Harmful addiction? Or positive therapy?

[hazeonelove]

Again, as in every post I've written, not sure if this is the right area for this. If not, just let me know and I'll move it.

Before I get into my debate/question, I think it's best if we get some details and info out. Not everybody's situation is the same and I understand that some people DO have a problem/addiction to SL. For those people, I wish you the best and hope you find the right balance for yourselves. I'm not here to point fingers, put blame, talk down to, or exploite anyone's real issues. This is MY question for MYself. I don't expect anyone who's NOT in my situation to understand. But I appreciate all opinions and input.

First:
I'm 27 years old and was born with Muscular Distraphy. I've been in a wheelchair and on a ventilator (breathing machine) since I was 19 months. My parents taught me to "be normal", simply meaning, don't let myself think I'm different. So, I had a pretty emotionally rich childhood and life. I started learning guitar at 13, still play everyday. I always have loved art and became a professional artist in my own right. Painting, selling up to $900 a piece. Designing tattoos, animation, drawing, and teaching all the little baby cousins how to draw too. Which I love doing. Love kids. Midway through that adventure, I began schooling, aiming for my BA in psychology with a minor in business and advertising. I was in my last year when I had suddenly had a severe accident happen in my life which landed me in the hospital for 2 weeks, just so happened to be finals week. And to my dismay, the professor wouldn't allow me to retake the test. Therefore I would have to redo the whole year, all over again. Which I wasn't going to do, given my anger at the situation. So I left. But I left with a lot of knowledge, which I'm still grateful for. A year or two down the line, I kept on with the music and art... I had a handful of "serious" relationships through those years, "serious" in quotations due to the realization that the others weren't so serious obviously. Those all ended pretty much the same. I was the guiding light in their lives after a heartache for them. I guess a handicap man with a lot of energy makes a bipedal walking person have hope or feel better? Not sure. So they gave it a shot, for awhile it's great... Loving, loyal, passionate, accepting... Then somehow they all seem to get... Bored? That's the only thing I can come up with, boredom. I paid for everything, housed them, fed them, loved them... And their kids, for those ones that had kids. I don't cheat, lie, steal, or disrespect. Even when I'm at my angriest, I will still NOT call a woman out of her name or cuss at her in a demeaning manner. It's just not how I was raised. So I'm not doing it. I've been engaged twice, obviously the same story as the others I just mentioned. They wind up starting to talk to "normal" guys that just so happen to be exactly like me, just not in a chair. For the curious minds out there, my body works. I can walk, stand, move, etc. Every limb works, let's leave it at that. So sex was definitely not an issue. I say all this just to show how I've been through a fairly "normal" life. I used to go out a lot. Go to concerts and local band shows with friends, hang out at friend's houses, etc. I DO have a job, 32 hours a week at $10 an hour. I do NOT necessarily need a job, I do get government aid, as little as that is. But the extra pocket money is nice and it does give me something to do and get out of the house. That's that. Now, my character/personality... I'm a nerd. I collect comics and collectibles, I still play Super Nintendo and old school games, I love talking about that stuff. I have friends that I love to death and that I care about, family that I love, and other things I like to take time to do, like watching movies. I'm a huge movie fan. Also another topic I love discussing. I don't really enjoy being out anymore, probably because of all the heartache, I just don't care to even get involved in other people's lives. Sometimes I care too much, to the point where I'm giving advice or suggestions to people that really have no desire to change. Which puts me in the middle, looking not so good. And since my intentions were pure, I usually just quickly separate myself from a situation like that, not letting myself care too much.

After all of that, I decided to be... For lack if a better term, selfish. Being selfish is NOT always a bad thing, nor negative. If no one has ever given you the courtesy or kindness in your life, it's only expected that one would in turn focus on giving themselves that attention and kindness. Which, most people prejudge as selfishness. I tend to ask "why" first, rather than judge. Because I know that there are some reasons behind those decisions. Whether those reasons be valid or not, is dependent on the situation and person. So, in turn, I became selfish. I don't go out anymore, only to WalMart and Best Buy on occasion. Oh, and also Rite Aid, to put cash on my debit card for SL lol. But that's it. 99% of the time, I'm in my room, watching movies, playing games, or on my computer. I do have my "brother" (best friend that I get along with and hang out with more/better than my actual blood brothers) come over about once a week, and we spend hours discussing movies, comics, music, play games, etc. But that's pretty much my extent of social interaction. It sounds very synical and unhealthy I'm sure, but to be honest, I don't like the general population. For one, I don't like prejudgement. I really don't. People say, "everyone does it, it's human nature". No, I'm sorry, I don't. If you have an interracial child and are a single mom, I'm not going to automatically assume that your ethnic husband beat you and is for some reason in prison now, and that must be your story. I don't do that. Secondly, I just don't like large groups of people. Even spread out inside a store like WalMart, I just run in (roll in lol), get what I need or want, then leave. Quick, simple, easy. No need for conversations or even words to be spoken. I feel this way and do things this way because I have found very little people that share the same passions I do. Even if I do find them, I seem to be more knowledgeable in the area of topic and find the conversation to be more like a seminar, teaching, rather than a conversation, sharing. The ones that do share the same passion as me, like my best friend, are neatly placed in my life. I use Facebook to communicate with everyone as a whole, so I don't see a problem with "I'm losing my friends because of SL" happening. My job is very secure also, and so is my living situation. So no worries there either.


Now that that's said and understood, onto...

The point:
I'm about 2 months and some change old, and already can see the addictive-ness that goes along with SL. I do play everyday, but not hours on end. Most I've spent at one time, I'd say around 6 hours. But that was on a day off and I just learned how to build and texture a simple block, which I thinned out and stretched into a poster frame, then went ape **bleep** putting posters on the walls of my house. Spent about $L500 that night JUST on uploading movie poster pics to put on the blocks. That's my excuse for the 6 hours spent, and I'm sticking to it lol. But building is pretty damn fun, so I'm sure I'll be doing more of that in the future. Aside from that one time, I may spend 2-4 hours on SL a day, always with the sound off and music, or a movie, playing. I like keeping the SL/RL barrier very pronounced, I just feel it's "safer" that way, for me. When I'm on SL, I usually just travel, try to meet people, etc. Not very many comic-related sims, but the ones I've found are pretty impressive, if not still in progress. I'm not interested in dating or sex or anything. I'm up for the idea, if the right person comes along. But I'm not quick to give out my feelings these days, and I'm keeping it that way. Friends are always accepted tho, and I've met some pretty kool ones. Ones that I actually talk to, or text, in RL. BUT STILL, I keep my distance. I know at any moment any one of them could possibly flip their lid, turn out to be completely different than how they portrayed themselves, could be fake, whatever, etc. A number of things could happen. So, by keeping my distance, I can detach whenever necessary and not go through a bunch of unnecessary emotions. Life is full of that already, why cause more drama to yourself? I don't know, but that's me. And I support people for whatever it is they choose.

My question:
Would you consider MY situation as being addicted, or heading there, to SL? I know the hours I spend on SL are nowhere near the hours that the typical "addicts" spend on it (6 hours at most compared to staying up 48 hours). But I find myself too, thinking about SL at work, wanting to be on SL whenever I can. Even if just to tweak my AO a bit. Is it just that I'm new and it's an exciting and new experience to me? Or, am I headed into an addictive situation? I looked up this topic and found no real opinions on it, given my specific scenario. Which is why I'm asking here. Given my situation... I feel that SL is positive therapy. Not taking over my life, but enhancing the little life I was dealt. I understand the idea people have, that SL is so addictive because you can make it how you want/wish your RL was. Whether that means being a superhero, or just a DJ in a club. But for me, in my situation, walking, jumping, sitting on the ground... These are dreams to me. Let alone flying and walking underwater lol. So I don't think I can compare what I get out of SL to what others get out of it. Which I'm not trying to do anyhow. But... What do you think? Give as much detail and insight as you'd like, share your experience if you will too.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, sorry... I know I ramble and give too much detail sometimes lol.
Ciao! :)

[Senobia Xenga]

I think you're still in the honeymoon stage of SL where the newness hasn't worn off and there's still so much you don't know and haven't experienced yet. I still remember when I was new - all those nights I didn't log off until daylight and my eyes burned and my butt was numb. I just had to go to one more sim, build one more thing, dance to one more song!

Now, five years in, I may log in three times a week, tops - for 15mins or so at a time. I've done everything I wanted to do, experienced everything I wanted to experience, the people I knew have since moved on and not many who are around these days are too keen on making new friends. (Although they will jump at the chance to say otherwise, once this is pointed out in the forums.)

In short - I think it's a phase. Your interest in it will wax and wane like it does with anything else. 

In the meantime, isolation is never a good idea and you should absolutely maintain a certain degree of contact with 'real people in real life'. You said you hate it, but it's good for you. Remember that.

And not to burst your bubble, but you also said that you, in general, don't like people. SL was created to be a social place and is rarely any fun alone, which is why I've given up on it for the most part. But so long as you're able to have fun here and get your mind off RL for a bit and decompress, I wouldn't worry much. 

 

Good luck and have fun.

[hazeonelove]

Well said, and it's very much appreciated. I can smell the stagnant air of SL slowly creeping... So I kind of figured all this fascination is a phase, and will slowly die out over time. I do admit, I am, in general, an antisocial person these days in RL. And I forgot to mention, I'm NOT like that in SL. So let me clarify that. I don't like being around people in public. But in SL, I thrive in sociality. I was a host at a club for awhile, and they loved how energetic and talkative I was. That ship has sailed, but I'm still pretty talkative still, in SL. I do my best to stay clear of drama, so I do watch what I say and how I say it. But nonetheless, SL let's me be talkative, even tho I'm not in RL. Which is another reason why I enjoy SL.

 

But as you said, there's still a lot I haven't experienced yet. And I would love to try those things. But... I think I'm going to wait until I'm bored of SL. Then I'll move on to building more, making clothes, mesh, animations, what have you. I just don't want to run through it and hit that stagnant point too fast. I already have bored nights, due to friends being busy with drama and me not wanting to get involved, and also because none of my current friends seem to do... Anything. They just... Sit around. So finding some good conversations to get into or spots to hang out at is slim to none. I find myself just traveling through the map and exploring whatever sim I randomly click on and tp to.

[JPG0809]

---

hazeonelove wrote:

Again, as in every post I've written, not sure if this is the right area for this. If not, just let me know and I'll move it.

 

Before I get into my debate/question, I think it's best if we get some details and info out. Not everybody's situation is the same and I understand that some people DO have a problem/addiction to SL. For those people, I wish you the best and hope you find the right balance for yourselves. I'm not here to point fingers, put blame, talk down to, or exploite anyone's real issues. This is MY question for MYself. I don't expect anyone who's NOT in my situation to understand. But I appreciate all opinions and input.

 

First:

I'm 27 years old and was born with Muscular Distraphy. I've been in a wheelchair and on a ventilator (breathing machine) since I was 19 months. My parents taught me to "be normal", simply meaning, don't let myself think I'm different. So, I had a pretty emotionally rich childhood and life. I started learning guitar at 13, still play everyday. I always have loved art and became a professional artist in my own right. Painting, selling up to $900 a piece. Designing tattoos, animation, drawing, and teaching all the little baby cousins how to draw too. Which I love doing. Love kids. Midway through that adventure, I began schooling, aiming for my BA in psychology with a minor in business and advertising. I was in my last year when I had suddenly had a severe accident happen in my life which landed me in the hospital for 2 weeks, just so happened to be finals week. And to my dismay, the professor wouldn't allow me to retake the test. Therefore I would have to redo the whole year, all over again. Which I wasn't going to do, given my anger at the situation. So I left. But I left with a lot of knowledge, which I'm still grateful for. A year or two down the line, I kept on with the music and art... I had a handful of "serious" relationships through those years, "serious" in quotations due to the realization that the others weren't so serious obviously. Those all ended pretty much the same. I was the guiding light in their lives after a heartache for them. I guess a handicap man with a lot of energy makes a bipedal walking person have hope or feel better? Not sure. So they gave it a shot, for awhile it's great... Loving, loyal, passionate, accepting... Then somehow they all seem to get... Bored? That's the only thing I can come up with, boredom. I paid for everything, housed them, fed them, loved them... And their kids, for those ones that had kids. I don't cheat, lie, steal, or disrespect. Even when I'm at my angriest, I will still NOT call a woman out of her name or cuss at her in a demeaning manner. It's just not how I was raised. So I'm not doing it. I've been engaged twice, obviously the same story as the others I just mentioned. They wind up starting to talk to "normal" guys that just so happen to be exactly like me, just not in a chair. For the curious minds out there, my body works. I can walk, stand, move, etc. Every limb works, let's leave it at that. So sex was definitely not an issue. I say all this just to show how I've been through a fairly "normal" life. I used to go out a lot. Go to concerts and local band shows with friends, hang out at friend's houses, etc. I DO have a job, 32 hours a week at $10 an hour. I do NOT necessarily need a job, I do get government aid, as little as that is. But the extra pocket money is nice and it does give me something to do and get out of the house. That's that. Now, my character/personality... I'm a nerd. I collect comics and collectibles, I still play Super Nintendo and old school games, I love talking about that stuff. I have friends that I love to death and that I care about, family that I love, and other things I like to take time to do, like watching movies. I'm a huge movie fan. Also another topic I love discussing. I don't really enjoy being out anymore, probably because of all the heartache, I just don't care to even get involved in other people's lives. Sometimes I care too much, to the point where I'm giving advice or suggestions to people that really have no desire to change. Which puts me in the middle, looking not so good. And since my intentions were pure, I usually just quickly separate myself from a situation like that, not letting myself care too much.

 

After all of that, I decided to be... For lack if a better term, selfish. Being selfish is NOT always a bad thing, nor negative. If no one has ever given you the courtesy or kindness in your life, it's only expected that one would in turn focus on giving themselves that attention and kindness. Which, most people prejudge as selfishness. I tend to ask "why" first, rather than judge. Because I know that there are some reasons behind those decisions. Whether those reasons be valid or not, is dependent on the situation and person. So, in turn, I became selfish. I don't go out anymore, only to WalMart and Best Buy on occasion. Oh, and also Rite Aid, to put cash on my debit card for SL lol. But that's it. 99% of the time, I'm in my room, watching movies, playing games, or on my computer. I do have my "brother" (best friend that I get along with and hang out with more/better than my actual blood brothers) come over about once a week, and we spend hours discussing movies, comics, music, play games, etc. But that's pretty much my extent of social interaction. It sounds very synical and unhealthy I'm sure, but to be honest, I don't like the general population. For one, I don't like prejudgement. I really don't. People say, "everyone does it, it's human nature". No, I'm sorry, I don't. If you have an interracial child and are a single mom, I'm not going to automatically assume that your ethnic husband beat you and is for some reason in prison now, and that must be your story. I don't do that. Secondly, I just don't like large groups of people. Even spread out inside a store like WalMart, I just run in (roll in lol), get what I need or want, then leave. Quick, simple, easy. No need for conversations or even words to be spoken. I feel this way and do things this way because I have found very little people that share the same passions I do. Even if I do find them, I seem to be more knowledgeable in the area of topic and find the conversation to be more like a seminar, teaching, rather than a conversation, sharing. The ones that do share the same passion as me, like my best friend, are neatly placed in my life. I use Facebook to communicate with everyone as a whole, so I don't see a problem with "I'm losing my friends because of SL" happening. My job is very secure also, and so is my living situation. So no worries there either.

 

 

Now that that's said and understood, onto...

 

The point:

I'm about 2 months and some change old, and already can see the addictive-ness that goes along with SL. I do play everyday, but not hours on end. Most I've spent at one time, I'd say around 6 hours. But that was on a day off and I just learned how to build and texture a simple block, which I thinned out and stretched into a poster frame, then went ape **bleep** putting posters on the walls of my house. Spent about $L500 that night JUST on uploading movie poster pics to put on the blocks. That's my excuse for the 6 hours spent, and I'm sticking to it lol. But building is pretty damn fun, so I'm sure I'll be doing more of that in the future. Aside from that one time, I may spend 2-4 hours on SL a day, always with the sound off and music, or a movie, playing. I like keeping the SL/RL barrier very pronounced, I just feel it's "safer" that way, for me. When I'm on SL, I usually just travel, try to meet people, etc. Not very many comic-related sims, but the ones I've found are pretty impressive, if not still in progress. I'm not interested in dating or sex or anything. I'm up for the idea, if the right person comes along. But I'm not quick to give out my feelings these days, and I'm keeping it that way. Friends are always accepted tho, and I've met some pretty kool ones. Ones that I actually talk to, or text, in RL. BUT STILL, I keep my distance. I know at any moment any one of them could possibly flip their lid, turn out to be completely different than how they portrayed themselves, could be fake, whatever, etc. A number of things could happen. So, by keeping my distance, I can detach whenever necessary and not go through a bunch of unnecessary emotions. Life is full of that already, why cause more drama to yourself? I don't know, but that's me. And I support people for whatever it is they choose.

 

My question:

Would you consider MY situation as being addicted, or heading there, to SL? I know the hours I spend on SL are nowhere near the hours that the typical "addicts" spend on it (6 hours at most compared to staying up 48 hours). But I find myself too, thinking about SL at work, wanting to be on SL whenever I can. Even if just to tweak my AO a bit. Is it just that I'm new and it's an exciting and new experience to me? Or, am I headed into an addictive situation? I looked up this topic and found no real opinions on it, given my specific scenario. Which is why I'm asking here. Given my situation... I feel that SL is positive therapy. Not taking over my life, but enhancing the little life I was dealt. I understand the idea people have, that SL is so addictive because you can make it how you want/wish your RL was. Whether that means being a superhero, or just a DJ in a club. But for me, in my situation, walking, jumping, sitting on the ground... These are dreams to me. Let alone flying and walking underwater lol. So I don't think I can compare what I get out of SL to what others get out of it. Which I'm not trying to do anyhow. But... What do you think? Give as much detail and insight as you'd like, share your experience if you will too.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read this, sorry... I know I ramble and give too much detail sometimes lol.

Ciao!

---

In my opinion, the major difference between an addiction and an obsession, is that an addiction can influence your overall mood (feeling agitated, short-tempered, feeling you NEED to log-in/play rather than WANTING to log-in/play) while an obsession, like Senobia said, is more like a phase.

You may be investing alot of your time into something, but if it's not coming between your priorities such as work, family, etc., You're fine but, that doesn't exempt you from using something in moderation.

However, I'm not too sure what the legit definition is or all the psychology involved in that subject so try not to hang to every word.

If you're feeling that concerned, think about the positives.

You noticed something and now you can choose to do something about it to avoid becoming addicted.

So, try to find ways to find a balance that's good for yourself that being finding new hobbies, a finding people to talk to, cutting back on how much/long you log into SL, what ever floats your boat!

Also, you said something about people having prejudgement while you don't.

However, you say: ". I feel this way and do things this way because I have found very little people that share the same passions I do. Even if I do find them, I seem to be more knowledgeable in the area of topic and find the conversation to be more like a seminar, teaching, rather than a conversation, sharing."

So, just because the people you know in your life so far are like this, you expect others to be the same causing to have little to no effort in making quality friends?

That sounds like prejudgement. :matte-motes-sour:

Good luck and I hope you find a comfortable and healthy balance! :matte-motes-big-grin:

[Pamela Galli]

I have been here 6 years, most of it spent creating, and creating never gets old. There is always something new and exciting to make, always something new to learn. If SL is your creative medium, it never gets old.

 

SL is one ofmthe best things that ever happened to me in any life.

[hazeonelove]

I can see how my words can be taken as prejudice, and you very well be correct that I am being that way. But that's not my intentions. I have the same sob story as a lot of people: been hurt a lot and let down by a lot of people in the past, so now I'm a guarded and jaded **bleep**. That's pretty much right on the nose right there. So, I may be prejudging, but if I am, then it's only a misinterpretation of my guard being up. And friendships in RL, you're correct, I have no interest in socializing and getting friends. But in SL, friends are fine. Even close ones. But nothing more than that. I'm definitely not interested in all the SL girlfriend business. But as I said, I'm always open to the idea, if the right person comes along. But thank you for the input. And you made a great point on if I'm so concerned, then **bleep** it in the butt now, before it even starts. So thank you for that.

[hazeonelove]

I'd love to learn all about creating. It is damn fun. I'm interested in creating clothes as well.

[Amethyst Jetaime]

Welcome to SL.  Given your circumstances I see why you love SL so.  You are not alone.  Many people are in SL for many of the same reasons you are.  There are also tons in here all day due to severe disabilities, illness, geographic isolation etc.  It allows a lot of people to have social interactions that are not available to them in RL for a variety of reasons and to lead a 'normal' life that they may not be able to do in in RL.

Secondly it is not unusual for someone, particularly new residents,  to spend as much time as you do in world  Many spend a LOT more.  Some of your desire may decrease over time but it may not.   A lot of content creators spend far more time than you do.  I know because I am one of them, LOL.  Been in SL everyday for almost eight years now, with the exception of two periods when I had health issues and was too sick to log on, and love it still.  Creating things never gets old and I still have a lot of good friends in here, some are friends for years.  Like you when I am not on line I sometimes am thinking about SL, usually planning my projects or reminding myself to do certain things etc.  Its a big part of my life so that's natural. 

If you can log off and function as normal for you, I think you are OK.  If some combination of the following happens to you for an extended period of time then maybe you are addicted.  You forget to eat, your personal hygiene goes to hell, you find yourself going without sleep for long periods consistently, you are careless with your health, you ignore RL friends and family so you can be on, you spend your money on SL rather than pay your bills ... Well you see where this is going.

 

[hazeonelove]

Great point. And I do agree, content creators definitely spend more time in-world. Creating seems to be where I'm headed, mainly because I don't really enjoy most other things related to SL. Like the sex part, certain RP's, combat, etc. It's just not my thing. So I would love to attend a class or even just get some basic info on creating, building, texturing and scripting. But I'm not sure where to start, besides YouTube. But I want to learn about SL FROM SL. Just part of the minor "RP" I like. Treating SL as it's own entity. Even tho I'm sure I can learn off of YouTube in a quick second.

[Celestiall Nightfire]

---

Pamela Galli wrote:

I have been here 6 years, most of it spent creating, and creating never gets old. There is always something new and exciting to make, always something new to learn. If SL is your creative medium, it never gets old.

 

SL is one ofmthe best things that ever happened to me in any life.

---

What Pam said!  

[Jasmyn Vaher]

Well, IMO, many times, one’s quite able see the dangers of "adiction" looming in the horizon, so be careful there, especially if, as you said ,you don't feel like going out and interacting with people at this point in your life.SL might SEEM a great substitute for  a real, active  life 

Anyhow,  the beginnings in sl are delightful. Those first months in SL are the best ones for many, many people. The beginnings are the time to learn and discover, ever the time to feel intensely that you are the one doing the things your av does (dancing, running, whatever.)  But -at least in my personal experience- such close identification with your av, tends to vanish with time, and so, eventually you’ll don’t feel that when your av walks, runs or dances you are the one doing so.

I don’t think that 2 to 4 hours/ day spent in sl are excessive per se. But don’t disregard the possibility of these hours increasing in fast progression, to the point in which your RL might take a backseat. Which wouldn’t be beneficial for you at all. My only advice would be; try to don’t leave aside all the many good things real people and activities near you can give you. No matter how hard real life and social interactions can be at times; especially at your young age, if you give up on real life to live a “fake life” you re going to regret it sooner or later.

[Celestiall Nightfire]

---

Jasmyn Vaher wrote: 

But -

at least in my personal experience

- such close identification with your av, tends to vanish with time, and so, eventually you’ll don’t feel that when your av walks, runs or dances you are the one doing so.

---

I had the opposite experience.  When I first came to SL, my avatar didn't feel as much like me, but over time, I have developed an identification with my avatar.  This is due to my avatar being a visual aid, with which I express my personality.  (as opposed to a roleplay character)

 

 

---

Jasmyn Vaher wrote:

...if you give up on real life to live a “fake life” you re going to regret it sooner or later.

---

I don't understand your position?  What "fake" life?  We all only have one life.   SL is an extension of our life, just as are other forms of communication and entertainment. 

If I'm talking to someone on a telephone, would you consider that a "fake life" moment?  What about email exchanges, or handwritten letters?   What makes talking to someone in SL any different?  Same type of communication medium, but with added visual aids. 

We're a wired world now, much of our communications, with work, family, and the larger community, happen through the web, I see SL as one more medium within my vast world wide web of tools.  I'm real, and so are the people I talk to in SL.

 

 

[Treasure Ballinger]

Hiya; I feel you! It will be 7 years for me in SL, in April, and I was just like you, at right about the same point in time. I even took a day off work once, so I could be in SL all day. OMG. *Facepalm* I'd never do that today, but I still love SL, it's important to me, and I log in every evening, and on weekends. You're a loner and don't like groups, I get that; I am too, kind of, but if I hadn't found my niche, first the deaf community, and then the entire disabled community of Virtual Ability, I would have been long gone. For me, *they* have become SL; I still shop, and play around with land, etc, but the work, fun, and socializing I do with them has made SL more than a game for me. I did get tired of shopping and messing around fairly quickly, but once I found the community that I clicked with, all that changed, and I was excited again. Ask anyone typing with their feet, or with a stylus in their teeth and they will tell you that having the option to see your avatar walking, running, flying, building, socializing, doing a myriad of things you can't do in real life, ask them which life feels *fake* to them. So often people who have no disability just don't get that, and the disdain that comes from them is palpable, but it's cool.... I know how to walk away from any situation or person that I am not comfortable with, and I know how to click the red 'x' in the corner. You might feel addicted now, but I'll bet you'll normalize your time, eventually, you're still new enough to be starry eyed, and see ALL the potential SL has for you. (I remember learning to put a texture on a prim too. I once accidentally put a texture on my entire house, yikes, but live and learn. Have fun, relax and enjoy yourself, you'll modify your time inworld as your avatar gets older and matures. Meanwhile, have a blast!

[Jasmyn Vaher]

See, as many other people in SL I am disabled, wheelchair user. And in my beginnings in SL, that of seeing my avatar walking/jumping/dancing, provided me a sensation that it’s almost impossible to describe. It was “me” doing all those things for first time in my life. That sensation has vanished with time, or perhaps I have just gotten used to it. That’s which I mean when I say that the feeling of identification, of “oneness” with my av has somehow vanished, even if I don’t roleplay my feelings or my interactions with people.

About my use of the term “fake life” let’s see if I am able to clarify…

Our real bodies are most times not young, not perfect, and fairly often, not even healthy. Our SL bodies are, young, perfect, healthy.  

The places we can visit in RL aren’t usually luxury ballrooms, nor paradise-like beaches, or any sort of equally wonderful places. The ones we spend time at in sl are.

In SL we have the ability to travel to any place with just a click. Obviously, that’s not possible in RL.

That’s which I mean when I say  “fake life”

Don’t get me wrong, I am totally in love with SL from day one. It’s an awesome place to fulfil dreams, to interact with people, to explore our creativity and even our desires. But the “life” one lives there, the equal chances we all have in SL are not by any means real

On the other hand, can you compare the enjoyment one experiences being in a real awesome place with someone we enjoy spending time with, -whether a lover, family or friends- with the same experience, but lived in a virtual world?...SL experiences and relationships are magical, wonderful, alluring, unforgettable. But the real good experiences are always thousand times better because they are…well, real, tangible, you name it

[Treasure Ballinger]

Jasmyn, I'm sorry you feel you lost the magic! I guess it can't stay at that height forever. I can't say I lost it, it's dimmed some, after 7 years but I still look forward to my time in SL. I still miss it if unable to log in for awhile, but RL always comes first, and it can get busy. I hope SL has many more years to show people 'the magic'.

[Jasmyn Vaher]

Well, Treasure...It has lost the "thrill" of the beginning, which after 5+ years loggin in an almost  daily basis is, IMO completely normal... but I am still in love with SL,and still enjoy being there, interacting with people, exploring and creating stuff , when my "building muse" strikes; so no. The magic is not gone

[Canoro Philipp]

i want to say 2 things:

1. some time ago someone made a research on second life about how some users change their personalities when they use an avatar, like becoming more talkative. the finding was that when we found ourselves in a different surrounding we adapt to that surrounding, changing some parts of our personalities to fit better the environment and optimize our interactions, and the social interactions we recieve based on a different perception that other users have of ourselves, maybe a more acceptable self than our rl, make us behave different finding out that people are more open to a sight they feel more comfortable with, and make us feel more comfortable interacting with other users.

2. when we do things in sl, if we are immersive, our brains identify that activity as if it really is happening to us, like when we dream, the same parts of the brain lights up, giving us a sense of accomplishment. the brain register that activity as a real experience. this sense of accomplishment can lead to addiction, specially if the brain finds more pleasure in the fantasy activities than the rl experiences that we are capable of achiving.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

haxeonelove, what Treasure Ballinger doesn't tell you above is how much time and work and effort she has put into helping others and advocating for those with disabilities in Second Life.

She's on the Board of Directors for Virtual Ability in Second Life, and is estate manager for Cape Able, a residential sim for SL residents with disabilities. She's an advocate in both RL and SL.

She's also one of the most relentlessly cheerful, positive, and sweet people I've ever known in SL. I admire her a great deal.

You could do a lot worse than looking to her as a kind of model for making SL fulfilling, not just for yourself, but for others too.

[Treasure Ballinger]

Awwww my old friend, it's so good to see you.  I think of you often and wondered if you'd completely left SL.  I'm REALLY glad to see you!!   Thanks for those kind words.  I'm really kind of an introvert.  I'm only verbose on the interwebz, LOL.    I do respect the OP's assertion that he or she is a loner; I'm that way myself so I do get that.  Still, that safety net of like minded folks, it's nice, even for someone who doesn't really do groups.  It's nice to be around some other people who 'get it' .  Anyway Scylla my love, it's awesome to see you, I wish you'd come around more often, I miss you.  

[Madelaine McMasters]

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Treasure Ballinger wrote:

Anyway Scylla my love, it's awesome to see you, I wish you'd come around more often, I miss you.  

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I understand your dismay over missing her, Treasure. I'd be happy to give you marksmanship lessons. Between the two of us, she wouldn't stand a chance.

 

[hazeonelove]

I'm adding you all into one response, I'm lazy lol. And I really don't feel like giving a simple 2 line response to each of you. You all deserve more.

 

THANK YOU, everybody! It is comforting to know that there is a group out there that would understand where I'm coming from, and NOT think I'm asking for sympathy. We all know that card... But I have heard of "Cape Able" before. I'm not sure if I've been there and it was dead or if I couldn't find the location at all. But I know I went down some path towards Cape Able and didn't get far lol. So if you could please send me a group invite to... Virtual Disability? The other name you mentioned Treasure being on the board of, that one. I would appreciate it! And that sim sounds good too. I'm renting a skybox right now and it's... Not what I want. I feel confined in it, having no "outside".

 

To the person that mentioned about "losing touch" (if I check your name, it'll delete my draft, I'm on mobile. Sorry.). I can see that. Even after a few months, let alone 5 years. Or 7, as Treasure mentioned. I too am starting to get bored of shopping and messing around. It's not an issue about money or "wasting" it. But still, it's getting very boring now. I learned early on that the marketplace is wayyyyyyyy faster and easy to use, than going inworld and looking at walls, or trying to. So it basically consists of... My avi hanging out with a friend or alone at my house, with a minor conversation, and me in RL, on my cell phone, looking through the marketplace. And I just buy what I want, then open it inworld. Not too exciting. Plus, I have expensive taste (purely mesh), so $7,000 doesn't last too long. Considering I just paid $2,200 for an AO. So I am trying to find things to do BEFORE I start losing my connection. Yes, running, walking, flying, etc. Is great. As the other person said, for a disabled person, that avi connection is almost real. And it's nice. Even tho I do agree with the person that said it CAN become an issue... That's dependent on your personality. And if I'm asking these questions THIS far in advance, I highly doubt I'm going to allow myself to make SL my RL, so to speak. I like keeping the barrier between SL and RL very prominent. Just for that reason there. But... I would like to get into some RP. Maybe an urban setting, fantasy setting with elves, etc. Something like that, to give me something to do. I'm no good at it, but it would be interesting to try out. I visited a few RP places, 2 were combat oriented, 3 were sex oriented (be careful, LM names can be false advertising lol), and 2 were basically a free for all. Combat, urban RP, etc. But they were all dead. Literally, not a soul. Virtual soul lol. The only thing close to RP that I've found active, are sex sims and Bloodlines. I tried BL, it's not for me. I wanted the RP aspect of it, and I didn't get it. So I stopped. I also agree with Treasure? I think that's who said it, or Jasmyn... Anyway. I also see SL as basically a 3D chat, Virtual Facebook. Is it the same? By all means, no. But that's how I treat it and enjoy it. I enjoy chatting, meeting folks, etc. I also agree to how I also see my avi. Customizing my avi is basically what I do all the time. I express myself, how I'd like to be, through my visual representation. Not the actions I do. Fitting a hat right or making those jeans fit perfectly is much more satisfying to me than doing something like BL, or any other thing of that sort, besides some RP. Just because... I want my avi to represent me as best as possible, aesthetically. I'll rephrase that... Represent HOW I FEEL I AM, aesthetically.

 

P.S. Add me inworld or send me a message whenever all of you are ever on. We can send LM's and exchange info. It's just easier. I run this on my phone... My computer can't handle running SL AND the internet at the same time lol. I know , I'm sure, i missed one or two people. And I apologize if I did! I'll do my best to reply to everyone as soon as possible. Thank you all for the input!!! Any more to give, just give me a holler.