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I'm such a hep cat....


Richtea57
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I'm gliding up and down the aisles of Arcadia, filling the basket of plenty with the essential stuff of life.

Or, if you prefer the slightly more prosaic; I'm shuffling around Morrison's with a blank face and dead eyes, buying some vittles.

They've still got pomegranates at four for a quid, so two packs of them are a must...as pomegranates are an awkward fruit that require considerable ingenuity and no small amount of physical effort before they can be eaten, I believe that they offset any perceived downsides to my slouching regimen. In fact I am convinced that two pomegranates gives a three hour slouching credit, or an afternoon of Channel 5.

There's some Walker's 'squares' multipacks at half price, as three bags of them count as two of my five a day,(that's very nearly a whole potato), I take the healthy option and slide them into the basket.

Cadbury's Chocolate Fruit and Nut ice cream three packs at half price....it's fruit and it's nuts...I'll be positively glowing with health and vitality....my body's a tent-pole.

Now to the bit where I prove my hepness, my down with the kidsness, my cool for catness, my co...oh, you get the picture.

I arrive at the end of aisle three,(dairy produce and breakfast cereals), to find, and I can scarcely believe my eyes, bags of Swizzels 'Chew Crew' at only a quid a pop. Well, I turn my rather nice, white cotton, crown green bowling cap sideways and pull my grey 'Farrah' slacks down, so that the crutch brushes along the floor. Satisfied that I now look jolly wicked and that, I grab a bag. As I am about to put them in the basket a little old lady is staring at me with a puzzled look on her face.

"Look", says I, holding the Chew Crew bag aloft, "I is part of the Chew Crew. The crew is my houseys. I is going home to suck on a drumstick with Vanilla Ice on the decks, **bleep**...Ice, ice baby".

When I finish, the little old lady smiles and says, "Hello, Richtea".

I blush,(manfully), as I say, "Oh, hello, Aunty Joan, I didn't recognise you".

Bits of the above may be lies or the result of tripping on pomegranates, maaaan.

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Richtea57 wrote:

I'm gliding up and down the aisles of
Arcadia
, filling the basket of plenty with the essential stuff of life.

I'm shuffling around
Morrison's
with a blank face and dead eyes, buying some vittles.

They've still got
pomegranates at four for a quid
,


Is it true that in England, as well as driving on the wrong side of the road, supermarkets make unhealthy people walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy citizens can buy cigarettes at the front counter?

Just askin.

 

PS Hep cats live in hep hoods.  For instance, I can buy four quid for one pomegranate. 

Just sayin. 

 

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Richtea57 wrote:

 

They've still got pomegranates at four for a quid, so two packs of them are a must...as pomegranates are an awkward fruit that require considerable ingenuity and no small amount of physical effort before they can be eaten,

Opening a pomegranate is a piece of cake when you know how to. No juicy mess all around.  :smileyhappy:

... and another one, look at the street vendor guy (just after the lady's introduction speech) - super fast!.  :matte-motes-big-grin:

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Coby Foden wrote:


Richtea57 wrote:

 

They've still got pomegranates at four for a quid, so two packs of them are a must...as pomegranates are an awkward fruit that require considerable ingenuity and no small amount of physical effort before they can be eaten,

Opening a pomegranate is a piece of cake when you know how to. No juicy mess all around.  :smileyhappy:


Actually, Rich was probably referring to the probability of his slashing his wrists cutting open the transparent kevlar vacuum-sealed packaging the pomegranates come in.

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DejaHo wrote:


Richtea57 wrote:

I'm gliding up and down the aisles of
Arcadia
, filling the basket of plenty with the essential stuff of life.

I'm shuffling around
Morrison's
with a blank face and dead eyes, buying some vittles.

They've still got
pomegranates at four for a quid
,


Is it true that in England, as well as driving on the wrong side of the road, supermarkets make unhealthy people walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy citizens can buy cigarettes at the front counter?

Just askin. 

 

It's true we drive on the correct side of the road. Oh, and as a smoker I think it's only fair that i shouldn't have to exert myself greatly for my two ounces of Old Holborn.

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It could be worse.

You could be leaning over the freezer trying to find the smallest package of frozen chicken breasts (they're larger than mine, dammit!) when your 94 year old neighbor yells down the aisle "Maddy, you should wear more fitted slacks. Those make you look like a man."

Oh, how I long to hear the sound of a frozen chicken breast striking a human skull.

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Madelaine McMasters wrote:

It could be worse.

You could be leaning over the freezer trying to find the smallest package of frozen chicken breasts (they're larger than mine, dammit!) when your 94 year old neighbor yells down the aisle "Maddy, you should wear more fitted slacks. Those make you look like a man."

Oh, how I long to hear the sound of a frozen chicken breast striking a human skull.

Ah, the joy of finding one of those rare moments when 'LOL' can be used literally.

If it's any consolation, i have the same problem with frozen sausages.

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Madelaine McMasters wrote:


Richtea57 wrote:


Madelaine McMasters wrote:

If it's any consolation, i have the same problem with frozen sausages.


...
hands you a warm bun.

I do feel better.

Even a battleship looks small in the ocean.

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