You have got to be joking!

[Perrie Juran]

A shy but handsome fellow was at a club and sees a beautiful woman seated alone at the bar.

After an hour of screwing up his courage he heads over to her and asks tentatively, "Uh, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"

Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the poor guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he meanders back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.

She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs ...."What do you mean $200 an hour!"

[Lynda Baran]

An Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident.

They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road.

The Rabbi says, "Oy vey! What a wreck!" The priest asks him, "Are you all right, Rabbi?"

The Rabbi responds, "Just a little shaken."

The priest pulls a flask of whiskey from his coat and says, "Here, drink some of this it will calm your nerves."

The Rabbi takes the flask and drinks it down and says, "Well, what are we going to tell the police?"

"Well," the priest says, "I don't know what your aft' to be tellin' them. But I'll be tellin' them I wasn't the one drinkin'."

[Tex Monday]

Guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head...

Bartender says "Can I help you?"

Duck says "Yeah, get this guy off my butt!"

(Thank you..I'll be here all week.....)

[Drake1 Nightfire]

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th grade students. As it was the first day, she gave her intro,
and asked all the students to introduce themselves with their name and hobby. She said, "Let's start with the boys first."
Boys start giving their intro...
First boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubbles in the bathtub."
Teacher was confused to listen but said, "Interesting. Well, Ok. In fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So it's ok John.
Yes next."
Second boy: "Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubbles in the bathtub."
Teacher now got surprised and said, "Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next."
Third boy: "I'm Jim and my hobby is to see bubbles in the bathtub."
Teacher: "Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next."
This continues...and the last boy stands up "I'm Harry and my hobby is to see bubbles in the bathtub."
Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be able to teach childish boys for long. Anyway, now the girls please."
First girl: "I'm Julie and my hobby is to watch birds."
Teacher: "Good. At last I got something different. Ok next."
Second girl: "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes."
Teacher "Now it's like educated grown up girls. Ok next. You sweet girl; Yes you..."
Most beautiful girl of the class:
"Ma’am, my name is Bubbles, and my hobby is to take baths three times a day."

[Solaria Goldshark]

---

Porky Gorky wrote:

What is the funniest (clean) joke that you know?

---

I had to called a friend of mine to see if he knew of any clean jokes.

He laughed and said, "yeah, Tim Tebow"

[Ciaran Laval]

I was in Specsavers yesterday, guess who I bumped into?

Everybody.

 

Q. Which group sang the song Tiger Feet?

A. Mud

That's Right

That's Right

That's Right

That's Right

[wiked Anton]

I was listening to that while i was organizing my music today....lol

 

[Kelli May]

---

Ciaran Laval wrote:

I was in Specsavers yesterday, guess who I bumped into?

Everybody.

 

Q. Which group sang the song Tiger Feet?

A. Mud

That's Right

That's Right

That's Right

That's Right

---

Funny you should say that. Every time I hear "The Lion Sleeps Tonight", the urge to join in is just a whim away....

 

A whim away, a whim away

A whim away, a whim away

A whim away, a whim away...