Lack of friends...

[PheebyKatz]

SL is like a library, or a circus, it has something for everyone. It's big, and spread out, and you'll have to take some time to go everywhere and see everything. Then once you find your favorite subjects/amusements, you'll want to spend time engaging. Like finding the right section of interest, then finding the books you want to read, then sitting a while and perusing them until you decide which ones you want to check out and read for real.

SL is also like a library or a circus in that there are lots of people hanging out because they simply have nothing better to do, don't feel like engaging in anything serious, and can simply be there so they're somewhere. Like a circus, there are even scammers and con games, and hoochie-coochie dancers, and people who pay for things and people who want it all for free, even the hoochie-coochie show.

What you get out of it and take home with you is up to you, whether it be warm memories, friendships, a good book or twelve, a social disease, mental anguish, empty wallet, broken heart, etc. It's what you make of it, and that is influenced by your intent, for better or worse.

I can't think that having LL do more of it for people would be of any real benefit. I think it has to come from within.

It's not television, you don't just lay there and watch the drip, and press the button when you need something. And LL can't make friends for people. They've given us tools for making all sorts of things, even friends. But the end result is up to us, and what we do with it all.

[Kalegthepsionicist]

peoplr are too afraid with privacy in sl bevause they treat it like real world. in fact I even told my rl friend i went to nude beach orgy club etc and they ask me wehere i said in sl,

all laugh.

fact rl people see it not real

[Gabriele Graves]

32 minutes ago, Kalegthepsionicist said:

peoplr are too afraid with privacy in sl bevause they treat it like real world. in fact I even told my rl friend i went to nude beach orgy club etc and they ask me wehere i said in sl,

all laugh.

fact rl people see it not real

We are all RL people.  Some people see it as less or more real than others that's all, there is no universal viewpoint on that.  Being invested in SL tends to make it feel more real for some.  I would be very surprised if people who haven't invested themselves into SL would feel it was real in any sense though.

[Love Zhaoying]

14 hours ago, PheebyKatz said:

SL is like a library, or a circus,

You know what they say, "not my circus, not my monkeys!"

Now clowns, on the other hand..

 

[Persephone Emerald]

5 hours ago, Gabriele Graves said:

We are all RL people.  Some people see it as less or more real than others that's all, there is no universal viewpoint on that.  Being invested in SL tends to make it feel more real for some.  I would be very surprised if people who haven't invested themselves into SL would feel it was real in any sense though.

There's a phenomon where when people can only see a mirror image of one of their hands, they start to feel like that mirror hand is how their hidden hand really is. Our brains take in visual information and incorporate it into our view of the world. When people spend alot of time in SL, many of us feel like it's real on some level. Our avatars respond to our inputs. Our views respond to how our avatar moves or how we cam. It's not like watching a movie, because it's immersive.

Some people fall into this immersion more easily than others do. Some feel it on some level, but not completely. I consider myself to be an immersive user, but I still recognize our avatars as cartoon figures, rather than our real bodies. Thus I don't worry about someone seeing my avatar when it's naked, but I expect others to speak to me with the same level of courtesy that they would speak to a person in physical reality.

Edited February 20 by Persephone Emerald

[Love Zhaoying]

2 hours ago, Persephone Emerald said:

There's a phenomon where when people can only see a mirror image of one of their hands, they start to feel like that mirror hand is how their hidden hand really is.

I like the analogy of people who only have 1 arm/hand using the mirror effect to see the other arm/hand, and feeling as if it is there.

Phantom Mirror Alt Friends Effect!

[Kalegthepsionicist]

22 hours ago, Gabriele Graves said:

We are all RL people.  Some people see it as less or more real than others that's all, there is no universal viewpoint on that.  Being invested in SL tends to make it feel more real for some.  I would be very surprised if people who haven't invested themselves into SL would feel it was real in any sense though.

my opinion is base on what i see, and how majority sl people treat me.

 

[Kalegthepsionicist]

18 hours ago, Persephone Emerald said:

There's a phenomon where when people can only see a mirror image of one of their hands, they start to feel like that mirror hand is how their hidden hand really is. Our brains take in visual information and incorporate it into our view of the world. When people spend alot of time in SL, many of us feel like it's real on some level. Our avatars respond to our inputs. Our views respond to how our avatar moves or how we cam. It's not like watching a movie, because it's immersive.

Some people fall into this immersion more easily than others do. Some feel it on some level, but not completely. I consider myself to be an immersive user, but I still recognize our avatars as cartoon figures, rather than our real bodies. Thus I don't worry about someone seeing my avatar when it's naked, but I expect others to speak to me with the same level of courtesy that they would speak to a person in physical reality.

yes I agree,  I can communicate well with people that not rp. or talk like normal. discuss reality. i got problem with people that run their sl with roleplay made up personality, .

[Persephone Emerald]

4 hours ago, Kalegthepsionicist said:

yes I agree,  I can communicate well with people that not rp. or talk like normal. discuss reality. i got problem with people that run their sl with roleplay made up personality, .

SL is not a RL social media platform such as Facebook. It's a fantasy world where we can be tinies, furries, mermaids, vampires, aliens, etc. I don't think you should expect people in SL to represent their real life selves, unless they tell you this is what they're doing. I usually speak as my RL self in SL, but there are times when I don't want to represent as my RL self. If you see my avatar as a wolf-dog, you shouldn't expect me to talk about my real life. You shouldn't expect me to talk at all as a wolf-dog, except in a private IM.

[Love Zhaoying]

1 minute ago, Persephone Emerald said:

SL is not a RL social media platform such as Facebook. It's a fantasy world where we can be tinies, furries, mermaids, vampires, aliens, etc. I don't think you should expect people in SL to represent their real life selves, unless they tell you this is what they're doing. I usually speak as my RL self in SL, but there are times when I don't want to represent as my RL self. If you see my avatar as a wolf-dog, you shouldn't expect me to talk about my real life. You shouldn't expect me to talk at all as a wolf-dog, except in a private IM.

Adding, if someone approaches me in SL and acts as a "RL" friend but I don't really know them, and starts asking questions about my RL (where I live, what I do, what I like, etc.) then I will be extremely put off.  I don't require everyone to RP with me by any means, but there is no reason to basically be "nosy" about my RL.

[InnerCity Elf]

On 2/19/2024 at 3:42 AM, lovestofu said:

it would be fun to have a randomized matched activity that will group you up with someone in SL and bring people closer. But then the Lindens would have to build it, support it, and also provide the content for these activities.

It would be great if a randomised match option would be added to things that are there already, even fishing next to another person who chose that matching option, as it would be natural to chat then for both. I have a card game on my phone that you can either play against the machine, or pick matching with another real person.

If you pick that option lets you know how long you'll probably need to wait for a match, with a countdown timer (probably only really precise, once the Randomizer AI collected enough data), which is correct almost always.

I can certainly see that option as a great addition for things like Linden games, fishing, Mad Pea games, hunts,...! I'd love it for Mad Pea mysteries. Four eyes see more than two, and even if you get stuck, you could laugh about it together.

And fishing, solving riddles, hunts, or whatever else, a randomised match would be a great icebreaker even for people who have difficulties with such, and an easy step for friend requests, or exchanging calling cards, for another future round of that thing, or for whatever other SL activity, together.

[Kalegthepsionicist]

On 2/21/2024 at 10:28 PM, Persephone Emerald said:

SL is not a RL social media platform such as Facebook. It's a fantasy world where we can be tinies, furries, mermaids, vampires, aliens, etc. I don't think you should expect people in SL to represent their real life selves, unless they tell you this is what they're doing. I usually speak as my RL self in SL, but there are times when I don't want to represent as my RL self. If you see my avatar as a wolf-dog, you shouldn't expect me to talk about my real life. You shouldn't expect me to talk at all as a wolf-dog, except in a private IM.

nope I dont expect it

since I not really into rp Iplay sl like single play game

Edited February 27 by Kalegthepsionicist

[PheebyKatz]

On 2/20/2024 at 4:29 AM, Gabriele Graves said:

We are all RL people.  Some people see it as less or more real than others that's all, there is no universal viewpoint on that.  Being invested in SL tends to make it feel more real for some.  I would be very surprised if people who haven't invested themselves into SL would feel it was real in any sense though.

Many many years ago, a friend showed me Second Life. He said he had never seen or participated in anything like it, and tried very hard to get me to see what was so cool about it.

He showed me the map, homed in on a dot, and we watched someone dance in a club. He seemed to have trouble finding the right words to explain to me that there was more to do than spy on people who were alone in nightclubs.

I was like, okay, you can look at people without being seen, so... voyeur box. Oh, and it's probably a guy, not a girl. Big whoop.

A few years later, a transgender friend of mine tried explaining to me how fantastic it was that they were able to make a living building 3D models of houses and selling them to people who wanted to live in them online. I thought to myself, how stupid, they're spending money on things that could just go poof if the servers went offline, but I said nothing. Said friend is now also a successful professional artist IRL, using what they learned while marketing their art in SL.

A few years later, an artist/historian friend of mine who was into supernatural roleplay lured me into joining this sandbox/chatroom thing so we could play vampire dress-up dollies together. We went to Freebie Galaxy, where I transformed my starter avi into something more closely approximating my true self. My enthusiasm was immediately engaged, and I've never looked back.

The rest is history.

TL;DR: people who "got it" tried to share it with me, and I held out for years. It took someone getting me inworld for me to "get it". And not everybody that ends up inworld "gets it", either. It's not for everyone, but for the ones it's for, there's something for everyone.

As for what's real to whom, reality is what you can get away with. I've had experiences that were only real for me. They were still real. Even imaginary things are real.

[Love Zhaoying]

3 minutes ago, PheebyKatz said:

people who "got it" tried to share it with me, and I held out for years.

Stubborn, ain't ya?

[Zallia Creeley]

Honestly, after 17 years in SL, I still have a hard time making friends. I'm a complete introvert who likes being alone. I like chatting but don't like "hanging out."

One of my best friends in SL, who I chat with almost every time I am on, I don't think I've actually seen her AV in like a year.

[PheebyKatz]

41 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Stubborn, ain't ya?

Yup. It's why I'm still around. Took me a minute to get into it, take me a lifetime to get out of it.

XD

[Persephone Emerald]

27 minutes ago, Zallia Creeley said:

Honestly, after 17 years in SL, I still have a hard time making friends. I'm a complete introvert who likes being alone. I like chatting but don't like "hanging out."

One of my best friends in SL, who I chat with almost every time I am on, I don't think I've actually seen her AV in like a year.

I'm the same. I prefer to shop on my own, then stand in my skybox sorting inventory. (I'm weird 'cuz I find that relaxing, listening to my music stream.) I like keeping a couple group chat windows open and chatting in them when something catches my interest. I like helping newbies from time to time, but don't like it when they expect my attention every time they see I'm inworld.

From what I've seen posted on these forums, introverts love SL. 

Edited February 27 by Persephone Emerald

[PheebyKatz]

1 minute ago, Persephone Emerald said:

I'm the same. I prefer to shop on my own, then stand in my skybox sorting inventory. (I'm weird 'cuz I find that relaxing, listening to my music stream.) I like keeping a couple group chat windows open and chatting in them when something catches my interest. I like helping newbies from time to time, but don't like it when they expect my attention every time they see I'm inworld.

From what I've seen posted on these forums, introverts love SL. 

Some of my favorite people hardly ever talk to me. But when we actually talk, it's hugely satisfying, because we have things collected up to talk about.

The hardest part of SL for me is being a recluse and having so many friends. Having a somewhat public image is weird for me, even having worked in entertainment IRL (a stage performance is a great place to hide, oddly enough).

I see the introversion/SL connection as making perfect sense. Introverts, or better, introspective people, tend towards imagination. There's a great deal of boredom involved at first, but once the imagination is turned on, via books, etc., we learn to have an inner life.

I feel terrible for people who don't have inner lives.

Having this inner world inside of us, and looking for a way to bring it out into a more tangible form (though still ephemeral, at least it's more easily visible/audible), and finding others who are in the same network and who are doing similar things, we find ourselves in the weird position of being introverted loners in a community of people who share our gift of having an inner world.

It can take some adjustment.

I think it's worth it, though.

[Persephone Emerald]

1 minute ago, PheebyKatz said:

 

I feel terrible for people who don't have inner lives.

Having this inner world inside of us, and looking for a way to bring it out into a more tangible form (though still ephemeral, at least it's more easily visible/audible), and finding others who are in the same network and who are doing similar things, we find ourselves in the weird position of being introverted loners in a community of people who share our gift of having an inner world.

I have a hard time understanding extroverts or those who don't seem to be introspective. I guess it's like them liking different food or music than I do. I can be happy working on a packaging line while my mind creates all kinds of ideas to entertain itself or lying in bed imagining conversations. I think my inner life is alot bigger than my outer life, but I'm ok with this.

[PheebyKatz]

7 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

I have a hard time understanding extroverts or those who don't seem to be introspective. I guess it's like them liking different food or music than I do. I can be happy working on a packaging line while my mind creates all kinds of ideas to entertain itself or lying in bed imagining conversations. I think my inner life is alot bigger than my outer life, but I'm ok with this.

When I bake brownies, I stand in front of the oven and watch the entire process. It gives me time to think, and I never forget and let them burn that way.

One of my exes, when asked if they ever just sat still and quiet, and listened, said they preferred noise and activity, because when they sat quietly and listened once, all they could hear "was the screaming".

I asked what they meant, and they refused to discuss it any further.

I do think SL is a good place to practice extroversion to some extent.

Most of the time when I'm inworld, I'm hovering over a build, watching the dots on the mini map, all abstracted and at peace in my solitude, even if I have a few people in IMs. But, if I log on and the Opera House is full of dots, I immediately teleport down and join them.

There's a slight expectation that people will attend events, even if not everyone on the sim does so, and that's enough of an excuse to get me out of my comfort zone and make me enjoy hanging out with other people.

I actually enjoy it, too.

And a couple of hours later I'm back in my hover spot, with a few IMs open, enjoying the relative solitude.

I can live with that.

[Wesley Spengler]

14 hours ago, Zallia Creeley said:

Honestly, after 17 years in SL, I still have a hard time making friends. I'm a complete introvert who likes being alone. I like chatting but don't like "hanging out."

One of my best friends in SL, who I chat with almost every time I am on, I don't think I've actually seen her AV in like a year.

Wow, I honestly thought I was the only one... A lot of my SL friends seem to want to TP me over in order to have a chat. I'd honestly just prefer to just keep riding a train around Bellisseria, continue looking for the store that sells the thing I still can't find, or even just stare at the walls of my Linden Home, than TP somewhere and "hang out" with someone. The chat window simply doesn't know the difference.

Call it solo togetherness, or group solitude, or whatever else, but in all its forms, it's a strange aspect of SL I'd not really thought much about. 

[Wesley Spengler]

13 hours ago, PheebyKatz said:

One of my exes, when asked if they ever just sat still and quiet, and listened, said they preferred noise and activity, because when they sat quietly and listened once, all they could hear "was the screaming".

I asked what they meant, and they refused to discuss it any further.

I can't say I know exactly what they meant, but I suspect I have a good idea, as I feel the same way. To borrow a phrase, idle hands are the devil's mental health playground, for me anyway. Keeping the mind engaged is pretty important as a result. Similar to the other points you and @Persephone Emerald made, being in SL provides a framework for sculpting that inner world you mentioned, and an outlet for it, with an adjustable and dynamic balance of social connection and solitude that mostly works, most of the time. 

[Love Zhaoying]

Many of us are "lacking in the friends department", having put many of our potential friends on "layaway"; not quite ready to make a purchase - but unsure of whether to use credit, a "one-time payment", or to add a maintenance agreement with extended warranty.

Sometimes you want to take your potential friends for a test drive, kick the tires, etc.

I myself have many friends on my "wish list", but am not sure of their utility. It could be due to keyword SPAM, or it could be that I wish there was a Demo option available.

 

[Zallia Creeley]

2 hours ago, Wesley Spengler said:

Wow, I honestly thought I was the only one...

My friends joke "Zall, you need to get out more." At this point I think it's because of the hilarity that ensues when I try and meet new people, or they try and meet me.

[ValKalAstra]

Second Life is an interesting beast in ways. I like to style myself as a social butterfly, I don't usually struggle meeting people. That's true enough for Second Life too. Meeting someone isn't hard in Second Life but what's curiously difficult for me is to stay connected, to find a common ground.

Part of that is probably my nature of being a weirdo and virtual photographer, so I spend large amounts of time with my HUD off, looking at dx drawcalls and cryptic settings but more often than not, something just does not click in a way like I am used to in other virtual worlds. There's something to the fabric of social interactions in Second Life that is different from what I am used to. Am I owed any friendship, hell no. It's just that none of the social trappings I have learned in RL do work for me in SL and as a result, I find myself with next to no contacts in SL.

Most of my time is spend alone or with very fleeting interactions. It's not for lack of trying either, I have reached out to various people, tried to engage with their art, talk about mutual passions and I guess folks just lost interest quickly. I'm not bitter or angry about that, it's cool, I am just saying that even outgoing people like me might run into trouble making connections in SL.

So with that, I can relate with the feeling of having no friends in SL.