Self-Care September Promotion & SL Groups

[Arielle Popstar]

13 hours ago, Sam Bellisserian said:

Would I ever entertain the idea of going to any kind of support group or therapy in Second Life? HELL NO.

Why would I put out RL feelings and information to a group platform where most people either are lying or roleplaying.   How would you ever be able to tell the difference?  You can't count on privacy. Are you aware of how much rumors and gossip happen here?

NO, Second Life is NOT a safe place for these kinds of activities and I wish people would stop promoting it.

 

But you do in the forums all the time. Do you believe most of us in the forums are lying or roleplaying too? Are you? The forums are really not much different from support groups in some ways in a more general way, so I fail to see why some seem to have an issue with them inworld and yet spout in the forums all the time. The difference with the  inworld support groups is that they are geared to specific issues and the people that attend them more focused on actual recovery from them. 

Properly chaired and facilitated, a support group tends to look at the nature of issues rather then specific instances. The idea is to relate to one another through the deeper sharing of how problematic behaviours or attitudes trigger one into self defeating patterns that may result in the indulging of addictive substances or practices like food, sex, drugs, alcohol etc. One can be much more honest with themselves and others in a group wherein all there have acknowledged having the same problems and a desire to recover from those, without a fear of judgment from one's who haven't the same issues.

Inworld support groups can be a gateway into attending RL groups if available locally and that has certainly been the case for a quite a few over the years. Since the pandemic though there has been a large increase in zoom style group meetings which has affected the attendance of some of the inworld groups I attended in years past.

In any case the idea is that there is help available out there in a number of different formats and regardless of which one used, hopefully those that can use them or even just are curious can go and attend the one that is most comfortable for today.

[Paul Hexem]

"Self care" in SL should consist of finding an existing activity you enjoy (building, sailing, exploring, etc) and doing that with the express purpose to destress and relax.

Support groups and things in here, terrible idea. 

[Persephone Emerald]

Some people might consider their friends in SL a support group. Others might prefer talking with people from a group in which the people have similar issues they're dealing with, for instance a LGBTQ+ group, a group for BDSM submissives, a group for people dealing with chronic pain or health problems, a group for people who are grieving the death of someone close to them, a group for people with PTSD, a group for people fighting substance addiction, or a group for people struggling with anxiety or depression. These are all different kinds of support groups that exist in SL. Some groups are moderated better than others, but when they're run and moderated by mentally stable, well-trained people, they tend to be helpful for their group members. When they're not, they tend to close down.

This kind of peer group support can be viewed as one kind of self-care, but so can visiting beautiful virtual places, sorting inventory while listening to music, or logging off SL and going for a walk in RL.

p.s.

I've been in various itterations of one SL mental health support group for years. I've also been in others that failed. Experience has taught me that when the creator of such a group does not have enough help and has their own mental health and RL challenges they may not be able to run such a group effectively, but some people have been able to run them effectively for years.

One of the most important tools for keeping such a group safe and helpful is also having plenty of good, trained moderators who can identify and kick out trolls and problematic people. I've seen this done in group chat and in virtual meetings. Sometimes one person may dominate a chat or meeting, but good rules and moderation limit such problems. Just as in a store group, moderators keep chat on topic, take problems to IM when appropriate, and remove those who disrupt the group.

Edited September 11, 2023 by Persephone Emerald
To add

[Love Zhaoying]

My original objection to "support groups" was if the individual is seeking help for things such as:

- drug and alcohol abuse

- depression and anxiety

- dealing with death and dying

- suicidal ideation

etc.

 

[Persephone Emerald]

2 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

My original objection to "support groups" was if the individual is seeking help for things such as:

- drug and alcohol abuse

- depression and anxiety

- dealing with death and dying

- suicidal ideation

etc.

Yes, but how can they address these problems when they don't feel capable of going to a licensed psychologist?

Have you ever called a suicide prevention hotline? My experience was of a stranger following a script. They keep you talking for about half an hour, make sure you're not in immanent danger, then give you a list of phone numbers or websites, most of which won't be able to offer practical immediate help with RL issues.

When people bring up suicidal ideation in my SL support group, on the other hand, they get feedback from several people saying they're valued, they can get through these feelings because others in the group have too, and then a moderator/mentor takes them to IM where they can talk one on one for a couple hours if they need to, then return to talking with the same person later if they wish. If the person seems to be in immanent danger, they're told to contact a RL suicide prevention hotline, but they can come back to talk in group or with a moderator/mentor whenever they wish with all the convenience and anonymity that SL provides.

The same holds true for the other issues you mentioned, but people who are experiencing suicidal ideation are in many ways the trickiest to deal with in an inworld support group. They may trigger others in the group or be viewed as a troll, which is why it's best for them to go to IM with a trained mentor. They may also threaten to kill themself and then log off, which upsets other people in the group, who won't know if they might have followed through on their threat. 

The greater danger, however, is when a person experiencing such a crisis feels like they have no one they can talk with who will understand how they're feeling and respond back with empathy and patience.

Edited September 11, 2023 by Persephone Emerald

[Love Zhaoying]

3 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

Have you ever called a suicide prevention hotline? My experience was of a stranger following a script

I hope this was before the "National Suicide Hotline". I'm sorry you had to call one, but glad you did.

Guess I should have provided some logic / reasoning behind my post: Because, unqualified people can do real harm.

Easy question as an example: For something like AA/NA, if one were seeking a "sponsor" - wouldn't it be crucial that the "sponsor" be sober, and versed in the "Steps" of the program?

I suppose a more universal example might be: If one were a victim of abuse, wouldn't it be crucial to find someone they trust? 

[Dafadilia Wayfarer]

Much of my self care for a long time took place in SL. It still does at times when rl won't allow me to do my gardening, walks, etc and I'm stuck in bed. My husband will login and we will spend time together in sl when I can't walk in rl. I'll spend time with my sisters, daughter and cats here in sl. Taking photos and sailing. I consider that self care. I've been part of the same spiritual community since 2009. We have weekly events I rarely can attend these days, but I always attend holiday rituals. It helps ground me in real life to reconnect with people I've known for years in SL who share common spiritual beliefs. I consider that self care that is balanced by the self care I do in rl.

I've never been comfortable with support groups in sl. They just aren't for me. If they help others, than that's great. If they get help from that type of sl group, I'm happy for them. I would just suggest being very careful what you share and who you trust to share with in sl just as in rl. My therapist in rl is who I go to for my mental well-being. My mental health is too complicated for a support group even in rl. As I always point out, that's just me though. Whatever works for the individual person.

[Persephone Emerald]

1 minute ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I hope this was before the "National Suicide Hotline". I'm sorry you had to call one, but glad you did.

Guess I should have provided some logic / reasoning behind my post: Because, unqualified people can do real harm.

Easy question as an example: For something like AA/NA, if one were seeking a "sponsor" - wouldn't it be crucial that the "sponsor" be sober, and versed in the "Steps" of the program?

I suppose a more universal example might be: If one were a victim of abuse, wouldn't it be crucial to find someone they trust? 

A sponsor would need to be someone in RL, but talking with others inworld, could be similar to going to an AA meeting. In any group of people one interacts with regularly in RL or virtually, one can develop a feeling of being part of a community. One comes to understand a little about the personalities and issues of others, but seldom knows them intimately. There is a level of trust that develops within the group, but people still need to have common sense for protecting themselves and their privacy. In SL we're told not to give out too many personal details and we usually use pseudonyms. In AA meetings, they only use first names and are not supposed to share details about what others say outside of the meeting.

You're right that unqualified people can do harm, but so can a bad therapist. This is why there needs to be good training, good rules and procedures, and proper oversight in RL and in virtual settings.

[Ayashe Ninetails]

2 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

My original objection to "support groups" was if the individual is seeking help for things such as:

- drug and alcohol abuse

- depression and anxiety

- dealing with death and dying

- suicidal ideation

etc.

Yeah...

Honestly, obvious safety issues aside, just knowing anyone in the group could be saving the chat logs is enough to get a big NOPE out of me. I'll chat in-world and elsewhere about RL all day, but there are some areas of life in general that are entirely off limits for me to be blasting across a virtual space in a group setting. Save that for an in-person meeting or a call with a close friend or somethin'.

I've seen the stuff that pops up off-platform. Noooope.

[Luna Bliss]

Here's a calendar with lots of classes, fun events, and support groups listed. Be sure and click the tabs at the top as there are 5 organizations.

https://www.virtualwholebrainhealth.org/calwbh/

[Luna Bliss]

7 hours ago, Arielle Popstar said:

zoom style group meetings

Zoom has exploded of late with all sorts of support groups!  I even do my meditation there @ the Yogananda Zoom meetings.

Edited September 11, 2023 by Luna Bliss

[Luna Bliss]

8 hours ago, Lyric Demina said:

23 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

I agree that 'self care' (including support groups) would not be a substitute for professional, licensed therapy for a person who has a mental illness....but did somebody say it would be?

Most people just have difficulty in traversing the passages of life -- some are quite difficult.  They don't need psychotherapy for some sort of major mental illness. But they do need to take care of themselves in the best way possible, and wherever they can find any needed support.

Exactly.

I'm surprised -- but actually relieved and delighted too -- that nobody thinks of chemotherapy and cancer patients immediately when the idea of "support groups" comes up, especially given the prevalence of RFL in Second Life.  When a person takes chemo, or radiation, or is treated for the sundry cancers generally, in my country one of the first things a doctor will recommend is to join a support group of other people going through it too.  It doesn't (necessarily) require psychotherapy; but it does require support.  "We're going through it too, you can come talk with us."   And the support groups I have found most helpful have been in fact the ones that were virtual; the ones that were type-chat, or message-board chat, or Second Life chat. 

It seems like a no-brainer for me to cheer for virtual support groups but perhaps (and I really hope) that's indicative of the general good health of the rest of this thread, which is fantastic

Yes!  There are so many resources for support groups helping disabled folks, or those with disabilities.

I got my start in SL actually, as a designer, creating a sim named SupportForHealing where all sorts of meetings took place, and across from them was one of the first sims for those who were disabled. Most were in wheel chairs, and their amazement at being able to walk and fly was infectious.

[Luna Bliss]

10 hours ago, Rat Luv said:

I would also personally avoid support groups on SL...I can imagine some egomaniacs being attracted to the role of 'counsellor'...and like others have said, you can never really tell who's behind the avatar, or what experience they have (if any! ) or whether they really care about your well-being.

Whole Brain Health was started by a former English professor and psychotherapist, and she vets the various people running the groups on her sims.  For the support groups (like for relationships & dealing with death) you can even go to the websites of the people running them, or check out their credentials online.

https://www.virtualwholebrainhealth.org/calwbh/

[Luna Bliss]

12 hours ago, Stephanie Misfit said:

I joined one large support group in SL a few years ago. It was not a good experience and I am with Sam in agreeing that they are not safe.

I had never eaten chocolates in a box before, and upon trying the first one (kind of a green gooey center that tasted yucky) I decided I hated boxed chocolates. Then I tried the other types because I'm risky like that -- caramel, chocolate centers, coconut.  Boy I'm glad I decided not to stop with that green gooey one and miss the delight that boxed chocolates can bring!

[Persephone Emerald]

7 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

I had never eaten chocolates in a box before, and upon trying the first one (kind of a green gooey center that tasted yucky) I decided I hated boxed chocolates. Then I tried the other types because I'm risky like that -- caramel, chocolate centers, coconut.  Boy I'm glad I decided not to stop with that green gooey one and miss the delight that boxed chocolates can bring!

It also makes a big difference as to which brand one tries. It's important to find the brand and flavors that suit you best, rather than believing that all chocolates are the same,...

...unless, of course, you're allergic to chocolate.

Edited September 11, 2023 by Persephone Emerald

[Luna Bliss]

18 hours ago, Sam Bellisserian said:

20 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

Yet a few weeks ago you expressed on the forum how you wanted to have a romantic relationship in 2nd life where you could be assured of the person's gender and trust that they were being real with their feelings and description of their life, both 1st and 2nd life.

So how is this different from doing the same thing in a group?

Because I can vet one person.  A whole group? Impossible.  I've been to what you call a "support group" in SL. It was one guy complaining about his SL GF for the whole hour and the next week, the same thing.  It was a total waste of time.

Support groups about RL issues should be attended in RL not a fantasy platform. VERY dangerous.

ETA: I'm sorry if you don't like my opinion but I am allowed to have one even if it's totally the opposite of yours. You really need to accept that more when posting here.

Of course, Sam, you are allowed to have your opinion. But here your opinion is a slap in the face to those who are finding all sorts of groups in 2nd life beneficial.

It would help if you just spoke of what you wanted and what you felt was good for you, and not dismissing other peoples experiences that differ from yours.

In other words, 2nd life is not a fantasy platform for me, and i feel very safe discussing all sorts of issues with people here -- it has been very helpful in my life. No danger, for me.

Edited September 11, 2023 by Luna Bliss

[Luna Bliss]

Tomorrow is the 'Carers' group at Whole Brain Health. It's the 2nd group by the 1st life Death Doula (Cattie Rosca SL name) who helps those who are grieving deal with the death of loved ones after caring for them as they died. The Carers group focuses on the emptiness people sometimes feel after being so busy caring for their loved ones, and ways to self-care now and learn to participate in life without the loved one they were so close to.

[Ayashe Ninetails]

I don't think something as serious as sharing real life info in virtual spaces with what are essentially strangers on a platform known to be filled with a random assortment of anonymous roleplayers and casual users can be compared to someone turning their back on chocolate after a bad experience.

Though, how dare you even suggest such a thing, chocolate is incredible. 👀😂

More seriously - if people are uncomfortable with it, that's totally valid, especially seeing as self-care is about doing what feels good to you.

[Ceka Cianci]

2 hours ago, Ayashe Ninetails said:

Yeah...

Honestly, obvious safety issues aside, just knowing anyone in the group could be saving the chat logs is enough to get a big NOPE out of me. I'll chat in-world and elsewhere about RL all day, but there are some areas of life in general that are entirely off limits for me to be blasting across a virtual space in a group setting. Save that for an in-person meeting or a call with a close friend or somethin'.

I've seen the stuff that pops up off-platform. Noooope.

That's how I feel about things for me, on line or in RL. only put the business out there that you are willing to have out there for good.. Because what you say can and sometimes will be used against you in the court of opinion and judgement.

It don't take much these days but to get a little crossed with someone and they'll spill everything..

I see how easily people put themselves out there all over the place on line these days.. from posting breakfast to marriage problems to my dog at my keyboard..

The internet is not a safe place to  be putting my business out there.. hehehe

[Luna Bliss]

23 minutes ago, Ayashe Ninetails said:

I don't think something as serious as sharing real life info in virtual spaces with what are essentially strangers on a platform known to be filled with a random assortment of anonymous roleplayers and casual users can be compared to someone turning their back on chocolate after a bad experience.

Though, how dare you even suggest such a thing, chocolate is incredible. 👀😂

You've misunderstood the metaphor.
It typically takes trying something more than one time to know its value. There are many variables that are involved in making an experience good or bad for us, and one experience can't possibly encompass all the variables we need to consider.
Now my cat, though, since sniffing my citrus seltzer can believes all cans are bad. Pity, as there could be some yummy food in one of those cans. She doesn't have the brain power to consider the complexities involved in her "decision" however.
I hope you don't think I'm comparing this terribly serious matter of internet sharing with cans of seltzer and cat food now.

I do agree, however, that chocolate is sacred and we should worship it and not make light of it.  My apologies     hehe

[Luna Bliss]

19 minutes ago, Ceka Cianci said:

That's how I feel about things for me, on line or in RL. only put the business out there that you are willing to have out there for good.. Because what you say can and sometimes will be used against you in the court of opinion and judgement.

It don't take much these days but to get a little crossed with someone and they'll spill everything..

I see how easily people put themselves out there all over the place on line these days.. from posting breakfast to marriage problems to my dog at my keyboard..

The internet is not a safe place to  be putting my business out there.. hehehe

The thing is, you've already put all sorts of your "stuff" out here on the internet, on this forum. Sex stuff with hubby, your food habits, and more.

But in, say, my Heart Menders group where we talk about grief and loss, someone might say they lost their sister and felt sad about that as a child. I doubt that would be some kind of fodder for the gossip mill and end up @ Virtual Secrets or something.  I guess what I'm saying is that you, and others, might be imagining deeper stuff is being shared than actually is being shared. So much of it is pretty surface stuff or not really 'gossip material', but still people feel relieved others have had similar experiences.

I do agree one should be cautious though, and only share what you'd feel comfortable with, knowing what you say can 'escape' the group.

Edited September 11, 2023 by Luna Bliss

[Ceka Cianci]

27 minutes ago, Ayashe Ninetails said:

I don't think something as serious as sharing real life info in virtual spaces with what are essentially strangers on a platform known to be filled with a random assortment of anonymous roleplayers and casual users can be compared to someone turning their back on chocolate after a bad experience.

Though, how dare you even suggest such a thing, chocolate is incredible. 👀😂

More seriously - if people are uncomfortable with it, that's totally valid, especially seeing as self-care is about doing what feels good to you.

The thing that is kind of bothering me is.. you have the privacy policy on one hand and now this advertisement on the other.. We know the world , new users don't , so we know our way around..

A lot of new users get taken advantage of, especially in their first year..  Mainly because  trusting is so much easier when you are new..

It's their world I guess.

[Luna Bliss]

2 minutes ago, Ceka Cianci said:

The thing that is kind of bothering me is.. you have the privacy policy on one hand and now this advertisement on the other.

If I met you inworld and we talked about some experience we both went through, would that be dangerous? (if we trusted each other).  What if one other person was there and they talked about their similar experience (and we trusted them).  That's all this is. People are making it out to be so much more than just people talking and sharing about their lives.  Some weeks that's all there is in my Heart Menders group -- 3 people talking about a loved one that died, or a cat they still miss.

[Ceka Cianci]

26 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

The thing is, you've already put all sorts of your "stuff" out here on the internet, on this forum. Sex stuff with hubby, your food habits, and more.

But in, say, my Heart Menders group where we talk about grief and loss, someone might say they lost their sister and felt sad about that as a child. I doubt that would be some kind of fodder for the gossip mill and end up @ Virtual Secrets or something.  I guess what I'm saying is that you, and others, might be imagining deeper stuff is being shared than actually is being shared. So much of it is pretty surface stuff or not really 'gossip material', but still people feel relieved others have had similar experiences.

I do agree one should be cautious though, and only share what you'd feel comfortable with, knowing what you say can 'escape' the group.

I've put out no more than I was willing to put out there.. The food stuff is most times healthy recipes to share.. Sex stuff with my husband? did I go into details or was it something silly?

What I'm noticing in this thread is, Anyone that you don't agree with or have a problem with what they are saying, you end up dragging up their past..  All that does is reinforce our hold on our opinion..

You are going to clump stuff together  on things I've said in the past that I hardly even remember saying, to use against me  all this time later, to prove some point?

I guarantee you I never went into details about me and my husband having sex.. I might have said something  silly like,  My husband seen that  video of that girl scratching the mic and next thing you know he's horny or whatever.. but  never no details..

Here is the deal.. what every you said underneath  the past that you brought up, I didn't read.. Just so you know where we are at right now.. You did the same thing to Sam, which kind of bothered me and then you went and did the same thing to me.. I wasn't gonna say anything at first, but here we are..

My opinion is, I'll be cutting down on sharing much of anything in here anymore..

 

Edited September 11, 2023 by Ceka Cianci

[Luna Bliss]

Hmmm looks like they posted a self-care promotion last year too, that I missed: