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About Mysteriann

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  1. Not macho posturing at all. Women do the same job I did. Aren't you being a bit sexist?
  2. No doubt. They called us spooks in the Navy but you people wouldn't be very safe if we weren't able to get into other people's heads.
  3. I am sorry. I don't know you but my heart hurts for you.
  4. Mildly humorous, too bad the thread has ended with a joke or perhaps it's appropriate.
  5. You dived into the discussion with dispassion and intellectual rigor! Not fair! lol
  6. Thank you for the recommendations. That subject is of particular interest to me. Due to a medical condition I have osteopena (the precursor to osteoporosis), have breasts (small ones, but with breast tissue nonetheless. I have to have breast exams) and a number of other physical characteristics more common among females than males. It's due to the fact that this medical condition has caused me to have an almost zero testosterone level and higher than normal levels of estrogen. Although my body has been out of whack for years I just recently found out about my hormonal levels. So I started reading about the effects of female hormones on the body and what they do to the brain. I do know that male and female brains are structurally different and I think hormones in the womb cause the structural differences. But I know that hormones also affect the brain after birth. I know that I haven't always had zero testosterone, because although I can't grow a beard or moustache, I do have to shave every few days and I used to have a sex drive. I am very interested in learning more about the female brain.
  7. I do agree with you 100%. I'm not trying to create a completely different person, just a slightly different female version of me. I love music. She loves music. I'm a bookworm. She's a bookworm. I love to dance. She will love to dance. I can't do math and don't understand much hard science so she's certainly not going to be a rocket scientist. lol
  8. I read that book when I was about ten and was mesmerized by it. If I hadn't read it, this project probably wouldn't be happening.
  9. Hello, Just wanted to respond to a couple of things. My mentor mentioned that all of the women in her family are well-endowed and that her breasts "can be a real hassle at times" and that she's often wished she were smaller. If your breasts get in your way, I can see how you'd think about them a lot more than if they didn't. Right now we are just starting, so we're having to kick ideas around, the topics of the RPs are pre-meditated at this point, but they won't be once we get to know one another, establish a rhythm and second lives and things will start unfolding spontaneously. That's when serendipity happens. I'll paste in a response I sent to my mentor today, so you can have an idea of our process at this stage. Hi, I definitely want Marisa to be a fully fleshed out 3-dimensional human being who happens to be a woman, but being a woman is an inherent part of her sense of identity but far from the only factor that goes into making her who she is. For instance, I'm a straight white male and those are all of those things are part of my identity, but they're not who I am. They're rather superficial factors but they are factors. I know there are people who take their primary sense of identity from their race, or their gender or sexuality, but those aren't whole people. They're like cartoons. As to how quickly Marisa ages I think we should play it by ear. I'm thinking right now Marisa should stay around this age for a few more weeks, maybe more, maybe less. I think a great deal depends on what you think. I have no experience being a pre-teen girl, you do. This is a really formative time in a girl's life and I think Marisa should experience all of the highs and lows and in betweens that happen in a girl's life at around that age. So please think of some of those things that are peculiar to a girl's experience. I have no idea what those would be. Perhaps first time allowed to wear make-up? First bra? First boy-girl dance? Marisa is a typical girl. She's very verbal and language oriented, loves to read and enjoys socializing and conversation. She likes writing stories and thinks she might like to be a writer when she grows up. She hates math because it's boring and she's constantly getting caught reading library books hidden behind her math book during math class. She loves animals and if Elise weren't firm about it, their house would be overrun with stray kittens, puppies and any other animal that Marisa thinks is lost or hungry. Marisa found a baby bird that had fallen out of its nest, that they tried to nurse back to health. Marisa was inconsolable when it died. She may want to be a veterinarian, too, or a veterinarian who writes about animals. At this point we're still developing the characters.
  10. Sorry, I need to take breaks from these long posts. This is the third, and I hope final post today. As I mentioned in earlier parts of this post, Marisa lived on her own a few times during our RP last night. For our RP last night I dreamed up a nightmare day in school for Marisa. She was betrayed by a close friend which led to a boy who'd been a close friend with all of their lives being really, rude and ugly to her in front of a group of people. One of the things he said humiliated her about her lack of development and shortly afterwards someone taped a piece of paper to her back that she didn't find until she got home. Someone had written "PRESIDENT----ITTY BITTY TITTY COMMITTEE" on it. Anyway, Marisa was telling Aunt Elise about the boy who had been so nasty to her and she started typing things I hadn't intended. She'd been shocked and frightened by the boy's verbal attack and humiliation of her, but she became overwhelmingly distraught while she was telling her aunt about it and so did I. She was crying so hard she was having trouble getting her words, crying so hard snot was coming out of her nose and so was I. The second time it happened, that Marisa lived on her own, we'd just been in an arguement that Aunt Elise won. Somehow Marisa had come to the conclusion that having breasts would solve all of her life's problems and many would could have been prevented if she had breasts. Timmy wouldn't have been mean to her, no one would have put that stupid piece of paper on her back. So Marisa asked Aunt Elise if she could get breast implants and of course she was appalled and immediately and firmly said no. That was followed by half an hour, of wheedling, arguing, begging and pleading which all came to no avail. And then Marisa woke up again. This all came from her, not me. What follows is a rough memory transcript of what transpired after Marisa had resigned herself to the fact that she was not going to get breast implants under any circumstances as long as her aunt had anything to do with it. Marisa: Well, can I get a tattoo then? Elise: (pauses, appears to think it over) Yes, honey, I think it would be fine if you got a tattoo, but please think carefully about it before you do. Tattoos are painful to get and they're meant to be permanent. They're even more painful to have removed if you decide you don't like it later. Maybe you should experiment with a temporary tattoo and see if that's what you really want.? Marisa: No! I want a real tattoo! Elise: Well, I said you could get one. Marisa: A butterfly? Elise: I think a butterfly would be nice. Marisa: Can I get it anywhere I like? Elise: Of course you can....within reason. Marisa: Well I want to get a butterfly tattoo on my cleavage. You said I could get it anywhere I want and since I don't have any cleavage that means I get breast implants!! Elise: Ha! Nice try! Of course you can have a butterfly tattoo on your cleavage, WHEN YOU GROW YOUR OWN! I didn't really realize that Marisa had sort of lived on her own a third time last night until after we'd logged off and I thought about the RP. I didn't go into much of the details of the breast implant conversation, but Marisa was very emotional about it. It was more about Marisa's not developing as quickly as a lot of the other girls in her class because she's a year younger and that every girl develops differently at a different pace, but Marisa was really angry. She was yelling about how it wasn't fair and how everyone hated her because she didn't have breasts. She was angry, frustration and had a swirl of emotions I didn't recognize. After we'd logged, I realized that Marisa was really, genuinely upset about her lack of breasts and I really wondered what that was all about. It was about me. I had sort of a late puberty that seemed to me kind of truncated. I grew taller, but never filled out. I can't grow a beard, moustache or sideburns. and have no hair at all on my chest or back. I do have to shave every three or four days or I start to look scraggly. Facial and chest hair are obvious and outward signs of adult masculinity. Breasts are outward and obvious signs of adult femininity. I never even talked to anyone about what did not happen with my puberty, not doctors, not parents, not friends, not even my wife and if other people notice they don't say anything. I thought I never was angry about it, never sad, never frustrated. I realize now that I was, just never allowed myself to feel it. Marisa's coming alive is helping me learn things about myself. Well, this is it for today. For those of you who've said you'd like to see updates, hope this is what you had in mind. M.
  11. Yep. We all see the world through our own lens. Wouldn't it be fascinating to peek through someone else's?
  12. This is a follow-on to my last post. Last night was the first time we RP'd and Marisa lived on her own, not the whole RP, but a couple of times. My mentor and I exchange ideas via private posts on this board and IM in SL. I received a message from her yesterday morning saying that breasts are something that are very important to a woman and that most women spend a lot of time thinking about their own breasts. That most women she knew were not satisfied with their breasts, that the well-endowed want to be smaller, flat-chested women want to be bigger, or they don't like the shape. She said not all women of course, but many and perhaps most, snd that girls Marisa's age were starting to think about their bodies differently, so I needed to start thinking about my breasts. A little bit more of Marisa's and Elise's back story to help you see some nuance in the following. Elise is really the only responsible adult Marisa has ever had in her life. Aunt Elise had involved herself in Marisa's life long before Marisa came to live with her. Once, when Marisa was 4, Elyse discovered her mother passed out drunk on the couch and Marisa locked in her room. Elyse determined to keep Marisa out of that house as much as possible, so she asked a favor from a friend who worked for the city school system and got Marisa enrolled in first grade a year early. She had no problems keeping up academically or socially and there were no problems until the 7th and 8th grades when a lot of the other kids started hitting puberty. Marisa is 12 years old and in the eigth grade. All of the other kids in her class are 13. During the past year Marisa has had to get both glasses (contacts irritated her eyes) and braces (Her teeth weren't perfect, but she really didn't need them. Her mother decided out of the blue that Marisa needed braces, so to placate her he paid for the braces, but wasn't willing to pay for the comfortable, invisible kind, so she got the old-fashioned metal kind). She also developed acne and has gotten pudgy. She's also started to grow in awkward ways. Her feet have grown two-sizes in six months and her hips are expanding, but she's not getting taller. And she's getting pudgy. She's not eating differently or exercising less but she's getting pudgy. At this point in her life Marisa feels ugly and awkward. She's very self-conscious and overly-sensitive. Recently, she's begun to feel uncomfortable in her own body. Her best friends since 1st grade have finished or are near finishing their growth spurts and they've all begun developing breasts. Marisa's not going through a very pleasant time in her life right now.
  13. Hi, It's the OP again. I've really enjoyed the discussion around virtually changing genders and the collateral subjects that have come up. Every post I've seen has relevance. Here's an update. I was going to send it to one individual poster but decided it might be of interest to the board in general. Hi, I'm trying to respond to different commenters to my OP personally because I appreciate your responses. They've all been intelligent and thoughtful. I have found a mentor and we've started into the project. She's perfect because she's not taking it as a lark, but she has a great imagination, sense of play and fun. She had to be someone who maintains and nurtures their inner child. For it to work my mentor had to have all of those qualities, I'm so lucky that she was interested in doing it. We are doing it as a very loose, unscripted RP, almost like an acting improv. We both understand that I'll never really be able to comprehend what it's like to be female, no matter how intense this experiment gets, but that I can gain understanding and insight. We've both created characters and an SL life for ourselves and we're making those lives somewhat problematic, just like RL can be. There's a social dynamic between the two characters that's a very positive and mutually supportive one but it has tensions because of the situation we've put ourselves into. She decided that for me to even to be able to come close to a simulation of a woman's life that I had to experience an approximation of what it's like to go through (endure?) female puberty. She decided I needed to be a pre-pubescent 12-year old. She didn't want to be my mother. She's a mother in SL and has a son, so she's my aunt and legal guardian. She's my father's much younger sister. She's 25 and was in a very competitive graduate school in architecture until I came to live with her. She realized that she couldn't focus on her studies with me living with her at this critical age, so she withdrew and took a job as a draftsman, planning to re-enroll in school when I'm a little older and more settled. My father is an engineer with an oil company in the Middle East and Southeast Asia. He only comes back to the US for a month every year and of that month he only spends about a week at home. He doesn't pay much attention to me at all even during that week, but he always sends birthday and Christmas presents so I know he loves me. My mother is a very, nice, sweet, pleasant woman who floats through life in an alcohol and pill-induced haze, having numerous affairs, often bringing men home and sometimes not coming home at night. Aunt Elise decided she needed to get custody early one Saturday morning when she came over to pick me up for an outing when I was 10 and my mother wasn't home. Aunt Elise said that we needed to wait for her. So we waited and waited and waited until 10:00 and she never came home. Aunt Elise took me home with her that night and I've lived with her ever since. {Btw, her character's name is EliseAndersen and my character is Marisa Andersen} I'm a writer and an actor in RL. I rarely write fiction, but when I do, in the best of it my characters start living on their own. They start doing and saying things that surprise me and I start feeling what they feel. I know that they are not actually doing that. What the characters have done is taken up residence in my subconscious and I'm still guiding them, although not consciously. That doesn't always happen, not even most of the time, but when it does, it's sublime. It allows me to experience a different reality. When I act a similar type of thing happens. At some point in the acting process I begin to inhabit the character or the character begins to inhabit me, not exactly sure how it works but we merge and I become the character. If the character drags his leg like a log because the nerves to his leg won't work, then my own leg feels numb, won't take orders from my brain and has to be dragged like a log. If a character limps from pain, my leg hurts. SL is a combination of acting and writing for me. I don't always fully become the character with every role and my characters don't always live on their on their own when I write fiction. Usually it takes intense days or weeks of working with a character for that to happen.
  14. Hello, I was interested in your experiment with a male identity in IRC and that when you ended it they were sad to see him go. A lot of people, well not a lot, but at least a dozen people in SL know me in RL and my female SL alt. They're very protective of her identity, more so than I am. Like one time three guys, who are RL friends, and I were all out sailing in SL They were all using voice but I was typing. One of them called me by my RL first name and one of the other guys very casually said, "Who's that? I don't know any ____." And the other guy recovered and said, "Just some guy I know. I'm stoned." Getting back to my original comment about in RL we all just happen to be the gender we are is so true. A close RL/SL female friend of mine said she didn't think I could be male in SL any more than I could be female in RL. I had to think about that for a bit and she was right. I came into SL as a female and have always been female in SL and really don't know how to be male in SL As soon as I realized you could make alts, I made a male alt, but that was about a year into SL. He was socially awkward and it just felt weird trying to be male in SL, almost as weird and awkward as it would be if I were suddenly to find myself female in RL. My friend says it's like she knows two of me, one distinctly male and the other distinctly female, but that both are me. If you're curious about why I want to start this new project, after what has been a fairly successful experience with being a female in SL, it's because she's gotten stereo-typed and boxed-in. She's immensely popular, but very innocent. She's an adult avie, but she's kind of treated like everybody's favorite kid sisterl. She's the good girl. People apologize to her for language. I'm responsible for setting up that social dynamic. I did it as soon as I realized people were having SL relationships and sex and since I'm not a woman that's why I did it. I read a magazine article about SL and the writer recommended that you try out the other gender, that it was the closest the writer had ever gotten to walking in the other gender's shoes, so I created a female avie. I expected to be in SL no more than about 15 minutes once and have no interactions with anyone. So although I had a female shaped avie, it was genderless. But the way it was perceived and the way others interacted with it made her become female. She evolved into who she is. Anyway, the whole thing's fascinating to me. Thank you for replying to the post. There have been some interesting and thoughtful replies to my OP.
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