A Real Therapist/ counselor?

[Love Zhaoying]

4 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

Which type of psychotherapy is your favorite?

Observation: You just love going off-topic - onto this topic. Have you considered self-restraint, or considered evaluating your self-regulation?

I enjoy jerking your chain on this, but I am not rising to obvious bait; if your question is serious, that is quite sad. 

 

[Sammy Huntsman]

Why not just look on the internet to find a licensed Therapist IRL?

[Luna Bliss]

2 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

5 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

Which type of psychotherapy is your favorite?

Observation: You just love going off-topic - onto this topic. Have you considered self-restraint, or considered evaluating your self-regulation?

I enjoy jerking your chain on this, but I am not rising to obvious bait; if your question is serious, that is quite sad. 

Have no idea why you (and apparently Persephone) thought my question was some sort of bait.

You said you did not like psychoanalysis and felt a psychoanalyst should be versed in other types of therapy, and so I wondered what types of therapy you like and thought it a good springboard to discuss various methods therapists use or specialize in.

Discussing this very much fits into what the OP is concerned about (finding a therapist) because he should know the many types of therapy that therapists utilize.  He might be more comfortable with one type over another and this would be a good place for him to get a sense of what's out there.  I was opening up a discussion about it.

For our OP and what he described his issues to consist of most likely seeing a family therapist or one who specializes in couples counseling would be best (at least initially).  In addition it's good to drill deeper and get a sense of what they utilize in their practice (like...cognitive therapy, hypnosis....on and on).  But again, to find the most appropriate therapist who also acknowledges the legitimacy of online relationships is going to be tricky.

[Luna Bliss]

2 minutes ago, Sammy Huntsman said:

Why not just look on the internet to find a licensed Therapist IRL?

As was mentioned before, many RL therapists do not view relationships in a virtual world as legitimate. Many don't understand they are actually real even though different from RL relationships.

[Sammy Huntsman]

1 minute ago, Luna Bliss said:

As was mentioned before, many RL therapists do not view relationships in a virtual world as legitimate. Many don't understand they are actually real even though different from RL relationships.

I would not trust a therapist that I could not see in person. That and it is much harder to analyze both parties on SL. Therapists also use body language on top of how they talk and answer questions. To ascertain what is wrong. 

[Luna Bliss]

4 minutes ago, Sammy Huntsman said:

6 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

As was mentioned before, many RL therapists do not view relationships in a virtual world as legitimate. Many don't understand they are actually real even though different from RL relationships.

I would not trust a therapist that I could not see in person. That and it is much harder to analyze both parties on SL. Therapists also use body language on top of how they talk and answer questions. To ascertain what is wrong. 

Yes body language is a good way for a therapist to see the client better, but it's not the only way a therapist can receive valuable input.  However, what use is this input if the therapist doesn't take your SL relationship seriously to begin with? 

Edited April 13 by Luna Bliss

[Love Zhaoying]

The challenges of SL relationships are exponentially harder to "unravel" than a RL relationship.

What's "real"? What's each person "actual" feelings? What's each person's true expectations?

What are their goals? What other relationships are they in?

You're not going to get the "truth" out of one or both parties in SL as you would be more likely to in RL, because by design - in SL one can hide behind a mask of your "character" and reveal as much, as little, or completely make up things that would be pertinent to any conventional relationship counseling.

 

[Kathlen Onyx]

10 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

As was mentioned before, many RL therapists do not view relationships in a virtual world as legitimate. Many don't understand they are actually real even though different from RL relationships.

I don't know where you get your information but this simply is not true.

[Luna Bliss]

1 minute ago, Love Zhaoying said:

The challenges of SL relationships are exponentially harder to "unravel" than a RL relationship.

What's "real"? What's each person "actual" feelings? What's each person's true expectations?

What are their goals? What other relationships are they in?

You're not going to get the "truth" out of one or both parties in SL as you would be more likely to in RL, because by design - in SL one can hide behind a mask of your "character" and reveal as much, as little, or completely make up things that would be pertinent to any conventional relationship counseling.

I know you've mentioned you always have a "character" in SL, but not all people do. Many are the same in SL as they are in RL (minus the bunny ears). 

[Luna Bliss]

2 minutes ago, Kathlen Onyx said:

13 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

As was mentioned before, many RL therapists do not view relationships in a virtual world as legitimate. Many don't understand they are actually real even though different from RL relationships.

I don't know where you get your information but this simply is not true.

It comes from many people I've talked to personally or encountered in therapy-type groups in SL who had unsatisfactory experiences getting help from RL therapists regarding their virtual relationships.  I'm sure this will change over time as everyone becomes more accustomed to virtual realities.

[ValKalAstra]

1 minute ago, Luna Bliss said:

As was mentioned before, many RL therapists do not view relationships in a virtual world as legitimate. Many don't understand they are actually real even though different from RL relationships.

[Citation needed]

This is the kind of dangerous hogwash that's circulated to discourage people from seeking genuine professional help. They will take it serious by virtue of it affecting the patient.

[Rowan Amore]

7 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

The challenges of SL relationships are exponentially harder to "unravel" than a RL relationship.

What's "real"? What's each person "actual" feelings? What's each person's true expectations?

What are their goals? What other relationships are they in?

You're not going to get the "truth" out of one or both parties in SL as you would be more likely to in RL, because by design - in SL one can hide behind a mask of your "character" and reveal as much, as little, or completely make up things that would be pertinent to any conventional relationship counseling.

 

How would the counselor even know if the person was in character or if 1/2 of a couple thought all of SL was RP?  

As far as the OP is concerned and considering his.previous topics, I'm not even sure if he knows if he's playing SL as a character or as himself.  The last inquiry about the baby daddy thing is a prime example.  Lots going on there.

[Luna Bliss]

8 minutes ago, ValKalAstra said:

25 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

As was mentioned before, many RL therapists do not view relationships in a virtual world as legitimate. Many don't understand they are actually real even though different from RL relationships.

[Citation needed]

This is the kind of dangerous hogwash that's circulated to discourage people from seeking genuine professional help. They will take it serious by virtue of it affecting the patient.

A competent therapist would, yes. But sadly many let their bias affect them.  I'm only going by what people have revealed in SL when they attempted to get help from RL therapists. I've never sought help for this issue myself, but if I did outside of SL I would make sure the therapist actually felt SL relationships are real -- it would not be enough for them to just know it affected me.

You can partially witness this problematic attitude by Love's comments above -- even he, a resident of virtual worlds, believes people are just a "character' here and are not real.

Like I said, I think it will change as more understand and accept virtual reality.

BTW, I don't consider people describing their difficulties in finding a good therapist to address SL relationships "hogwash".

Edited April 13 by Luna Bliss

[Love Zhaoying]

9 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

How would the counselor even know if the person was in character or if 1/2 of a couple thought all of SL was RP?  

..or if both characters are Alts of the same RL person..?

10 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

As far as the OP is concerned and considering his.previous topics, I'm not even sure if he knows if he's playing SL as a character or as himself.

Some of the many challenges for people newly navigating relationships in SL is, a) if they do not have much RL relationship experience, b) if they have difficulty finding relationships in RL, or c) if they "fall into relationships quickly/easily".   

These are challenges in Second Life because relationships are much easier to "find" than RL (for most people), and since so many of the signals and feedback (body language, vocal inflection perceived as attitute, etc.) are missing from RL - it is much easier to "fall for" your idea of the other person using those gaps your own mind (and wishful thinking) fill in. Whereas in reality, if you met that person in RL, you may not like each other so very much at all.

 

[Luna Bliss]

38 minutes ago, ValKalAstra said:

They will take it serious by virtue of it affecting the patient.

Let me go into this a little deeper, citing my RL experience, and how a therapists actual beliefs and bias can affect a client negatively.

When I began my first relationship with a woman I went to this certified (and respected in the community) Psychologist with many years experience in an attempt to address some of the issues. I discovered she was a severe homophobe and believed gay people were ill, and that categorizing them as ill should never have been removed from the DSMV (the manual used by therapists for diagnosis) as it had been in more recent years.

Do you think she would have helped me develop a healthy attitude toward gayness and my relationship even though she "took my feelings seriously by virtue of it affecting me"?   No, her thrust would be too get me out of a place where she thought I was exhibiting pathology (illness) via being in that relationship. She'd consider it her duty as a therapist who tries to heal.

Likewise, with those who believe virtual relationships are not real they would believe one should not be in such a relationship and would not try to enable their client to exist in a healthy virtual relationship.  How could they when they don't believe a virtual relationship is healthy?

Edited April 13 by Luna Bliss

[Persephone Emerald]

4 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Let me go into this a little deeper, citing my RL experience, and how a therapists actual beliefs and bias can affect a client negatively.

When I began my first relationship with a woman I went to this certified (and respected in the community) therapist with many years experience in an attempt to address some of the issues. I discovered she was a severe homophobe and believed gay people were ill, and that categorizing them as ill should never have been removed from the DSMV (the manual used by therapists for diagnosis) as it had been in more recent years.

Do you think she would have helped me develop a healthy attitude toward gayness and my relationship even though she "took my feelings seriously by virtue of it affecting me"?   No, her thrust would be too get me out of a place where she thought I was exhibiting pathology (illness). She'd consider it her duty as a therapist who tries to heal.

Likewise, with those who believe virtual relationships are not real they would believe one should not be in such a relationship and would not try to enable their client to exist in a healthy virtual relationship.  How could they when they don't believe a virtual relationship is healthy?

This is actually another point in favor of seeing a therapist in RL. Both the therapist and the client can observe the body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice of each other.

It would be nice to have trained and licensed therapists in SL, working for cheap, but it's hard to verify that someone in SL claiming to be a trained therapist actually is such. Since the OP is unlikely to find a reliable, trained therapist in SL, I suggest he should either see a therapist in RL (if possible) or talk to others in a support group in SL. I also advise giving a RL therapist 3 sessions before deciding if they're a good fit for you or not.

[Persephone Emerald]

1 hour ago, Luna Bliss said:

Have no idea why you (and apparently Persephone) thought my question was some sort of bait.

You said you did not like psychoanalysis and felt a psychoanalyst should be versed in other types of therapy, and so I wondered what types of therapy you like and thought it a good springboard to discuss various methods therapists use or specialize in.

Discussing this very much fits into what the OP is concerned about (finding a therapist) because he should know the many types of therapy that therapists utilize.  He might be more comfortable with one type over another and this would be a good place for him to get a sense of what's out there.  I was opening up a discussion about it.

For our OP and what he described his issues to consist of most likely seeing a family therapist or one who specializes in couples counseling would be best (at least initially).  In addition it's good to drill deeper and get a sense of what they utilize in their practice (like...cognitive therapy, hypnosis....on and on).  But again, to find the most appropriate therapist who also acknowledges the legitimacy of online relationships is going to be tricky.

^ The subject of which forms of therapy we like or not is off-topic for this thread.

[Love Zhaoying]

Just now, Persephone Emerald said:

^ The subject of which forms of therapy we like or not is off-topic for this thread.

@Luna Bliss, this. ^^

[Luna Bliss]

2 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

talk to others in a support group in SL.

I see this as the best option.  I've seen very good advice given in some of these support groups in SL.  Of course like with any advice given by anyone (be it therapist, friend, or in a group) one should examine it, test it, and make sure it works for them...not accept the advice blindly.

[Love Zhaoying]

51 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

I know you've mentioned you always have a "character" in SL, but not all people do. Many are the same in SL as they are in RL (minus the bunny ears). 

I really do not know what you are talking about, so I assume you are drawing conclusions based on what I HAVE said.

(I am not accusing you of putting words in my mouth, I just have no clue what you are referring to.)

This is reason #1 of why I usually have you on ignore, dragging people into your assumptions about them as if they said words which are apparently only in your mind.

[Luna Bliss]

2 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

^ The subject of which forms of therapy we like or not is off-topic for this thread.

No, it's not. People describing what they like/dislike about various forms of therapy can be valuable input for the OP as he decides what kind of therapy would be best for hm.

[Love Zhaoying]

1 hour ago, Luna Bliss said:

You said you did not like psychoanalysis

No, I did not. Again, you are making things up (actually putting words in my mouth this time).  This is pretty awful Forum behavior, I wish you could find it in yourself to stop.

I said, directly quoting myself here:

6 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I would not trust a relationship counselor who does not also have training in psychotherapy.

"Psychoanalysis" is merely one type of therapy, and for SOME reason is mentioned all the time as if it is a "go-to" method of therapy.

HA!

 

Edited April 13 by Love Zhaoying

[Love Zhaoying]

3 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

7 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

^ The subject of which forms of therapy we like or not is off-topic for this thread.

No, it's not. People describing what they like/dislike about various forms of therapy can be valuable input for the OP as he decides what kind of therapy would be best for hm.

The only person who brought up which type of therapy they like / do not like, is you. See my last post.

If you feel it is valuable input, by all means, provide that input to the OP.  As it is off-topic, please keep me out of it.

(Just as, all your long discussions on therapy are off-topic.)

[Persephone Emerald]

4 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

No, it's not. People describing what they like/dislike about various forms of therapy can be valuable input for the OP as he decides what kind of therapy would be best for hm.

 

[Love Zhaoying]