Richtea57 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I finish my cuppa, put on my shoes, pick up my keys and the bag of rubbish and head off to work with a song in my heart and a spring in my step.I get to the huge rubbish bins, lift the lid up and toss the bag in. As they had been emptied the day before the bag hit the bottom with a rather resounding metallic clang. Then I amble over to my car and realise I haven't got my keys in my hand. I do all the normal pocket searching malarkey again and again...I've only got three pockets and I rummaged in each one three times, slightly surprised each time that the keys haven't somehow materialised from the ether since the last time I hunted in the far from cavernous black holes, (though I did find a stick of Wrigleys Extra and a bus ticket).It now begins to dawn on me that I must have dropped them when I chucked the rubbish in the bin....I think it was Sherlock Holmes who said, "When you have eliminated the impossible, the keys are in the big metal bin"...Or something like that.I go back to the bin, lift the lid for a good old peer and, sure enough, there they are, glistening like a beacon in a puddle of liquid of questionable origin. Now, I can't reach the bottom of the bin, so I have to hoist myself up, balance on my belly and stretch down, rocking back and forth like a wheezing see-saw. With each rock, the keys are getting tantalisingly closer, until....Well, you know what happens, don't you?...It is me after all. But just in case you don't, I'll tell you...With one last herculean effort I lift my legs high, slide down and grab my keys...and slide...and slide. I end up with my face inches from the primordial puddle and my legs flailing about uselessly in the air. "Hmm," thinks I,"This isn't good", as a stick of Wrigleys Extra and some loose change leave my pockets and land in the puddle with a series of clangs and sploshes. I let my legs fall to the side in a rather graceful movement reminiscent of Nijinsky at his peak, lowering them down while at the same time grabbing the top of the bin with one hand until, eventually, I am standing upright.There are some people who would look rather foolish standing in a large dustbin at 5.25 in the morning, but I like to think I carried it off with a certain panache. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaskyaClaren Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 This is almost enough to bring me back here. Almost. (It sounds as though you were a few inches from making it a sure thing. :matte-motes-evil-grin:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Josephine Carissa Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Rich, what a perfect monday story to share with us.....hope the rest of your day was much better. Kind Regards, Josephine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela Galli Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Are you writing (on your iPad?) from the bin? Because getting in is the easy part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richtea57 Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 LaskyaClaren wrote: This is almost enough to bring me back here. Almost. (It sounds as though you were a few inches from making it a sure thing. :matte-motes-evil-grin:) Rats, so close! I could go back and edit it so my finely chiselled face, (if I'm going to edit, I might a well get something out of it), brushes the puddle of doom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richtea57 Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 Josephine Carissa wrote: Rich, what a perfect monday story to share with us.....hope the rest of your day was much better. Kind Regards, Josephine It was much better, thank you; though it couldn't have got much worse. thank you for your kind words Josephine All the best, Rich. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richtea57 Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 Pamela Galli wrote: Are you writing (on your iPad?) from the bin? Because getting in is the easy part. i have to admit, my getting out wasn't the most graceful of moves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madelaine McMasters Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Richtea57 wrote: I could go back and edit it so my finely chiselled face, (if I'm going to edit, I might a well get something out of it), brushes the puddle of doom. There's no need for you to edit the story. I'd already presumed you'd done so in the telling of it. And I made that presumption because I know how it would have gone for me. And "brush" isn't the word I'd imagined. ;-). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LlewLlwyd Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 LaskyaClaren wrote: This is almost enough to bring me back here. High praise indeed! [in case you didn't realise, Laskya, Rich is the epitome of the n00b we WANT to attract to the cleaned up GD.] [but I wouldn't advise getting too close to him, as a) he's English and b) he has a thing for dominant women.] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richtea57 Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 Madelaine McMasters wrote: Richtea57 wrote: I could go back and edit it so my finely chiselled face, (if I'm going to edit, I might a well get something out of it), brushes the puddle of doom. There's no need for you to edit the story. I'd already presumed you'd done so in the telling of it. And I made that presumption because I know how it would have gone for me. And "brush" isn't the word I'd imagined. ;-). I may very well have oversold the graceful aspects of my entry into the bin; and 'brush' is kinda, sorta synonomous with 'splash' isn't it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richtea57 Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 LlewLlwyd wrote: LaskyaClaren wrote: This is almost enough to bring me back here. High praise indeed! [in case you didn't realise, Laskya, Rich is the epitome of the n00b we WANT to attract to the cleaned up GD.] [but I wouldn't advise getting too close to him, as a) he's English and b) he has a thing for dominant women.] Not a wild pile I can do about the being English malarkey . But the dominant women thingy I'm on safer ground; I'm sort of spoken for.... almost literally on occasion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LlewLlwyd Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Richtea57 wrote: I'm sort of spoken for. almost literally on occasion. I think that is classified as being spoken AT . . . [Other prepositions are available.] [Although ESLers probably won't be able to tell the difference.] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richtea57 Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 LlewLlwyd wrote: Richtea57 wrote: I'm sort of spoken for. almost literally on occasion. I think that is classified as being spoken AT . . . Fair point, that happens a fair bit... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaskyaClaren Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 LlewLlwyd wrote: LaskyaClaren wrote: This is almost enough to bring me back here. High praise indeed! [in case you didn't realise, Laskya, Rich is the epitome of the n00b we WANT to attract to the cleaned up GD.] [but I wouldn't advise getting too close to him, as a) he's English and b) he has a thing for dominant women.] You should know me well enough to recognize that I am above petty prejudices of this sort. Why, some of my best friends once knew an English person. And enjoying being spoken "at" by a woman is pretty much a prerequisite for any male of my acquaintance. (Which might explain why Friday is a "Girls' Night Out" around here . . .) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derek Torvalar Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 LaskyaClaren wrote: LlewLlwyd wrote: LaskyaClaren wrote: This is almost enough to bring me back here. High praise indeed! [in case you didn't realise, Laskya, Rich is the epitome of the n00b we WANT to attract to the cleaned up GD.] [but I wouldn't advise getting too close to him, as a) he's English and b) he has a thing for dominant women.] You should know me well enough to recognize that I am above petty prejudices of this sort. Why, some of my best friends once knew an English person. And enjoying being spoken "at" by a woman is pretty much a prerequisite for any male of my acquaintance. (Which might explain why Friday is a "Girls' Night Out" around here . . .) Not that you haven't had offers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DejaHo Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 LaskyaClaren wrote: . (Which might explain why Friday is a "Girls' Night Out" around here . . .) My girl friend and I have a similar arrangement. Once a week I go out with the guys and once a week and she goes out with the guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DejaHo Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Richtea57 wrote: There are some people who would look rather foolish standing in a large dustbin at 5.25 in the morning, but I like to think I carried it off with a certain panache. You go through all of that just so you can get in your car and drive to work on the wrong side of the road? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ima Rang Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 LaskyaClaren wrote: This is almost enough to bring me back here. Almost. (It sounds as though you were a few inches from making it a sure thing. :matte-motes-evil-grin:) That's what she said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaskyaClaren Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Ima Rang wrote: LaskyaClaren wrote: This is almost enough to bring me back here. Almost. (It sounds as though you were a few inches from making it a sure thing. :matte-motes-evil-grin:) That's what she said. One reader laughed. :matte-motes-big-grin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaskyaClaren Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Derek Torvalar wrote: LaskyaClaren wrote: LlewLlwyd wrote: LaskyaClaren wrote: This is almost enough to bring me back here. High praise indeed! [in case you didn't realise, Laskya, Rich is the epitome of the n00b we WANT to attract to the cleaned up GD.] [but I wouldn't advise getting too close to him, as a) he's English and b) he has a thing for dominant women.] You should know me well enough to recognize that I am above petty prejudices of this sort. Why, some of my best friends once knew an English person. And enjoying being spoken "at" by a woman is pretty much a prerequisite for any male of my acquaintance. (Which might explain why Friday is a "Girls' Night Out" around here . . .) Not that you haven't had offers. True. I have. :-) I was being a bit disingenuous for effect. In fact, "Girls' Night Out" is a matter of choice rather than necessity. I have an arrangement in that regard that is both somewhat like Deja's, and yet at the same time wholly unlike it. A perquisite of being one who speaks as often "at" as "with," I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richtea57 Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Why, some of my best friends once knew an English person. And, I imagine, their lives were enriched for the experience; enriched beyond words? Oh, fair enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richtea57 Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 DejaHo wrote: Richtea57 wrote: There are some people who would look rather foolish standing in a large dustbin at 5.25 in the morning, but I like to think I carried it off with a certain panache. You go through all of that just so you can get in your car and drive to work on the wrong side of the road? Ah, left or right, my driving's bad enough to not matter which side I drive on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richtea57 Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 LaskyaClaren wrote: Ima Rang wrote: LaskyaClaren wrote: This is almost enough to bring me back here. Almost. (It sounds as though you were a few inches from making it a sure thing. :matte-motes-evil-grin:) That's what she said. One reader laughed. :matte-motes-big-grin: Two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LlewLlwyd Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Richtea57 wrote: LaskyaClaren wrote: Ima Rang wrote: LaskyaClaren wrote: This is almost enough to bring me back here. Almost. (It sounds as though you were a few inches from making it a sure thing. :matte-motes-evil-grin:) That's what she said. One reader laughed. :matte-motes-big-grin: Two. Many. [That is apparently the full extent of the Australian Aborigine counting system; it is a rational response to the possibility of falling asleep when they count their sheep.] [The downside is that they don't understand the only real joke in The HitchHiker's Guide To The Universe.] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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