Luna Bliss

omg...they wanted us to get on a hug ring at the end of that thing....my friend and I ran off...LOL See, not all groups are fitting for everyone...

Messages from the place I'm visiting now...are they using ChatGP? hmmmm Bowl of Wisdom whispers....: The mandala of existence unfolds in intricate patterns. Each experience, a brushstroke on the canvas of consciousness, contributes to the masterpiece of enlightenment.

Yes! Managing the pain is such an important part of developing resilience, though I can't say I always like it!

Those are the friendships I treasure the most Ones that cause me to move to new and better ways of being in the world.

Like with any situation we're in (be it a place, person, or group) there can come a time when it's no longer right for us, when it no longer enhances our life. That's when it's time to move on to something that does, and that's actually a characteristic of being resilient (knowing, having the awareness, of when something doesn't suit us anymore, and leaping out in faith to find what does). From what you've described it sounds like it's time for you to move on. But I don't see the reason being that you've become "too resilient" here, rather that you are simply seeking positive meaning for your life in a place that isn't suited for you anymore.

I'd agree that it's difficult to let go of an addiction, yes. But you're redefining the word 'resilient' in the way you're using it. Resilience Resilience is the psychological quality that allows some people to be knocked down by the adversities of life and come back at least as strong as before. Rather than letting difficulties, traumatic events, or failure overcome them and drain their resolve, highly resilient people find a way to change course, emotionally heal, and continue moving toward their goals. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/resilience

Sounds like you navigate SL well. It's not easy to have a pleasant and relaxing experience (for some people anyway) yet have a little 'spice' thrown in there to make it interesting.

Regarding having a less-stressful life in SL when participating in groups, from what I've experienced it's communities where sex is involved that cause the most trouble/drama. I don't think Tinies groups have that (I may be wrong here, not sure) so it could be one of the safer groups to experience. But all groups I've seen have some sort of power structure, reminding me of a little Kingdom from times past. Conflicts center around power and control over the activities and aims of the group, and who has highest access (closeness) to the 'King" (usually the founder of the group or region owner). Nice representation of Tinies @ the Fantasy Fairre, btw.

I think I would give it a try though, if I was curious I mean, just to see what is going on in there.. It's a good chance you might find one or two or a few or who knows until you try, that you may get along with.. We can always call it quits.. hehehe Very true...you never know until you try...and there are good (healthy) groups in SL. However, you do have to be careful with groups if you're hoping they might have a positive effect on your SL. There are usually power struggles in any group, and some individuals handle that fact better than others so that nobody gets hurt. But the drama I've seen in some SL groups, the hurt experienced by those treated unfairly when group dynamics go south, reads like a B-grade drama. So caution is needed -- best to test the waters slowly.

It's fine if you want to believe a person is always an addict, and fine if others choose to view themselves in such a manner. I don't subscribe to that particular model for addiction though, and many former addicts and therapists don't either. Disease models for human behavior seem inaccurate and disrespectful. In any case, I was referring to an individual in the active phase of addiction where their life is basically crumbling down around them -- hence, they feel miserable/are not happy with life. Also, we shouldn't be labeling people as "addicted to SL" in such a flippant manner -- addiction is a serious matter and to refer to those who might be shopping a bit too much in SL as being an actual addict minimizes the seriousness and pain those undergoing true addiction experience. Here's more info about whether one is ALWAYS an addict: "Many people recognize the common saying of “once an addict, always an addict.” But what does this saying really mean? Are people addicts for life? If you become addicted to a particular substance, do you need to avoid all addictive substances after you start your path to recovery? If you abstain from using your substance of choice, you may be worried that you will replace this addiction with another. Further, if you are married to someone who is or has been addicted to a substance, you may be wondering if your loved one will turn to their drug of choice whenever temptation arises. The truth is that addiction is more complex than this simple phrase. Once an Addict, Always an Addict? While “once an addict, always an addict” is a common claim, it is not necessarily true. This saying leads many to believe that addicts can never get better and are doomed to be addicted for life. Even if an individual stops using their drug of choice, this phrase can make them believe they will replace one addiction with another, such as alcohol, another drug, gambling or video games. Part of the problem with this common saying may be rooted in the disease model of addiction. Models of Addiction Many experts recognize two main models of addiction: Disease model of addiction: In the disease model of addiction, the belief is that a person’s addiction has a biological origin. As such, this model claims that addicts will always be at the same risk for relapse as when they entered addiction treatment. Attachment model of addiction: In the attachment model of addiction, a person’s relationships and how they are treated are considered the origin of the addiction. For example, a neglectful or abusive family may cause addictive tendencies. Through this model, it is believed addicts can create healthy relationships and learn tools that can greatly minimize the risk of relapse. The reality is that a variety of factors can lead to this disorder. Understanding the reasons for your addiction is one of the most important steps in recovery". Here's another article about this issue: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-addiction/202009/10-reasons-why-once-addict-always-addict-is-harmful

Second Life humor is the best medicine. I told a friend to check out the AO's with the Senra body if she needed a pick-up yesterday. She posted her findings and we had a good laugh:

I think you're a perfect example of wisdom occurring @ a younger age, and proof that we should not automatically accept that older people are the wiser ones. In other words, saying "hey join this community, it's better because we're older and wiser" just doesn't fly.

He was funny. I'm really getting a kick out of all the unique characters @ Fantasy Fairre.

Play Time

Yeah the good things don't come quickly here, that's for sure. You often have to wait to see results, unlike many other virtual reality environments.

What facts am I changing, Luna? I said that dopamine makes people feel good and that a dopamine high can be addictive. My point was that just because an activity feels good, that doesn't necessarily mean that it's healthy or that it increases one's resilience to stress. I also get irritated by how you act like your views and practices are always right, always the best. No one is always right or always the best. That's narcissism. Even if you dress it up with pretty rainbows and new age psychobabble, it's still narcissism. You're taking what I said out of context and adding addiction psychobabble. I was advocating that people do what feels good in SL in order to build resiliency. I think you're forgetting the "in order to build resiliency" part. How could getting drunk or engaging in addictive behavior further resiliency? It can't, because it's self-destructive behavior - it's escapism and takes people down a long, dark path -- totally opposite from resiliency. Of course, yes, it's not good to run your life on dopamine highs. But again, this is not what I ever meant so there was no need to point that out! It's not "narcissism" to point out that you misinterpreted me.

You know darn well that I'm not dismissing Science. I'm simply pointing out that Science (including soft the sciences such as psychology) is dynamic. There are very few absolutes in psychology. It's a relatively new science with constantly evolving theories. Trying to make sense of human behavior is also not as simple as proving the Earth is round(ish) or that light has properties of both a wave and particles. Every addict I have ever known has been miserable, felt out of control, and fervently wished they could have their life back again. I don't even need Science to know addicts are not happy people. Why you are trying to change these facts because you don't totally trust soft Science is beyond the pale. This is the last I'm speaking about addiction, griefers, and stalkers. If you really want to talk about addicts and other self-destructive people in SL so much it would be nice if you started your own thread. This thread was supposed to be about positive attributes of SL we engage in and want to share with others, and noting how we're better for it.

Some adolescents grief a lot, cause trouble -- it's almost expected of them. But it's because they actually don't feel empowered as they try to move into adulthood...they're in pain. They think it's fun to punish others for the pain they believe the world is causing them. Unfortunately too many never leave adolescence emotionally. My friend who is being stalked by this guy because she broke up with him...for like a decade. He's emotionally ill, can't let go, and only wants to punish her now. What someone is in RL usually manifests in SL, whether they consider it a game or not. But we're going off-topic here. I don't want to process the worlds of griefers and stalkers anymore. As I said, I want to focus on the positive aspects of SL.

Me....go off-topic? Never! I'm just adding greater detail and depth...lol.

Things change over time. That's true. I tend to read studies -- studies that control for variables well so are more likely to be true. To dismiss Science completely because it changes when new information comes out, or become some of it is false having not been done correctly, is short-sighted on your part.

Persephone...really? It's not narcissism to believe we actually DO have some healthy ways to build resiliency in SL and request that others reveal those. This is how we learn from others...learn what's in SL that is good for us. Why the two of you (or three) have gotten off on this addiction kick is beyond me. I was not, nor would I ever, propose that people become addicts in SL! Yes, my views are right...yes! -- my views are that I want people to enjoy SL in a healthy way, and for us to talk about it on this thread. If you like to experience addiction that's fine...but it's not what I ever wanted to advocate here.

You again, are discrediting people's responses and attempting to make people post what you want and the way you want. That's not how forums work. I set the topic -- please read my opening paragraph. People need to stick to the topic. The topic is, how do we utilize SL to cope with stresses (building resiliency in the process). Do you think Kipling was wanting people to know how to be griefers and stalkers with his poem? lol

I would disagree with you. A griefer in SL usually does it for fun and games. It's only negative to the one being griefed if they see it that way. YOU might read up on that. A person who chooses to bother others (griefing or stalking), manifesting discord and destruction in the world as opposed to behaving in a constructive manner, is unhealthy. From what I've read about their psychological make up they lack purpose due to believing they can't fulfill positive life goals. Often they've felt thwarted in some way and don't know how to deal with that pain, so they act out in a destructive manner, often punishing people they think are responsible for their pain (even symbolically, as often the person in the present they punish is a stand-in for someone who hurt them in the past).

No, not everything that makes one feel good in SL increases resiliency. I suggested earlier having a drink or edible while playing in SL, but having several drinks everytime one goes into SL might be a sign of alcoholism. Some people on this forum seem to enjoy acting negative and insulting others. This probably makes them feel good in the short term, but it's not an ideal way of coping with life's stresses. Some people feel good in by shopping in SL, but if this hobby costs them several hundreds of dollars each month, that may be a sign of a shopping addiction. As has been suggested elsewhere on the forums, RL gambling and sex addictions have SL versions that can also be damaging. I'm not, nor have I ever been, talking about addictive behavior. I'm speaking to healthy ways of feeling good in the world -- finding joy in various pursuits, relaxing when needed, taking care of oneself, getting support from other healthy friends -- all this can be found in SL. What I've described has nothing to do with addictive behaviors or those who utilize negative types of defenses that might relieve pain in the present but end up being harmful. And I'd never say people feel 'good' when utilizing a negative defense -- I'd say they feel a relief...they've escaped some pain. But that's not feeling good...it's escapism. But in any case, again, I want to know the ways people utilize SL in healthy ways (so this doesn't include being an addict, a griefer, or a troll). What next, are we going to validate serial killers and stalkers here? lol

You have no idea what I know. Maybe researching emotional maturity could be part of your learning. You could help build resilience in others by working on the arrogance used to try to convince others that your views are the only correct ones. That is if you truly are in SL to help others find ways that work for them. Your chanting and praying only help you. Hanging out in SL with people who don't think like you might also help you discover that there are a lot of happy ways to cope that would never work for you, but are just as valid. Instead of thinking that a book you read has all the answers for everyone you could grow in your views... which builds resilience. If you think being a griefer and a troll is a healthy way to exist in SL...if you think destructive types of defenses actually benefit a person in the long run...then I do know what you know (or don't know). I hang out with lots of people who are different than me, and I accept them. What I won't accept is somebody advocating hurtful behaviors for others on a public forum (as you're doing here). It's quite odd that, after I didn't accept your suggestion, you begin to trash me totally and paint me with a wide brush. That's not a good way of debating, Cinnamon. It's shady. If you think your theory is right, just say it, and let me agree or disagree the same as everybody else has been expressing on this thread. Totally trashing another and saying they NEVER agree with anyone based on my not finding your suggestion worthwhile is a distortion and an unfair way to argue a point. Bringing up my praying and chanting is even more out of bounds.