Suggesting a change to one's avatar

[Qie Niangao]

---

Ren Toxx wrote:

Another reason might be money; getting quality, plus a varied wardrobe to be able to change from day to day and 

still

remain terrific-looking, comes at a price. 

---

This reminded me: There are always good reasons to delay purchasing SL items because they're so quickly made obsolete by the Next Big Thing in viewer features. For example, there still are only a handful of creators who are doing even halfway reasonable things with Materials (even my favorite, most technically advanced mesh haberdasher is missing some tricks), and we don't even have the deformer yet. And by that time, we'll be waiting for Avatar 2.0 or something.

So pretty much anything one buys now will be obsolete eventually. I can imagine that being a significant disincentive for some people.

[Tari Landar]

I had a friend once, bless her soul(and I mean that literally, *RIP*) who used to have the hardest time in the world saying anything negative. I'm talking even remotely not positive it was like the words just did not exist for her. Such a sweetheart. I was looking particularly, we'll say not my best, for a bit. I had been focusing on creating and learning new things, working for a charity drive and just waaaaay in over my head. My looks were the last thing I gave a crap about. Mind you, I DID, and do, have nicer things than I was wearing at the time. Back then I wore my gnome jammies a LOT, and skins I was attempting to make.  Rather than tell me "girl you're looking fugly, fix it". She gifted me something so eloquently presented you would have thought she was asking me to marry her.

In the box was a card-when rezzed, it spoke in chat. A lovely poem and a personal message. It was a thank you card. Inside the box with it were 2 giftcards to a store that has a lot of well done stuff(although, common as it uses a lot of templates/kits) at really good prices. Rather than buy me what she thought I needed, she gifted me something to get it myself. I couldn't help but feel touched. Not only because she gave me a gift, but also because in her own way she was being straight upfront and honest with me. I know no one else will probably see what she did as that, but you really would have had to know her to understand how I know this.

I thanked her profusely and flat out told her I was looking a bit ragged and if I intended to be in front of other people(which I had to do shortly) I should probably look my best. She just smiled, not saying a word. Again, her being upfront and honest, she was agreeing with me, lol. I changed my skin-because at the time I was wearing one I was working on(not so well I might add), and put on real clothes and such for a while. I even occasionally left the sim, even when I didn't absolutely have to. I didn't use those giftcards for myself, but she knows I didn't. After finding this store, I realized they often give giftcards out. I used it as an opportunity and started handing them out. Now, I like this store don't get me wrong, I just own literally every item they have for women, and many for men, lol. I had no personal use for the giftcards. All of the ones I got, I'd gift out to other people, especially newbies. Seemed to be the right thing to do.

I wasn't mean, or telling them they're ugly, I just offered them a gift and a little nudge in the store's direction, that's it. I'd talk to them a bit here and there. Without seeming like an infomercial or paid ad, I'd talk up the store and welcome them to sl with a giftcard. Never once had someone get offended I was being mean, or juding them only for their looks. That's why i think the approach matters just as much as the message, sometimes more.

I still do that with gcs, when I get the chance to get them. It's a lot of fun.

I meant to put that in my other post, but got lost, and I talk enough as it is. But, OP, I would recommend an approach similar. Tell her you were out and about, saw this great store and just stopped in. Maybe you found something that you think she'd look AMAZING(saying this in my best Ralphie May voice) in, not that she doesn't already. There are LOTS of ways to help people out, if they need it, without making them feel inferior or of lesser quality. It really does come down to the approach. I don't think most people would actually be offended at the idea, let alone the action, of getting a giftcard from someone close. Especially when it comes with compliments such as "Every inch of you is beyond stunning. I'm not sure it's possible to improve upon that kind of beauty. But I saw this store today and when I saw this(these) outfit(s), I immediately pictured you. I should only be so lucky as the fabric sat atop your skin. I just know your radiance will really make this(these) outfit(s) shine"...Re-phrase whatever lines you'd like to, make it less mushy, replace outfits with (shoes) or whatever have you. Yes I realize some will say that's corny. But I don't think most actually feel that way. Everyone loves a compliment, even those of us who pretend we really don't. It's nice from time to time. Compliments go a very long way, so if you do approach this issue, come at it from that angle.

[Amethyst Jetaime]

I wouldn't say anything to her.  But what I would do is wait for an appropriate gift giving occasion, and give her a gift of some nice shoes.  Maybe you have a six month anniversary coming up or her rez day or birthday.  I'd look for a nice pair that would go with most things and  that has a HUD that you can use to change the color or texture on it to coordinate with her clothes. 

Don't make a big deal of it, just see how she reacts,.  If she likes them and wears them, then take her with you to help you pick out some clothes then maybe give her a gift certificate as a thanks for her help. Don't shower her with gifts, but there is nothing wrong with giving her things once in a while.   If at anytime she appears to be in the least bit uncomfortable then back off.

I am a very independent person and pay my own way in RL and SL, not expecting or needing anything from my partner financially.  I am uncomfortable with men buying me a lot of stuff because it can create a feeling of obligation , especially when a relationship is young.  Never the less my partner does give me gifts once in a while.  It isn't the amount he spends, but the spirit in which he gives them to me and that he is considerate and is thinking of me that I appreciate. 

[Melita Magic]

---

FairuzaB wrote:

Why not offer to take her shopping or send her some gifts?  

 

---

This, especially the first part.

You spend time together anyway - she's female and the topic of shopping has never once come up?

Hmm.

[Czari Zenovka]

---

Melita Magic wrote:

---

FairuzaB wrote:

Why not offer to take her shopping or send her some gifts?  

 

---

This, especially the first part.

You spend time together anyway - she's female and the topic of shopping has never

once

come up?

Hmm.

---

I was with my former partner for three years and he was always the one suggesting shopping. 

My name is Czari, I'm a female, and I don't like to shop.

[Melita Magic]

I have met a few women who hate shopping or dislike shopping, but, I stick by what I said.

ETA: I might add you do take great care in your avatar's appearance. (You had to have gone shopping at some point.)

I do realize there are myriad reasons why a person might not.

I do find it unusual a female could spend years in SL, have a close relationship, and care nothing about their avatar's appearance, especially if their partner did (re: the OP.) Would your avatar be caught dead in system shoes, or system hair, for instance?