Beth Macbain

Thank you! I did indeed read it wrong, and absolutely concur with you about that dude's use of "P2D".

This is all so freaking goofy. I love men. Anyone who knows me knows I love men. All sorts of different flavors of men. Men are freaking amazing. But men who touch my butt in SL or RL without permission to touch my butt don't get excused just because I freaking love men more than ice cream - and I love ice cream a lot. I would love, love, love, love, love to have more men in SL because the more men we have, the higher the likelihood that they will be the kind of guys who don't go around touching women without permission, or being just general jerks, because in my RL experience, the awesome men far outnumber the idiot men. I repeat - men are freaking fabulous as a whole. There are few things I'd love more than to see the balance shift in SL to where there is an equal number, if not greater number, of men than women. Because men are the bomb-diggity. As to the original question of how to make SL more welcoming to men, my personal belief is that LL's PR, marketing, graphic designers, and web designers needs to stop targeting just women. I just pulled up the homepage and every single picture is of women, except one with a couple on a motorcycle where the man is facing away and the woman is facing the camera and one of a guy (with a chick) playing guitar that looks like he stepped out of a Doobie Brothers video in 1978. The very first image I got slapped with was Helly, Kitty. And OMG, now that I'm clicking around the website, the entire thing desperately needs to be updated. That would help with attracting new users both male and female. I may be reading this the wrong way, but it strikes a sour note for me. I'm reading this as an assumption that any female-presenting avatar that is sex positive and sexually open must be a male playing as a female or, by reducing women to "female genitals", it reads as sl*t-shaming. I can only speak for myself, and provide purely anecdotal evidence. I'm extremely sexually open, but it is only one aspect of who I am and I hate to see women reducing me to my genitals because of my sexuality. I hate it from men, too, but it's especially bothersome to me when it comes from women. Throughout my years of running a very sexual SL blog, I cannot tell you the number of times I have received an email, or been approached in SL, or some other channel, from women saying they wish they had my courage to be as sexually open as I am. When I ask why they aren't, it answer is almost always because they don't want people to look down on them. I think that's a shame. I think it's atrocious that women who want to live a sex-positive and open life are still, in 2019, shamed for their sexuality and their desires.

It's transparent and phantom. No one knows it's there unless they are looking for it. And I don't mind if people are looking for it. I do mind when they start clicking my bits just because they're there. Some people click by mistake, yes, and those are almost always followed up with an "OMG, I'm so sorry!" IM and that's fine. But the guys who see it's there, or are looking for one, and just start spanking me are no different to me than guys who grope women in real life just because women have butts and boobs. I don't consider it assault like I would in the real world, but I do consider it very gauche and rude behavior, and that'll earn the person a block.

I walk out of my real life house every single day with my butt. Having a butt doesn't mean that anyone can touch it, grab it, or slap it. Same in SL with the spankers. Just because it's there doesn't give anyone the right to touch it, or me.

And y’all think I’m rude...

Sorry that the point flew over your head. I don’t care if someone inspects me from head to toe to see what I’ve got attached. I do care, however, if a stranger takes it upon himself to spank me just because I’m wearing a spanker.

I actually do have a spanker... and a boob slapper, and a hair puller, but that's because I'm a big pain ho with gentlemen who have proven to me that they can handle that level of maturity, respectability, responsibility, and trust, but it also helps me weed out guys (like this one) who are of the mindset of "It's there, so I can touch it." The subway gropers, if you will. Click my butt if you must from across the room without speaking to me, or knowing me, but it's a sure-fire way to end up on my block list.

Literally the only good thing about the holiday season.

Here it is! secondlife:///app/group/aff1160b-74a4-fd37-5d1c-22921544f7e9/about Open to all!

I’m assuming he’s talking about spankers, though I have no idea why he didn’t just say that.

That thread will hopefully weed out the kind of male newcomers who call mental illnesses “female hysteria”. 🖕🏻

OMFG. NO, THE OP SAID NO SUCH THING. Yes, it's clear to me that this creature has me on ignore and isn't reading any of my posts and it's making me visualize some homicidal ideation.

I've never seen this before. I've seen people who simply state that they don't look at local, but if that's what you're talking about, I think you're doing a bit of projecting there. I don't look at local. Like someone up above said, it's often a freaking nightmare of gesturbating, spam, inane conversations, and those two girls in every club/store/shopping event trying soooooooo hard to be super edgy. Local chat is bloody awful for the most part. I don't actually have it in my profile that I don't pay attention to local because I don't especially care. I can see how some people would, though, because it's saying, to me, that they want people to say hello or whatever, and would like it in an IM so they don't miss it - "You want to talk to me? Great! I don't look at local, though, so please send me an IM."

If we were going to do something like this I'd rather see people make their wish list as big or small as they wanted. I don't really do Christmas in the real world, and I spend (too) much on myself in SL to have a great big wish list, but I'd love the chance to get hold of someone's else's list that isn't able to afford much but has some wonderfully extravagant things on their list that they'd love to have but would never buy for themselves. Would be nice, I suppose, though, that if people did make wish lists it have a wide variety in price so most everyone could afford something and participate. Or not feel about about having a list, and receiving things, even if they aren't able to buy gifts for anyone else at all.

Not TMI. Thank you for trusting us enough to let it out and I hope it helps you feel even a tiny bit better! As for your shame, embarrassment, not bragging, etc... No one ever has to apologize or be embarrassed out the number of chemo drugs they're taking to try and beat their cancer. No one ever has to apologize or feel embarrassed for using an insulin pump to help control their diabetes because their sugar levels go up and down. And YOU also don't have to apologize or feel embarrassed for having mental illnesses, the way they affect your life and your relationships, the treatments methods you are trying and discarding and adjusting to find what works best for you. Anyone who tries to bring you down doesn't need to be in your world. They've lost that right by being an ass to you. And that is absolutely their loss. Here is a hamster smiling at you because he thinks you're the bomb-diggity.

If any man who is considering joining SL looks at these forums to get a feel for the place, is it any wonder they don't join?!

So do many women.

She would have to be willing to read and employ critical thinking skills - two things she has demonstrated an unwillingness to do. At this point, she's just being willfully ignorant, and much like supporters of - that orange thing - cannot be educated or reasoned with. She is furthering the stigma of mental health by denying that she has one, even though she has named it as SAD, a very real, recognized metal illness. She's trying to have it both ways. She wants the benefits of people saying "Oh, poor you" without the stigma of people saying "It's all in your head." At this point, I'm not telling her that she's wrong to educate her. I'm doing it so others who read this thread don't mistake her words as truth.

No one knows what the Premium Plus membership level is going to be comprised of. Everything at this point is just speculation and it may well include things that no one here has considered. People getting angry about what is included in something that hasn't been released is just freaking bananas and bananas are gross. It's a bit like saying "Hey, I don't like that brown paper bag of groceries over there that I can't see the contents of because it clearly doesn't have any chocolate cake in it and is filled will bananas," when the bag actually contains zero bananas and a large chocolate cake. Also people making claims that certain benefits that may or may not be included are worthless or worthy based on their own desires is goofy AF. What I might find absolutely invaluable may be someone else's trash, but that doesn't negate its value to me. It's not for you? Great, then don't purchase the Premium Plus level when it's available. Also, in my opinion, Premium Plus is a terrible name. I put Premium Plus gasoline in my car.

I think we should all make a wish list and make Santa alts and send each other things anonymously.

Does that mean that if I get diabetes I can say that it isn't a physical illness for me? "Hi, I have diabetes but it's the mental kind so I'm going to go ahead and eat this entire cake," and then I'm in a diabetic coma and die. She can believe whatever she wants, but she's still wrong. Denying that a mental illness is a mental illness can be deadly. Well thank god it does. The fact that it is constantly being updated because science is growing and learning is a wonderful thing and makes me trust it even more. I distrust the US Constitution because it doesn't change.

@FairreLilette Those are the OP's words. He never said he had SAD. YOU planted that in his head right here - ⬇️⬇️⬇️ I'm not saying it was a bad thing to suggest that to him - it may well be SAD. But he hasn't been diagnosed with it. YOU planted the idea, then YOU ran with the false narrative that he said he has SAD. Sorry @Gopi Passiflora - You shouldn't be being dragged into this clusterduck. I do hope you're feeling better and finding some tools to help you out! *hugs*

Just curious... did you bother to read the previous 9 pages of this thread before you posted?

My dad passed away in June 2017. It didn't really hit me until several months later and it was hell when it did. I was winding up tighter and tighter and tighter and trying to tell myself and everyone else that I was doing okay when I was utterly crumbling on the inside. It took sitting in a therapist's office where I let myself cry (Let? I couldn't stop it, but it wasn't in front of my family that I was trying to put on a strong front for) and once I started crying, it didn't stop. Poor Molly the therapist, who I'd not met before, just sat there handing me tissue after tissue after tissue while I snot-blubbered for over an hour. It felt wonderful, and having a complete stranger tell me that I needed to cut myself some slack was amazingly cathartic. Oh, and bumping my medication (and adding one temporarily). Those things came me the strength to open up to my family about what I was going through and then it finally started getting better. All that to say I'm very sorry for the loss of your dad. Even as an adult, it's something that can't be prepared for, and it's an awful experience. My condolences and wishes for you to find the tools you need to get through what is going to be a difficult holiday season.

This is the place where I step in and beg you to seek help if you haven't already. Your words sound so very much like my own at times that it hurts my soul. Everything you've said could have been written by me. Empty, pointless, wrong, unable to change, failure... I've been there. I still go there occasionally. I've learned tools (and one of those tools is knowing when I need to speak to my doctor about changing/adjusting medication) to help me get through those times. Please, please try to hold on to the absolute truth that your brain is lying to you. You are NOT empty, you are NOT pointless, you are NOT wrong, you are NOT unable to change (though it's the freaking hardest freaking thing in the freaking world), and you most definitely are NOT a failure. Your brain is lying to you, and forcing you to judge yourself against other people. Also, please remember that those other people are likely going through their own crap and may well be thinking those very same thoughts you are. We're all broken in one way or another. If you'd like to talk privately, please reach out to me - here, inworld, email (bethmacbain@gmail.com), Skype (bethmacbain_1), or Discord (beth#8939), especially as we enter into the hell of the holiday season.