Caerolle Llewellyn

I would climb your hair and free you from the evil Prince.

My work here is done.... 😁

(snickers)

Lol Thanks for the tip...I do that in Word all the time to get a soft return with no paragraph spacing, did not think to try it here! I will go back and fix it for posterity, lol. You are just so knowledgeable, helpful, kind, and courteous! (sorry...)

Well, you certainly are consistent. How did you get the tighter line spacing? Smaller font?

I can wade Grief - Whole Pools of it - I'm used to that - But the least push of Joy Breaks up my feet - And I tip - drunken - Let no Pebble - smile - 'Twas the New Liquor - That was all! Power is the only Pain - Stranded - thro' Discipline, Till Weights - will hang - Give Balm - to Giants - And they'll wilt, like Men - Give Himmaleh - They'll carry - Him! How's this?

Wow. Just wow. And I had never heard of using group lists to spam people with IMs before, especially to proposition people. I would hope people who did that would at the least get kicked from the group...

I rarely just ignore IMs, though, it is just not in my nature. Not saying what is right or wrong, just how I am (and that is very different from how most other people are, lol). The exception is if I am exploring sex sims, just passing through looking about, and some guy IMs me as I am leaving, or have left. I do just close those IM windows and more on, though I feel a bit bad about it. That's just me, though.

I have gotten into sorta friendships with a few people like that. They have it really hard. I am not sure I really helped them much in the end, though.

I have actually IMed people whose profile stated that they never talked because they were painfully shy, or they were too weird and noone liked them, and so forth. I just felt so bad for them. I have engaged them across up to a hour or two, and in some cases followed up with them over days or weeks and tried to help them. I have to say it never really seemed to be of much help to them. But I am glad to hear that at least someone who is shy welcomes contact and gets something positive from it.

This is something disconcerting to me, for sure. I have gotten used to it, but when I am IMing with someone at a distance, and we join up in the same place, I always immediately switch to local. I find that pretty much noone else does this, so I have adjusted to it. But it still seems weird to me, and very inconvenient if we are walking about looking at things, because I have to keep switching between the IM window and clicking in chat thingy so I can move my avi. It's just how things are, though, so I just deal.

I actually meant to mention this in one of my earlier posts, and forgot. Someone has mentioned setting IM so that only Friends can IM you, but that seems too coarse a tool. Perhaps put 'Please talk to me in chat before IMing.' or even 'I do not IM with people I don't know' in your profile? Then again, I have 'Lesbian' as the first word in *my* profile, and while I guess that might cut down on men wanting to scene with me or have sex with me (which is pretty much the same thing in the end), I still get IMs from guys. I used to ask them if they read my profile, and of course they said no. *That* is the really rude part of cold IMs, to me, not trying to get to know someone as much as possible before IMing them. I don't even mind someone IMing me if I am 'busy,' I just tell them I am 'busy' (though I usually don't bowlderize it that much, lol). But as we have all seen in this thread, the reaction to IMes is highly idiosyncratic.

The other wrinkle is that some of us women are gay, and do the same thing to other women that you are ascribing to men. I do think women are far less aggressive about it, but even IMs from women have that same potential to be unwanted. I guess I need to rethink the whole 'chatting up,' thing, too, of which I am most certainly guilty. Again, it does depend on context, such as the setting ('meating' place vs a store, for example, lol), but I shouldn't be scouring SL for hook-ups, and especially not assuming others are, even at a place where that is common, but not the main focus (such as women-only clubs). Once again I am bluntly confronted with my deficiencies as a decent human being. I definitely need to recailibrate things. I think I am getting way OT and probably should STFU, though, lol.~

I preferred this, too, but that SL seems to no longer exist. So, I have tried to let go of what I prefer and adjust to how things are now, personally. That is just me, though. If I were going to engage someone on a one-to-one level in a bar or club, I would start out with a lot of things that are not so easy in SL, such as making eye contact, smiling, perhaps talking to a staff member close to them, a lot of things like that to see how they respond. And really, hope they noticed me and made the first move, lol. If they seemed interested and I was going to try to talk with them, though, sure, I would not get right next to them and whisper, I would try to stay out of what I could judge as their personal space, and talk loudly enough for them to hear me from that distance, even if the people right around us could hear, too. And so forth...to get closer and quieter or leave them along, based on their non-verbal and verbal responses, iteratively, lol. I guess I could emote that in chat in SL, but that would also seem pretty creepy to me. SL is such a crude simulacrum of RL that (to me) many things are far harder and more frustrating here than there. Probably I am just no smart enough to know how to handle it in SL, or am too lonely or impatient. I mostly come here to interact with people, though, and if I can't get that, I about may as well not be here. Sighs.. That leads to the part I denoted with red, though. I feel I have NO RIGHT to force MY needs on other people. And I can see how people can feel the way you describe when they get a random, cold IM. As I said in another post, for some people this could definitely be scary. And for others, at the least rude or annoying. I have heard people say that, well, if you are in a public place, you are making yourself susceptible to interaction. I personally don't agree with that in principle (I have shut up about 'street photography' on RL photo forums, though...), but I guess via my behavior, I must implicitly agree at some level. Now that I think of it, in the past I have often asked someone in chat if I can IM them, but have not done that in a long time. As I said earlier, I really need to rethink all this. I do try to be sensitive to context, such as what kind of place I am, but I should be more aware of how the other person might feel about me IMing them, and weigh that more heavily than my own needs.~ I personally see no advantages whatsoever. But it seems to be how things are these days if you want to interact with other people. SL just is not going to go back to the way it was, which makes me really depressed if I think on it, so I try not to.

lol

I do this a lot, too. I often IM someone just to compliment them on something, then say Bye. I know I like compliments, and assume other people do, too. Plus, it just gets so lonely at places these days, I love when someone says Hi. I generally get a friendly, appreciative response, but perhaps that is just socialization of women to be polite and to accept intrusions on their personal space? (I know I am friendly even to people I don't want to talk to, try to gently brush them off, which often leads to them getting angry in the end: "Why did you waste all my time talking to me like you were interested when you were not going to f--- me?" I had one of those just last night, le sighe...) Anyhow, I am rethinking this whole approach at this point. A lot to think about...

I too like seeing the different perspectives, Evangeline, and this thread has been great. I hope it came through that I am not criticizing people who don't like 'cold' IMs, I was more trying to say that I probably should be more thoughtful about doing that myself. In the past I never did, because I figured if someone wanted to talk with me, they would, and that they are IMing with someone else, or just want to listen to music and not be bothered. Lately I have become less sure of that; it seems that people are waiting for someone else to start a conversation. I do try to be careful, I read profiles, and only IM people who seem to perhaps be open to conversation and with whom I may have something in common. And I try to open the IM in a non-threatening, friendly way (I don't even bother with the people whose profile says 'Don't bother IMing "Hi" or "How are you doing tonight?",' which just seem polite, friendly ways to see if someone is interested in talking to me, lol). But I am rethinking all that at this point. I need to go back through and read this thread again, I think...

I usually see things differently than everyone else, but I too am amazed at how differently I see IMs with people I don't know. I see it the same way as your analogy here, really. I am especially amazed at how weird people find it that someone would IM them in a crowded place; that is when I most tend to use IM if I want to talk to someone in particular. If I want to have a general conversation with the group, I use chat, but if I have something to say that is directed at one person, I will IM them. It sounds like that is very triggering for a lot of people, though, for various reasons ranging from personal safety through views on proper social protocol. But like your analogy, if I want to talk to a group of people IRL, I will talk louder so people can hear me, and if I want to talk with one or two people, I will lower my voice so I don't annoy everyone else and to enable a more private conversation. OTOH, I used to never initiate IMs, but now it seems almost the only way to get a conversation going most places. In the past I would join in chat and see who engaged with me, and talk to that person. Now, usually noone is talking, and even if you say anything, noone responds. One of the things I miss most about how SL used to be for me is having clubs with music I liked where there was a lot of good conversation. Now, I almost never find a club with music I like, or one with conversation at all, much less something interesting, and I gave up on finding both at one place years ago. So part of the reason I DM people is desperation, lol. Sorry to be one of those annoying people. Perhaps I should just go back to standing there hoping someone IMs *me* like I did for years...

Nalates, I have no idea what that is or how it works, lol. But I will look into it, thanks!

Hi Alyona, I *have* read that thread! It was very informative and I learned a lot from it, thanks! I just was confused about some posing stuff.

That is a great idea! For sure my desktop will run two instances of FS, and that is where I take photos I care about anyhow. Also, I can take my laptop down by me desktop and use two computers, if I want. Thanks for the button! I saw that in the Toolbar Buttons list, but did not know what it was. It looked like some kind of video camera by the icon. Thanks again for all your help!

THANK YOU!!!! I think this is what what I needed. I saw this in a tutorial I can no longer find, but could not find it in FS. I thought it was under Phototools, and could not find it there (because it is somewhere else, lol). Thanks so much to everyone for your help!!!! Caerolle 😊

Actually, I guess my camera stays where it is, but when I try to move my avi slightly with the move controls, she turns completely around to face the other way. Then I have to turn her back the right direction, which moves the camera behind her, which is now the opposite side of where I want it, so I have to move it back. And every time I want to move her a little bit I go through that again.

What I really want is my camera to stay where it is and my avi to just move while still facing the camera. Sounds like that is not possible without using a pose stand and moving that? So you have to let your avi move and reset the camera, then move the camera back, like I have been doing. Extremely tedious. Le sighe... Thanks for your help! I guess it just can't be as simple as I want.

Wow, Chic, you are a Goddess! Thanks for squeezing so much into that post, and taking the time to do it! 😁 I do use the Alt key to center camera movement on myself, and sometimes Ctrl even lets me do that without zooming (btw, I use Firestorrm). The last couple of days I am tending to use either Ctrl 9/0 to move in and out or Angle of View, though. Here is the problem I have, though, and I assume I must be doing something wrong since it works for you but not me: So, I move my camera so that I am facing it. Then, if I use the move control arrow to turn my avi, my avi turns completely around so the camera is behind me again. Same if I try to nudge myself to the left or the right. So, I have to guess at where my avi should be, then get my camera back where I want it, and go through the whole thing again. Am I missing some setting somewhere, maybe? Or just completely misunderstanding something? Sorry to be so dense... 😕 Thanks for your help! I am sorry if I am not understanding something in your thorough explanation... Caerolle