Starline Corvinus

I never tell anyone in local chat or IM that I don't want their kind to be around, whether it's men, furries, anime avatars or anybody else. Although if I'm going to end up in a situation where I'm going to be in a place similar to a gym locker room where half a dozen sweaty male bodybuilders are going to be talking about their masculine interests, and I feel like a fish out of water, I'll kindly remove myself from the situation or avoid it without making a fuss to begin with. The other day, a close friend asked me if I wanted to join her at a nude beach with lots of people. She knew I prefer female spaces for the most part, so she told me there's going to be lots of male avatars there and she asked me if I would be comfortable with it. I always weigh my comfort level to the potential interactions and experience I might have in a given situation. In that instance, I felt quite uncomfortable, but I was comfortable enough to come and stay, just to be with my friend, with no issues (I've been hit on, insulted and abused several times in the past, and it's almost always a user with a male avatar) It's always my choice that I have the right to make, to decide to spend time in female-only spaces or not, and to communicate my given preference with others around me. I don't appreciate anyone making it seem like I'm going around in-world insulting men or anyone else around me I come across just for being who they are. I'm not even closed to men, like my boyfriend in a wheelchair, or my dwarf-sized Ukrainian friend with a beer belly, or my numerous play partners from kink sims I've had - all male, whom I keep in contact with. I'm certainly open to males with female avatars. Just not your average jacked up steroid-junkie male avatars you see in every place that isn't female-only. I get along quite well with men who don't feel the need to fit in with the common male desirability standard and be hypermasculine. As a strong lesbian, I just prefer seeing women, and going to female places, just as gay men would not be interested in going to a majority female place and would prefer a mostly male-oriented place. I'm certainly open to discussion with men in this thread, especially if it's helpful and constructive. A lot of people I find at clubs are often busy in chat with their friends around them. When I message them in IM, only some of them say "hello" and make a few very brief comments beyond that at best. Then the chat just stops and I just end up looking like I'm making lots of badgering replies with no response, so then I'm compelled to stop and leave them alone, with likely no further interactions with them for the rest of the night. Some of them say "I'm busy" and a lot of them just don't respond at all. This all happens more often than not. I don't always feel confident or comfortable reaching out to every person as a result, no matter how nice or polite I - or they, can be. Luna Bliss, What I just described above makes me think that's how it appears. I do question sometimes if they're genuinely enjoying the experience being there every single evening, or whether they're just there, going through the motions as part of a routine, solely out of a sense of belonging and community; if not, almost a sense of duty. As if they're almost going to be shunned if they all stop going for a while. My going to clubs to try my luck despite not enjoying it and the odds stacked against me has certainly become a sad, lonely boring, ritual for me. It has me thinking, maybe it's actually better, not being one of the "robots" or "zombies" who feel compelled as if by a hive mind, to go to the same place every day and do the same thing. Again, I can't help but to feel a strong sense of the uncanny, to question whether they're actually enjoying themselves. Of course, there are always exceptions and sometimes it stands out to me when someone is, truly enjoying themselves, rather than pretending or deluding themselves into thinking they are (like I had been doing for years until I decided that I'm actually not enjoying myself and will only do things I consciously know I will likely enjoy from now on), and just going through the motions. There's far more insulting and demeaning things I have heard people say than what I've just expressed out of a honest feeling - I mean, just look at some (not most) of the comments made in this thread by people other than me. Starting a group I feel is a significant invesment of effort that shouldn't be taken lightly. I started my own roleplay group some time ago and stuck with it for a while, committed myself to growing it, but I couldn't always be active. The drama and toxicity became too much to handle and I lost interest in the roleplay, especially due to that, because of a few bad apples. Anyway, what I'm asking for is whether there's a place, a venue like the Lesbian Teahouse, which is not a club with music and dancing, a place where I can go to chat and socialize, and to do so - to meet people and make conversation openly, to make friends is expected, instead of idle dancing/chat, rather than whether just a community or group exists. I'll come with you, or anyone else and see, to have a good time. If it means I'll increase the chances of making more friends and finding someone, then I'm all down for it. Going and being with a friend makes it far more enjoyable, and it means I don't have to face the dudes who hit on me in absurdly lewd ways alone, or any other issues. I'll look out for lesbians around me whenever I'm out and about. I've already discussed my interests and favorite activities before. I enjoy fashion, deep intellectual conversation and very light roleplay. I get along very well with roleplay characters who don't mind being out-of-character a lot, and have largely retired from heavy roleplay. Thank you for all your advice, I mean it; I appreciate all your input and I'll think about and take on board your suggestions.

I'm genuinely looking to make friends; to make long-lasting connections and friendships with people. My desire for a romantic relationship is genuine too. I'm not looking for a quick hook-up/pick-up or whatever. I'm not interested in sex whatsoever; my time spent with people does not have to involve anything sexual at all. When I ask if anybody knows places that attract mostly females, I don't mean a place where lots of women go, for the reason because there's men there. I really do mean a majority female crowd, for whatever reason. That means that any male avatars are in the absolute minority. The "gay men's club" I used to go to attracted almost all men, but not everyone was there for a relationship or sex - they were just there to be among friends and have a good time. I don't see why there's a reason why a place that attracts mostly female avatars for the same reasons can't also exist in SL. I've noticed that there can be a wider range of expression in female-only spaces; avatars can be more diverse - for example, I've noticed they can be taller on average than places where there's at least a roughly equal amount of men. When I first started spending time in female-only spaces, was surprised just how much taller the women in female-only spaces were, compared to the mixed gender spaces I have spent a lot of my time in. I speculate it's because women can feel they can be their true selves when they aren't subject to the male gaze; they don't feel the need, subconsciously or otherwise, to conform to the norm or expectation that they be petite and submissive in the presence of men - potential mates. The club members I have spoken to have also shared with me that they feel, to varying degrees, that this may be the reason. There are events which I've been to (like that dance at the pub at Abbott's Historical Airport) in which most people were very friendly and we got along quite well from the start, despite them not knowing me at all and me not being a part of that community at all. A lot of clubs just aren't like that, no matter how many times I go. It would take years, if at all... for the community members to finally warm up to me, if at all. As I said previously, it would be one hell of a grind just to reach that point. I don't see the point of persisting with going to clubs so many times over, where you don't feel particularly welcome or accepted, when you just don't enjoy the experience at all. You go to a club to have fun and genuinely have a good time, and that's what I want to do when I go to clubs. That should be their main purpose; that's why they should exist at all. If you're not enjoying yourself, then there's no point. You're surely less likely to make friends. No matter how close they are to each other, I have no idea why these people keep going to these clubs, or what they enjoy so much about them; doing the same line/circle dance while bland, similar music plays, and making brief comments/gestures about how cool it is and how much they're enjoying it, over and over and over again. There's nothing truly social about it. They seem pretty much brainwashed; it's a learned ritual or something. Other than the recommendations that were made, I've visited the same clubs over and over, countless times, with the same result. I never feel accepted or particularly welcome, and I don't enjoy it at all. It would be ridiculously stupid and masochistic of me to persist for so long despite that. I would be happy to persist for so long, if I genuinely enjoy my time there and I actually see that I get something out of it. I'm essentially beating a dead horse. As that classic quote goes, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” Anyway, I'll ask again; Does anybody know any female hangouts like the Lesbian Teahouse, where it's not a club with music and dancing, and the focus is on conversation, socializing and making connections. There MUST surely be more than just ONE, single, lone place like that. Thank you all for all of your responses. 🙂

Thank you all for your replies once again; I went to the club, A Woman's Touch today and it turns out I've been there once before. But it's just another standard dance circle, minimal chat kind of deal. Everyone there knew each other already, was already an established member of the community and seemed to be very close to each other, whereas I was at a disadvantage because I was a stranger, seen as a new person, an outsider. No amount of engaging discussion and enthusiasm would change that. That's my main predicament with all of these clubs. It would be one hell of a grind to stick with feeling lonely in a crowd for the next 5-10 years just to break into these communities. There's communities which I've been a part of for 2-4 years and I still can't break into them and be accepted as a valued member, an insider, one of them. A lot of these clubs are the same kind of thing. It's a lot of "yay! let's all dance in a line/circle and act all genuinely enthused! we're all one big family of friends!" kind of deal. So far, other than going off topic, it's mostly been club recommendations - I really do appreciate all of your recommendations, but perhaps it's a little simplistic to just say; "Go to club A > Try your luck", "Go to club B > Try your luck" if not "Go to club C > Try your luck again" But keep them coming, I won't know until I try. The discussion about the complexities of potential lesbian relationships and relationships with people who are trans/male user-female avatar is very interesting and helpful. Perhaps it would be helpful if any of you have any other general tips on how to make female friends/partners as a female that you would be kind to share. I could definitely use more actionable advice to keep in mind. I'm really interested if there are any female-only or female-majority hangouts which are not clubs with dancing and music, such as the Lesbian Teahouse. Surely that one isn't the ONLY one in existence in SL. If you know of any places that attract mostly women, then please let me know. I'll try all of your places, I'll keep trying.

Thank you very much for the recommendation, Sorciaa. I'll definitely keep these on my list, although adult-type places aren't really my kind of thing. There are A-rated communities I've been to, such as Anachronism, which are rated A but usually no adult themed stuff actually goes on as far as I can see. They probably want to be open to that possibility, while also not wanting child avatars around or something.

I'll definitely keep this in mind; it's still early in my lesbian exploration, but I haven't experienced at all what you just described myself, but I hope it's not more scaremongering based on preconceptions and assumptions. That's the kind of thing I've heard about in passing, in casual banter, but I don't know if it actually reflects reality for the most part. Yes, back to the main topic, taking into consideration that sticking to female-only/lesbian spaces can be restrictive or limiting, does anybody have any recommendations for places like Warehouse 21 which was mentioned as attracting a mostly female crowd? I once went to a dance hosted at Abbott's Historical Airport (and Smuggler's Bluff) that happened to be all-female, until an apparently well-regarded resident with a male avatar showed up. While I appreciate all your insights and perspectives and will respond to them, I appreciate those who stay on topic.

That's the most gross misrepresentation of disabled people I've ever heard of in SL. A bit like trans people, disabled people use avatars that reflect their status in real life for representation, visibility and acceptance. As far as the ones I dated go, they don't get out much and they expressed that they often get treated differently but it was important to be true to themselves. The other one changed his avatar in order to fit in more, and I had to persuade him that it's okay to be his true self and that I liked him because of it. They're not looking for sympathy, they're looking to be accepted and to be seen as valuable members of their community. I liked my boyfriend precisely because he didn't feel the need to compete with other men, by having yet another hypermasculine He-Man/Thor clone of an avatar. If anything, like real life... it puts him at a disadvantage.

There's plenty of people with furry personas, anime avatars and such but a lot of people it seems don't have any issues interacting with the real person behind them just because they have particular interests and tastes, or because they enjoy making a persona/lore around their character or roleplaying. Of course, people do have preferences. I'm not interested at all in seeing lots of male avatars all the time just as much as the average mainstream SL user with a human avatar who spends most of their time in places where anime and furry avatars aren't common is interested in seeing only anime or furry avatars all the time. That's why I go to female-presenting only and lesbian spaces. I just feel way more comfortable with it. Going to such places means I will take out of the equation and fulfill my desire of not having to see any male avatars whatsoever, so I can focus on my friendships and potential relationships, regardless of the actual gender of the people behind the avatars. I used to go to a club which attracted only men, and most of them were gay men, despite the club never advertising themselves as men-only or as a gay men's club. I went there because I liked the atmosphere, the music and the way people dressed there. But obviously none of them would be interested in me; other than just one other woman, I was the only female there. These days, I would not want to go there again, as my preferences have changed.

Yes, my background is of roleplay communities; I enjoy making profiles, doing light roleplay between avatars and friends and having lore to build on. The roleplay elements in my profile are just a cover to make things interesting and reflect what I enjoy doing; it doesn't make the person behind the avatar any less real. I have several accounts with the same avatar but for different purposes and it's just convenient to use one for forum posting. No-one's really confused at which account belongs to whom, because I make it so obvious the same person is behind all of them. I've never found that "being a roleplay character" has ever put me at a disadvantage when it comes to making friends and having genuine interactions with real people; a lot of the times I'm out-of-character anyway.

Thank you for the recommendation, Pheeby. It seems to still be around; I went there during SL's off-hours (obviously no-one was there at the time) and I joined the group. I wasn't able to see any notices for events or anything in the group page, but I'll check back during active hours and I'll let everyone know how it goes. Honestly, I'm wondering if there are more hangouts in SL such as the Lesbian Teahouse, which are not clubs which play music where people come to dance. If anybody knows any other lesbian/female hangouts which are not clubs with music and dancing, then please let us know.

Thank you all very much for your replies. It seems this thread is being hijacked once again, so I'll bring it back to the main topic of discussion, after addressing some of the replies. Although thank you to Katherine Heartsong for saying what needed to be said in response to the murder of trans people being mentioned. Open communication and clear expectations is important and preferred but as far as I know, in many jurisdictions unlike age or STI status, under ordinary circumstances they are under no legal obligation to disclose their sex to anyone in a casual relationship or a sexual encounter at any point in time. I am sure it has been seen time and time again; if someone murders a trans woman for not disclosing their sex and finding out they have male genitals, the legal responsibility lies on the perpetrator, not the victim. We should all know by now that the gay/trans panic defense is absolute hogwash and should have absolutely no legal basis whatsoever. If you're so stricken by the fact that your partner is in fact, not the gender they portrayed themselves to be that you're driven to literally murder another human being, then there's something deeply wrong with you, with your justification for murder being not much different to any other supposed justification for murder. We often don't blame women for when their partners assault them, we blame their partners for being uncontrolled, murdering savages. If men can't control their urges, we shouldn't blame women, trans women for being absolutely scared to death of them. More often than not, the perpetrators are men. The responsibility should lie on them mostly. It's incredibly absurd just how transphobic some of the replies here are, but I shouldn't be surprised. This. I feel this is exactly why trans people portray themselves as trans people in SL, whether with their avatar or stating it in their profile. The transgender cause for equal rights, visibility and acceptance is far more important than just blending in with men and women. I can attest to meeting people in SL using wheelchairs who are confined to them in real life too. For a while, I dated a man who was confined to a wheelchair in real life who always insisted on using one and roleplaying the same needs they have in real life at all times, because he felt it was more genuine and authentic. I also dated another man who was confined to a wheelchair in real life, but didn't want to use one in SL because he didn't want to have the same limitations of being confined to a wheelchair in real life. I'm not a wheelchair user, but I do have a different disability altogether which makes it far easier to empathize with those who do have disabilities. Thank you for your reply once again, Luna Bliss. Your response has given me something to pause and think about many times over. You raise a good point about "that when you interact with either lesbian trans women or with men who just want to try out being women as a kind of roleplay, you are almost always interacting with an individual who doesn't really understand the complexities of being a lesbian or a woman. For empathy to occur it requires the experience of being a woman or a lesbian over time." I agree that to a certain degree, this can be true. Although as a woman who only relatively recently realized I'm a lesbian, I myself feel that I may not be able to say that I understand the complexities of being a lesbian - I have never been in a significant lesbian relationship before. For the longest time, I identified as bisexual with a more straight lean towards men, with some denial that I actually liked women with any real significance. Although after several experiences with men, I went from being around 70%-90% male-leaning bisexual to 70%-90% female leaning bisexual before moving to more perhaps fluctuating around 90%-100% lesbian. In my experience thus far, there isn't anything about the trans women I've interacted with that makes me feel they don't understand the complexities of being a woman or a lesbian. They certainly have complex challenges and issues specific to them as transgender women and as transgender, gender non-conforming individuals in general that I can only do my best to understand, support and empathize with. The trans women I've interacted with in my experience are very different from the men I've interacted with over the years, despite the assumptions people may make about trans women, their perceived masculinity and the consequences of such. When it comes to dating and such, my primary preference may be biological women, but it still stands: I am certainly just as open to anybody who presents in a feminine manner; men with female avatars and trans women. People with female avatars in SL have consistently treated me far better than those with male avatars, so I'm open to making friends with and having a relationship with anybody with a female avatar, as long as they have good intentions and there is potential for a genuine connection. Of course I want to experience the fullness of a lesbian relationship, but any relationships with trans women and men with female avatars are no less real or fulfilling, necessarily. I'm just not attracted to men, or masculinity, so anybody who expresses their femininity is welcome with me. I hope my reply has given more context and insight, has addressed some of the responses given and has tied such discussion back to the main topic.

Thank you for your reply, ValKalAstra. I'm not always sure what my main interests are, let alone what interests I share with other people, because I have so many, and I move from one to another on a whim, scarcely sticking with one interest particularly with any consistency. I like fashion and discussing making avatars, I have an interest in history and folklore which I share with at least one friend, but generally I like to spend a lot of time with close friends discussing whatever comes to mind - very often our conversations are of an intellectual nature, with topics such as linguistics. I used to be involved in micronation roleplay, but I'm no longer active; it's a very small, niche community and I don't really like to associate with the kind of people that community attracts. We're all usually inactive anyway. My closest friends are also from various roleplay backgrounds, but we're mostly retired and haven't participated in active roleplay in years - for the most part, we're happy just to casually do very light roleplay while we're together, dressing up in costumes or uniforms or discussing the lore in our profiles, small things like that. I only know a handful of people like this, mainly because we're all mutual friends, and there's only so many of us. I don't know if there's a community for "roleplay retirees", but if there was, I would definitely be all over it. 😁 It's only by pure chance that I have met these rare individuals over the years who hit that sweet spot of intellectual tendencies mixed with diverse, flexible interests and creative self-expression. I have other very minor interests for which communities do exist, but I'm nowhere near passionate enough to be an active participating member of such communities - I'll definitely feel lost when most of the members who are extremely knowledgeable are talking about esoteric things that I can't relate to or understand at all, so I've always mostly stuck with existing close friends whom I can talk about whatever with and do whatever we want with. Naturally, gravitating towards female spaces means that my options are more limited and things are more broad in nature. Clubs, hangouts like the Lesbian Teahouse, if I can find more than one like it, and kink spaces. The latter isn't really my thing at all. If I'm missing other options, feel free to let me know.

Thank you for the recommendation, PheebyKatz. I'll check it out and report back on what kind of an experience I have. 😀

I really couldn't care less even if that were actually true. I'm surprised you didn't go higher and say 95%-100%. Even as a playful exaggeration, that just shows how ridiculous that line of thinking is. I heard somewhere, some time ago that female avatars outnumber male avatars by a certain margin. You can argue whether SL truly attracts more female users, or there is a significant number of men who prefer female avatars, or a combination of both factors which broadly increases the number of female avatars in SL, in general. Still, I feel there is a significant number of male avatars too, although I'm not sure what percentage of them are female users. I heard an isolated case from one woman who was suspicious that a user with a male avatar who was making advances towards her was just an overzealous woman in reality. Whatever the case, as stated previously, I really don't care if the people with female avatars I interact with are men in real life, so long as they have good intentions and we get along very nicely. In my personal experience, I've been hurt and abused far more often by people with male avatars, and I'm generally treated far better with those with female avatars. Not to say that women are like flawless, untouchable angels - there's plenty of drama and competitive nonsense among women, we all know that. There's generally never any real way to tell just through brief, casual interaction a person's true gender unless they're THAT bad at portraying the gender they claim to be, but it doesn't matter to me at all. I generally get treated better by those presenting as female - I would rather spend time with a kind transgender woman who feels lonely and marginalized than with hypermasculine, overconfident dominant male chauvinists who just sees me as another sexual conquest, who are more likely to mistreat not only women but those gender diverse individuals themselves. I'm not attracted to a masculine appearance or behaviors at all, so anybody nice with good intentions who presents feminine or has any aspects of femininity as part of their personal identity is more than welcome with me. If such people were truly that problematic, they certainly wouldn't take kindly to allowing transgender or otherwise gender diverse individuals in many of the women-only/lesbian spaces I mentioned. On the other hand, I'm sure many of us can understand that those with male avatars who come to disturb female-only spaces are, more often than not, problematic and do not come with good intentions, unlike those trans and gender diverse people I just mentioned. The fearmongering over men in real life using female avatars as a genuine threat is seriously overblown as I've nentioned many times already, and I'm honestly so over it. Catfishing may be more of a pertinent issue if you've developed a long-time relationship with another person and you were to meet them in real life, but in casual text-only interactions, it really isn't that much of an issue at all. If you have genuine cautionary stories to share, then by all means, but I would rather not have this thread devolve into only an argument about this. Anyway, hopefully this is the last time I'll have to address this. I made this post because I was struggling to make friends in general in many of the female-only spaces that I've spent time in, in part but not exclusively due to the nature of many of these places, in my own personal experience. I'll respond to any replies but I would prefer if we kept on topic on this matter from now on.

Thank you all so much for your replies! 😄 I thought I forgot to mention something crucial; I'm usually online from 5:00 pm SL time to 11:00 pm SL time. Time zone differences can make all the difference; I have only a handful of friends I am fortunate enough to have which come on around the same time as I do. A lot of people come on but have to leave much earlier than me, meaning that I'm often left alone with only a handful of other people to spend time with, if at all. I have a rather rare, atypical avatar (otherwise conventionally attractive, although this can be subjective) which I feel would turn off and intimidate some people. I have been told this. In my experience, my one defining characteristic (you'll know it instantly when you see me in-world) is a deal-breaker for some people. So when making friends and finding a partner, I'm keeping this in mind. I would of course, love to have someone who accepts me for who I am and how I wish to be, and loves me because of how I am. But changing my appearance drastically to suit the tastes and expectations of others is not something I'm willing to do. Thank you very much, Luna Bliss. For your recommendations. I went to Pammy's; I don't know what they're all about, but all their events seem to be held at around 1 am SL time, which is impossible for me. I haven't yet seen a single other person there. Warehouse 21 on the other hand, is absolutely jam packed with people; it lags my PC immensely and I was more worried that my viewer will freeze entirely. I don't think it will be fun waiting for everyone to load in, but beyond that I haven't tried my luck. It would seem rather challenging to interact with people on a more intimate or personal level when there are just so many revellers. From what I saw, it's an absolute riot and seems like the kind of place I usually avoid. Hello, Hecate! It's so good to see you here. I don't know about those particular venues that were mentioned, but yes, a lot of the lesbian venues I've been to seem to welcome trans women, and people of diverse gender identities, so long as they have a feminine aspect to their identity and present in a feminine fashion (certainly no male genitals hanging out) Honestly, I would love nothing more than to meet and make friends with more trans women and gender diverse individuals. But I haven't had much luck in that respect either. I would speculate that, just as in real life, trans people only make up a fraction of the total population of any given locale, making them on average, far rarer. Katherine, thank you for bringing all of this to my attention. It turns out we've met in-world before; I'm one of the people who went to that exhibition at Ash Grove - I purchased all of your exclusive artworks that were available at the time. We met together at your gallery. It's wonderful to see that you have contributed here. (Although, did you just call me "Starlight"? 😆) I haven't thought of that before; I started out in SL in the kink community years ago, but I haven't had any experience with lesbian kink communities; mostly it just wasn't my thing, but I'm open to exploring it now. This kind of concern isn't really one that I share; perhaps I haven't ever met anybody I spent time with that turned out to be male in real life, despite having a female avatar - and even if they were, it wouldn't matter at all to me, as long as they treated me well, and certainly not in that overt, hypermasculine, testosterone-fuelled manner that I now strongly seek to avoid. One of my very best friends in SL is male in real life, despite having a female avatar but they are open about it. But thank you for bringing to my attention the possibility of being taken advantage of, deceived and cheated and the potential consequences of such things. But in my experience... in general, the kind of rabid, witch-hunt mentality to "catfishing" I believe hurts women, all women (especially trans women who might not yet feel comfortable revealing their true gender identity) as much as it hurts men, if not more than men, who are so paranoid about total strangers, their friends, their potential partners in reality being other men with pretty female avatars. For the most part, it's insecure men raising this concern, although I have very occasionally encountered women who are very strict about this on their sim (I took my friends who have female avatars despite being male in real life to these places and nobody was the wiser, so STUFF these oppressive, authoritarian, exclusionary sim owners) I'm sick to death of me and my friends being constantly treated with suspicion just because some insecure person (usually male) are so excessively fixated on this because they can't wrap their heads around why some people who aren't female prefer female avatars, and the idea that it's okay to do so. Not everybody feels comfortable revealing their real-world gender, age or any other characteristic and it's absolutely okay to keep this to yourself. We come to SL to be whoever we want to be, and that's awesome - we didn't come to be interrogated, bullied, shamed and mocked by insecure strangers who have an issue with who we truly are. I'm absolutely sick to death of being caught in the net of suspicion and made to feel like a second-class citizen at a border checkpoint every time I go to a club where there's men. These people automatically assume every female avatar is male in real life (an absolutely ridiculous assumption to begin with) and won't let you go as soon as they catch you in their dragnet of suspicion - as soon as there's potentially a tiny bit of something that gives even a little probable cause to scrutinize and interrogate an individual to the point of bullying, harassment, outing, shame and embarrassment, they will never let you go. Sure, they will eventually catch someone (not without likely hurting and humiliating them first) but they will unnecessarily hurt many "legitimate" women in the process just because we value our privacy and personal choices and simply don't want to or feel it's necessary to "voice verify" and hand over our social media profiles and a bunch of real life photos of ourselves every time to every single man who is suspicious of us and feels he has the authority to be the "girl police" or the "guy police" of SL or whatever. This whole scaremongering mentality is so overblown, and I am so, so over it. Just let women be women, and let people in general be whoever they want to be without scrutiny or fear. I won't ever apologize for my femininity, and neither should my male friends who choose to play as female avatars, whom I will happily defend to the end, even if it puts me in the firing line of the male gaze of death. My stance is that this should hardly ever be anything ANYONE should ever concern themselves with. Perhaps some of you are in the minority, but I'm sure many of those who are male in real life or were assigned male at birth but prefer female avatars, like my friends, are also sick to death of all of this too. In summary, this kind of elitist, paranoid witch-hunt mentality and behavior - it hurts women, it hurts men, it hurts trans people, it even hurts people with disabilities such as mute people. Sorry for the rant, but this is something I'm really sick of. Katherine, I haven't experienced what you described, and I hope I never will, but this is my take on it, from my personal experience. This isn't intended as a personal criticism of you. Yes, my thoughts exactly. I hardly spend time in adult sims to begin with, and I'm certainly not looking for/interested in sex whatsoever. I'm not sure about pickup stuff, or how lucky I would be in those places. I have a rather rare avatar which is quite different as well, but there's no real community for my kind, other than the sisterhood I was part of in my first year of joining SL - sadly that shut down and I miss my sisters terribly. People do ignore me, but I don't know if it's because of my avatar or for other reasons, but I haven't had any glaring negative experiences as a result. If you know of any good clubs in which people actually socialize instead of dancing while AFK and saying the same old greetings, pleasantries and short comments, then by all means, let me know! As for the real-world gender of someone in SL, as I wrote above, it doesn't bother me whatsoever either. I am attracted to females but so long as people present and act in a (at least relatively) feminine way in-world, then it's all fine by me. I think I am open to men with female avatars and definitely transgender women. So long as there is a genuine connection and good intentions I'm open to relationships with just about anyone with a female avatar. Male avatars and masculine behaviour (not interests) for the most part turn me off completely now, not like before when the feeling of being in an intimate relationship with a female would make me strangely uncomfortable (I think this may be a learned behaviour that went away with time and experience) and I would constantly seek out men over women (but I would still be open to a same-sex relationship if it was right) There is, of course... a difference between merely having gender preferences and outing/humiliating people without their consent. Let's be clear about this distinction. If I were to still persist in finding the right male partner for me, he would have to have a very specific type of appearance and personality, which is exceedingly rare so I figure at that point it's easier to look for a female partner. But I'm really struggling to make friends right now, let alone finding a partner to be in a relationship with. So any tips and advice would be more than welcome 😉

Hello, everyone! 😄 Ever since I've returned to SL, leaving my past relationships and realizing I'm lesbian, I've been mostly spending time in female-only spaces and together with a handful of close friends from the past who are not often around due to our vast time zone differences. However, most of these female-only communities are dance clubs; I've found that beyond saying "hello", making brief comments and dancing, not much socializing takes place between the members. They're often busy in IM, away or don't respond beyond saying "hello" or making brief comments as I just mentioned. It can be rather awkward and it quickly gets lonely in a crowd. Being a lover of mainly classical music and jazz, I find the music of these clubs rather unengaging. In general, I've found the experience in these places to be rather boring. These communities are often tight-knit, with everyone knowing each other very well and often having been friends for around 10 years or so. I've found it rather difficult to break into these communities, and I have no idea how these people have come to be friends to begin with. I was wondering if anybody knew of any female-only communities or communities in which many of the members are women, which focus on the social aspect beyond just hollow dancing, greetings and remarks here and there. I tend very much to enjoy deep intellectual conversation and philosophical discussion with my close friends and I miss the social aspects of my former communities which I have left due to drama and other issues. There was certainly no music or dancing in these groups most of the time; it was all about conversation and making friends. The Lesbian Teahouse comes to mind, and I have spent my time there on occasion - there is no music or dancing for the most part, but I run into the same issue; beyond just greetings, exchange of pleasantries and making small comments, many people there are rather close to each other and are either in IM, away or don't respond all that much. In the last three months, I've only made two friends; one of whom is in a relationship which takes up most of her time in SL, and another whose group duties takes up most of her in-world time as well. I happened to make a third friend at the Lesbian Teahouse, who seemed really nice and promising, but after having to be away from SL for a few days due to unforeseen circumstances, she removed me from her friends list and ceased all contact with me. In addition, if anybody can offer me advice on how to make friends in such a circumstance, I would appreciate it enormously. The eventual goal for me is to develop a same-sex relationship with another woman in SL; something I have not had since coming out as a lesbian. Sincerely, - Sarah L. Lane