i got it,
1. I uploaded the wrong file to test :matte-motes-bashful-cute:
2. When the mesh in max is exported attached i get full scaling, and if i export it unattached I can only scale it on all 3 at once.
and FYI the unattached version, I can edit linked parts and scale the pieces individualy.
ok blonde moment over, tempted to run away n hang my head in shame but will leave this up in case anyone else stumbles across this.
Thanks Pamela for responding. it was looking at my own picture that made me spot the problem lol