Vryl Valkyrie

On a completely different note. As I mentioned I nearly bled to death last year and because of that ended up in the hospital. Hemoglobin was 6.1 and gfr was 16. It was a near death experience. Paul helped me to be strong. I've been in the hospital for a year. I was about to be transferred to a rehab center before returning to hospital again for surgery. Now today the results of my uterus and cervical biopsy were returned. Cervix looks ok but because of the hemorrhaging they couldn't get a good result for all of the biopsies of the uterus. An expert said some of the endometrium tissue looked ok but other wasn't sure. He said either cancer or precancer but didn't know because too much blood in tissue. The thing is, I'm not even afraid. I will be strong because I know that's what Paul would want. Whatever happens, happens. I'm hoping for the best but I do have symptoms. My ca 125 is 38 and yes that's slightly elevated but doesn't mean cancer. My ca 19.9 is 266 so that's very elevated. I've also got swollen lymph nodes but that doesn't mean cancer either. Doctor wants to induce temporary menopause with decapeptyl 11.25 injection. I don't know if I will agree to that because I don't how hormone therapy will treat possible endometrial cancer. I just don't think I really want to deal with all the side effects of that either. I just wish Paul was here now more than ever. He was always great at reassuring me and guiding me with good advice. I guess at some point they will do another biopsy and ultrasound but that wasn't clear either. On a good note my kidneys gfr is now 52. My hemoglobin is 11.5 so that's much better than a year ago for sure. My iron saturation did go down to 10% but they said it's from the hemorrhaging for one month after the biopsy. I guess I bled so long and was so painful because they accidentally cut something, I don't know. That's what they said. They wanted to do an iron infusion but I said no. I really don't have any negative vibe that things are going to go downhill but if they do, it's all ok. I just wanted to share my day with ya'll. Hope that's ok. Normally I would tell Paul but he's not here. Thanks for listening. hugs Once again, special thanks to all the love and support from SL community.

I don't have access to my older photos and recordings since I'm on a new pc in the hospital. I did find this old recording from over 15 years on my old youtube channel. We were doing a mock up interview about whether SL was a game or not. He said no and at that time I said yes. We tried to do this for hours and kept messing up so finally I gave up and said let's just do it and post it even though it's a big blooper. Had trouble hearing his voice. The original video is still there but this version I have tried to re-master. It's not the best and there is noise and humming but at least his voice is audible. We had fun doing this. Miss him so much! We had a lot of fun together. We also cried together. We fought too. But most importantly we loved together and each other. I'm actually embarrassed how stupid I sounded back then. Yes, I said real life back then because everyone did. Script was right and I was obviously wrong in this very funny and poorly done mock up interview about whether Second Life is a game or not.

Thank you NakedSummer. I was devastated at the news of his death and basically just destroyed everything. I wanted a rollback but it took too long to process the ticket so the 72 hour time expired. I've tried to rebuild it in the same "feel" as he liked but it's not a carbon copy of course. Sorry for that. I had a few of his prims in my inventory so I used them as the foundation for the new build. Maybe eventually when I feel better and have more energy I can do better and try to recreate the ambience of Script Shark at Adult Sandbox. I remember when the Lindens first rolled out Sondraman. There was a land rush because the prices were lowered and there were extra prims. Paul was originally going to get this tiny little spot nowhere near water until I showed him the location of Adult Sandbox. I said hurry Paul before someone else grabs it. At first there was a struggle to get it. The Linden wasn't going to let him have it but then eventually did, mostly surrounded by protected waters. That's the humble beginnings of Adult Sandbox. He did have other land in the past, private and mainland both. But he owned Adult Sandbox the longest so this will be his final SL resting place. Paul was good at taking care of people he cared about. He took care of so many. I tried to take care of him in my own way but honestly he mostly took care of me. A lot of people will mourn the loss of Paul. I had decided that once I was better and out of the hospital that I've been in for the past year, that I was finally ready to take the big leap after all these years because life is just so short. We decided that we would live together part-time here in France (which is what he wanted for all the years anyway) I was afraid if we lived together full-time we might get on each others nerves. Sadly that didn't happen. I nearly died last year. I thought I would die before him. But none of that makes our relationship any less real. Living together is not what determines the nature and intensity of a relationship. The fact that we were together all these years, even long distance is a testimony to that very love that we shared, even beyond death. I think a 20 year friendship and an 18 year romance is something whether we lived together or not. It may not seem like much but I do take great comfort that at least in SL we were partnered. He was and still is my everything and always will be. You know it's real when someone just loves you unconditionally despite your flaws or what you look like or how you change as you age because we all do. Love is blind, at least for us it was and still is and it is eternal. I was a co-owner in his groups as he was in mine so that way if anything happened I or he could take the property. This was what Paul and I wanted. I claimed his properties once I knew he died. Once again thanks to all the love and support from the Adult Sandbox patrons, from my SL friends and from the general SL community. You guys are all amazing and I love you. Our love might sound complicated. But for us, it was just natural. The only thing that really mattered to us is that we loved each other. Even when I got so sick and even gained weight from a rare form of lymphedema, Paul would just say, you're still Ginger. The love and care is there. We are soulmates so that can never change. He was coming to visit me at the hospital very soon but then life happened. He's been with me during the whole time at the hospital, calling me several times every single day. He even spoke to the doctors a few times. I'm just devastated. I just miss and love him so much.

I Just received an official confirmation in my mail of his death. Devastated.

Thank you Luna. I'm having a hard time. I don't want to log out of his sandbox but then I practically pass out. I tried to rebuild the sandbox back similar to how he had it. Doctor offered me sleeping pills but for now I'll pass. Seriously all the love I'm getting from you and others helps a lot. I don't know what I would do without you all. SL community is amazing. Love you all.

Looking back over old SL memories brings me to a song that I wrote many years ago, shortly after I met Paul (Script Shark). I filmed it in Kowloon in SL because it was one of our favorite places to go. I wrote this song so many years ago but it seems the person who I wrote it for was Paul, except at the time I did not that until he died April 19, 2024. Love and miss you so very much baby! Although other artists have recorded my song, and did well, in addition to me also doing my own recording of my original song, I still prefer this one best (performed by Mel Cheeky), who has the most amazing voice. The story behind the song is that I was sitting on the toilet one day with the lights off, just relaxing, doing nothing serious (if you know what I mean). These words and melody just sorta came to me. That is how Evoke was born. It's about a place that exist within us all. But in my little vision of it as I wrote the song, it was a kind of place in 1800's England., walking down a lonely cobblestone street on a rainy, foggy, hazy night. It's about a love that may or may not exist. This person needing, wanting it so much that she evokes him into her life. It's not a witchy song even if it may sound that way. It's just all about want, desire, need and believing in something, or someone so hard that it happens. Evoke. But in the end it is Paul that I "evoke". "Evoke" I'm falling to a place inside my soul It's lonely.. far from your heart I'm searching through the remnants of my mind Bridge: its cold outside... its dark inside... i'm bleeding I'm broken.. imprisoned by my fears Forsaken.. lost somewhere in tears I'm dying... haunted by the years Bridge: its cold outside... its dark inside... i'm bleeding I'm guilty.. drowning in my sin I'm blinded... unable to see the light My sorrow.... enslaves me to the night Bridge: its cold outside... its dark inside... i'm bleeding I evoke you... i evoke you into my heart I evoke you... i evoke you into my dreams I evoke you... i evoke you into my life.. my heart... my mind... my soul..

Our song

Thank you Kiena for your kind words and support. Thanks to everyone. I'm trying but I don't know.

I was able to restore this one short voicemail he left on my birthday a few weeks ago. It's all I have left of his voice. I wanted you to hear. He did call me back of course. At the very end of the brief message, he says "Jet'aime, bisous". That's what he always said even though he was Dutch. It's not because I live in France since I'm actually American. It was just a cute little thing he did. The images of SL here are poor graphic quality because they are from way back when except for 1. I wanted to share them because it was when it all started, the love that is. The Warlord and the Vampire Queen. Script Shark and Vryl Valkyrie. That's who were in the beginning until we became Paul and Ginger. Thanks for letting me share.

Thank you Luna hugs

He had so many names because his other characters were like his business managers or models to do photos, etc.. But the ones listed below are the ones he used most as alt egos but more like secretarial stuff. amsterdam Charming Alexander Claveau Casinogames Leader Duke Dingo

Someone outside SL asked me if I was going back to SL. I replied yes because I love Paul (Script Shark) and have no way to get closer to him and part of his energy imprint is left in SL. I don't expect anyone to understand, especially not outside SL. There is nothing left inside me except heartbreak. There is no getting over that. I won't move on. People say things like you'll move on and no I won't. Yes you have his memories but that's not enough. I need more. Some things you can't get over. 18 years almost is a big portion of my life gone. Just like that, unexpectedly. Can't get it back ever. No one and nothing can ever replace what I had with Paul. I will never see him or hear or feel him again There is no getting over that. I'm a better ^person because of him and am nothing without him. I feel like my life is over now. I'm trying to be strong because I know he would want that. I will never see his face again, feel his touch, hear his voice. All that is left are memories and what he left behind in SL. I feel like no one in this world can understand me and what I'm going through except SL people. You are my people. Paul was my person. I love him so very much. I'm just dying inside. Literally dying. But I have to be strong because he wants me to. I'm trying so hard but not easy. Thank you everyone.

I just want to say something else that even before we took it outside SL, we clicked but not at first meeting. It took a little time for him to grow on me. But my dear friend June was right. I love her for that. He just got so deep inside me. There I was like a frightened child and there he was with his big strong arms and hands reaching out to me. I grasp onto him with dear life. From that point forward we were inseparable despite some of our crazy arguments, mostly about me not liking some of his non PC comments lol. Now I miss that, I miss it all. I told people about him and I would get reactions like that's not a real relationship. What is a real relationship? There are many types of relationships in this world, connections of the mind and soul. No one has the right to say what is real or not. I don't like to say in reality because what is reality? I just say outside these walls of SL. Honestly love is love and a soul is a soul and that kind of beautiful connection can happen in any realm. It's not about race or gender or anything else other than just love. The interesting thing is that everyone thought he was the dark one but it was he who brought me out of the darkness into the light of the living. It took time to make that transition. A little poem I wrote for him: "Crimson Red" "Out from the dungeons of the dark divide Where I've been enslaved ten thousand years Heart bound in lead Mind wrapped in chains Soul imprisoned from within Love found me barely alive Crying tears of crimson red Love came to me in the deep abyss Removing the splinter from my flesh Revealing a passage up above Beyond the night Beyond despair Above all fear Love delivered me there Through shallow waters... Crystallized memories... Into the dark.. Seasoned with time Love awaits me Pouring it's spirit into mine Crying tears of crimson red " The very first time he proposed to me in SL. There were many other times after that lol. "Dear Vryl Valkyrie, You have received a Second Life partner proposal from Script Shark. Please visit the link below to view the proposal: You have received a partner proposal from Script Shark. Please accept or reject this proposal by Sunday, December 31, 2006. Send Your Reply: Proposal: Did i made a nice story did i get an error ^#$@$#@#% Even that don't work well... Partner the warlord baby...Bisous! Congratulations! You have been partnered with Script Shark. This change will now be reflected in your in-world profile." This is a photo of Paul looking rough. He was helping a friend in the Neverlands set up his market. The other two images are a couple of my fav SL pics of our avatars. He loved SL and was always thinking of new ways to make money in SL even though it was mostly a love/hate relationship. He believed it and Linden Lab until the day he died.

Thank you Michelle. Hundreds of people have sent me beautiful messages in SL but I've sadly not been able to respond to all. I have a do not disturb on explaining everything. I don't even want to log out. Strange that I would find comfort in SL on his sandbox, a place I didn't really love. I guess because our journey began in SL. I'm never going to get over this loss. I can't even imagine how I'm going to move forward without him. We partnered and unpartnered probably more times than anyone else in SL. We had fights that never lasted longer than a day. He was everything I'm not. I'm more cultured and refined and he was bad boy persona and me just the opposite but it worked. I remember once years ago Obscuro Valkyrie asking me why I was with Script and that he made me look bad lol. I didn't care because I just loved him and no one could understand our connection. The truth is he had a heart of a teddy bear and cared for people... maybe not everyone lol and didn't mind letting people know. As I said very anti social but his brain was so sexy and hot. I just loved him so much. I learned how to be stronger, tougher and a fighter because of him. He was to me what Adam was to Eve. At least I have his rib and I'm a better, stronger woman because of him. June Dion, owner of Bare Rose got us together. She thought we would be a good match. Funny cause I thought he was nuts lol. What we didn't know at the time is that we originally met each other on an older virtual platform called Worlds. He loved SL. That was his go to place after work every day. Even when I wasn't in SL for the past several years, he was. For now I'm back. It won't bring Paul back but I'm just deep in my feels looking at all the old photos and messages, etc. So hard. Sorry for rambling. Thanks again to all for the love and support.

Thanks everyone. The pain is unbearable . I've not slept. I keep listening to a voice mail that I was able to recover on my iphone over and over. I ran across an email from 10 years ago where he was telling me to not give up, that everything would work out in the end. I'm not sure about that. He was my one and only soul mate. I having difficulty accepting his death. It just doesn't seem real. I miss him so much already.