Rya Nitely

There is something extremely wrong with what you are saying here. You and your supporters don't see that? Nobody is helped by bluntness. It just upsets people. There is absolutely no good professional advice that would be given bluntly. Wouldn't professional advisors be using this method if it worked with people? Bluntness helps people? We are adults. It's just bloody rudeness. (bloody being an acceptable word to use, apparently) I'm wasting my time talking to you and your supporters . You are just not the sort of people I would ever want to talk to, or know. I am exasperated by you. You think getting irritated and laughing at people is your strength? Sensitivity is a strength. What you are describing is a weakness.

Thank you A bit of kindness goes a long way ?, and negativity goes even further ?

Tari It's an example of advice that could be given with a better tone to it. It might not affect you, but it does affect many people. And it's why some people see the forums as negative. It's worth considering

But my post was also meant to have a touch of humour, so thanks for appreciating that

Solar, I know you aren't well either. Be kind to yourself I wish you well

I'm sorry but as a mentally ill person trying to recover, I just cannot see how nobody detects anything but 'good advice' in this comment. And I genuinely am trying to work out why, for my own good I suppose. Am I correct in thinking I can use this type of comment to anyone and not cause offence? If someone is slow I can say 'So? Just bloody get on with it' 'So? just bloody move faster' If someone is upset - 'So, just bloody ignore it' 'So, just bloody get over it' This is acceptable, respectful? Well, I must be really sick. I will discuss it with my psychiatrist, how I find using the words 'So? Just bloody....' in a sentence a bit sharp. Weird, just weird that people don't acknowledge that. That's the problem, how people stick together, and that leads to the mental illness of others, They feel alone, isolated. And Phil will say ' Well, if people are sensitive, then they should just stay away from other groups of people'. Which means isolation. Really? That's what they should do? All it takes is for people to be a bit kinder, but that's too much to expect. I also notice that not one person supported anything I said, and I was simply talking about being kind and thinking of the impact your words can have on someone before you say it. It's actually easier to be nice. Here's advice to anyone wanting to give advice So? Just bloody show respect

Now there's a very good example of a toxic working environment - our parliament. In the same way, my working environment was toxic, with people clawing their way to the top, and management playing people against each other, and HR supporting management, and disciplining staff. You weren't allowed to have a voice. Nobody could speak up against that toxic system for fear of losing their place in that hierarchy. And so it went, and I'm not the only one who was adversely affected. But I am getting better, whatever I'm doing, whatever choices I'm making, it is working for me.

thanks for your post. I do have support, and I help myself. I practice mindfulness meditation in a group at work (which is another way the workplace is supporting mental health), I see a psychiatrist, I take medication . I am impressed with the way things have changed in my workplace. I don't feel any negativity - and anyone who feels negative because I get special treatment is not letting me know - so that's OK. Don't let me know and I'll be fine. I would never have been able to return to work if I wasn't given support. I was struggling with even one day. So, I'll take this. Workplace support and awareness of mental illness isn't just for one day. There are other daily messages, such as enforcing respect, People Matter surveys, and of course anti-bullying. RUOK is just one more reminder. These policies have also changed the way management and HR treat staff.

It's all about awareness and support. Raise the topic and discuss it. Just as people needed to be made aware and support LGBT rights, racial prejudice, gender equality, domestic abuse, bullying etc. Mental illness and its prevention needs to be recognised and supported. My workplace has been made aware, I get support and I feel safe. I'm not constantly stressed and anxious at work anymore. I actually don't mind going. I never thought I'd ever say that. So, it is working for me, and therefore it must work for many others. It's not enough to say toughen up. It takes support as well. We can't do it alone. Callum, I'm glad UROK.

I'm at work, and it's overwhelming the positive change in people, and it's genuine, I can see it in their faces. It makes me think that people want to be nice. It's just easier than being negative.

I don't think I really meant to say anything different to what you said there. My point was about awareness, and in attempting to make people aware I am picking my battle. Of course people need to help themselves, and I think I have demonstrated self awareness and self control, which has come through self help. So, thank you for reinforcing the importance of that. Anyway, my viewpoints have stimulated thought, and that's a good thing.

That's okay, it does the job just as well. A bit more about my work place. Management and HR were to blame for the culture. But things have changed. Our work motto is People Matter. I recently discussed my issues with Management and HR, and even though they didn't admit fault, to avoid liability, they didnt deny it, and that helped. They simply said ''What can we do to help you?'. In the past I wkould have been told to find another job if I'm not happy. Attitudes are changing. We now have strong anti- bullying rules, because ' toughen up' obviously hasn't worked. I was never hugged as a child, ever. My mother had 4 children and a full time job, and an abusive husband. She had no time to care about a stuttering boy. And here I am, hoping that things keep heading in the right direction, not so much for me, but for others like me. So, nobody noticed any sharpness in Solar Legions comment about 'just bloody turn the page' or something like that. Maybe people need to have it said to them to see it. I don't know. Written on a phone so please excuse typos etc

These were the answers to school yard bullying. Opinions have changed - don't fix the victims, fix the offenders.

That not true. Since they started the respect and RUOK awareness programs at my work, the environment has changed. It's made it possible for me to go work again, and feel safe, without daily threats. It's working.

Phil, if you don't have the personality to feel it, that's a good thing for you, but it might also mean that you don't recognise it. I don't want to sound critical, but I really wish I could agree with your comment.

I'm not too sure about that. Cyberbullying is a major problem. Saying there's no answer is defeatist.

People can change through awareness. I don't know what the situation is in America or other places but I would say it's pretty much like in Australia. The workplace is a pretty regular mix of humanity, and my workplace has transformed from bitchy spiteful individuals to respectful caring people. They need to be polite and respectful (whether they want to or not). Respect is a strong policy, and mandatory - people follow it. The environment has changed significantly, simply through education and awareness.

of course I'm not talking about having fun with a joke, I'm talking about nastiness and ganging up on people. The world is changing, and people are becoming more aware of mental health issues. It doesn't work anymore to say 'be adult about it', or 'have a thick skin' or get over it', 'just ignore it'. People need to change, and change comes through awareness. Awareness of the impact that your words can have on someone.

I would ask myself why do I respond defensively to a post about showing kindness.

This!... if a post is going to go downhill it's usually because the OP didn't get the hand holding, there there poor thing, let us walk you though it. Oh really we didn't bother to all support your drama/come to your house and fix it for you/bring cookies and a soft blanket Sometimes we need to consider whether this approach might indeed be more appropriate. Another kindness is just don't respond if you feel that your response might be a bit sharp. Oh I know what you're thinking, if people need a soft blanket then don't post here. Perhaps it should be the ones who are unable to say things softly and kindly who shouldn't post. I am a strong advocate for mental health awareness. There are many people in SL who suffer from depression and anxiety. I'm sure everyone knows someone. There are also many people who are unaware that they suffer from it. I'm not ashamed to admit I do. I suffer from social anxiety, and am often emotionally sensitive. I'm taking tablets. Nothing to be ashamed of. I don't know if people in other countries have Mental Health Awareness days and months, but September is RUOK month in Australia, and we just had RUOK day on Thursday. Since we are adults, then as adults we should respect the feelings of others. More soft blankets is what the world needs, and society is becoming more aware of this. Because mental health problems are on the rise, or perhaps it's always been there, unacknowledged.

Thanks all, I will continue making these maps, as I am so much into the habit now anyway. And it does make everything look better when done correctly. Not just clothes but like with wood for instance, it really just brings out the individual planks on a boat etc. Such a great tool and it would be a shame not to use it.

Do you have it enabled? ? Advanced Lighting needs to be enabled to see bumpiness and shininess. These are maps added by the creator, and it gives a more realistic look. Bumpiness (Normal Map) makes the texture look less flat. TShininess (Specular Map) gives a natural lighting effect at different times of the day - very pretty if done well. As I creator/merchant I am starting to wonder if all my effort to create good bump and shine maps are really worth it. I asked several people and all said they don't have it enabled in preferences, and didn't know what it was. If it isn't a default setting they don't use it. And most people have settings too low to enable it. So, is it worth it for me to spend ages getting bump map just right and umming and ahing over the lighting effect at different times of the day? Is it worth it when every customer/friend that I asked can't see it? It does make things look prettier though, and nobody (well, nobody I know) uses it or even knows what it is ?.

I think I did it again But I want to say it

^^ This - though there are probably nicer ways to say it such that creators aren't immediately just feeling criticized Maybe if I should have said 'Sometimes we don't know what customers want, and I think it's good business sense to listen.' 'there are probably nicer ways to say it without leaving someone feeling criticized' - how often in this thread would this comment not apply? I'm also a firm believer in being nice

Well, I am a believer in raising issues that might lead to change. That's how changes come about. Sometimes merchants don't know what customers want, and I think it's good business sense to listen. I agree that most people prefer mod copy, but the vast majority prefer full perm. I have full perm and copy versions in my stores, and even people who don't want to resell will still buy full perm over the half price copy version. And I am here to make money, and so selling full perm works for me. I believe I would make half as much if I didn't sell full perm. So, you are right, and these merchants who sell no copy are losing business for sure. A well known merchant sold all her plants and trees no copy at one stage, but she had the good business sense to follow the trend and sell copy items - as did many others. Those who believe that selling no copy will increase sales because people will buy more than one are wrong because, if there is competition, so many people won't buy even one. Same as those who think selling full perm will result in people handing the item out, this is a false assumption too. It does happen that these items are shared (against my TOS) but it isn't often enough to make a difference. There is a market for no copy, but I think it would be great if the same item was also sold as copy at a higher price.