Inconvenient Truths about Second Life

[Luna Bliss]

6 hours ago, Fluffy Sharkfin said:

Because our perceptions of appearances are based on our own biases and experiences and there's no way of telling at a glance if the person in question shares those perceptions or not.

So true...just like in 1st life is best to keep a tentative, wondering mindset related to everything we're encountering. Not easy to do!  There are intriguing methods that train one how to accomplish this mindset more often.

Inconvenient Truth:  It's a rarity to find those in SL who understand the benefit of this.

Edited August 20 by Luna Bliss

[Luna Bliss]

11 hours ago, Paul Hexem said:

times

I know you said not to answer, but I can't help having thoughts about this, ones I think I can share without breaking any rules.

Patterns are wonderful things, but only detected if you've been paying attention fully or experienced a significant amount of exposure. Not easy to spot a pattered behavior and find the fault -- requires a lot of work.

A silly example of this...we all know by now that if we encounter someone with enormous boobs who's acting excessively feminine it's most likely a man. Not always, but most likely. We know this because we've encountered it or discussed the phenomenon with others who have -- we've had plenty of exposure to this pattern and we paid attention...storing the info in our brains.

Pet Peeve: Poor noobs have none of the exposure to pay attention to and are unaware of this reality in SL.

 

[Love Zhaoying]

Inconvenient Truth: If you don't know what people are saying about you in Second Life, and you REALLY don't care what people think about you in Second Life, you won't ask or try and find out. Gossip can become addictive, and you really won't be affected negatively if you don't know what people think about you, are saying about you, etc..

It's the same as when you block someone on the Forums.  If you don't want to know what someone says, DO NOT GIVE INTO TEMPTATION and read what they post!

It's also similar to the adage, "Your opinion of me is none of my business."

 

[Luna Bliss]

15 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Inconvenient Truth: If you don't know what people are saying about you in Second Life, and you REALLY don't care what people think about you in Second Life, you won't ask or try and find out. Gossip can become addictive, and you really won't be affected negatively if you don't know what people think about you, are saying about you, etc..

It's the same as when you block someone on the Forums.  If you don't want to know what someone says, DO NOT GIVE INTO TEMPTATION and read what they post!

It's also similar to the adage, "Your opinion of me is none of my business."

 

I was watching a convention last eve where a woman came on and related how she was helped by another woman who told her, during a difficult period when others where trying to tear her down as she rose to power:

"Don't ever let somebody else make you feel small"

I think that's great advice, and an inconvenient truth is there are so many in 2nd life who let others make them feel small and end up acting out destructively inworld causing problems for themselves and others because of it.

[Robin Kiyori]

An inconvenient truth: There will also be weirdos who find no joy in anything except making up a straw person to get mad at. Who'll never be happy with anything, unless it's to tear it down. Best to to block those people and let them yell in the void.

[Love Zhaoying]

13 minutes ago, Robin Kiyori said:

An inconvenient truth: There will also be weirdos who find no joy in anything except making up a straw person to get mad at. Who'll never be happy with anything, unless it's to tear it down. Best to to block those people and let them yell in the void.

Inconvenient Truth: Whether "strawman", "sock puppets", "alts" etc., calling someone out doesn't "make the behavior stop", even if it feels good.  The "Alts" part of this especially applies to Second Life (people using Alts for drama).

I wish that I could "wave a magic wand" and get people to believe "I am making general statements. I am not talking about YOU, him, her, them, that guy who's gone for 10 years now, the next person to post, anyone who has drama with me, etc." * queue the Carly Simon song *

Inconvenient Truth: Sometimes people really aren't talking about "you", whoever "you" are. 

 

[Luna Bliss]

37 minutes ago, Robin Kiyori said:

An inconvenient truth: There will also be weirdos who find no joy in anything except making up a straw person to get mad at. Who'll never be happy with anything, unless it's to tear it down. Best to to block those people and let them yell in the void.

I've discovered that they're really mad at someone they felt hurt by in the past, and 'taking it out' on those around them. Projecting this feelings on to others.

I do have empathy...but yes...the inconvenient truth is that there's not much you can do about these people inworld and best to just block and let them yell into the void.

Edited August 20 by Luna Bliss

[Luna Bliss]

39 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Inconvenient Truth: Sometimes people really aren't talking about "you", whoever "you" are. 

Or maybe they are?  And if they are, best to just ignore it.

Inconvenient Truth: The gossip mongers in SL are all too common.

We've got this woman who claims there's some "dark presence or energy" at the self-growth sim where I frequent. She had a bad experience with one of the leaders there, so she goes around in her vindictiveness saying there's something horribly wrong with the place.

It's funny when I think about it, how this gossip dynamic takes on different names and presents itself in differing ways according to the mindset/presentation of the sim and people who inhabit it.   "dark energy"  LOL   I suppose if we were a Christian sim she'd be gossiping to people and saying demons reside there.

Regarding gossip:  As people mature they realize there are 2 sides to every story, and while they don't totally disregard a gossiping friend's perspective they realize they haven't heard the other side of the story.

Edited August 20 by Luna Bliss

[Luna Bliss]

I just returned from a class in SL where someone's profile had this paragraph...seems to go with the flow of this thread in some respects:

"Not sure what others think of me because it doesn’t matter. Not sure what I think of myself because that changes daily. But my dog thinks I’m the greatest person on earth, & his opinion counts more that anyone’s, so I’m inclined to believe him".

Inconvenient Truth:  Not enough good profiles in SL!!

Edited August 20 by Luna Bliss

[stlshayne]

1 hour ago, Luna Bliss said:

I just returned from a class in SL where someone's profile had this paragraph...seems to go with the flow of this thread in some respects:

"Not sure what others think of me because it doesn’t matter. Not sure what I think of myself because that changes daily. But my dog thinks I’m the greatest person on earth, & his opinion counts more that anyone’s, so I’m inclined to believe him".

Inconvenient Truth:  Not enough good profiles in SL!!

As a dog person, I would. 

 

That probably speaks bad on me, though.

[Cinnamon Mistwood]

On 8/20/2024 at 6:47 AM, Luna Bliss said:

So true...just like in 1st life is best to keep a tentative, wondering mindset related to everything we're encountering. Not easy to do!  There are intriguing methods that train one how to accomplish this mindset more often.

Inconvenient Truth:  It's a rarity to find those in SL who understand the benefit of this.

It's even more rare to find someone who not only understands this, but lives and speaks it often enough to discover that pattern in them.  I might say it's incredible rare to nearly impossible to find people who live their SLs like they preach it.

[Luna Bliss]

1 hour ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

On 8/20/2024 at 8:47 AM, Luna Bliss said:

So true...just like in 1st life is best to keep a tentative, wondering mindset related to everything we're encountering. Not easy to do!  There are intriguing methods that train one how to accomplish this mindset more often.

Inconvenient Truth:  It's a rarity to find those in SL who understand the benefit of this.

It's even more rare to find someone who not only understands this, but lives and speaks it often enough to discover that pattern in them.  I might say it's incredible rare to nearly impossible to find people who live their SLs like they preach it.

Exploring the possible patterns that could be motivating anyone's behavior, examining the possibilities, is a component of the wondering mind that keeps a tentative hold on their perceptions...a mindset you seem to value as well.

We develop these patterns (these defined, set ways of determining truth for ourselves that manifests in attitudes and behavior) via our socialization (so forced on us without much awareness) and later via introspection when we decide if our perceptions ring true for us. And of course, if we haven't examined life for ourselves we're not really living our true, authentic self.

For the life of me, I can't understand why exploring these patterns in depth, becoming aware of the possibilities and stating them, is seen as automatically being judgemental. It's simply exploring the possibilities. It's beneficial for all people to develop awareness of the myriad of patterns one can fall into and operate from in a subconscious manner without choosing to do so...in order to choose freely and become one's true self.

Let's take the inconvenient truth, brought forth by Rowan in her photo, discussed most recently in this thread -- the preponderance of avatars with enormous bodily distortions that appears to be especially peculiar to 2nd life. I can't help but wonder...what does it mean...why are they doing this?  It's fine if they do it -- I'm not saying they're 'bad' or shouldn't do it. But people, generally, don't exhibit behavior unless it means something to them. I like to explore why...I like to consider possibilities. This does NOT, I repeat, does NOT automatically mean I'm being judgemental towards anybody. And whatever behavior or attitude they're exhibiting it's ultimately up to them as to whether it's beneficial for them (healthy) or destructive for them (unhealthy) once they're aware of why they're doing what they do. This doesn't mean I won't have a suspicion one way or the other, but it's tentative and I realize most of the time I don't really have enough information to determine the effects of their behavior. I seldom offer my opinion one way or the other unless the harm is severe.

The most exciting aspect about examining our patterns, our behaviors and attitudes, is that we learn something and know ourselves better, and we then have the opportunity to continue the pattern or change into something else that fits us better.

 

Edited August 21 by Luna Bliss

[Cinnamon Mistwood]

@Luna Bliss It does mean you're judgmental, however, we all are. We all judge our surroundings, use our life experiences to judge others, judge the safety of circumstances we find ourselves in, judge what we think of others, judge their choice of actions, words, and looks. All of us.  It is a built in survival instinct to have those judgements. In the past, those judgements kept us alive.  Today they are sometimes used in superficial ways.

The only difference is recognizing in ourselves whether those judgments are kind or not-so-kind.  The important part of that sentence is "recognizing in ourselves." This is different than recognizing in others what their faults are according to our own judgments and then taking the time to tell them what we think their faults are.

 

Edited August 21 by Cinnamon Mistwood

[Rowan Amore]

And sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar.  

And FYI, I was judging the man with the sex groups and a brick in his pants.  

Edited August 21 by Rowan Amore

[Fluffy Sharkfin]

6 minutes ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

We all judge our surroundings, use our life experiences to judge others, judge the safety of circumstances we find ourselves in, judge what we think of others, judge their choice of actions, words, and looks.

I think it's natural for humans to pre-emptively judge things as a defense mechanism.  The problem is the sheer number of people that we encounter and interact with in modern society means that we often have so little time to learn anything about them that we are forced to rely on overly broad generalisations which may not apply because, as much as we try to pigeonhole people into various categories, you can't escape the fact that we are all individuals.

[Luna Bliss]

32 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

And sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar.  

And FYI, I was judging the man with the sex groups and a brick in his pants.  

That's an idiomatic expression, attributed to Freud but no evidence he actually said it, meaning "sometimes a matter is simpler than one imagines it to be".

I agree, this can be true (we can over-complicate) but I tend to think there's some kind of meaning inherent in a guy creating a crotch the size of a basketball.

And what, a woman wakes up one day, logs into SL, and without any preconceptions decides "hey, I think I'll make my butt the size of Wisconsin today".

 

[Love Zhaoying]

Inconvenient Truth: Not everyone in Second Life wants to know TMI!

 

[Love Zhaoying]

42 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

and a brick in his pants.  

I'm reminded of an Aggie Joke (they were jokes told about generic military / farmer types from my college, kind of like "recycled Polack jokes") where the punchline was, "You're supposed to put the potato in the FRONT of your pants!"

[Luna Bliss]

1 hour ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

@Luna Bliss It does mean you're judgmental, however, we all are. We all judge our surroundings, use our life experiences to judge others, judge the safety of circumstances we find ourselves in, judge what we think of others, judge their choice of actions, words, and looks. All of us.  It is a built in survival instinct to have those judgements. In the past, those judgements kept us alive.  Today they are sometimes used in superficial ways.

The only difference is recognizing in ourselves whether those judgments are kind or not-so-kind.  The important part of that sentence is "recognizing in ourselves." This is different than recognizing in others what their faults are according to our own judgments and then taking the time to tell them what we think their faults are.

 

I agree, we're all judgemental to varying degrees. But here, and in the past, you've told me I've been judgemental of others when I haven't been.  When we're talking in more abstract terms about people (like in this thread we discussed basically why people over-sexualize themselves and I pointed out reasons why this might happen) we're not talking TO anyone specific. It's generalities.  You felt the need to slam me about not walking my talk just a few paragraphs up.

Let's take the case of the guy who split from his girlfriend and then went off with the girlfriend's mother, and then went on to disallow his ex-girlfriend to be on his sim anymore.  You had an absolute fit when I determined it was wrong for this guy to do so, yet these people weren't actually present -- it was abstract. And I did make a judgement call because I saw someone being harmed by the guys behavior.  You even went on to say SL is like Reality TV and so this kind of behavior is okay. 

We've had other run-ins like that, where you thought I was saying it's wrong for people to have multiple sexual partners when I never said that.  You wanted freedom in sexuality. I said I preferred depth in relationships and one simply can't acquire that depth with 10 sexual partners.  You thought I was judging your behaviors as bad or wrong when I was focusing on the value of depth in relationships.

You misunderstand me ALL the freaking time!

Edited August 21 by Luna Bliss

[Luna Bliss]

46 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

And FYI, I was judging the man with the sex groups and a brick in his pants. 

And you frequently bring up the phat hoo-haws that bother you when shopping.

Laughing.

SL is like the Texas of virtual worlds -- everything's bigger here!

[Luna Bliss]

50 minutes ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

It does mean you're judgmental, however, we all are. We all judge our surroundings,

There's a difference between judging our surroundings, evaluating whether an environment is safe,  vs being judgemental.  Being judgemental carries with it an attitude of disdain:

"Judgmental is a negative word to describe someone who often rushes to judgment without reason. The adjective judgmental describes someone who forms lots of opinions — usually harsh or critical ones — about lots of people. Judgmental types are not open-minded or easygoing".

[Luna Bliss]

The enormity of everything in the Western world.

I attribute this SL phenomenon (huge body parts) partically to that. We came to think bigger is better, and grab for MOAR MOAR MOAR.

Of course young children tend to think that too...that more is better.

Quantity over quality.

It snowballs when it becomes fashionable, kind of like how in the 60's it was deemed best to be as thin as a stick. Twiggy.

Hard to say how that all interacted here to produce a strange SL.

Whatever the case, it's far more complex than a woman waking up one day and, out of thin air, with no preconceptions, deciding she wants to make her butt the size of Wisconsin.

[Luna Bliss]

Oh, Sandor said I'm not the Luna he used to know, partially increasing my defensiveness here.

Sorry, same Luna.

[Cinnamon Mistwood]

10 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

There's a difference between judging our surroundings, evaluating whether an environment is safe,  vs being judgemental.  Being judgemental carries with it an attitude of disdain:

"Judgmental is a negative word to describe someone who often rushes to judgment without reason. The adjective judgmental describes someone who forms lots of opinions — usually harsh or critical ones — about lots of people. Judgmental types are not open-minded or easygoing".

I can also use a dictionary and realize that if one only sees the negative spin to support their views, it is not a balanced opinion. 

judge

/jŭj/

intransitive verb

1. To form an opinion or estimation of after careful consideration.

judge heights; judging character.

2. (Law) To hear and decide on in a court of law.

3. judge a case.

To pass sentence on; condemn

 

 

Anyway, there is kind judgement and there is malicious judgement going on all the time in SL.

[Luna Bliss]

24 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Inconvenient Truth: Not everyone in Second Life wants to know TMI!

 

Inconvenient Truth: Many in Second Life are afraid to know much of anything, and so condemn others who confuse them with information.