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Looking for old (and new too) friends

BillFletcher

By BillFletcher,
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BillFletcher

BillFletcher

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Ok so this is a bit of a different request, as a lot of you know, I have had several accounts in SL, Having switched to new accounts for various reasons, The most recent one before the current Bill guy, was a guy called Ayeleeon, an odd name for an alt created originally with no intention of it becoming my main. As Ayeleeon I made friends, some from the forums, and then I met this girl, who for a time I thought was the LOML, and she got it into her head that we should both close our accounts and start over fresh just the two of us. I was smitten and that made me stupid so I agreed, I turned my back on my whole friends list to make her happy. Recently however that relationship imploded. I now realize how stupid it was to do that , and I realize just what a huge red flag, wanting to abandon our pasts really was. I have reached out to a few of my old friends, but I must admit i am a bit hesitant since I kind of think I deserve to be whacked up side the head when I do. So there it is, if you were friends with Ayeleeon, and are willing to forgive my indiscretions and be friends with me as Bill, give me an IM. Or of you never knew me and would be willing to be friends with a hopeless romantic artist guy send an IM as well. I promise not to be one of those clingy people who try to monopolize your time, and I also must warn you my hours in SL are a bit odd. I generally only get in world from Tuesday through Friday 4AM SLT to 10AM SLT, there are at times other times but they are random and unpredictable.

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f7t

f7t

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Hi Bill!, leaving an entire group of friends for one person is a bit worrisome - it implies that one does not value the friendships enough to continue them. But I'm glad that you are past it and hope you'll get back to your old friends and make new ones.

Personally, I have always had a single account with long-time friends, and never felt the need to start from scratch. At times, I'm overwhelmed by the IMs, and need more restraint in making new friends :) Of course, I was not in your shoes, but I do avoid getting focused on any particular person by constantly visiting new places and meeting new people. I'd advise you to join an art group or just try hanging around at your old haunts, you'll find plenty of people to enjoy SL with!

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BillFletcher

BillFletcher

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10 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Just don't make the same mistakes again, unless you want to learn the same lessons again!

Good advice, I don't plan to, but then I also know myself, that I have a weakness for the charms of a woman. So I can't honestly promise not to fall under some other witches spell in the future and do stupid things again.

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Love Zhaoying

Love Zhaoying

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4 minutes ago, BillFletcher said:

I have a weakness for the charms of a woman.

Perhaps always go into a new relationship remembering your weakness.

Some people are "suspicious once burned", which can be a healthy defense mechanism but get in the way of future relationships.  Some have a nice "balance" of "been there, done that" while at the same time, trusting someone new "until given reason otherwise". 

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Kalegthepsionicist

Kalegthepsionicist

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21 hours ago, BillFletcher said:

But what when my past leaves me?

idk dude,

I dunno your past problems ??

you friend leave you ? they arwnt your friemds,

friemds are  stay.

friendship .

friendship, a state of enduring affection, esteem, intimacy, and trust between two people. In all cultures, friendships are important relationships throughout a person's life span.

 

trust is foundation of friemdahip.

definition

firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

how to build trust ?

Trust is telling the truth over time

 

now I ask you, which arwe from your pasr are always tellimg u the truth ?

reach that person first.

 

 

 

Edited by Kalegthepsionicist
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Kathlen Onyx

Kathlen Onyx

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I'm not in favor of asking for friends on the forum. I think friendship should originate organically and not be forced. Besides I know you as someone totally different than Bill or Ayleeon.  Good luck though. I"d give the same advice to anyone. Go hang out at places you feel most comfortable and start there.

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BillFletcher

BillFletcher

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On 5/14/2024 at 8:02 AM, Kathlen Onyx said:

Go hang out at places you feel most comfortable and start there.

Yes this OP was written when I was still a bit confused, but since then I have found a great deal of clarity, have begun to build a solid circle of friends, and things are starting to very good indeed.

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Kathlen Onyx

Kathlen Onyx

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16 hours ago, BillFletcher said:

Yes this OP was written when I was still a bit confused, but since then I have found a great deal of clarity, have begun to build a solid circle of friends, and things are starting to very good indeed.

Well good. Only took ya five days too. Are you sure you have trouble making friends?  Just a word of warning. 5 days does not make a solid group of friends.  I have found to really have a nice friendship it can take at least six months. My bestie, I call her and I have known each other online starting from Opensim and reconnecting on SL and have known each other for 5 years. I feel that she is the one person I can trust with anything SL or RL.

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BillFletcher

BillFletcher

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21 minutes ago, Kathlen Onyx said:

Well good. Only took ya five days too. Are you sure you have trouble making friends?  Just a word of warning. 5 days does not make a solid group of friends.  I have found to really have a nice friendship it can take at least six months. My bestie, I call her and I have known each other online starting from Opensim and reconnecting on SL and have known each other for 5 years. I feel that she is the one person I can trust with anything SL or RL.

I wasn’t having trouble but was thinking I should reach out to former friends in this way, but I think instead it’s best to just move forward, and yes it is still early and some things take time to know for sure. But it at least looks hopeful.

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Kathlen Onyx

Kathlen Onyx

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21 minutes ago, BillFletcher said:

I wasn’t having trouble but was thinking I should reach out to former friends in this way, but I think instead it’s best to just move forward, and yes it is still early and some things take time to know for sure. But it at least looks hopeful.

I'd have to second that sometimes moving on is for the best.  I have an ex-partner who flits around from girl to girl, often partnering the same one over and over. In our 2 year relationship we broke up 3 times.  He gets bored, has to cause an "issue" and then some drama.  Personally I think he just likes the make up sex.  We frequent the same club nightly.  What he did and said to me was very hurtful. I don't think either one of use should have to leave the club as we both have friends there, however he doesn't understand why we can't be friends or friendly.  I basically ignore him. I don't say hi and I try my best not to acknowledge his comments in local.  He, on the other had goes out of his way to say Hi and make it obvious.  

I think a lot of people in SL believe that even if someone hurts you or does something unforgiveable you HAVE to forgive them and continue with some sort of relationship.  In RL it's easy to avoid the people you don't want to hang out with. In SL it's a bit more difficult.    

I don't see any issues with people just walking away. In my case not literal but in my mind.  Reestablishing toxic relationships just is not necessary. 

Anyway, sorry for the ramble but it's sounds like you are starting to enjoy your SL a lot more than you used to. :)

Edited by Kathlen Onyx
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Love Zhaoying

Love Zhaoying

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If it were me, and I thought some of the "old friends" were "real friends", I'd reach out to those people first. Then when ready, some others.

But starting with people who are "real friends" would give you some relief and confidence.  Plus, you could talk to THEM about it and they may know which other common friends may be open to reconnecting.

Just a thought, "friend networks" etc.

 

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