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SL isn't RL?


Paul Hexem
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So this is something that I've never seen answered very well.

I often see people with profiles that say that SL has nothing to do with RL, or that they're a different person in SL than RL, or something. Someone even said that voice was terrible for SL.

I don't understand it, though.

I readily admit that I come from a gamer background. I've played shooters, MMO's, and various different XBox games. My username is generally the same across all of them. People that know me and play with me call me by my first name, RL name. We've used in-game and out of game voice clients for hands free chatting, to make it easier to play and not type. People that play with me recognize my voice across all platforms.

So when I hear someone talking in voice in SL and look at their profile, and it says that RL isn't SL, or whatever... I get confused even more. That's even worse than the ones that stay chat only, and act that way.

In no other online community that I've ever been part of, did the people seem to think they were different people in-game than in the real world. Why is SL treated differently?

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I've been online for about 15 years and have joined many sites.  On most of those, I have a regular screenname.  One that if you find it in search, it's me.  But, that's my screenname.  My personal info is shared with very few.  Even if it were a video/voice program.  They knew me as a screenname, not *my name.*  When I came into SL, I chose not to use that name because I wanted SL to be something seperate.  

I don't share my personal details (hubby and kids names, info on where I work, what I do, etc.) with everyone.  Just as in RL, some people get some of it, but few get all of it.  Normally chat is about whatever is going on at that particular site.  I might say "Grrr, dang kids/hubby annoying the crap outta me, brb".

I am the same person, I'm just as nice/*itchy/crabby as I am in RL.

So for me, SL is in SL until I know you well enough that I choose to share my rl voice/pic/name/whatever with you.  But for me, that's been the same for the past 15 years.

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Maybe because most people don't consider SL is a game but rather a virtual world where people can lead a second life or the life of their choosing or even a life they can't lead in RL?  Maybe their avatar is a character to them that has nothing to do with their RL.  Of course everyone, even the most serious RP'ers brings something of their RL self into SL, but that doesn't mean they want to or have to reveal anything about it to just anyone. 

I have no problem voicing, but my profile has something similar to it in it because frankly I am not going to answer any questions about my RL to just anyone for the sake of privacy and security. Without that statement in there strangers ask me all kinds of things, including some very personal stuff, and then get mad or rude if I don't want to answer their questions.   I do however, mutually share some of RL with close and trusted long term friends and think most people do if they are lucky enough to have them.

As far as text vs.. voice, its a personal choice. Not everyone lives alone in a quiet home.  Who wants to hear the TV, kids and other people in the background of someone's voice? I don't. I also don't want people calling me in voice unless they IM me first to see if it is OK.  I can talk to several people at a time in IM but only one person in voice.

Also consider that people use their cell phones to text more than voice anymore.  Why do they do that when they can just call?

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Short answer now because really I should be in bed.

I don't try to keep RL out of SL, only personally identifiable information.

I have used voice but prefer text...partly out of long time habit on the Web.  Personal preference.  I do highly recommend against voicing under the influence.

How much different people know about me varies.  A few of my SL friends know my RL identity and visa versa.  But that is very few.

I'm not a gamer, have never played them, but from comments I've heard from others it is different.  Though I don't know how I would explain it.  One of my family members met her RL husband in a MMO and they've been happily married going on four years now.

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Thats why its called "Second Life"! You can be what ewer you like in here,create totaly different persona than you are in RL!Be what ewer you like,from plywood box that just sites there and looks inert or superspeedy alien that buzes around,you can be male in RL and female in SL,or other way around,you can be 80yo rl and RP as 12yo kid in SL! Choice is yours to act like something/someone you are not in RL,personality/look/gender/species or  be same as you in RL!!! SL is not a game,games have a goal,fixed characters with limited development ability,levels that are premade by game makers ect.SL does not have that,it is 3d world with comunity of various residents,it is 99% resident made content and endless posiility of your second persona development,you coose what you will be and how will you act!!

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As said before - no one can keep RL 100 % out of SL.

Funny that people are so bloody scared reveal even a tiny bit about their RL but then millions have a FB profile where you can find everything even phone numbers, partner names, work ....

It is a good practice to not put all your details open for everyone and decide who knows what about you. That´s what we all do in RL, right ?

I do not look like in real or have the same work or .... but my avatar acts as me - 99,95 %   ;-)

So, with all the information 10.000s easy share with all the world on Social Platforms, SL is the only they become scared and tight. Don´t go into FB privacy settings, they are useless ! See what happened to MZ sister.

If i know you and think you are genuine i will answer most questions about my RL, there is nothing to hide.

Monti

 

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I don't understand the OPs reasoning at all. Not because RL and SL are totally different but because I hate voice chat. I find the idea of wearing a headset and talking into my computer screen pretty silly, for me that machine must be quiet. I have the sound muted most of the time, no wind, no ambient sounds, no object sounds, not even my own gestures. I have iTunes running all the time and wanna hear the music not some semi-intelligent hogwash from other avatars. As an ESLer I often don't even understand what they are saying anyway, all those british accents and slangs elude me. And my answers would be sounding like a retarted person with mei häwwy djörmän akksent.

But  wouldn't even voice with other germans. Okay, I'm as antisocial as they come, don't own a cellphone, have no facetwitter, no skype, hate even the weekly phonecall by my mother ("kid, we never hear from you").

SL was and still is my first and only online game or computer game at all. Before I found SL I used my lappy as a typewriter and surfstation. Never even had a headset or anything like that.

SL and RL are very much the same for me, I'm basically the same grumpy person in both worlds. Only in SL I'm a tad more outgoing and less shy, richer, jet settier, posher ... oh and much younger and more attractive and oh my.

 

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What I think is interesting is that two people -in this case the op and myself- can each say "gamer" but mean two very different things. One's experience (sounds like shooter/action gaming?) was one way and the other (roleplay) were basically opposite.

For me, none of the mmogs I participated in "appreciated" first life chat or diverting from role. It was very "immersive" (the word they use now). In the one I played the longest, (years) yes, people regularly felt that their game self had a life of its own to an extent. Immersion was very deep. Peer social control to keep it that way very high. And  so when emotions or whatever else ran high it ran high as [insert character name]. The typist felt fear/ anger/ lust/ whatever because its their mind thats engaged AND YET ration tells you its not "you"- you're not Baron von Klieff/the high paja/ whatever it is that the character is thats allotting the circumstance of the feeling.

In sl people fall in love, have families, buy helicopters...... But when rl Christmas happened where you able to run up your rl stairs and kiss that sl child goodnight? When you wake up, is your marketplace helicopter on the lawn of your rl house? So then you neither are that  parent you are in sl or megamilllionaire with the copter on the lawn. THAT (for me) is what we mean. Its just like those roleplays I described in paragraph two. The typist may very well feel x, or y, because its their mind engaged in interacting with your mind BUT its not occuring in the total realm of reality. The furry we also are in sl, we're not. The club host we're being, we're not a real life club host cuz this aint a real life club. Its a mentally engaging representation of a club on a computer screen.

Its very easy to "slip" into believing the club is a club. You have crowd and appearance and noise and all of your friends are gathered there. But thats the same thing that happens with that "immersion" I talked about. (grins) An official sl rp may or may not impose immersion. But sl as a grid often, inadvertantly, does. People start buying into their own identity here.

HERE they own the block (sim) but in rl they may be struggling to meet the teir  payment. So where's the mogul? Its not real. None of this is real. Except your feelings. And thats whats real in roleplays.

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I have a MMORPG background too, but people there never called me with my RL name. I don't have to tell a bunch of strangers my RL name, there is no need to do so and I'm also not really amazed by learning 40 new names and match them to 40 fantasy names (taking a guild in WoW as an example). That wasn't influenced by using teamspeak or other voicechatprogramms.

Now to SL. I once had a similar statement in my profile, but I deleted it because those that should have read it didn't care about profiles at all. Keeping SL sperated from RL doesn't mean for me to be someone else here than I'm in RL. But it means that I keep my RL private. I don't like how some people push for RL informations here or share theirs like its something really amazing or important. There are things I don't want to know, because they ruin the moment or the fantasy.

I don't share RL pictures of me, nor do I like conversations around the topic on how I look in RL or if I'm really female. Thats not my cup of tea. I'm not here for a relationship/love that carries over to RL....your avatar and character counts for me, not what or who you are in RL.

 

For many others SL is really a second life, a place that allows them to be what they wish to be. Too much RL informations disturb that possiblity.

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In my RL I never come in contact with psychopaths and criminals.  I have carefully constructed a life in which I never attract their attention (yet I know they are out there).  SL, OTOH, there they are, with easy access to me. At least I want to do what I can to prevent them from showing up on my RL doorstep.

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I know that there are people with all kinds of interests on Second Life -- Gamers, Roleplayers, etc. But for me, SL is just an extension of my RL.

Before the internet was available, I was active on Compuserve, Prodigy, etc. Now I am on several forums (AKA bulletin boards, discussion groups, etc.) For example, I am on one that is made up of members of my church denomination and we talk about church administration matters. Another is made up of attorneys and we talk about legal stuff. Another is parents of teenagers and we discuss parenting. On all of these I use my real name, but, for security, don't put information such as home phone or cell numbers or addresses. (on the legal board we often put firm names and main numbers).

My own use of second life is similar. I belong to a church group. We attend services, and sometime, after the service, discuss personal things, with the usual limits for security (addresses, etc.). I also sometimes meet on SL with other parents of teens and attorneys to discuss things of mutual interest (sometimes discussions with attorneys ends up being discussions of our kids, cooking, etc.) My SL name is similar to my RL name.

In other words, for me, SL is much like the old Compuserve, Prodigy, etc. or the newer internet based forums, such as this. My avatar even looks and dresses like the real me.

I know that others are different, For example role play is popular on SL. It is simply a matter of individual interest.

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I think people sometimes misunderstand the "SL is SL and RL is RL" line in a profile.

I don't think most people literally think they are someone else while in SL or that RL literally stops existing while they are logged in.

They just don't want the illusion broken by talking about things like dirty dishes in the sink, or to hear kids crying or dogs barking on mic. Or people eating into the mic, or for a baritone voice with a Nawlins accent to come out of a petite blond woman dressed like Marie Antoinette (or maybe they do, but only on a sim dedicated to the purpose.)

It also can mean the person does not want to have to tell a stranger on the internet anything about their personal or private life. 

Some people want to immerse or disappear and enjoy that feeling for a while. Some people feel or believe that if a virtual world is treated just the same as real life, including being known, and called by a real life name, it might as well be real life so why not stay there and save the trouble.

 

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It sounds like most of the other online communities you've been involved with have a set plot and therefore more limited characterizations. Staying in character would be like Buzz Lightyear maintaining that he's the REAL Buzz Lighyear - there's a whole aisle in the toy store full of them, so how do you explain THAT one, Buzz?.

In SL there's a lot more room to create a character from scratch and make it your own. It's basicaly acting. An actor playing one character isn't another the same "person" as when they are playing a different role. Peter Falk "was" Columbo; he also "was" the grandfather in The Princess Bride. That doesn't mean that Fred Savage's character had Columbo as a grandfather.

IT DIDN'T EVEN MEAN HE HAD PETER FALK AS A GRANDFATHER.

In some ways, our real life existences are played roles too. In RL, every minute I'm not naked and growling is my doing something I've been trained to do or am expected to do - that works out to over half my day There are people who see Second LIfe as an opportunity to play a role of their choosing and prefer not to be distracted by talking about the one they didn't choose. It's not the only way to approach Second Life but it's as valid as any other way.

 

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I think everyone approaches second life differently, pertaining to there real life needs. For me second life is a creative extension to my rl. Meaning that here i can learn further about different skills such as building, meshing, design, & scripting. Which are skills which i use often in rl.

Im very much as i am on sl in rl as well, still the same friendly, carefree but shy and helpful girl. The only difference may be that i am a lot more assertive, when introducing myself or talking to someone than would be in rl. Of course there still exists virtual embarrassment, having experienced it a few times. But nothing as extreme as i would come to experience in rl.

I also try to make my avatar as much like me as possible, from modifying the appearance in shape and features using my rl measurements. To selecting the right skins with my yellow undertones, and clothes that suit my style. And what i would wear on a daily basis in rl. If i wake up one morning and feel like putting together a monochrome combination. I get the want to dress my avatar in a similar way.

Although i share personal rl details in my profile such as age and location. As well as relationship availability. Anything else is restricted to a need to know basis, with close friends i've established since using sl. And of which there is only a few. My second life name is also a make up of my rl name and rl nickname,  but just because i don’t fair well with making up names. It makes me feel detached from the avatar representing me, and as though it belongs to someone else other than me.

Im not opposed though to striking up a conversation with someone, and sharing rl experiences interests and details. Only i first like to get to know a person over time & as i would in rl. And In order to establish a trusting relationship with them. if anything sl is not free of stalkers and the likes of, so the reason for my weariness and not just with sl. But with any online website or virtual platform which i have used in the past. Not always do we know a persons personal background or the difficulties they face in everyday life, to understand there reasons for wanting to adopt a role to play. 

I've also tried voice on one or two occasions, but prefer the use of text. For me it's simpler and just causes me less lag.

Although it may be different strokes, for different folks. I would have to say that  i can also understand what Monti  mentioned. I think maybe unconsciously little bits of your rl personality traits. Would often at times seem to slip out into your character and not by choice. You would have to be a pretty fantastic actor/actress, to be able to stay in role... at all times. And meet people that way without sharing some real life interests or small informations. 

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Gadget Portal wrote:

 

In no other online community that I've ever been part of, did the people seem to think they were different people in-game than in the real world. Why is SL treated differently?

I'm pretty much like you in the respect that SL (or any online venue) is an extension of my RL.  I have been "Czari" from my earliest days on IRC (mid-1980's) and the only time I have to use another name is when "Czari" has been taken. *Mutters darkly about imposters*

Anyway...I've also done quite a bit of role playing online. I often tell people that I consider role playing and playing a role as two different things, albeit very subtlely.  For me, "role playing" means I am portraying myself within another time in history (Victorian, Medieval, 20's-50's) or a fantasy setting such as Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, etc.  I use the vernacular of the particular role play environment, dress for the setting, interact with others in the manner one would for the setting *but* all the human elements are still very much the RL me - how I would react in a situation, RL feelings, emotions, etc.  On the other hand, I see "playing a role" much like an actor in a play or movie - he portrays someone, often much different than himself, who was created in a writer's mind and is merely reciting the lines written as dialogue.  It has been my experience that hard core role players are generally of the second variety but I have never been able to do that, nor do I wish to.  (I briefly participated in a role play channel on IRC that was hard core.  Speaking OOC was forbidden even in IMs and if someone had a question that could not be asked within the role play setting, this group had completely separate accounts with which to meet to discuss the issue.  That made my head hurt...lol).

Anyway, back to the above quoted comment - as illustrated by the example of the hard core group on IRC - there *are* those in other online venues who portray themselves as something different than who they are RL, either for rp purposes or more nefarious ones. (ETA: I didn't mean to make these the only two choices. There are certainly more reasons than these two in someone choosing to portray a different persona.)  Last year I spent some time playing WoW and was invited by a male friend to join one of the role play servers.  He, like many men in MMORPGs, plays a female avatar in WoW; however, in EQ his main avatar is male.  Being interested in psychology and "what makes people tick," I'm genuinely interested in why people choose the avatars they do.  During this discussion with my friend, he made the comment that in the guild he is in on WoW (again, on a rp server), no one shares any RL details with each other and this is a group that has been together for years.  There is apparently also a lot of teh sexxors in WoW, at least on the rp servers.  My friend said awhile back in this guild the leader let slip or someone "discovered" he was a she RL (or vice versa) and it caused a major brewhaha because the "illusion" had been destroyed.

The bottom line of this long-winded response is that I have encountered people in many different online venues who prefer to keep their RL separate from online.  The phrase I prefer to use is "online/offline" as, for me, everything is a part of my RL.  Others approach online entirely differently.  Unless someone sets out to purposely deceive someone by portraying someone they are not, it's personal preference.

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"Knowing that some people roleplay on SL, is it a problem that some people who are in discussions about church, parent, and lawyer stuff aren't who they are pretending to be?"

I understand that people on SL are not, in RL, who they pretend to be on SL, either gender, age, profession, etc. I have no problem with that. Of course, the same is true in most other forums, including this. I don't role play myself on SL, but I accept the fact that a person talking to me may be role playing. That is not a problem.

Therefore I do not give out personal information such as address or name of employer, etc. And in discussing personal matters I am aware that the gender may be different. In any legal discussion, certain ethical rules will prevent me from, for example, giving legal advice without disclaimers or, in some cases, giving it at all.

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Marybeth Cooperstone wrote:

"
Knowing that some people roleplay on SL, is it a problem that some people who are in discussions about church, parent, and lawyer stuff aren't who they are pretending to be?"

I understand that people on SL are not, in RL, who they pretend to be on SL, either gender, age, profession, etc. I have no problem with that. Of course, the same is true in most other forums, including this. I don't role play myself on SL, but I accept the fact that a person talking to me may be role playing. That is not a problem.

Therefore I do not give out personal information such as address or name of employer, etc. And in discussing personal matters I am aware that the gender may be different. In any legal discussion, certain ethical rules will prevent me from, for example, giving legal advice without disclaimers or, in some cases, giving it at all.

Hi Marybeth :)  We're either in the same SL church community or we've crossed paths somewhere along the line as your name looks familiar.

The question posed to which you responded made me stop and think for a moment.  I "understand" internally but was thinking how to express it in words.  I have been in the same faith/church community in SL for close to five years.  I have come to know and trust the worship leaders the same way I would in RL.  Unfortunately even in RL not every church leader is as he seems so simply being online isn't any greater of a "risk" imo. 

I often attend services dressed in Victorian or Medieval attire.  One of our members attended our New Year service as a parrot.  But what is definitely "real" within this community is our desire to come together to worship, learn, and fellowship - regardless of what form our avatars may take at any given time.

This church also operates under the same auspices and tenets as our offline denominational counterpart.  We are overseen by a "RL" ie. offline parish leader who is in close contact with our worship leaders and who occasionally visits us in SL.  Our church website links to at least one, if not more, papers that have been written on "Christianity in the Digital Age."  Anyone who would be simply "role playing" Christianity would quickly tire of our congregation I think.  At any rate, I doubt any of us within the congregation spend any time wondering if someone is"real" or not.  All are most welcome to attend any of our services and functions and receive the same warm greeting.  If someone is trying to be deceptive...it is their own issue.

*Answer primarily to the person who asked the question of Marybeth. :)

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Most people "play" many different roles in their lives.

Who they are to their SO is likely different from who they are to their parents, their children, their employer, their friends, the guy at the grocery checkout, and so on.

- Most people reveal different aspects of themselves to different people, and put up filters on their conduct that differ depending on social context.

So... in many ways, RL isn't RL. :P

 

SL is yet another place in which we portray a self of some kind. It might be an attempt to be the self we present in from of friends in RL, in front of coworkers, or family. It might be a "truer inner self" that we are unable or shy about present to the people in our physical life. It could be a fictional character we have crafted to explore some theme.

People who say "SL isn't RL" quite often are expressing a desire to screen their SL self from their 'meat body' self. People of any of the above types might do this.

It might be for privacy.

It might be for safety.

It might be so they don't have to give up their ideal self.

It might be to preserve a fictional character.

It might be to explore things and themes they do not feel safe exploring with their meat body (How many people in SL D/s would feel safe going their if the details of it were visible to their employer?).

 

People are often more genuine, more honest, and more willing to self explore when they are free from being held back by the expectations of RL social limitations.

Some find this a bad thing - those filthy scum are getting away with this or that. How dare they lie about. Burn them all... (/rolleyes)

Some find it liberating and honest - finally people can show how they feel about something, and you can really meet the inner true spiritual being behind that 'old cat lady at the keyboard.'

 

I'm in the second camp there (most of the time - we all have our hotbuttons). I've had conversations with friends who tell me things like "I feel very strongly about X, but last time I visiting family my older brother and father ranted on about wanting to kill people who stand up for X... and their gun nuts..."

Nobody's gotta fear an honor killing around here. Or even the less severe versions of just scorn.

 

I really enjoy getting to know people as they -WANT TO BE SEEN- rather than as my own "RL Filters" screen them.

Granted I am human, so I still will missjudge people based on how they present themselves and my own biases on those kinds of presentations... but that is still leaps and bounds aheads of misjudging them based on what I see of their meat-selves before knowing them. I'm quite certain that half the people I hold dear in SL in RL I would have passed by, possibly even in fear due to ethnic/class tensions; or vice versa. But in SL its so easy to ignore the 'lies of RL' and get to know someone.

Its also easy to wrapped up in anger over the text someone leaves on a screen... and misjudge that way. Something I feel myself doing now and again, even today...

But inworld at least... it just seems like the divide between 'RL' and 'SL' actually helps me reach 'realer than real life.'

 

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Not only do I work for the same firm as Marybeth but I am a member of the closed law forum that she is a member of. To join that forum you go through your local bar association, they mail your assigned user name (your real name + a number, if there are others with that name) to your law firm. So we know who we are talking to. I know of some other forums that are similar (i.e. there is some off line vetting to make sure you are who you say you are and meet the membership requirements-- profession, residence, school, political affiliation, etc. -- for the group.)

A cartoon (I can't remember which) once said that "on the internet nobody knows that you are a dog. On most fora (such as this) we have no way of knowing who the other person really is. I assume that everyone here has an interest in Second Life, and have no reason to deceive others about their gender, profession, etc. But that is only an assumption.

On SL, in world, role playing is apparently encouraged, and I can see how it would be fun. I do not get involved, but I have no objection to interacting with those who do. I once had an avatar who looked like an ancient Egyptian woman talk with me about a computer problem. I do not know if she was really a woman; I assume she was not really an ancient Egyptian; I assume the person really did have a computer problem. I have no reason to care about the gender or nationality of that person.

Bob

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Simple answer to that often-repeated question: Do what you want, let others do what they want, don't hang out with people you don't like. Simple, really.

I hate voice in local: Screaming kids, someone's blaring TV, iBlubb, whatever... don't want to hear it. In IM I'm ok with it, since I only use it with people I know RL anyway.

As far as RL info... I don't mind sharing, with the exception of any personally identifiable information. A few people have it, most will never in a million years get it.

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Czari wrote:

"We're either in the same SL church community or we've crossed paths somewhere along the line as your name looks familiar."

Yes, I know we have crossed paths in-world. The church I "attend" has a big church with services 12N SL time on Sunday and 12N SL time on weekdays in a smaller chapel. I am usually busy on Sundays but sometimes attend; I am at work during the week but sometimes (1 or 2 times a week) get to the service in the chapel, using a computer in my office.

I know that some members roleplay, either because they have told me or because of the look of their avatar. Perhaps someone roleplays by going to the church services, listening to bible readings and prayers, but I doubt it. That would be very boring. After the service (or before) there is sometimes some discussion of personal lives, what people are doing outside of SL. Sometimes people ask for prayers for family or friends that are ill or in need. That seems to be real, but obviously one can't prove it.

However, the people seem to care about each other. The leadership team of the church is from all over the world and their RL names, e-mail, and bio info is on the church's website.

Marybeth

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First, just because I found it fascinating: If someone had come here and asked the very same questions you asked, but had a post total of 2 and started by explaining he was doing a survey, he'd have been roundly snubbed (and rightly so, in my opinion) for reasons obvious to most. The fact we've seen your name here before many times I think has a lot to do with the fact you got direct answers from everyone.

 

Second: Like several others, I do not consider SL an online game or a game of any kind. I've never participated in any online games; much as I love games I just never wanted to be part of someone elses. I have in the past been a fairly active member of a number of online communities, but all of that was just chat and was based entirely on RL, there was no roleplay or gaming. To me, Second Life is nothing at all like that. It is a virtual world. I inhabit it in the persona of Dillon. Dillon is an accurate psychological reflection of who I am (just shut UP about physical). I react just as I would in RL. I think just as I would in RL. But this isn't RL. This is SL. Sure, my friends know a lot about my RL and I about theirs. But none of that knowledge has to do with SL.

 

Third: You finished with this:

"In no other online community that I've ever been part of, did the people seem to think they were different people in-game than in the real world. Why is SL treated differently?"

That suggests to me that in all the time you've been here in SL, you've never even caught a sniff of what being immersed in this virtual world can be like. 

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it can be both..

some things are fantasy and rp and others are really real..

and one day may not be like the other ..or one moment  from another..

 

some use the world as a world..some use it as a communication tool and so on..

and some of us use it as both and more..

and it does go on in other platforms all the time..like WoW and yahoo and in most places people can communicate and express pretty freely..

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