Ok I have been reading none stop for three days, and I'm sure there is something i'm still missing and my eyes hurt from reading in this forum.
Now... After following this thread I managed to have the rigid mesh finally to a decent size to my avatar, however now .. it looks deformed.
Scaled the SLAV to 1 i did however try with the model skirt to see if its the model I made that was the problem but no... even when I uploaded the model skirt it was deformed in SL.
a little help please? lol my brain is farting alot now.