Resiliency In Second Life

[Luna Bliss]

I just encountered an interesting experience  @ The Wisdom Circle in SL today where a poem was shared, discussing 'resilience'.
We all encounter difficult experiences in SL -- what helps you cope and develop resilience? Do you recognize patterns in the poem that relate to how you manage difficult situations in SL, and/or do you have coping strategies of your own to share?
Remember to stick to coping with difficulties in SL only. Here's the poem:

           If    By Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

And—which is more—you’ll be a [resilient person, my friend]

[Scylla Rhiadra]

41 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

I just encountered an interesting experience  @ The Wisdom Circle in SL today where a poem was shared, discussing 'resilience'.
We all encounter difficult experiences in SL -- what helps you cope and develop resilience? Do you recognize patterns in the poem that relate to how you manage difficult situations in SL, and/or do you have coping strategies of your own to share?
Remember to stick to coping with difficulties in SL only. Here's the poem:

           If    By Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

And—which is more—you’ll be a [resilient person, my friend]

Interesting, and likely necessary, substitution at the end there!

I have very mixed feelings about Kipling, who was centre stage for much of the heyday of the British Empire as both cheerleader and sometime critic of the colonialist enterprise, especially in India. He was an excellent writer, and a great storyteller, but there is a machismo (not to mention Anglocentric) element to most of his work that leaves something of a bad taste in the mouth.

"If" was a very popular poem, the kind of thing that people would hang, framed, on their walls as an inspiration and a sort of embodiment of British muscularism. There is much with which I agree in this poem, and a great deal that I find unattractive as well. The final line, without the substitution, sort of sums that up, because it defines the meaning of this sort of character that in a way that is much more "judgy" and value laden than suggested by your substitution:

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   
    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

In the original version, it's not merely that these qualities define the kind of person that you are (a "resilient" person), but are actually the criteria by which we determine if you are a success or a failure (i.e., not a "man").

Putting aside the sexism here (Kipling wasn't really great at representing women, and usually didn't bother), does this mean that if you cannot manage these things, one is a "loser" instead? Does everyone need to have a stiff upper lip and a gung-ho attitude?

There's also a lot more required from this poem than just "resilience." I actually teach Kipling occasionally, because he can be nuanced and interesting, but I find this poem a bit trite, to be honest. It's one step above the rubric on the inside of a Hallmark greeting card -- at least in my view. Not his best work.

Interestingly, btw, there is a pretty good old film called "If" from the late 60s starring Malcolm McDowell that is a sort of savage and satirical riff on this poem set in an English school for boys (it's a little Lord of the Flies) -- what does the exercise of these qualities actually look like, on the ground? It ain't pretty, or so the film suggests.

Oh, and SL. To some degree, maybe this poem is of a piece with the "it's only a game!" or "block and move on" school of thought here? It's a short step from "resilience" or a "stiff upper lip," to "stop being such a snowflake."

Edited April 16 by Scylla Rhiadra

[Luna Bliss]

4 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

I have very mixed feelings about Kipling

Interesting learning in greater depth about the poem and the man. Thanks!  Yeah I was feeling a bit of the same (related to one thing you mentioned)...was feeling a bit too much might be expected of me in order to classify myself as 'resilient'.  Our moderator kind of helped with that though, and made us feel better.

Is there anything you do to cope with difficulties in SL that you care to share?  I chant a lot, and that helps me feel more positive and so am resilient when encountering some of the negative people.

[Luna Bliss]

5 minutes ago, BilliJo Aldrin said:

way to go Luna, you just exploded a bomb in the forums with your poem.

No...I really want to know the ways people cope with difficulties in SL -- it's my passion really, how our consciousness evolves over time in optimal ways to make the most out of life, and in this case, to make the most out of SL.

This poem I just encountered @ The Wisdom Circle was just a springboard for it...

Edited April 16 by Luna Bliss

[Scylla Rhiadra]

Here are the bits of the poem that I think are applicable to everyone. They represent a reasonably good guide for at least parts of how one should live in SL.

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch

The rest, not so much. For me anyway.

[Love Zhaoying]

If "Resiliency" was something not well understood, and we compared it to the "blind men describing an elephant" metaphor, would "Resiliency" be the trunk? Or the Tail?

Or, maybe I am over-thinking it, and "Resiliency" in Second Life is when you fall from your skybox and don't go "splat", but just get back up?

Resiliency!

If it were spelled "Resilency", then it would mean, "be quiet again".

If it were spelled "Resaliency", then it would mean, "make sense" or "be salty" again.

Resiliency!

In Second Life, it probably just means nothing can hurt you so "get over it".

 

[Luna Bliss]

1 minute ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;

So by that line do you think he means people who only dream without actually doing anything?  I for sure see those peeps in SL anyway.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

Just now, Love Zhaoying said:

In Second Life, it probably just means nothing can hurt you so "get over it".

Yeah, that's kind of the point I was making near the end of my first post on this.

I don't buy that "nothing can hurt you" in SL. Nothing can physically hurt you, but we've all experienced, or witnessed, very real hurt happening here.

And I don't myself believe that merely "suck it up, buttercup" is an adequate response to that when it happens.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

2 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

So by that line do you think he means people who only dream without actually doing anything?  I for sure see those peeps in SL anyway.

I think that's pretty much exactly what he means. Kipling was very big on "action."

For me, it means less that than not getting lost in an illusory world produced by mere dreaming.

[Love Zhaoying]

Just now, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Yeah, that's kind of the point I was making near the end of my first post on this.

I don't buy that "nothing can hurt you" in SL. Nothing can physically hurt you, but we've all experienced, or witnessed, very real hurt happening here.

And I don't myself believe that merely "suck it up, buttercup" is an adequate response to that when it happens.

Yes! A very contentious statement indeed.

Perhaps that is the point of the OP, to create contention and arguments?

I think this thread is very traumatic. So far it has touched on racism, insensitivity, etc. 

Is "resiliency" one of those coded complaints about Millennials that you see everywhere?

[Love Zhaoying]

1 hour ago, Luna Bliss said:

I just encountered an interesting experience  @ The Wisdom Circle in SL today where a poem was shared, discussing 'resilience'.
We all encounter difficult experiences in SL -- what helps you cope and develop resilience? Do you recognize patterns in the poem that relate to how you manage difficult situations in SL, and/or do you have coping strategies of your own to share?
Remember to stick to coping with difficulties in SL only. Here's the poem:

           If    By Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

And—which is more—you’ll be a [resilient person, my friend]

I could not find any connection to Second Life in this poem. 

And I tried!

 

[Luna Bliss]

4 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Perhaps that is the point of the OP, to create contention and arguments?

I think this thread is very traumatic. So far it has touched on racism, insensitivity, etc. 

Is "resiliency" one of those coded complaints about Millennials that you see everywhere?

Maybe don't read and post in this thread if you find it so traumatic?

As I said, I really like this topic -- how we cope with our Second Lives even though we encounter a lot of troublesome things.

The poem was meant to spark ideas related to our own coping strategies in SL, as it was also in the SL group I just attended.  I don't mind that Scylla provided a bit of background regarding the poem, but that's not really what it's about.

Edited April 16 by Luna Bliss

[Love Zhaoying]

7 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

9 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;

So by that line do you think he means people who only dream without actually doing anything?  I for sure see those peeps in SL anyway.

I think people in SL who are dreaming, are mostly AFK and asleep in RL.

[Theresa Tennyson]

1 hour ago, Luna Bliss said:

 

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
 

Once upon a time there was a website called Television Without Pity, where people wrote snarky reviews of television shows. 

One of the writers had an interesting variation on these lines:

"If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you may be the one screwing things up for everyone else."

[Scylla Rhiadra]

5 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Yes! A very contentious statement indeed.

Perhaps that is the point of the OP, to create contention and arguments?

I think this thread is very traumatic. So far it has touched on racism, insensitivity, etc. 

Is "resiliency" one of those coded complaints about Millennials that you see everywhere?

This thread doesn't need to be about racism at all -- that's a subject that was introduced by BJ. It's a red herring.

Insensitivity? Maybe?

I think the good bits I quoted above are very good bits indeed, and I hope they do embody at least some of how I behave in SL.

[Kathlen Onyx]

7 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Yes! A very contentious statement indeed.

Perhaps that is the point of the OP, to create contention and arguments?

I think this thread is very traumatic. So far it has touched on racism, insensitivity, etc. 

Is "resiliency" one of those coded complaints about Millennials that you see everywhere?

Well when one can't derail another thread create your own I say.

[Luna Bliss]

1 minute ago, BilliJo Aldrin said:

6 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

I think that's pretty much exactly what he means. Kipling was very big on "action."

For me, it means less that than not getting lost in an illusory world produced by mere dreaming.

unfortunatly in ways Kipling could not have imagined, the internet allows (young) people to live their entire lives in a dream state, a land of illusion, 

I’ve met people in here that even though there is no future, in rl, they base their whole existence on an illusion of significance that second life gives them

Well people can live in a dream state, sure.

But many of those in SL who primarily live in SL do so due to illness or an inability to function well outside SL.  If they're making their world and the world of others within SL a better place I'm not going to invalidate them.

[Rat Luv]

[Love Zhaoying]

2 minutes ago, Theresa Tennyson said:

"If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you may be the one screwing things up for everyone else."

I think it was in a Heinlein novel I first read, "If in panic or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout." A lot of Forum people remind me of Heinlein characters. 

 

[Theresa Tennyson]

1 minute ago, BilliJo Aldrin said:

Im familiar with this poem, because we had to memorize it, i forget which grade but it was in primary school, Im thinking maybe grade 4 or 5,  way back when heritage and tradition were not dirty words.

I suppose today school children are more likely to be taught a poem about the fifty genders.

And they complain a lot about things, don't they?

[Love Zhaoying]

2 minutes ago, Kathlen Onyx said:

Well when one can't derail another thread create your own I say.

The challenge with these threads is to keep them "on topic for Second Life".

Here's an example attempt:

In Second Life, one's resiliency is inversely proportional to the number of Alts they use.

In Second Life, one's resiliency is reflected in the number of people they block.

In Second Life, one's resiliency is not related to their behavior.

Resiliency is only related to Second Life if one is applying RL "pop psychology" to Second Life.

 

[Love Zhaoying]

2 minutes ago, Theresa Tennyson said:

3 minutes ago, BilliJo Aldrin said:

Im familiar with this poem, because we had to memorize it, i forget which grade but it was in primary school, Im thinking maybe grade 4 or 5,  way back when heritage and tradition were not dirty words.

I suppose today school children are more likely to be taught a poem about the fifty genders.

And they complain a lot about things, don't they?

Here's another example of how to relate this to Second Life:

Billi Jo suffered through memorizing the poem in RL, but was resilient and turned out the way they did anyway in Second Life!

 

[Luna Bliss]

Just now, Love Zhaoying said:

The challenge with these threads is to keep them "on topic for Second Life".

Here's an example attempt:

In Second Life, one's resiliency is inversely proportional to the number of Alts they use.

In Second Life, one's resiliency is reflected in the number of people they block.

In Second Life, one's resiliency is not related to their behavior.

Resiliency is only related to Second Life if one is applying RL "pop psychology" to Second Life.

I like your analogies....but...the psychology that affects us in RL affects us in SL too.  I'd rather not call it psychology though since that word is disturbing to you.  As I said, I'd like to know how people cope with difficult experiences in SL.

[BilliJo Aldrin]

5 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

The challenge with these threads is to keep them "on topic for Second Life".

Here's an example attempt:

In Second Life, one's resiliency is inversely proportional to the number of Alts they use.

In Second Life, one's resiliency is reflected in the number of people they block.

In Second Life, one's resiliency is not related to their behavior.

Resiliency is only related to Second Life if one is applying RL "pop psychology" to Second Life.

 

Second Life is only hard if someone chooses to make it hard

[Scylla Rhiadra]

1 minute ago, Love Zhaoying said:

The challenge with these threads is to keep them "on topic for Second Life".

Here's an example attempt:

In Second Life, one's resiliency is inversely proportional to the number of Alts they use.

In Second Life, one's resiliency is reflected in the number of people they block.

In Second Life, one's resiliency is not related to their behavior.

Resiliency is only related to Second Life if one is applying RL "pop psychology" to Second Life.

 

I think resiliency is a very real attribute, and not just a pop psychology one, and it's very applicable to both RL and SL.

It's also a good attribute to have. What I object to is the suggestion -- which, frankly, I hear in the forums quite a bit in various forms -- that if one isn't "resilient," one is a failure, or at fault for being impacted by the bad behaviour of others, or other misfortunes that befall one. Someone harassing you in SL? Well, if you let that bug you, and don't just block and move on, you're at least as much at fault as they are!

We aren't all built the same way, and one-size-fits-all "advice" of the sort that this poem offers is really imposing values on others. Not everyone can be resilient, they can't just "toughen up," for all sorts of possible reasons. That's unfortunate, perhaps, but it's not something for which they are to blame.

Which is why I think "resiliency" is the least interesting thing that this poem communicates.