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Everything posted by OfDragonFire

  1. I've spent few hours last night researching it, watched the Strawberry Singh and Cathy Foil videos and scrolled through the forums. I can't say I fully understand, because I am someone who learns better from doing rather than simply hearing or listening, and my ADHD makes it so I am bound to have missed a point I am confused on - like how this will apply to mesh clothes, for instance, but it seems revolutionary. I know omega released a hud for people to test it on the beta browser, since it's not out yet, and my Lelutka head has a button for it (that confused the ever living hell out of me when I first saw it), but from what I understand it'll be built in? So you simply wear tattoos, skins, etc, the same way you do with system avis. There are v-tech creators that allow you to texture their clothes to fit your style, but that doesn't solve the problem of little diverse options. Some Maitreya outfits work for it, since it's a Maitreya flat chest add-on, but it can be tricky to find things that do. And I suppose, but making a forum post is harmless and I ended up learning a lot about something I've always been interested in. Posts can help you reach a wider audience, meet awesome new people, share ideas and learn things. I am glad I made this post, and I hope people hear your complaint about hypersexualized clothes and help you find ones that better suit your desires.
  2. I was under the illusion that rigging was easier, for some reason. Like, you can do it in minutes, once you have the template (body) but then again, I don't know much in terms of building. I get daunted every time I open blender to try learning the basics. I mean, it would be a start if people just made some traditionally feminine outfits for male bodies. Think Violetility's Genderpunk! line. Or even simply including V-tech occasionally, regardless of the gender demographic you're targeting. I know we are starved for content! And everything is too expensive, haha. Can I channel my noobiness and ask what 'bake on mesh' would be? is it close to appliers?
  3. Well, maybe not neutral. Second Life is a medium for creativity, for diversity, exploration and expression. A wonderful one, at that, where we can be ourselves or someone else entirely - explore things we wouldn't otherwise explore, meet people we wouldn't have otherwise met; it's truly a testament to how far technology has come, creating a whole new world for us to explore. But one thing the Second Life market seem to be in short supply of, is clothes that are rigged for all bodies - regardless of gender; so people with male bodies could wear traditionally feminine clothing and vice versa. I know, I know -- not everyone is trans or non-binary, or want to explore different forms of self-expression - but a lot of people do, so where's the harm in accommodating them and targeting a whole new demographic? Throw out the idea that only certain people can wear certain things, and watch more people rock your clothing! People do it for club events, for parties, for Halloween, or even daily! I wish more creators did this and I wish more tackled v-tech - people who wear it are in short supply of skins, clothes and everything else. If I had the talent, knowledge or taste, I would do it, but even then - it takes more than one person to make it a thing! So let's make this happen, hm? Let's give people the ability to wear what they want!
  4. ❝Love is more than a candle, love can ignite the stars.❞ As someone with debilitating anxiety, I've never been good at talking about myself - I dreaded those moments when teachers or event coordinators would ask everyone to share something about themselves. Sure, it's meant to break the ice, but I am painfully awkward and painfully anxious - specially in group settings. In the past few years, as I began to learn to accept myself, it became easier and easier - but I still find myself in the 'I don't know what to say' place. So, here's bunch of random stuff about me: I am twenty two, a transgender man, and the biggest dork you will ever meet. I have a soft spot for foxes, but I used to pretend to be a wolf a lot when I was young. I love Star Wars and my favorite's Revenge of the Sith (I know, I know the prequels are 'bad', sue me) because angst. I absolutely love music, but I can't sing to save my life - still doesn't stop me from doing it, though! I was never good at 'board games' because I never really had many people to play with growing up, and now they just overwhelm me. When I was five, I decided I wanted to either be an 'inventor' or a scientist, and I am well on my way to finishing my second degree in science. I love writing and role-playing, and /yes/, I am a giant Marvel nerd - at least the cinematic universe. I've been in SL for almost a year now and there's so much I want to learn and do. I want to learn to make mesh clothes and items, I want to learn about starting businesses, and a lot of that is rooted in wanting to create a space not just for the LGBTQ+ community, but for everyone who needs it. A space where people can hangout and learn and find support, or simply... be. Of course, it'd be open for everyone, and anyone can ask questions and find answers because the one way to challenge stigma and bias is through education. I don't know, that last bit sounds cheesy, but hey... I can be cheesy and I do tend to over-share, like I just did.
  5. I have done enough education throughout this thread. Explained the same ideas over and over again. If you are unwilling to listen, then you are not willing to learn. If you are unwilling to hear marginalized minorities, look back at the ideas you've internalized and find ways to unlearn them, then you are not willing to learn and not willing to be an ally. If you want to learn, you would actually listen to what I and other people have to say, not argue and debate over the validity of our existence and our experiences. You would not ignore the actual issue to address imagined ones - like the tone of the thread or the 'aggressive' language used. All you are doing is ignoring the actual issues faced by trans people and perpetuating harmful transphobic and cisnormative ideas. Us existing and living our lives is not a 'controversial issue', us wanting to connect with each other is not seeking fight or attention. I am done wasting my time trying to make you feel better about our existences - we are here, we have always been here, and we will not be erased.
  6. And that's where relearning comes in. You should never assume people's genders, you should ask what pronouns they identify with. I put 'boy with p*ssy' in my profile so people would understand. It gets exhausting, repeating the same conversation over and over again, and using words that hurt me. So it's easier to refer them to my profile. The person in my profile picture is not female, they identify as non-binary. So, please don't misgender them.
  7. My body has caused me distress, more than I could put into words, but that does not mean my body is any less male because it does not fit society's standards for maleness. I am a man because that is what I am, that is what I've always been. What we associate with gender is learned, through years and years and years of socialization, and we all end up internalizing it - internalizing these harmful ideas of what it means to be a man or what it means to be a woman. Cisgender isn't the ideal, it is merely one way to be. And gender is not determined by what parts you have or how you choose to express yourself, it's determined by who you are on the inside. It's something... innate, to most people. What caused me most distress about certain parts of my body was the associations tied to them but the more comfortable I grew with myself and my identity as a man, the more comfortable I became with some of them. My chest, it doesn't cause me distress because it's 'female' - it causes me distress because it isn't me. My front hole? I am more than happy with that part of my body, and most of the dysphoria I experience from it is due to cisnormative and transphobic remarks or ideas. You need to learn to move away from these ideas, to unlearn what you've been told about gender and its binary nature, and listen to trans people and their experiences. That's the only way you'd learn. It's the only way I learned, it's the only way I dismantled the ideas that caused me so much....anguish. And while it's not my job to educate you, I am truly happy to answer questions - if they were formed as questions rather than statements meant to shed doubt on the existence of transgender and gender non-conforming people. If you were genuine, I apologize, but your language was truly harmful.
  8. I never claimed to be innocent. And I have admitted that I could have handled some of the earlier conversations better but I wasn't attacking, I was responding. Maybe my frustration did seep in later in the earlier posts, but it is frustrating when people twist your intentions and call it an attack just because you weren't milder in your language. This is how I speak, it is not an attack, it's just the way I word things. ?
  9. I did not attack you, I explained. I didn't have to, but I did. If you wish to twist my words and intention and call them an attack, then there's nothing I can do for you. All I could say is this: our existence is not a 'controversial topic' nor is it up for anyone to debate. I've been doing nothing but responding to everyone's questions and getting accused of being impolite for clarifying misconceptions, and it's exhausting. If you truly wanted to learn, you would listen. You would actually read what we've been saying. And you would appreciate that I took the time out to provide you with a good resource to start your research from. I don't need to sit here and watch you invalidate my existence and the existence of people who are not cis. I don't need to take this, but I am, because you claimed you wanted to learn. So, prove it. Do your research and come to me with legitimate questions, not arguments against our existence.
  10. It is baffling, how my words managed to get twisted into something they are not. All I did is share my experience and ask for people going through the same thing to find me, so we could create a space that's safe for us and supportive. Yet, instead of sharing this thread with people who might benefit from it, you managed to turn it into a war-zone where our existence and identities are being debated, Where people who have no idea what it means to be transgender define us and redefine us and ignore our voices. Where explaining things is and pointing out why they were wrong or harmful is misconstrued into something they never were. Where we are being told to be 'polite' and turn the other cheek while people insist on erasing us out of existence. And then demand an explanation for something I've explained more times than I can count throughout the thread, and if I don't respond I am 'rude' and 'unwelcoming' And when I do respond, my words are twisted and taken out of context. This, this is exactly why this post was needed. Why that group is needed. Because so many people claim to be genuine in their want to learn, only to argue rather than listen, insist that we are the sum of our parts or that we don't exist whatsoever. If any of you want to learn, here's a helpful playlist on youtube, made by an actual trans person. It's a good place to start.
  11. I am actually quite binary, haha, but you're absolutely right. Well, to an extent - I am not comfortable with my chest, never was. But having an avatar/character who is comfortable with his body, and is 100% male helps alleviate a lot of the distress and remind me that there's nothing inherently feminine about it. I am a man, therefore my body is male. I am not on hormones in real life to be 'more of a man', I m on hormones so I could feel good in my own skin. I am not having top surgery because I want too look 'masculine', I am having it because my chest is a huge source of distress for me and it never felt like it belonged there. There's no one way to be a man, and being cis or passing as cis is just one way to be that.
  12. I've explained it in earlier replies. No two transgender people share the same experience. Some transition in every aspect of their lives, some choose to transition socially and not medically, some choose to have top surgery and no bottom surgery, and some choose to go on hormones while others choose not to. I am transgender, I was born in what you are calling a 'female' body but it is my body and there's nothing female about it. I don't need to look like a cisgender man to be a man, I already am one. You are reinforcing the idea that trans people have to look or act a certain way to be valid, and that's toxic not just to binary trans people but to non-binary ones, too. And even cis people who don't conform to society's idea of gender. And to answer your question: no, my avatar doesn't have a *****. There's nothing inherently masculine about *****es, and I am quite comfortable with what I have down there. This, having an avatar that doesn't fit the cisnormative idea of maleness, validates my identity and alleviates a lot of my dysphoria. It challenges the idea that we have to aspire to look cis, as if cis is some ideal. No, cis is not an ideal - it's just one some people exist in this world - and that's not my experience and that's not what makes me feel good. You are asking me why I don't have a male avatar? I do. OfDragonFire is male, whether or not he fits your idea of what a man should look like.
  13. Like I said countless times throughout this thread, trans people are different - we all have different needs and different desires. You haven't felt oppressed? That's wonderful, that's a privilege and it doesn't change the fact that trans people are a marginalized minority. Trans is a big part of my identity, of who I am as a person. It is something I am proud to be. Sure, my life would have been far easier if I was cis instead, but even if I could I wouldn't trade who I am for anything. But I am really glad to hear you've had a better experience ❤️ we need more of that, we need happy stories, we need success stories.
  14. I feel like I answered this over and over again throughout the thread but not all trans people are the same and not all of us fit or want to fit into society's ideas of what it means to be male or female. I am proud of who I am, of my gender; why would I want to hide it? Or erase that part of my identity to make other people feel better?
  15. You are not asking questions, you are knowingly invalidating my identity and gendering me improperly. There isn't just two gender, there has never been only two genders - doesn't matter if we are speaking biologically or from a sociological perceptive. Trans people have existed around from the dawn of time. People who don't fit in the binary of genders have always existed. And people who don't fit into the biological label of male or female have always existed, as well. I am a man, I don't have to look or act a certain way to be a man. I don't have to fit into cisnormative ideas of what it means to be a man to be valid. I am comfortable in my gender and comfortable in my masculinity, and there's nothing you or anyone else could say or do to change that. If you want to learn, there are plenty of resources online. But it is evident you don't, it's evident all you want is to be hateful, and I don't welcome that.
  16. I didn't say they did, I said it felt like they did. And I know it is wishful thinking but I could at least work towards making a place where no one feels left out or out of place. If you read my post, you would see that it was in reference to the way people treat women or the people they read as women. I did not say I experience misogyny, though I do but the misogyny I live(d) through is misdirected. I've seen it, the privilege maleness gives you - before I came out, even my doctor who was a woman doubted me constantly, acted like I don't know myself or my best interest. When I came out and she started seeing me as a man, it changed - she started listening to me, my words had more weight, more bearing. Though, it wasn't misandry that kept me in a country where I needed my male guardian's permission to leave. It wasn't misandry that forced me to dress in black sheets. It was misogyny. Misdirected, but still misogyny. Please, show me where I have 'over-compensation of machismo' - maybe I did get angry, but it's my right to be angry at the oppression I face as a trans person.
  17. You are absolutely right in so much of what you said. I am not a woman, have never been one and will never truly understand what it is like to be one, but I was socialized as one and read as one for my whole life and I can honestly say (some) cis male entitlement to what they perceive as an object of their interest is not determined by what the person is wearing or what they have in their profile. If I learned anything from being on Second Life or on dating apps, it's that these people almost never read profiles - they see an attractive person, specially a woman or someone who is read as one, and they feel entitled to that person's body. It's frustrating, though I deal with it far more on my female avatars than I do on my male ones. That's the world for you, misogyny is just so wonderful. (sarcasm, people. Don't take it out of context.) All that aside, trans people are often ignored and silenced, and it felt like a lot of the people responding just wanted to shut us up - to invalidate our existence and experience. Regardless of where I hang out or what I want, I should receive the most basic of human decency - it is not too much to ask. And wanting to create a group for trans people, where we can... share our experiences with people who are going through similar things, with people who would listen and support us, is all I wanted. I had plans, to prepare NC to send to people who are confused or don't understand gender and sexuality. I had plans, to put a list of incredible resources together - there are many on youtube - and expose them to those. But I also had plans to create a community, a place for trans people to come and hangout and talk, and for allies or those who wish to learn to join in and listen. Maybe one day, we'd do talks and discussions. But we need to start somewhere.
  18. And no one could blame you for that - the ideas we have about what is 'male' and what is 'female' are hammered into our heads from the day we are brought into this world to the day we leave it. These ideas can be far from productive and beyond harmful to everyone, regardless of whether they are cis or trans and regardless of where they fit in the gender spectrum. There is no one way to be a woman, no one way to be a man - you don't have to stay at home and cook if you're a woman nor do you have to be unfeeling and dominant to be a man. Some people fit into the traditional description of what a man or woman should look or behave like, a lot of people don't. They're just stereotypes, and they differ from one era to the next and from one culture to the other. Gender identity does not equal gender expression. Liking feminine clothes does not make you any less of a man nor does liking football make you any less of a woman. You don't have to look or act a certain way to be your gender, you are your gender. The idea that some things are 'feminine' and others are masculine is not only outdated but inaccurate. But to relate it back to trans people, like I said in earlier posts a lot of us are forced to adhere to these stereotypes in order to pass or in order for people to accept us as our gender - and for a lot of us, specially trans women, passing can be the difference between living and dying. Trans people aren't all the same and therefore, we don't all have the same path when it comes to transition. Some people are content with going by male pronouns and male name, some people require hormones and top surgery, some people require top surgery and nothing else, some people require top and bottom surgeries and hormones. The idea that trans people have to transition, have to fit into the roles and characteristics society enforces, invalidates a lot of people. Personally, I am on hormones and I am waiting for my top surgery - my avatar, on the other hand, is content with the body he has and beyond comfortable wearing clothes that are traditionally feminine. I can't say the same for myself, I am a work in progress, but having him helped me feel validated in my identity and it reminds me that I don't have to look or act a certain way to be who I am. I only have to be me. And that's what trans people want, to be themselves. And if they are forced to act a certain way or forced to take a certain path of transition then they are not truly being who they are. If you can't wrap your mind around it now, it's fine. It does take time but the important thing is that you learn, you educate yourself and others, and challenge the ideas ingrained in you. We all have to - god knows it took me years to work through all the transphobia I internalized, and sometimes I do catch myself thinking harmful things towards myself. We are all exposed to transphobia, to racism and sexism and homophobia. We are bound to internalize it. The important thing is that we continue to challenge ourselves and better ourselves.
  19. I am aware - I am more than willing to listen and explain, though some are unwilling to listen. Dismissive, too. That's far from the point, though - I've received IMs telling me to die, telling me I have no place in Second Life or in the sim I was in. I've had people tell me I deserve brutal death, and they spared no detail in their descriptions. Honest lack of understanding is one thing, lack of humanity and basic decency is another. I had to use phrases that invalidate me, that hurt me physically, all to explain what it meant - and a lot of people were wonderful, a lot of people kept asking questions and showed genuine interest. Other people? Not so much. My point is, if you are genuinely curious and willing to listen and learn, most if not all of us would be more than willing to provide you with information and resources. To explain anything you need explained. If you are being hateful and intolerant, on the other hand, that's another thing.
  20. Of course. Please, do explain. A lot of things tend to get lost in translation. It's hard to convey emotions in text, without emoting at least. It was wonderful, thank you for that. It's also important to note that biology is the study of life, and in it we divide things into categories based on observed similarities - biological sex is not a fact of life, it is merely one way for us to understand the world. What would you like me to explain, truly? I am listening.
  21. You are absolutely right, I did allow my frustration to seep into my words. Could have chosen different words or found a different way to explain why what is being said is harmful. But that said, as someone who belongs to few too many marginalized communities, we are expected to keep a cool head when people are being less than pleasant, to take it all without word and be there to educate them - even when they don't want to learn or listen. It is exhausting, we are humans too, but we are expected to act like... Siri, pretty much. Give out information and not react or tell people when what they said or did is improper, impolite or harmful. We shouldn't have to explain ourselves, our existence. We shouldn't to take all this hate and misinformation. Or be dismissed because we didn't sound polite enough.
  22. I understand that being harmful might not have been their intent, but intent doesn't always translate to impact - least of all when it comes to topics surrounding people who are already marginalized and oppressed. When I mentioned fetishization, I mentioned it is almost always directed to trans women. In the times where I personally was fetishized by someone on Second Life, it was because they thought I was a trans woman. And I can assure you, it has nothing to do with what I like to write or what I have in my profile - it happens everywhere, in the real world and in every corner of the internet. What I receive in response to unpleasant people realizing I am a trans man is quite the opposite, really - it is blatant disgust.
  23. Hi, I did not steal the picture in my profile - it's a picture of a model and youtuber I adore, and I have permission to use it. Being into BDSM does not mean I would like to be fetishized, it doesn't mean I want to be treated like nothing more than an object for sexual gratification, nor does it mean I support the fetishization of marginalized people. It means I enjoy consensual kink and there's nothing wrong with that. Fetishization is harmful, and it has an impact not just on our psyche but in our life and livelihood. Trans people, namely trans women of color, are brutalized and murdered everyday because of this - because they're always portrayed as an object of sexual gratification, one that must be kept hidden, or as the butt of jokes. Trans people are part of the LGBT community and can fall anywhere within these letters, and I wanted to reach as many people as I could and be inclusive. As for your next point, I was merely posting about my experience and the experiences of the trans people I know and/or have spoken to. You don't have my experience and that's okay - that's wonderful, actually, I wouldn't wish this hate on anyone - but that doesn't mean our experiences aren't true. Please, listen to what being said before jumping to the worst possible conclusion. Nothing in my original post was an attack on anyone except those who perpetuate harmful and hateful ideas and attack us for existing. Getting angry at us for voicing our (less than pleasant) experiences is harmful, it silences our voice - which have been silenced for too long - and it's no different than getting mad at someone for saying 'I was kicked in the leg by a person' - if you didn't do the kicking, you're not the issue. Please, stop misconstruing everything I am saying. Stop using it to dismiss the actual issue we need to work on.
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