Destiny Marques

That's a nice looking head for 99L! I'm almost tempted to log back in after being away for so long just to try it on. Almost.

I wasn't asking for more clarity, I got what you meant after your first explanation. And if they disagreed with me, that is their prerogative, to each their own. I don't go around trying to force people into liking what I like. As black women we've heard it all - We're unattractive, we're loud, we're obnoxious, no one wants us, we're angry, we're too black, we aren't black enough, our body types aren't desirable, other races of men would never look twice at us (my husband is white so I know that isn't true), we're welfare queens, we're supposedly sexually promiscuous; our natural hair styles are not welcome at work, at school, in public etc etc etc ... And the list goes on and on and on.and on.

Right, AFTER you answered, because I didn't want to make any assumptions or jump to any conclusions. I always try to ask to get clarity first before offering an explanation.

@janetosilio Thanks for explaining that. Considering that he and I both come from marginalized groups that have experienced our share of bigotry, hatred, and discrimination.. I was trying to find out why Love specifically chose the look that he did, esp being that I am someone who comes from the demographic that he has chosen to represent with his avatar. It would be no different than if I decided to make a gay male or femboy avatar and he asked me why did I choose that. I'd try to explain it to the best of my abilities, by opening up a dialogue about it and if offered some useful pointers, I'd be more than open to it. Because after all, I'm not a gay man and have never lived that experience or taken a walk in his shoes. So I don't profess to know all there is to know about that life. I can only present my interpretation of what I perceive a gay man to be . It's just that simple.

That was a misperception, based on whatever preconceived notion you thought was behind my line of questioning.

Thanks Lexxi! Choosing a lighter skin tone was actually the furthest thing from my mind. I just wanted to know why he went with the darkest one, and I was satisfied with his response, because then I understood where he was coming from. Now for whatever reason, he has his hackles up and has chosen to be defensive.

Love... Re-read what I said. I didn't say anything about you getting a "lighter" skin, or even suggested it. In case you haven't noticed, my avie is dark skinned, but you are making the choice to get defensive, when there isn't any reason to be. "@Pussycat Catnap This is weird, everyone was so nice until now." I haven't been mean to you. Blunt and direct with my questioning sure, but I've never been one to beat around the bush. Come on Love, are you honestly going to sit here and get offended over a black woman asking you about your avatar that's meant to represent a black female?! Um... When pussycat said that she didn't like Jane's look in your thread, did you see her get all bent out of shape? No, she didn't. I've had people critique my avie, I take what they've said into consideration and move on. I don't complain about them not being "nice" to me. Do you just want people to be "nice" to you (whether fake or genuine), and agree with everything you say or do just to make you happy, or do you want people's honest opinions? If something as simple as me asking you a question about your avatar gets you worked up, I can only imagine what will happen when you inevitably run into some racist weirdo inworld, who has decided to tell you what he hates about black women and blacks in general. I find your reaction rather strange and over-the-top, tbh.

Of course, I'm totally aware of the biases against darker skin. I mean who wouldn't find this beautiful? Also, there is no need to be offended by my questions. As a woman of color, I was curious about your choices and I'll explain why: When black people make our avies, we just tend to try and reflect what we see in the mirror and what we see around us daily. However, I have noticed that when non-black people portray "us" in SL, it's usually in the most stereotypical sense. Like that whole discussion about nose sizes, and what is typically "black". I'm sure you probably meant no offense by that, but some black SLers might read that thread and give it the side-eye. That's why I explained that there is no cookie-cutter "look" for us, because our genetic make up is so diverse and varied, that trying to put us in a "one size fits all" box, wouldn't make much sense, if you get what I'm trying to say. As for black men - they are an entirely different topic when compared to how black women have been historically portrayed and perceived in our society. I can only speak personally when I say, when I see an avie such as yours, I can generally tell that it's not a black woman behind it. With that said - I have a friend who plays a black girl in SL, who is a white male who enjoys expressing his "feminine side". As not to offend (and I wasn't), he would often ask my opinion about what looks right and what doesn't; is this or that pushing the boundaries and so on. I appreciated his openness and willingness to listen to constructive advice. So when I saw your thread I thought, he's making a black female avie, perhaps I can offer a tip or two. Who better to ask than a black woman right? I mean, Hello?! LOL Anyway, that's it in a nutshell. Now if you are still offended, there is nothing I can do about that, but now you know the reason why I asked you those questions.

Just between you and I, I don't know if it's my deteriorating vision or what, but I can't really see her. Dark skin is good, but why go for the blackest most stereotypical afrocentric look possible? Is that how you really perceive black women? Just curious? I can give you some helpful pointers to make a more authentic looking black avi if you want, so I'm putting that offer out there. But as my mom used to say, if you like it I love it. Protip - we black girls always wear hairbases, and/or baby hair with our avis. Because that's what we do in RL - gotta make sure the edges are snatched, smoothed down, and on fleek. Always.

Hey Love! I personally use the Catwa Catya head. You can use any mesh head if you know how to tweak it just right to get the features you want. Keep in mind, there is no one size fits all "black" look. Just like with everyone else, our facial structure and features tend to vary from Caucasian looking to what some would consider a typical black African phenotype. Not only that, some of us tend to have characteristics similar to East Asians, with broad flattened noses and epicanthic folds (like with my aunt and cousins). So as Jane said earlier, it all depends on what you are going for.

Most women do that because of insecurities about their own bodies - in RL and SL. Personally, I don't care what some other woman's body looks like, because I'm not the one in it or wearing it in this case. To each their own.

This is the very reason why I've been thinking about getting a Belleza body. That is once I make a full return to SL. I've been on a very long hiatus. Sent you a msg too!

Good God... I leave for a while and come back to this?! LOL *Pulls up a chair and sips on her hot tea while watching the floor show..*

Did you try Besom?

Hi Kity, Have you tried clearing your web browser cache and your SL viewer cache//inventory?

Do you use a VPN? Here are some suggestions from an older thread, maybe you can find something helpful in it:

You mean something like this? We're middle class suburban girls, so this thread is educational, yes?

I'm attracted to certain physical characteristics - in RL and SL; and I have RL preferences (both physical and personality-wise) that transfer over into SL. I don't really deviate too much from that. I mean I could give the PC answer and say that "oh, I'm accepting of everyone, I don't care how they look!" But that would be a lie, because I like looking at avies that are well put together and having them around me. I usually hang around with people in both worlds who share the same interests as I do, and one of my favorite things to do is SHOP. I find that many (not all) people who have standard avies, esp the ones who've had them for a very long time without upgrading and who DO NOT BELIEVE IN SPENDING L$ at all - on anything whatsoever, will not mesh well with me, because they take no pleasure in doing such things. My interests in SL have changed over the years, so my activities inworld have changed also. Exploring, photography, meeting people and chatting are still things that I like to do, but when it comes to hanging out with friends and doing things we both enjoy, well it varies, and the last thing I'd want to do is feel as though I'm pressuring someone into doing something they'd rather not. So it's better for all if they stick to what they like and I stick to what I like.

You have to cash out at the terminal which is located at the Fish Hunt/Gold Hunt Headquarters. The LM is located in your HUD.

Besides some of the places already mentioned here, just a few of my faves are: Vive Nine/Ryvolter: https://marketplace.secondlife.com/stores/132240 Rowne: https://marketplace.secondlife.com/stores/54448 SEUL: https://marketplace.secondlife.com/stores/132580 Pumpkin: https://marketplace.secondlife.com/stores/59016 .:Villena:.: https://marketplace.secondlife.com/stores/45832 David Heather: https://davidheather.weebly.com/ Pseudo: Sorry no link

So glad I missed that "race-play" thread...

The people can be rude and they can most certainly be petty. Much of SL's demographics have changed over the years, but rudeness and pettiness have always existed to some degree or another. The key factor here is how one chooses to deal with it. By not allowing other people's malevolent demeanor to negatively impact or dictate your SL experience, you can bypass a lot of the unpleasantness that you encounter. As for how I deal with rude people, it all depends on my mood. Most times I'll confront them about it, block them if the situation calls for it, then move on. Other times I'll just ignore it completely and go on about my day - each person handles it differently. How you choose to deal with it is entirely up to you. You know your personal experience here better than anyone, so none of us can really tell you if what you are feeling is right or wrong, but perhaps some of us can relate on some level or another and offer some helpful advice.