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onewith Slingshot

Can a long distant sl relationship work?

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Iv been a SLer~ for about 2yeras and 9 months. Was not looking for a relationship at all. I meet this man just as I was going to leave Sl, I had been in SL for about 9 months .We skyped one night and it was over Love at first skype. He asked me to be his partner with in two months of hanging out. We meet in Memphis  in 2011. We have been together every day for almost Two years but he lives in the UK and I live in The usa. I love him dearly with all my heart. I know nothing about long distant relationship.

What do you thing? Is It realistic? Am I just a dreamer? Am I  a hopeless romantic ?

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Long before virtual worlds existed, people had long distance romances where they exchanged written letters, and maybe photographs, by postal mail. Some were quite successful, and eventually the two got together and had a face to face romance. So is it possible? Yes.

I once had a long distance romance where we were 600+ miles apart, and for 3+ years we only saw each other a few times a year in person. It worked out fine, but boy did we write a lot of letters and make a lot of phone calls.

Is it likely, in a virtual world that encourages complete anonymous access? Less so. It is so very easy in SL for any details you think you know about the person to be completely false, or for critical information - like the fact that they have a happy and unbreakable real-life relationship with someone else - could be 'conveniently omitted' from what they reveal to you.

Chatting by skype probably helps your odds - since that isn't a virtual interaction. More like a long distance phone call.

Be cautious, and I wish you luck.

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Only you can answer that question.  Lots of relationships do just fine over long distances.  However, most of those long distance relationships have intermittant close up encounters......the nature of human beings says that face to face, hand to hand, physical contact is desirable (probably necessary in the long run for the relationship to survive).  There will always be an exception but long distance without, at least, occassional close encounters seldom last over time.

Who knows.  You and your significant other may be the exception.  I wish you luck.

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Yes they can work if both of you want it too and do what it takes to make it work.  As proof, I know three couples that met in SL  One person was living in the US, the other in Britain.  They are now married in RL and very happy.  I also know a few that are on the way to a RL relationship too.

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My partner lives in the UK and I live in USA.  We've met each other in person after about a year in SL.  We've known each other since about a month after I joined SL in '09.  I think distance is very difficult.  It seems it gets more difficult the more OFTEN we see each other in RL.  I feel his absence more.  Yet, I couldn't regret the relationship if I tried.  He's wonderful.  He's added to my life.  That, in itself, is a success.

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it can work. I've met a few people that made it work, eventually ended up with one partner emigrating to marry the other. But it is very hard, and if you need regular visits to keep the relationship going it can get very expensive and time consuming as well.

e.g. one couple lived in the UK and Canada, for a year they ended up taking turns flying over to visit the other every other week for the weekend, before she moved to Canada to get married.
If you can't put in that much money and time (those tickets must have cost them $50k total) you'd best not let it develop past a good friendship.

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My uncle worked for a oil-company, he only was home for birthday or xmas. A friend works on a distant oil-rig, he is away 3 months then home 1 week and off again. My brother works daytime his wife nights they only communicate with little letters..

5 years ago i met a one on SL but there is no way to be together besides a few days a year ....

This can work if both like to spend time on their own but still know there is a special one only for them. Needs alot of trust and reliabilty.

SL and Skype ... can help make things easier than only have letters travelling weeks ...

Some couples split because they can´t take be together to often ;) All depends on the personality of both.

Monti

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Ceera Murakami wrote:

Long before virtual worlds existed, people had long distance romances where they exchanged written letters, and maybe photographs, by postal mail. Some were quite successful, and eventually the two got together and had a face to face romance. So is it possible? Yes.


That^

I was once told that "when you meet that right person, you put everything you have into it".  I replied, "but what if it doesnt work".  The answer I got has stayed with me my whole life...."you'll find out much faster".

 

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onewith Slingshot wrote:

Iv been a SLer~ for about 2yeras and 9 months. Was not looking for a relationship at all. I meet this man just as I was going to leave Sl, I had been in SL for about 9 months .We skyped one night and it was over Love at first skype. He asked me to be his partner with in two months of hanging out. We meet in Memphis  in 2011. We have been together every day for almost Two years but he lives in the UK and I live in The usa. I love him dearly with all my heart. I know nothing about long distant relationship.

 

What do you thing? Is It realistic? Am I just a dreamer? Am I  a hopeless romantic ?

 

 

In answer to the three questions:

It isn't UNrealistic. It is possible that it could work; there were several testimonials to that in this thread.

Even if you are just a dreamer, that's not a bad thing. Many wonderful things have come about because someone dreamed.

Yes, probably :-). Welcome to the club.

I was once part of such a relationship. Ceera's comment about letters and phone calls really made me smile.

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As other's have said its possible that an LDR will work out

N and I started that way our selves he was in the US me in Canada - not far in general save he was west coast me its the east coast so different time zones and ya some distance to travel (two plus days by bus)

We meet on SL early 2008 near the end of 2008 we meet in person for the first time a month later he asked me to marry him, 6 months later we got real life married (almost mid 2009) and it took until middle of last year for him to get him immigration papers so he could immigrate to live in my country (he didn't wish for me to immigrate to him down in the us).

So no I wouldn't say that you are being unrealistic in thinking that maybe you might find the person for you but that it will have to be LDR till your able to move things forwards (if that is your wish between the two of you) to a more perm solution. LDRs to me are much like any relationship that one might have with someone who is in the military and deployed or who is on the road a world of a lot that you only ever get to see a few times in a year or the like - yet might be able to talk with online for a few hours each week.

It takes open communication on both your parts, lots and lost of understanding and you both have to be on the same page as to what it is you two are moving towards in the long run of things - not to mention you both have to be on the same page as to where you would like the relationship to end up (marriage, common law, kids, you living there, him living in your country, etc). 

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I hope the answer to this questions is YES!  It can work!  I am also in a long distance relationship that I was never looking for and certainly never expected.  We've been together since October and so far, so good.  I think trust is the biggest issue and I trust him completely...which makes it easy.  It is hard...but I would never give up having him in my life.  So, that alone makes it worthwhile!

Best of luck to you!

 

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Like any LDR the danger is that you are both on your "best behaviour" when you are together and that the fantasy and intensity of the relationship won't last in the long run.  Only you can answer that question, take off your rose colored glasses and really look at the man, trust what he tells you about himself (does he label himself as "insecure" or "jealous" or "commitment-phobic" - these are warning signs), 

Be cautious but be open, be ready to change your life to be with him (either here in the states or there with him).  Meet his friends and pay close attention to what they say about him (do they respect his character or hope that you will rescue him from himself?).  Are you excited to introduce him to your family and friends or worried they won't "understand him"...

Its both harder and easier to be in a long distance relationship but sooner or later you will have to commit and when/if you do, do so with open eyes, every relationship is a compromise and requires commitment, know what you are getting into in advance.

xoxo good luck to you and your love

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You could try and hope. Even if things do not work out, you are not losing anything by at least giving it a shot.

I think in the past, a LDR that failed would be a waste cause back then, long distance calls costed a fortune. Today, you can talk to anyone in the world for no more than what you already pay for your internet service.

 

Also you say you met in person before, memphis? OK so your relationship passed the "Real life meeting" test. You may not truely "know" the person but at least you have a much better idea of who they are.

LDR are probably really nice though cause even if not in person, you still have some taste of companionship, AND you have your personal space.

 

The fact that it may not work in the long run is no reason to not try. Good luck with it.

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Sure they can work but only if you BOTH want that and start making RL plans, deciding who will go see whom and where you would live after one of you moves. Then it gets much more serious and relationship gets a huge dose or reality, if you survive that, then why not be happy in both worlds. ;) Good luck and lots of love.

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I just wanted to say...YES it can and does work.

 

My Partner both SL and RL lives in America and I am UK we met on SL we have been together 2.5 years and it was love from the moment we met we have been to see each other twice and our SL AV's have been married almost a year...we hope to move in together later this year when I hope to move to America

 

Communication Love and friendship is the key...sure long distance can be hard work, we keep things going through Email Telephone calls and Apple IM as well as SL and it has brought us much happiness. Would we change it? Sure we would love to be closer now in distance but that will change in time we wouldn't have met had it not been for SL...SL and our AV's will always be a part of us a special part of us

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No one can give you  a concrete answer because it varies from person to person and even from couple to couple. It might not work for you with your current loved one, but it might with the next.

There's so many factors in it, you will have to decide whether to take the dive and go for it, or to play it safe.

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With  The  hand  in my heart , I can totaly say NO , NEVER  keep it as it  is , a virtual relationship  and  it will be  wonderfull but if you  want something more . move on  and Fast.

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Nikolaos Frog wrote:

With  The  hand  in my heart , I can totaly say NO , NEVER  keep it as it  is , a virtual relationship  and  it will be  wonderfull but if you  want something more . move on  and Fast.

Speak only for yourself, can't advice others to not to try. :matte-motes-wink-tongue:

Good luck to every one who has a long distant relationships! :heart:

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Ansiri wrote:


Nikolaos Frog wrote:

With  The  hand  in my heart , I can totaly say NO , NEVER  keep it as it  is , a virtual relationship  and  it will be  wonderfull but if you  want something more . move on  and Fast.

Speak only for yourself, can't advice others to not to try. :matte-motes-wink-tongue:

Absolutely right.

 


Good luck to every one who has a long distant relationships! :heart:

Yes, from me too ^^

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I got my answer this week My sl partner came to calif to meet my family.... and we are now Just friends Giggles  Good luck to everyone that have the hope off it working......

btw: He was married in rl that sucks big time.....

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I got my answer this week My sl partner came to calif to meet my family.... and we are now Just friends Giggles Good luck to everyone that have the hope off it working......
btw: He was married in rl that sucks big time.....

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