Love Zhaoying

I fixed one of the first sentences in the OP - which actually "trailed off" and I did not realize it! Now that I have had plenty of time to get things straightened out, that reads: Related to this idea [what was written above], I would like to discuss ideas and suggestions on "How" to respond in general - in such a way that [ETA: Oops! I trailed off here- added the rest] we don't "escalate" things, make them worse, react to negative posts with anger, respond with something we may regret later, be misunderstood due to not choosing words carefully, not be taken seriously, etc. *Phew* That's a long list!

Correct. I did not state we need more kindness in general; "I would like to discuss ideas and suggestions on "How" to respond in general - in such a way that" [ETA: Oops! I trailed off here, Argh!]. The "hard to explain" point was that "each of us" can benefit from being more kind in "our responses to others" (not from our general behavior, or what we ourselves post). Specifically (as detailed in the very long OK), responses to others where the others' post is "challenging", etc. Let me know if you desire to discuss it, but you appear to understand that the thread was NOT about bringing more kindness into the Forum! Thanks!

Good call! From that perspective, a little like Blue Lagoon.. I like how this thread is not a "pile-on" (until someone decides it is). But I think your metaphor of the "authority figure" is interesting. I keep bringing it back to Second Life to try and help that. I wish others would take the OP at face value, maybe contribute something.

Be careful where you post that image, seriously - if you posted it in "Make Me Laugh", you'd get in trouble! At least, I would get in trouble if I posted it!!

NOTE: The point of this thread wasn't actually for me to "try to completely change and apologize for all past sins". But at this point, since there's a line, I may as well provide the requested service. NEXT!

Ok, much as she "asked for" (not quite demanded?) an apology for the things I had done - but still left "mad", I can only do so much. Assuming it is you (not BJ) who often writes about Lumiya - then I apologize for being mean about that. If you think about anything else you feel I should apologize for, let me know.

Not TOTALLY unexpected, but I didn't expect such a um..healthy number of unsupportive responses! Male, yes. I mostly get the "I assumed you were female" from UK residents, because in those cases they assumed "Love" is a name a female would use - to the point of saying "I thought you were a bird (female)!" LOL!

Good point. Here's the hard part and why I found it difficult to deal with. He literally laughed about making jokes about AIDS. Explaining to someone why that is cruel, stupid, not funny, etc. is difficult. Especially when they laugh about it as in, "it's no big deal, we make those jokes where I live". So, with a starting point of "the other person laughs it off", it can be hard to get started being honest with your feelings because, there is every reason to believe they will just laugh at YOU! It is much easier to just ignore such a person or, hope they don't bring up similar things. Thanks for encouraging me to face that! (Explaining it is hard!)

Ok, in order to respond, I'll copy your feedback below and try to address any points: So far as I can tell, the only behavior you are referencing in your post above is that I may have blocked you in order to not answer uncomfortable questions that you sometimes post. Assuming that is why I had you blocked, I can certainly try to do better on that with you personally. Although in general "other" blocked people are blocked for other reasons. Was there some other specific behavior you were referring to, or were you referring to something that Luna said? Thanks!

Thanks for participating!

Oh! I almost misunderstood your reply. That IS definitely a good valid approach in Second Life! I think one of my issues with "lying" is eventually getting caught being inconsistent, forgetting what you lied about, etc. I suppose if one lies "creatively", then people will get (hopefully) that you are making stuff up! Thanks for your response!

Oh, my! If I did that, I apologize.

Thanks for the feedback!

Continuing the trend of Second Life examples (NOT "Forum" examples), here is an example that happened to me, from the OP "4. Someone makes a challenging / provocative statement involving RL politics, social groups, gender, stereotypes, race, ethnicity, age, etc.": I had a friend in Second Life who was gay / femme, from a Slavic country. They knew I was gay in the US. They had a sense of humor which they explained away as "this is how we are in my country". He would say things like, "Oh, stay away you will give me AIDS". Did I respond unkindly? Don't remember. Could I have responded differently? Yes, I could have gently responded that "it may be funny in his country, but probably not a good idea to use those jokes with Americans". How could I have done that "differently"? Um, by trying to remember that hopefully, he was being "honest" / "sincere" that to him, those types of jokes are OK. Was I truly "upset"/"hurt" by his jokes? Not necessarily, but they stayed with me until this day. And, I stopped being friends with him because of that. So what is the real lesson for ME, that I would learn from? Possibly try to be less sensitive, and if I NEED to reply, then try to be kind. But probably, "not replying at all" would have been a better option then trying to discuss it.

Which part? The part where the boys are left alone on an island and devolve into barbarism, ultimately resulting in the death of one of their friends? (I'm not being facetious, I'm just curious and that was a real guess since it's my takeaway as the main point of the story.)

Tangentially, I think you addressed a little of what I was trying to say. (Otherwise, I'm not sure TBH!) Possibly for example, the "truths" aspect - I can't help what someone thinks of me. I can't help what I think of someone else (in the moment). I can try to "be a good person".. But we are all changing, evolving, etc. as you say: My point in creating this thread. Would I have attempted to create this thread a year ago? No. It's ME who changed, and not by repeated exposure to "mean people". I just changed to where I would prefer to be understood, which I can't always control.

No, that was a "joke" since "AA" and "Traveler" could mean "AAA" = American Automobile Society. In context, you and I have disagreed over "addiction" in the past, which I had in that post thought you brought up. Thanks for your feedback! I like the idea that you are suggesting I apologize. That fits in with the general idea I expressed in my OP that I would point out where I could do better! Since "teasing" you - making a joke - about your use of the word "traveler" was not actually "making fun of you", I do not feel like an apology is warranted. I do apologize in general, for other instances where I was unkind to you in response to your constantly bringing up psychology when it is off-topic. I will try to respond more kindly next time. I am sure you cannot help when you are compelled to discuss psychology no matter what the topic, and by no means do I think that I can, or should, try to control what you choose to speak about.

Thanks for the feedback!

Another non-Forum example - this one is regarding Example #1 in the OP. As a Neko - "per human, part Furry" - I generally accept that "most people get it", but "not everyone". (Often times of course, I am a "feral" or "anthro", not just a Neko.) One time, at a Furry club, a furry (anthro as I recall) asked, "Where's your fur"? After some back-and forth, I came to understand that in their opinion, if I did not have "body fur" / "body hair", then "I did not have fur" and something was wrong with that. Rather than ignore them, I took their "questionable yet possibly well-intentioned" advice and purchased some "body hair accessory" and wore it a couple times (initially just to see what it was about). It was like wearing pubic hair all over your body. Eeccccch!!! So: Could I have handled it different? Yes, but at least I think I was kind. I could have gently pushed back and said something like, "Thanks for the feedback, I like my avatar the way it is." Did I get all bent out of shape? Not truly, it was more.."funny" and weird. What would I try to do next time? Be more assertive without being rude (even if I thought THEY were being rude).

Great points!

One of my most favorite items is the "Paradise Blanket". Unfortunately, it came with a very high LI Rose. Luckily, you can unlink the rose petals, remove the rose, etc. If not...that would have been bad. On the other hand, the "builds" that this same "Paradise Blanket" rezzes are all "no mod".

Thank you! You're the second to provide similar feedback, so definitely I could have (and probably should have) split the OP into an initial post and a second post with some examples, etc. I hope you believe that I am sincere, when I say that my intention is to discuss "how to respond to others" (internally and with words) in such a way to "not escalate" things - the general concept being "do it kindly". My intention is not at all to tell anyone "how to behave".

Great point! I suppose that I could turn that around, and say - unless I am being "sarcastic" or "disingenuous to be funny", then if I am being insincere - that's not very kind. On a personal note, I do wish people believed me when I am being "sincere". But, I can't always help that.

Ok, since discussion is mostly about "Forum" behavior (and *gasp* my own LOL), I'll give an example from Second Life. This follows example #2 in the OP. Someone who seemed nice enough, kept asking various questions about RL, including: What church do you go to? Why do you go to church? ..things like that. By that point, they had already been asking about / talking about RL stuff for awhile. How did I respond? I believe that I said something like, "I am not comfortable talking about that" - then they asked "Why?". In the end, I blocked them. Where they "innocent"? Probably. Did I need to "block them"? No. What could I have done differently? I could have answered their "why?" and just been persistent in not discussing RL things. I think they would have taken the "direct statement" that I did not want to discuss it. In this example, the hard part - to ME - is answering that first "why?" with kindness, instead of feeling "put upon" and just being "mad".

I took a peek, and was surprised that llRequestInventoryData() (https://wiki.secondlife.com/wiki/LlRequestInventoryData) is still only for Landmarks! I had assumed llRequestInventoryData() was for other things too.