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Venom Aho

New Roleplay Sim

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We (myself and a few friends) are in progress of opening a new sim to the roleplay community. We are hoping to open in the next couple of weeks. I just wanted to share the back story to get some thought..

 

In the beginning  when the earth was new and the tales of time sought the ears of babes come the stories that place the fear in the bodies of mothers for the future of their off spring. Their hearts beat faster as the words of these stories are brought to light. The smallest village in the midsts of the woodland stands alone the people with whom live within live their lives entwined in the stories of that they all have to live with, Come in to these arms of mine and dream of such dark fantasies as we are taken to that village and the the very heart, in the  center lays a fallen down well the spring of life that feeds the villagers, the liquid breath that all come to sup from. The very start of this tale is the magic that surrounds such a dark realm the forbidden secrets thats it could hold, the woodland full of mystery the wolves that can transform in to men that can lead the woman astray leading them off the path or  the woman who are branded witch and cast spells on those around them for their own means.

The spell binding creatures that live within that woodland such as creatures that feed on those taking their life force to live forever after. The Vampires that steal babes from beds vanishing in to the dead of night never to be seen again.  They walk in the darkness as if their were one of the villagers but have the intentions of stealing the very life from us.

Such horrors were believed to be that of folke law tales that traveled through time but were not true but the stories that the magic that surrounds the well exsists as if that well its self had something come from it, up from the darkest deepest parts of the earth to explore life above, coming in the dead of night like the the rarest rose that ever dared to bloom but the crulest winter of the human race stole that bloom, hurting it making it restreat back to the world beneath some say they come out, what is it? wolf? vampire? Demon? none know the history as it is long since forgotten but things happen to those in the now ever growing lands that turned from smallest village to that of a ever growing city. Time moves on like the blood that ebbs through the veins that reside in it.

Some say demons walk amoung those who live in this city of the dark realm causing avoke reminding all those poor souls that the tales were true, the horrors of history that was once meant to be beautiful was now a fateful memory the distant night mare of that in which we live. Humans attempt to live on in the darkest shadows of what echos in the minds as the future makes the city evolve so does that of the hellish tales.

 

Any feedback, input etc will be as welcome as criticism..

 

Thanks in advance

Josh (Venom Aho)

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I like the basic premise. I like the tone and type of storytelling. But you are missing quite a lot of commas, periods, and new sentences which makes your backstory very difficult to read. That will translate into potential participants finding it difficult to "get" your concept. Grammatical changes will greatly improve your odds for  succeeding.

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That's just a rough copy, just wanted to put it out there to get feedback, it will be gone through and corrected etc. Thank you for the feed back though..

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Interesting, I wish you guys good luck and hope that you keep us posted on the progress. I personally just came to SL for role play and seeking a sim to do just that. Once you are finished I will give yours a try for sure.

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There's easily a dozen or two (or more) grammatical mistakes that could be solved by dropping this in a spell checker, as well as at least a handful or two of spelling mistakes.

 

Is there a purpose to this village (or a purpose to live in this village), other than being the victim of a various monster?

 

More description on what happens/daily activities would be nice~

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