Post and thread closed

[MichelleSpringfield]

I am closing this post. Please, no more responses. Thank you.

[Alwin Alcott]

you like nothing,

only doing things that are solo sports and activitties ...

and you are surpised you don't meet others?...ehm... sorry but think you really should visit places where others hang out, or it will be indeed a hell of a job to make, and keep, friends.

That you also mention you never start a talk...or don't initiate contacts....  thats not how things go, relations, in any way,.need work, investment of time, from BOTH sides.

[Xurias Arun]

These things you seem to dislike (dancing, shopping, sexual activities, building, socializing in large groups) are actually the main activity most people come here to do. True, Second Life is what you make of it as it is among all things primarily a "sandbox." As such the imagination and various desires (including sexual desires) are poured into the world in such a way that it manifests where you can see and interact with it.

If you want to "play with the other kids in the giant sandbox," you may need to bend a little and play the games they want to play.

Another thing to do is to take a good look at the main reason the majority of others show up in the world, and take notice that since those reasons do not align up with your own an alternative world may be the answer.

Please don't consider this to be advertising other things or telling you to "leave," but in these other worlds the reason the people are there is vastly different than the reason people in SL. And as such, you might find a mindset of people that lines up better for what you want. Let me give you a few examples of other online worlds:

 

World of Warcraft: People don't show up in this world to dance, have sex, and go shopping for example. However instead there is a non-sexual activity they do together in small groups of 5 (fighting stuff together in dungeons), or stronger enemies it's "raidgroups" of 10 to 25 I believe (I haven't played in a long time so I don't know what the exact raid sizes are these days). Fighting in dungeons isn't the only thing that is done, and there's plenty of non-group things to do such as quests and crafting (Not the same as building. You gather stuff fromt he world and your avatar/character uses the stuff to build the stuff, you don't personally build things like in SL). The stuff built is generally potions, food, armor and weapons and whatnot. You can also join in with players to fight against other players (Also known ans PvP/Player Vs. Player). Also little mini-games/side games such as the pet battles. I suppose the only exception is RP (roleplay) servers where some people roleplay sexual activity privately in IM's, but this is somewhat discouraged (as it's possible to get banned for any sort of sexual activity in this world). Instead of groups people join "Guilds."

Final Fantasy XIV: Similar to World of Warcraft, again there are no dance clubs or sex clubs. Slightly closer to SL in that you can have your own house possibly (generally done at higher levels). Much like WoW the people in this world do an activity together in the form of fighting big powerful enemies. The groups are slightly smaller, with the groups for dungeons being only 4 people, and I have yet to do any "raidgroups" in this world but I believe their raids are only 8 people instead of 10 to 25. You can also "get married" (be partnered) in this world, but this activity is not done to connotate any sort of sexual relation, but I suppose some do RP this out though using text/IM's (since there is no sex animations or nudity in FFXIV). Your character can use materials to build stuff like in WoW (food, armor, weapons, tools etc.), Mini-games here in the form of the gold-saucer mini-games and a card game you can play with others and vs. computer controlled.

 

If you want something a little bit closer to being sandboxy like SL is there's also some minecraft-esque worlds like Trove, and someday Peria Chronicles (which is still in beta I think so I don't think you can play this one yet). I bring World of Warcraft and FFXIV up specifically because I go to these two worlds as well as SL, and when I'm in them I go there with a different mindset knowing that the world is there for a different reason.

Long story short I show up in SL for the music, the "adult things" and the building, and show up in WoW and FFXIV for adventure, quests, and dungeons. You and me wouldn't get along well in SL for this reason, but possibly in the other two worlds we'd get alone fine since my reason for being in them is different. Same for most of the other people who show up in those worlds, you may have better luck there since their reason for being in them is different than the reason people are here in SL. I don't show up in WoW or FFXIV expecting adult things, and I don't show up in SL expecting quests, dungeon bosses, long epic storylines that span across multiple quests and the like.

To be unhappy with people who show up in SL for sex, music and building is like getting mad at people who show up to a sports bar to drink beer and watch the game, as it's the main reason the sports bar is there to begin with. If these are not the reasons you are here another world where people show up for a different reason may be best. If fighting in dungeons is also not your thing, there is a plethora of other worlds out there that may better suit your purpose and you need only to look around for them. If you don't like an environment that promotes these things you don't like then change the environment/setting by using a different world. Otherwise your best bet for friendship/social interaction is to join in with the others with what they like to do a little bit.

[Talligurl]

Hey I love some of the things you don't like, (shopping, dancing, and yes I have sex now and then, but not as much as the boys would like me to) so we obviously cant hang out all the time, but maybe we can hang out some, i would love to be your friend, i don't want to adopt you because well I am not looking for kids of any kind, and I am not old enough to have a teenager, but I could be a big sister. We are not on at the same time much but im thinking that 5am Sl time is about 9am EST and i am sometimes on as early as 7:30 EST so look me up sometime and we can have some fun. I would be up to hanging out with you a while, and since I am on times when you ar enot I can do those other things then.

[Talligurl]

So I looked at you profile, and sent you friend request, I have never been a mermaid or hover boarded, or surfed in SL and all of them would be great to try. 

[MichelleSpringfield]

Thanks for the suggestions. I am not into combat and fighting dragons and monsters and stuff. Other than mermaids, I am mostly into more reality type things. Never was a big fan of fantasy or Sci-Fi. I want family role play and not finding much of it in SL even though there are lots of sims dedicated to it and groups dedicated to it and adoption agencies. It seems that the majority of people are there when I can't be online in SL. So when I log on, these family role play sims are empty and I think everyone is a sleep in real life. Maybe I should leave SL and just go play The Sims.

[MichelleSpringfield]

Thank you for the reply. However, the tone of your reply sounds less constructive and more judgmental. To fully understand what I face both in real life and in SL, you might want to take a look at these two articles: 

An Unapologetic Introvert's Gudie to Clubs, Bars & Parties: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/12/an-unapologetic-introverts-guide-to-clubs-bars-parties/

How to Tell the Difference Between Social Anxiety & Introversion: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2016/04/how-to-tell-the-difference-between-social-anxiety-introversion/

I try my best to use SL as a type of therapy to help me to overcome my social anxiety. But just rushing into social activities with lots of people suddenly is not the answer. That causes me too much anxiety and panic attacks. I need to go slowly and be with just one or two people at a time in a quiet setting that does not have lots of noise. Too much noise and too many people I just cannot handle it.

You say I like nothing. I do like things. But they are more the type of things to do with just one or two friends like bicycle riding or surfing or just sitting on a porch and chatting. There is nothing wrong with the way I am. Everyone is different. Not everyone is a fluttery social butterfly. Do not judge me. I am sure there are others in SL like me who I would get along with. I just need suggestions on how to find people like me.

Although I appreciate you taking the time to read my post and reply, your reply did nothing to help me in anyway other than to show me how judgmental some people can be towards others who suffer from a chronic mental health condition.

[MichelleSpringfield]

Thank you Talligurl. That is very kind of you. I do not know how much time we will spend together since my hours are a bit odd. I usually log in around midnight SLT and log off sometime before 5:00 a.m. SLT. With those hours I do not know if I will catch you online. I can teach you how to surf and hoverboard. It is fun. You will need to buy yourself a hoverboard. We can go to surf beaches where they have free surfboards so you will not have to buy one. If you want to ride bicycles with me around pretty nature sims and parks, you will need to buy yourself a bicycle. Riding bicycles is so much fun and it is a great way to tour large nature sims and parks. If you want to swim deep down in the SL oceans, you can usually find a free mermaid tail through Marketplace and a mermaid AO. Without the AO you will not be able to make your mermaid tail work. So you do need a mermaid AO. There are some freebie ones and inexpensive ones on Marketplace that you can use to see if it is something you want to continue to pursue and then upgrade later on to a better looking tail.

[MichelleSpringfield]

Thank you Talligurl. I will look for your Friend Request. You are very thoughtful and kind. I appreciate that. :matte-motes-grin:

[Bitsy Buccaneer]

It seems like traveling is less popular than it used to be, but there are still people who do it as a regular activity. A good friend of mine often walks the Linden roads to see what's new and interesting. If you were to stop someone like him, you could probably have a bit of conversation about places to visit and possibly a new friend.

I mention this because you're wanting to meet people who share a hobby that is unorganised and spread out. If you come across any other travellers, say something. Think of a basic strategy for how to do that ahead of time and write it out somewhere very easy to find again. (All about minimising sources of anxiety.:matte-motes-smile:) This could be something like "Hi, I'm traveling through SL looking for interesting places to visit. Are there any you especially like?"

And that's a conversation started.

It might help to have some other responses written out too, like a simple "Thank you, it was nice to meet you" for people who say no. But only if it helps minimise anxiety for you.

Second, would you consider taking up a bit of building as a second hobby? It doesn't have to be serious and it can be a great way to meet other people. Building-related groups tend to be friendly, with people who are happy to help those who are new to creating. Plus, people like to get gifts and if you build, you have a supply of things to give away. :matte-motes-smile: The more I create, the more interesting my SL is.

My time in world is haphazard, but your hours are when I'm most likely to be in these days. (If you can, maybe try out different hours - most Americans (and thus many SL residents) will be asleep in the early SL hours and things like RP sims will be quieter. You might have better luck later.) For the remainder of the month I'm going to be busy building for a hunt but feel free to say hello. At that hour, there shouldn't be anyone besides me and maybe a friend on sim.

[Talligurl]

I deffinately am going to look int the mermaid tail that sounds like a lot of fun, as well as everything else. I hope we are able to get together for some adventures, it sounds like lots of fun.

 

[SamKip]

I dont  mind still love You Michelle! Have a nice day!