I just care too much!
Don't mean to mope on here but I don't have a social life outside of the internet and thanks to COVID-19 I haven't been able to go outside for months, as I live in a building that won't allow me to..
I saw Second Life as an opportunity to have something to care about, feel productive and express myself..
Putting SL at such a high standard of importance to me made me increasingly picky with how I wanted my account to be.. I wanted to pick the perfect rezday, I wanted to pick my more current username and try and make the permanent choices in a way that allowed me to feel good about it for years to come.
I didn't think my planning and hopes for memory building on a social game could be screwed by a randomly generated number that gets plastered RIGHT next to your username on most viewers.. (It's also at the beginning of the UUID, so it's VERY close.)
On top of people trying to be nice here on the forums, people elsewhere are not as quite.. Lots are telling me they understand why I care about it but "No one will read it anyway".. All that tells me is "Yep, it's bad. Deal with it.", I care TOO much about my own identity and presence that I don't want to be essentially labeled by a "Funny lawl sex number" that is within peripheral reading distance to my username..
I'm under the impression that I wanted this account for years, I wanted to try and make content, I wanted to thrive on here so badly.. I simply CAN'T deal with this.. And now my username is wasted and there's nothing I could do about it..
It doesn't help that SL is already full of sexual types.. It's not hard to assume that the number would VERY often be seen this way to a majority to those users..
I still want it.. I still wish I could be here, but I literally spent time crying over a *****ing number and it's stressing me out and I uninstalled the viewer for now.. If I went for another rez-day.. Maybe 8/24/20 because it's close, all even, and my RL birthday is on a 24th.. I don't know.. My motivation is crushed and I already spent almost a month waiting for the first one..