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Musetta Fieschi

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Posts posted by Musetta Fieschi

  1. Clear expectations and communication are key in establishing and maintaining a relationship. I like the six week rule myself. I'm not sure whether it's true, or just feels true. But I tend to move very slowly in a relationship for the first six weeks...that means no sex, being friends, spending time and getting to know one another.

    This wasn't a conscious decision, it wasn't until reading this thread that I looked back on my relationships in SL to see whether I'd been involved with liars and cheaters. I found to things, that I didn't get involved sexually with anyone I was serious about for at least a month...again, it wasn't intentional, just a question of not being ready. With the exception of one guy who was a little weird (and my shortest relationship at 5 months), my exes are friends.

    The second and last ex is a dear, dear friend. And my current relationship is going reasonably (okay realllyreallyreally) well. We've moved slowly, getting to know one another as people before entering into a dynamic (we're D/s), and not rushing to sex or declarations of adoration.

    The mileage of others may differ, but this kind of pattern seems to have worked for me.

  2. The number one reason I see couples break up in SL has to do with RL/SL expectations. It's good to get this decided at the outset and if you're not on the same page for goodness sake, please, go your seperate ways. There is no right or wrong when it comes to RL/SL involvment; but when individuals want/need different things in this regard; it becomes the issue from which almost all other issues stem.

    And I agree with others who talk about taking the time to get to know one another. Yes, beginning of affair highs, and end of the affair drama can be intoxicating...but if we want our relationships to last we need to be willing to take them seriously.

  3. @ 1:30 pm This week: What do you want in an SL relationship?

    Sakura's Bonfire Chats at Sakura Beach
    Loving, Relating, Exploring and the Whole Danged Thing
    Join Sakura's Musetta Fieschi for our weekly Wednesday bonfire chat. Share your experiences on everything from our early days in SL, to how to make your romances last in this fast-moving environment, to how finding SL helped you  find (or lose) yourself.


  4. Join Sakura's Musetta Fieschi for Wednesday's 1pm Bonfire Chat at Sunset Beach. Come in swim wear, ballgowns or however you feel. We talk about everything under the SL sun. Every discussion ends with a sexy round of Truthball

    This Week We're Kicking Things Off With: SL and RL, does one affect the other? And the new SL news. No third party viewers, really??


  5. Our SL's: Loving, Relating, Exploring and the Whole Danged Thing.

    Join Sakura's Musetta Fieschi for our weekly Wednesday bonfire chat. Come in swim wear, ballgowns or however you feel. We'll share our experiences on everything from our early days in SL, to how to make our romances last in this fast-moving environment, to how finding SL helped us find (or lose) ourselves. Every discussion ends with a sexy round of Truthball

    This Week: SL 101, or Who Helped Us Learn How To Get The Box Off Our Head. Remember being a newb? Who or what helped you along your way?


  6. I'm not sure I forsaw writing this within 24 hours of reading some of Vegro's other posts; but I totally agree. I don't see what all the angst is about.

    And as for Perrie taking it too seriously, I disagree. Unless you agreed with this guy from the beginning that the two of you were going to rp being 'in love'; you're kind of messing with someone's emotions for your own amusement.  Which, to me...sl, rl or any other L...highly uncool.

    I totally think Perrie's suggestion is one that will solve all your sl probs with the opposite sex.

  7. Aww thank you. You were very sweet right after I committed one of my own forum pet peeves. It drives me crazy when a someone asks a question and people start chiming in with reasons why the original poster shouldn't want the thing they're asking for.

    And yet, you were very nice after I did just that thing to you *grin*. Everyone has to design their own experience in this crazy, down-the-rabbit-hole virtual world.  Have a wonderful time. :smileyhappy:

  8. /me puts on fireman gear and grabs a couple of extinguishers to stand next to Czari. I agree with you, that men do tend to be at their best 'in pursuit'.  And I think that a lot of guys enjoy getting the opportunity to 'be the man' in sl, given how confusing that role has become for them in rl.

    Good for you sweetie in deciding to hold off IM'ing first. We've all been there. It's the wait that kills us, 'he loves me, he loves me not.' We're here for you!.

  9. This post makes me so sad. I'm sorry...just feeling very SLold this morning. Yes, you can lock your door.  But that won't keep people out. You can buy all manner of security devices which are more effective. Ugly red ban lines are another way to go.


    Let me just make a suggestion, tiny, tiny suggestion. Instead of doing any of those things, make friends instead. My sl house is something I'm very proud of and loooove, when people drop in unexpectedly. They tell me how fabulous my taste is and I pretend to be modest. A good time is had by all.

    Even better, some of my best friends are people who have just wandered in. You'll find, if you haven't already, that it can be tough to meet people and make friends in SL. It can be kind of nice when they just wander in off the street.

    I do recommend locking up the sex bed though. That can be an awkward way to meet new BFF's.

  10. Your attempt was successful. Laughed meself silly. Great way to start the day. Thanks very much.  I've been around a long time long enough to remember the superbeing sized avs (oh how i miss them) and discovering that by using something just over my rl height i was, for the first time in my life, a short girl. 

    It was gawgeous...it was lovely being soooo little and cute. And now everyone is doing it. Even the men, which is the most regretable part. Everyone wants to be Normal or Nearly Normal Size. Do you know, some guys are even the same height as I am?

    Very disappointing. I really liked not being the 'tall girl in the room' when I came into sl. It fulfilled a life-long dream. Ah...them were the days.

  11. I kind of disagree...a lot of times (unless you have terrible judgment) exes are exes, not because they're not good people, but because they weren't the right person for you. And often make really good friends.

    As for Sonja's choice to go public with whatever annoying PM Denmark ex sent after reading this forum, it's her right to air it if she chooses. No value judgment required on anyone else's part. That is, unless of course, judging people happens to be your thing.
    It might be something she regrets or not. But all of us have had times when our emotions and the post button have not been our friends.

  12. I've found this to be the way to go as well. For myself, I prefer to keep my sl seperate from rl. I'm not saying I rp a character in sl or anything like that.  In fact, I believe that virtual worlds provide the opportunity for faster, deeper intimacy (i mean emotionally :matte-motes-nerdy:) than RL does.

    It takes forever to drop shields in rl and really let a person in, because we're afraid of being judged. It's easier in sl. As for avatars and the way people present themselves. I find that most people present themselves honestly on an incredibly deep level (I've alway said SL is like mainlining the id) we roll over and show people how we see ourselves, who we believe ourselves to be in our most secret places. Sure, there are a few jerks around, who are here to mess with people and play with people's minds. Though, if you really think about it, they're telling us who they are on their deepest levels as well.

    For me, keeping sl and rl physically seperate, has been great.  And Efurou is right, if you do decide to go only SL with future relationships, that really does mean keeping everything SL. No cam, no voice and build your relationship on the stuff you do here in SL.

    Personally, for me it's working. I've been with the same person for over a year now. And we're happy. Golly, I hope he doesn't read this.

  13. Hi Mercy,

    I am filled with both joy and sorrow for you. You have been blessed to know the love of a soulmate which came with the unmeasured promise of a sunlit 'someday'. And that makes me inexpressibly happy.

    As much as I love SL and think it a great way to work out any number of rl personal/ity issues, find creative outlets, etc. It is a special place of agony after a relationship is ended by a red 'X' at the corner of a computer screen. There is something so cruel about suddenly being left alone in a universe empty of the person we love; by the will of our lover. They leave us behind without hope of chance encounters, or of unexpected news through a mutual friend.

    You're right, the pain will dull. You will remember the happiness, joy and good fortune of having known the love of a spiritual mate. And you will also know something most people never learn; how to recognize it when you see it coming . . . and what it's worth. Because, as we all know, the great secret of soulmates is that we don't get just one.

    One day in RL, you'll recognize that spirit-deep connection with someone and discover the greatest gifts your "one day" that got away, left behind: Courage and strength. Nothing in the whole real world will make you miss your second opportunity. Unlike someone who has known neither the joy of your experience or the pain of its loss; you won't allow cosmetic disparities in looks, social status,  financial status, educational status er any other status-atus; cause you to dismiss the possibility of a First Life soulmate relationship. Nothing will stop you.

    I know you will have this chance; because a lesser known secret about soulmate love is that those who have experienced it once, become magnetized, attracting those connections ever after.

    I'm so sorry Mercy. My heart aches with . . . and hopes for you.

  14. I'm six too (last month..yay) and have always had strict sl/rl rules. As in 'never the twain shall meet'. When it comes to friends, I know someone a while before beginning to share rl details. It's a lot easier to invite crazy into your rl than to get it out. As the relationship develops, the intimacy increases and yet, I'm still amazed how little rl details matter to that intimacy...that's just talking about friendship.

    When it comes to slove the hardest and most important compatibility factor for couples to deal with is the 'will we/won't we rl?' issue. Often when everyone isn't on the same page from the outset, one person compromises hoping the other will 'come around'. Unfortunately if both aren't on the same page, this is also what eventually breaks people up.

    An sl only relationship does require a kind of 'measured love'. I don't think that measure makes it less or conditional...if anything it's unconditional and in some ways more than we expect from rl love. Love for one's sl love is a true gift. Love without a demand for possession or a promised future; it's love that comes with the full knowledge that loss is a mouse-click away.

    Feeling particularly sentimental atm as my lover of a year and I recently partnered and are planning our wedding (both a first for me in sl). The cool thing about slove is that it permits soulmates to be together. Unfortunately rl doesn't always grant us that. In order to make a relationship work in the real world we have to consider issues of compatibility which  go beyond the spiritual. Horribly mundane stuff can destroy a relationship in rl; attitudes and circumstances around money, hygiene, child-rearing, work, household chores, etc; all issues, taken individually can be divorce-inducing. When you're saying to an sl love you want to go rl, it means signing up for all that comes with it and what is the likelihood you get to meet and love your soulmate online *and* be on the same page about whether and how much money to save every month?

    SL love is kind of free love, but we do have to measure how much of our sl lives come into our rl; we have to be a bit wise with our hearts, which our so very vulnerable in this pixelated world; way more than in rl. I totally love this discussion...what a great idea.

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