid Vampire, not caring what people thought, but if I wish to make friends with different groups perhaps I should tone down the vamp-ness a bit.

 

I will be a nice guy when approaching women in SL, but truth is I have no choice.  I'm not certain I have the ability to be perverted and rude like that...  That's why I'm trying so hard to find a girl who is similarly not perverted.  Which is actually sometimes quite the task on SL.

 

Anyone who has any desire to hang out or chat, please feel free to IM me! I'm always happy to talk with such helpful people.

 

Thanks again everyone!

[ABBY Drucker]

hello feel free to add me ABBY Drucker

[Tamara Artis]

Just go and search for the places that could interest you. Ask yourself what would you like to do? If you could choose to be someone different than who you are now, who would you be? Or what you wanted to be as a kid? But couldn't? An artist? Sportsman? A journalist? Tons of choices and you can try them all in SL. Start and try everything that you find interesting, Don't think of finding a girl. Think of making yourself amused, make your SL about you and your interest, not about some person you would like to meet. When you do that, you will find yourself surrounded with people that share your interests. And you will find a nice girl on that way:)