If someone IMs you...

[Ceka Cianci]

Honestly,

After so many IM's of  Hi, HRU, whrU frm, how old  RU, Wanna dance,bla bla bla bla bla bla ,wanna go to my place.. And all the time spent getting to No thank you.

I can really appreciate those IM's where there is no beating around the bush and they come right out at the intro, like they just  landed a dismount off the horse, saying what's on their mind..

Some Guy: Hey babe, why don't you make some room on that beach towel and let me tap that  bla bla, you look lonely over there by yourself.

Ceka: Maybe some other time Fabio, I'm sorting inventory right now. But thank you for the offer anyways.

Who doesn't get a little flattered? let alone all the time and eye rolling that was saved .

I'll take 10 in a row of the second, over 10 in a row of the first.

 

[Seicher Rae]

1 minute ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

My 14 year experience with SL residents who admit social anxiety or anxiety/depression in general, is that SL has been a net positive for them, lowering the risk of social engagements. To the extent the rest of us understand and empathize with them, we can hopefully help build their confidence and reduce their anxiety. In return, we get the benefit of their wit, wisdom, and perspective.

Hm. In my bazillion years experience with "issues" relating to primarily depression, PTSD, sometimes anxiety and also being a fairly well-established introvert (which of course isn't the same thing as social anxiety but we can get close)... my 13+ years in SL has been a net: wash.  In some ways it is great. In some ways it is a trigger (although I will state that SL itself has never triggered me, but some of the people in it, both inworld and especially the Forum, can and have). Then again, to my knowledge, I've never experienced people trying to understand or empathize with me, so... (and no, that wasn't tongue-in-cheek)(but it did sound pathetic, albeit true). 

[Ceka Cianci]

28 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

That's half of my friends

I'm trying to think who doesn't have something  like that in their groups and profile on my list.. hehehehe

[Love Zhaoying]

13 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

I can meet gregarious people anywhere, sometimes without intention. SL and other online venues before it have been a valuable source of connections with people I otherwise might never meet.

I wrote a "dad joke" poem with the word "gregarious" in it when I was 14!

It's dirty. And I remember it!

Words are fun.

[Charalyne Blackwood]

12 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I wrote a "dad joke" poem with the word "gregarious" in it when I was 14!

It's dirty. And I remember it!

Words are fun.

Share. Can't tease us like that and not deliver 😮

[Madelaine McMasters]

35 minutes ago, Ceka Cianci said:

Honestly,

After so many IM's of  Hi, HRU, whrU frm, how old  RU, Wanna dance,bla bla bla bla bla bla ,wanna go to my place.. And all the time spent getting to No thank you.

I can really appreciate those IM's where there is no beating around the bush and they come right out at the intro, like they just  landed a dismount off the horse, saying what's on their mind..

Some Guy: Hey babe, why don't you make some room on that beach towel and let me tap that  bla bla, you look lonely over there by yourself.

Ceka: Maybe some other time Fabio, I'm sorting inventory right now. But thank you for the offer anyways.

Who doesn't get a little flattered? let alone all the time and eye rolling that was saved .

I'll take 10 in a row of the second, over 10 in a row of the first.

What the hell, I haven't had 10 of either since I started here!

[EmmarieLee]

I'm one of the weirdos that messages random people. I rarely check profiles first. Usually I message people when I see them out at events and they're wearing something nice, fun, or interesting. I like handing out compliments to people who catch my eye just because I hope it makes someone's day. 

I also messaged a random guy yesterday saying a top looked nice that he was demoing at an event. 

There's too much crap in the world that everyone deals with daily. Doesn't hurt to be nice!

[Madelaine McMasters]

30 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I wrote a "dad joke" poem with the word "gregarious" in it when I was 14!

It's dirty. And I remember it!

Words are fun.

The Fuhrer was shrewd and gregarious
But his schemes were extremely nefarious
Still the Nazis are fun
To lampoon in a pun
They're unkampfortable, but hitlerious.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

34 minutes ago, Ceka Cianci said:

After so many IM's of  Hi, HRU, whrU frm, how old  RU, Wanna dance,bla bla bla bla bla bla ,wanna go to my place.. And all the time spent getting to No thank you.

I can really appreciate those IM's where there is no beating around the bush and they come right out at the intro, like they just  landed a dismount off the horse, saying what's on their mind.

There's something to this, definitely.

It's maybe a bit paradoxical. Were I actually looking for "romance," or even a hookup, I'd immediately reject the straight-out approach. My SL relationships (all two of them! Woot me!) were the result of a slow process of getting to know someone well over time -- personally (and yes, it is just a personal preference), I'd get little or nothing out of a "quickie."

On the other hand, I do sort of weirdly value people who get right down to the nitty-gritty, because it saves us both time and effort.

I know, though, that there are lots of people, including many women, who really are looking for cheap, fast, and cheerful (so to speak), so it's hard to fault those whose approach I personally find icky and eye-rolling. They're undoubtedly not looking for a new friend, yet alone a "relationship," and they've chosen an approach that makes that clear. So, in a way, good for them?

(What I cannot handle with equanimity are the overtly sexist approaches.)

[Scylla Rhiadra]

6 minutes ago, EmmarieLee said:

I'm one of the weirdos that messages random people. I rarely check profiles first. Usually I message people when I see them out at events and they're wearing something nice, fun, or interesting. I like handing out compliments to people who catch my eye just because I hope it makes someone's day. 

I also messaged a random guy yesterday saying a top looked nice that he was demoing at an event. 

There's too much crap in the world that everyone deals with daily. Doesn't hurt to be nice!

I don't do this a lot, but I have on occasion. In general, I don't randomly IM men, because I think it's too often misconstrued.

But that can happen with women too. I once IMed a woman at a club, one that is definitely not a traditional pickup place, to compliment her on her avi: she was a beautiful, curvy little number, and I was also curious as to what body she was using (it was Slink Physique, as it happens). She responded with a "thank you," followed shortly by a snapshot of her posing nude on a couch . . .

[Scylla Rhiadra]

2 hours ago, Seicher Rae said:

I don't get this happening a whole lot anymore. /me points to your avatar and giggle snorts. Mystery solved.

Well, sometimes . . . kinda yes! I mean, I know you're joking and all, but I do spend a fair amount of my time in SL wearing extremely casual clothing with no makeup, and my hair loosely and messily tied back. I think I clean up nicely, but I wear jeans, a hoodie, and work boots much more often than I do LBDs and pumps.

2 hours ago, Seicher Rae said:

and I'm even worse at batting away people trying to pick me up. I usually end up wasting a lot of their time and my own because I am trying to be nice, and not assume things, so I'll end up waiting until the person's intentions are entirely clear before I firmly but gently (I hope) explain that I'm not interested. This has to be the most Canadian thing written in quite a while. This from a people known for apologizing, profusely and with concern, to the lamp posts they knock into accidentally on the sidewalks.

It maybe a bit of a Canadian thing, although we can get VERY forceful if we need to, you know. Rage against the Machine played here a week ago, and I've been hearing the well-known final refrain from "Killing in the Name" (Canadian version) playing on car stereos a lot recently:

"Gosh, sorry, but I'd rather not do that.
Gosh, sorry, but I'd rather not do that.
Gosh, sorry, but I'd rather not do that . . ."

2 hours ago, Seicher Rae said:

And yet... and yet... And folks, it isn't just "male" avatars. I sometimes hang out at a music club, listening to a specific DJ that I didn't realize has a lesbian (avatar) following, and one night I must have been dressed just "right" because I got something like five "hitting on you" IMs. They were just slightly more flirty than the in-your-face ones of Random Guy.

I think I may actually get more flirty / interested IMs from women than from men -- it must have something to do with how I often present in SL? I dunno -- shorter hair, and a lot of largely "unisex" outfits? Also, one of the "crowds" I hang out with is centred around a friend who is a pretty popular lesbian DJ, and I think the vast majority in that group, and those generally whom she attracts to her shows, tend to be gay. So maybe it's just that.

But, as I think I've said here before, I do, as you hint, find there is a difference in the approach. With the notable exception of the case of the nudie that I mentioned above, I've generally found that gay women are much more tentative in their approach, and much more likely to take time chatting.

But I don't really hang out at lesbian pickup spots, or sex places generally, so my sample is possibly not representative.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

2 hours ago, Seicher Rae said:

They first have to read to have comprehension. I find few people read. I think they look at profile photo and see "female" (or whatever) and go from there. And yes, there is a tad of ego involved, about "oh I can change your mind, baby..."

Sorry, I forgot to respond to this part.

But whyyyyyyyyy???? Why would you not take the one or two minutes (at most) that it usually takes to at least scan someone's profile before launching into what often ends up being a pointless and cringy conversation with someone you might have already ascertained isn't going to be interested????

I have a sense sometimes that those who use the worst, most direct lines are operating on the same principle as email scammers: your success rate might only be 2%, but if you hit enough people, you're bound to come up lucky eventually?

[Seicher Rae]

1 minute ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

But whyyyyyyyyy???? Why would you not take the one or two minutes (at most) that it usually takes to at least scan someone's profile before launching into what often ends up being a pointless and cringy conversation with someone you might have already ascertained isn't going to be interested????

If I could encapsulate all the knowledge I’ve gained through the years from life experience and careful study, into a single pearl of wisdom for you, it would be this: People are idiots.

ADAM SOONG TO KORE, PICARD, SEASON 2 EPISODE 5

 

[Madelaine McMasters]

I'm clearly doing something wrong. I came to SL after reading a "Real Economies of Virtual Worlds" article in the Wall Street Journal that also mentioned SL's "red light reputation". In truth, that was also a significant attraction for me (still is, though I hide it so well even I can't find it). I pretty much dress and do as I please, and that seems to please very few others. I don't socialize much these days, but even when I did, I did not get much "attention".

I'm probably more likely to IM males, as I spend most of my "away from home" time in sandboxes. If someone's creativity catches my eye, I'll engage. That has never resulted in a misunderstanding. My inner engineer shines through much more clearly than my inner lesbian Domme.

Though my SL behavior and appearance don't elicit the kinds of responses I secretly wish for, that's actually quite fine with me. Sorting through the chaff is a burden I'm happy not to bear. I'm also happy not to discover I'm someone else's chaff.

[Ayashe Ninetails]

9 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

I do wish to god people would not only read profiles, but actually believe what is written there. I am very clear on mine that I'm not interested in hookups. It always puzzles me when someone has clearly read my profile, because they make reference to it, but still seem not to believe that I mean it when I say that I don't do these things here.

Is it that they have problems with comprehension? Or they don't believe me? Or is it that they like a "challenge"?

This may or may not be helpful for you, but I'm a huuuge fan of using custom group titles and/or clothing (both the type that come with phrases and the type you can customize and "write on" via HUD) to help others get a feel for whether or not I'm in the mood for a chat. Granted, I mostly use those things to be shamelessly ridiculous (writing mostly song lyrics on my leggings or funny memes in my title, and let's not talk about my misspelled jacket I bought that I'm going to wear forever and ever even though the creator sent us all a properly spelled replacement 😂), but it could prove useful if you're out somewhere and really want to highlight something important in your profile. 

Toss "No Hookups" into your title (or find a cute tee with something similar on it). Or, something a bit more light-hearted and subtle. Won't help for those random not-in-same-sim IMs, but helps when you're out doing stuffs. Will it work - maybe? I mentioned getting a few fast food orders in my IMs instead of the usual pickup lines (using my Sir, ThisIsAWendy's title), so guys do take notice, it seems. 😄

[Madelaine McMasters]

5 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Sorry, I forgot to respond to this part.

But whyyyyyyyyy???? Why would you not take the one or two minutes (at most) that it usually takes to at least scan someone's profile before launching into what often ends up being a pointless and cringy conversation with someone you might have already ascertained isn't going to be interested????

I have a sense sometimes that those who use the worst, most direct lines are operating on the same principle as email scammers: your success rate might only be 2%, but if you hit enough people, you're bound to come up lucky eventually?

I am as baffled by this RTFM behavior as you, but that's just how it works.

Effort is more precious than time?

[Scylla Rhiadra]

3 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

I'm clearly doing something wrong.

I've sent you an absolutely filthy IM in-world.

I hate to see you feeling neglected.

[Seicher Rae]

1 minute ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

I am as baffled by this RTFM behavior as you, but that's just how it works.

Effort is more precious than time?

Although it was said with humor, I've found the line I quoted to Scylla, above, from "Picard" is the useful assumption. If you go into a situation with the knowledge that people, on the whole, are idiots, then it explains pretty much everything. Including my own behavior at times.

[Madelaine McMasters]

2 minutes ago, Ayashe Ninetails said:

Toss "No Hookups" into your title (or find a cute tee with something similar on it).

I gotta make this for myself...

[Love Zhaoying]

37 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

The Fuhrer was shrewd and gregarious
But his schemes were extremely nefarious
Still the Nazis are fun
To lampoon in a pun
They're unkampfortable, but hitlerious.

I warned you!

Suzie Q.T. was a lustworthy gal

Who brought forth the lust that's within me.

She certainly wasn't a platonic pal

and her "favors" were always for free.

One wistful Wednesday gregarious Suzie

gave favors so good it still hurts,

She did me her "worst" 'til I thought I would burst,

[last line redacted, rhymes with "burst"]

[Seicher Rae]

5 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

I'm clearly doing something wrong. I came to SL after reading a "Real Economies of Virtual Worlds" article in the Wall Street Journal that also mentioned SL's "red light reputation". In truth, that was also a significant attraction for me (still is, though I hide it so well even I can't find it). I pretty much dress and do as I please, and that seems to please very few others. I don't socialize much these days, but even when I did, I did not get much "attention".

I'm probably more likely to IM males, as I spend most of my "away from home" time in sandboxes. If someone's creativity catches my eye, I'll engage. That has never resulted in a misunderstanding. My inner engineer shines through much more clearly than my inner lesbian Domme.

Though my SL behavior and appearance don't elicit the kinds of responses I secretly wish for, that's actually quite fine with me. Sorting through the chaff is a burden I'm happy not to bear. I'm also happy not to discover I'm someone else's chaff.

Well... yeah. SL mimics RL here. If you don't go to "those" places, if you don't put in the effort at "those" places, you lower your chances of finding "those things" out and about in random sandboxes. And while many "lifestyle" sims are fairly inclusive, they to tend to favor human avatars. There are so many places inworld to get your inner Domme out, lesbian or not. Dominants of any ilk are in short supply, so...

[Scylla Rhiadra]

1 minute ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

I gotta make this for myself...

You DO realize that the only people who will understand this are electrical engineers, right?

And that they are going to be attracted to it?

[Madelaine McMasters]

3 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

You DO realize that the only people who will understand this are electrical engineers, right?

And that they are going to be attracted to it?

Yes, yes I do.*


*Though YOU understood it.

Edited August 11, 2022 by Madelaine McMasters

[Seicher Rae]

5 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

I gotta make this for myself...

"I gotta make this for myself..." directly following a post saying "I don't get what I'm doing wrong in the meeting people/getting hit on arena." Yup. Total mystery.

Chalks another one up to: Cognitive Dissonance for the Win!

:::looks sweet:::

Edited August 11, 2022 by Seicher Rae

[Madelaine McMasters]

Just now, Seicher Rae said:

"I gotta make this for myself..." directly following a post saying "I don't get what I'm doing wrong in the meeting people/getting hit on arena." Yup. Total mystery.

Chalks another one up to: Cognitive Dissonance for the Win!

:::looks sweet:::

It is possible I know exactly what I'm doing wrong?