Destiny Marques

Just a question Phil.. Besides you and BilliJo, who else has been effected by this (banned from the forum and SL)?

I don't post as frequently as some here, but I've been a member of this forum for a very long time and I totally agree with Pam! Although I often teeter the line of what's acceptable at times - I never cross it, because I know when to pull back and not push things to the point of no return. We're all adults here and should know by now how to control our tempers and not take things to such extremes that would result in either getting a warning or being banned all together.

That's probably where I remember you from, because your name is very familiar. In any case, wb to SL.

I may have you mixed up with someone else, but didn't you used to own a club in SL?

For all of the CURVY girls out here!

This is how I feel about SL right now...

Nope, she's a prude. She's also a Leo like me, so we constantly have to fight against the urge to "show off".

*Hugs* Nimue! I haven't been on SL as much lately, but you can add me if you like, even if we just chat here. I hope you find some friends that you can truly connect with.

You made an accusation - I explained why I said what I did and you weren't satisfied with the answer and kept pressing the matter further.. And yes, we cleared that up. As long as you refrain from making things up about me. Thank you. What I say and how you choose to perceive it is not my concern. So I'm going to leave this here. Read it and mull over it for a while, and consider the message. And if you are still pressed about it afterward, oh well, you'll get over it. LOL With that, I bid you a good day, Madame!

You asked me after you made the assumption that I was 'laying into a rape survivor'. Which I told you I was not, but you seemed steadfast determined to prove that I was. You didn't ask me any questions at all before you came in with your accusatory statement. So the "question asking" should have started with you before you even decided to post that. Anyway, if you aren't satisfied with that answer, there's nothing I can do about that *shrugs*. Because in all honestly, how you chose perceive what I said to Pussycat is your business. So, I'll leave you with that. If Pussycat wishes to carry on the topic of discussion, we can, since we had a good dialogue going. Cheers!

LOL, it's all good Love. Just another day on an internet forum. Same stuff different day.

Did you not see that part where she said she was putting Pussycat on ignore? And I said "Wonderful!", now she won't have to read the conversation between us any further, and get offended by anything that's said. Hence - Pussycat and I can now carry on with our topic of discussion uninterrupted without fear of upsetting her further . THAT's why I said that. I mean you could have asked what I meant at first, instead of assuming and jumping to conclusions. I would have gladly explained it. Personally, I don't announce when I'm putting someone on ignore, I just do it and get on with it, but that's her prerogative.

I can't speak for anyone else, but this is just a typical topic of discussion for me. No emotions involved. As for it looking like I was "laying into a rape survivor" not sure how you came about that, considering I said nothing to her and I was responding directly to Pussycat after talking to her about choosing her battles. I think anyone who's actually been following the conversation will see that I was essentially saying to Pussycat - "this battle is yours, I'm not getting into that". The message isn't cloaked in mystery and it isn't hard to figure out. The "Go for the ribs" at the end was sarcasm on my part. Now IF I really wanted to attack her, I'd address her directly. But why would I do that when she has said nothing offensive or even remotely disconcerting to me? And no, we were not 'both involved', but you seemed determined to involve the both of us anyway. You are reaching.

I think we are from the same generation, or at least I got that impression from your earlier statements. So as you know, back in the day, learning how to "code talk" was as common as learning your ABC's. I'm not sure if many minority households still practice that today, but I think it's a testament to how important our parents felt it was to know how to navigate through a world that views us as a threat or inferior. Dialing it down didn't come easy to me, it took a long time to learn how to deal with the constant stream of microaggressions that we come across on a daily basis. You simply can not allow everything to effect you - because living in a near constant embattled state will leave you worn down, embittered, and depleted in the long run. It takes its toll.

What? No, "Mickey" sat on the sidelines (I'm not sure how familiar you are with Rocky movies). I'm not "laying into" anyone. The boxing gloves were for Pussycat, if she so chose to defend her statements. If you read my comment before about "choosing your battles", you'd see why I made that statement. When it comes to rape, I have my own personal experiences with that, So I'm not even venturing into that topic.

Wonderful! Now we can keep the discussion going uninterrupted. Pussycat Catnap, you're up!

*passes you the boxing gloves* You'll be Rocky and I'll be Mickey. "Go for the ribs! "

He was exaggerating when he said "full Incan regalia", he was a drama queen who loved to embellish the truth as to make his stories more interesting, so I always took what he said with a huge grain of salt. LolWhen I said "chalking up", I meant it in the sense that I choose my battles in matter of importance to me. I'm a Leo that's typical behavior for us. And when it comes to racism in SL, it depends on the severity of it. I'm not going to run around snapping at every black "actor" who I see on an interracial sex sim, or pen off an angry notecard to some creator asking them why have they chosen to appropriate a culture, which most don't actually experience in RL. OR become belligerent after some guy or girl in "black face" messages me while trying to pass themselves off as something they are not. I will however ask them why did they choose to be a person of color in SL, which I have done in the past, and they will explain to me why they have chosen to be that. Then depending on their answer, explain to them how that negatively impacts the actual POC who play SL and about the stigma and stereotypes we have to deal with just to get by in a virtual world. My life doesn't revolve around SL, so it low on the scale of "battles" I choose to fight. With that said, when it comes to RL, that is an entirely different matter all together. I've known people who were beaten to death simply because of the color of their skin. Harassed by police and told to go back to their "side of town" although their "side of town" was just as white as the one they were being told to leave. I can give story upon story of discrimination that's either happened to myself, to a friend or loved one. It's things like this that I save the "fighting for".Not every battle is worth fighting over, when it comes to that in SL. Now if someone came up to me and called me the "n-word" inworld, which they have, or asked me something stupid such as "Can you tell me what it's like to live in the ghetto?" Or something ridiculous like that, then hell ya, I will break my virtual foot off in their ass. Ghetto? Fool, I grew up in a racially diverse middle class suburb, why don't YOU tell me what the ghetto is like whenever you find out! I'm familiar with what Peruvians and Amazonians look like. Here in Dallas, we get people from everywhere, so depending on your social circle, you are bound to encounter a variety of different people from nearly every corner of the globe at some point in time. Interesting reading though, thanks for the cultural lesson.

Congratulations on your 30 year union! My husband and I have been together for about half as long.

I recall looking for interracial themed sims back when I joined, because I'm in such a relationship in RL (my husband is Norwegian). And all I found was a bunch of race themed "sex play" sims and nothing whatsoever geared towards black females/white males. Oh, I've been and it's a part of the reason why I made mention of the stereotypes that I've encountered inworld. You will note that the whole "urban" theme is huge in SL, but when you look at the shops who advertise urban wear and this whole hip/hop/gangsta "lifestyle" - who do you normally see pictured in those ads? Take a moment to think about that and ponder about why that is. I think when it comes to being a person of color in SL, you just learn to chalk it up and move on, whenever you encounter something like that, because of how widespread and prevalent it has become. I've also been to that Amazon sim - A friend of mine claimed he was accosted by a group of women who were dressed in full Incan regalia. LOL I've never had such an experience there, so I can only take his word for it. All you can really do in the end, is be yourself and live your SL the way you want to. As long as you aren't hurting anyone in the process - what I nor anyone else thinks should matter. I don't play SL that much these days, because for me, the entire climate has changed (and not necessarily for the better), not to mention that RL is often busy, so I don't have as much free time as I once did to log in. I still like to hop onto the forum now and again to see what's happening though.

I can totally relate! I'm sorry you went through that. That stuff was still going on in the 80's too. What's worse is when you get appointed the unofficial "spokesperson" for your racial/ethnic group and get hit with the questions about "why do ***** people do this/that and the other??" or "No offense but I don't like ( *insert* a racist insult that's meant to apply to an entire group of people ), but you're not one of them!" Or touching your hair (without asking) and having the texture being mocked. I could go on, but this forum is not the place for it. Just know that I definitely know where you are coming from.

Yes, I remember that from reading your blog a long while back. A friend of mine really liked your writing and sent me the link. She's half black/half Filipino and really connected with your RL and SL experiences as a mixed person of color.

Meh, I can get into a long explanation about racism in SL and how black people are marginalized there and reduced (in most cases) to caricatures of themselves, when other racial/ethnic groups decide that they want to try on our skin. But it's not something that can really be explained in the confines of a forum message board, you'll just have to experience it for yourself. However, I will say this.. You have a huge learning curve ahead of you. You are new to being "black", so you will experience things that will make you go WTF just happened? Or is this person serious?! "Stereotypes" of us have become the running joke in the SL black community, because they are so common place. A good example of what I was trying to explain before, would be the big black male avatar with hulking muscles, and the ever so popular dark as coal TELLAQ skin. We already know what that signifies = White dude or non-black person behind that avie. Stereotypes only cause division when they are used to define a person or groups of people, and everything you know about them is based upon some preconceived notion or false belief that you have associated with them. Most of the time, those notions and beliefs tend to be steeped in racist dogma. Ordinarily, this wouldn't be an issue EXCEPT, guys like that are usually the ones who play into the "big, black, bull"... or the gold grill having, platinum chain wearing "gangsta thug"... or the "BBC for White p****"... or the "Black master for White *****s".. types of racial pegging that a lot of actual SLers of color don't venture into. To me that reflects negatively on black men, and the ones I know don't like how they get portrayed by people who choose to engage in that sort of thing. Black people in this country and the world over are already viewed in a particular negative light as it is, and fight everyday to avoid being typecast, pigeonholed (i.e., STEREOTYPED). Just because someone wants to play out some virtual sexual fantasy as a black man or black woman. Or be abusive to others because that's how they believe we act. I'll end by saying, - there is a certain way that RL black people present themselves in SL, and then there's the "other" group of actors who perform being black. There are things that concern us as people that we strive to address in-world that often gets ignored, because SL by all intents and purposes, wasn't designed with us in mind, but we make a way for ourselves there despite that. People often take the liberty of putting on a black skin without really considering what that signifies or represents (not saying this is the case with you, just speaking in general) and how it will effect the members of that race. Come back in a month or two of wearing your new avie on a regular basis and report back your findings if you wish. Perhaps this will give you a different, more personal perspective and help you to understand that which I have failed to explain. In closing, I accept your apology, but I took no offense so it wasn't really necessary.

Pretty!

Looks good on you!