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Hermione Lefevre

faithtest

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Hi

I had a sad expirience I like to share because i am hurting and talking might help some.

I had my partner of 8 month in SL tested by an agent because we were talking taking the relationship to RL.

Only routine I thought,,he will be strong and tell this girl off.

Well :-( he failed and that on the second night of her coming on to him.

I confronted him and his answer was..I suspected it was a test and played along..i expected he say that btw :(

He is fighting now for me to stay with him and I am so attached and in love I want to give him one more chance.

Mainly my reason for posting this too is to ask: do all men think with the part between their leg,willing to shut of the brain and risk loosing everything :´(

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Why testing? Were you in doubt already? Testing will only lead to pain and drama. Unless you're a drama queen, beat it. And yes, mos of us have several second lives. Some pay actual RL money for that. SL can be a long time journey. So yes, give him a chance if your are inclined to do so.

Edited: sorry, I forgot to wish you the best of luck......:smileyhappy:

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I'm not even going to attempt to answer the question you ask - "do all men think with the part between their leg..."

What I will say is - and I agree with valerie - you must have already had doubts about this person to have set up some kind of a honeytrap for him.

While there are some couples who have made it into RL from SL, they are relatively rare, and the most important factor in any relationship has to be trust. Maybe you mistrust all men, and maybe you should not be looking for a real life partner via a virtual world, but should be looking closer to home in real life and taking things more s-l-o-w-l-y.

Do not hate or mistrust all men because of this experience, though. There are some truly fabulous fellows, some of whom I consider to be good friends, and not all people of the opposite sex have to be viewed as potential husbands/fathers/DIY experts/whatever you seek.

Good luck with your future in Second Life. Do not dwell and be unhappy. Life is far too short for misery and drama.

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I had my partner of 8 month in SL tested by an agent because we were talking taking the relationship to RL.

Your experience is one more example of what  a wrong idea is to try to take a SL relationship into RL...

In any case, I am sorry for the sad outcome things have taken for you. Next time, if you feel the need to test anyone; better let it go. Both the test and the relationship entirely. Otherwise such relationship would be based on  mistrust.

 

 

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Hermione Lefevre wrote:

I confronted him and his answer was..I suspected it was a test and played along..i expected he say that btw
:(

Oh come on... he couldn't even put in the effort to come up with a decent lie.  If it were me, he'd have to have come up with something a whole hell of a lot better for me to even consider giving him another chance.

...Dres

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Honey, don't believe anything he says. I never had read such a bad lie. I could tell a lot better stuff to excuse himself! And even if he tells the true, he would admit hurting you and risking the relationship to you. Like one of my all-time favorite songs says "men are pigs", even more in a virtual world, where sex is advertised everywhere and its easy to hide their actions. Always keep that in mind when getting into something romantic here.

And as long as you don't have it taken already to RL (no, talking on skype or voice doesn't count), you can't have a clue about his real feelings. Take it slow next time and better don't do that "testing" stuff again. Next time you could ruin something good with it.

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I'm going to play devil's advocate for a moment here-not saying he's the devil. You won't like my answer, but it's the way I feel and I don't think you need anyone else "on your side" as it were. If you set him up with a chance to fail(and you did) isn't it quite possible that he DID suspect and realize it was you who did this to him? Is it truly not possible that he wasn't lying to you at all, but in reverse testing YOU.

You were the first to show mistrust in him. You're not absolved of your own faults here. I won't say what he did was any better(necessarily, since none of us but him can truly know what his thought process was before,during and after). But what he did was surely no worse than what you did. You started the snowball off with a lie, perpetuated it, and got angry when he said he was playing along with your lie. You automatically assume he is lying when he says he suspected it was you. Why would you do that? It's because you flat out don't trust him, period. No one who has any amount of trust in another person, would do this. No reasonable adult would test the "love" of their partner by starting off the next step of their relationship with a lie.

You're being quite unreasonable. I think you need to work on your own trust issues and re-evaluate what it is you're really looking for. Then have a serious sit down talk with him. Lay all the cards on the table. If you really love him, you owe him that much.

I hate when people cheat on their partners. I hate when people try to set up their partners for failure, too. I hate when people have so little respect for someone they claim to love that they feel this person isn't worthy of having a true heart to heart talk. It speaks volumes of you that you'd want to intentionally put something that will block the path for your future rl partner and tempt him in ways he wouldn't have otherwise been tempted. It doesn't speak highly of him that he would fall for it, hook, line, and sinker, either. You are both at fault. You need to realize this, accept that you too played a role in how things went down. You clearly want to blame him entirely. That tells me you're not even ready for that kind of relationship.

I'm not excusing his cheating. He's a grown adult, and can make his own decisions. He made extremely bad decisions, even IF he was playing along with the litle game you set in motion. But he definitely does not hold all the blame. Maybe you need to put yourself in his shoes for a moment too. Think of the possibility that he DID perhaps know it was really you.

Normally topics here don't really bother me much, especially in this particular forum. I tend to butt out, lol. But since you put this all out there for the world to read, I have to say I've actually put more thought into this topic than most other posts I've seen in this particular area here. It shouldn't bother me, and yet it does.  This is the sort of thing that leads to one of the reasons why people believe relationships in SL are a bunch of crap. People like you make it difficult for others to even be taken seriously. People who play games with others, make it difficult for people to see that real love can, and does exist, and that there are plenty of people within sl who are both looking and willing to give that love. That shouldn't be the case, but it is. People see things liek this and think that's just how people are-a poor assumption, but it happens all the time. I understand completely if other folks want to play games, have whatever kind of relationship(s) they want to have, choose to have sl be sl and rl be rl-never mixing the two(including actual feelings and emotions), and don't share my opinion on things, and such. If asked, however, I'll gladly share my opinion. You're sending some serious mixed signals just within your post. You're both playing a game, and asking to be taken seriously, at the same time. I'm surprised he even wants you back after the stunt you pulled to be honest. You gave him every reason to not trust you too-the very thing you were trying to "test" him on. He did something completely stupid-and you don't even really seem like you *want to care what he thinks, only seem to care about yourself. Yet he's willing to overlook what you did, to be with you. He must actually love you, and have more faith in you, than you do him. Maybe you should take that into consideration.

I have a rather jaded opinion when it comes to men, cheating, and the way some so often treat women. So for me to even think of his point of view, means you clearly touched a nerve. Not that this will mean anything to you, lol, but it does me. Men can screw up enough on their own(and they are not alone, I'm not that sexist, women do it too). Why do people constantly feel the need to "test" the ones they love, the way they do? If you have doubts, talk with the person in your life. Don't go adding to the, obvious, problem. You're not going to make ANYTHING better by doing that. "Testing" a partner's level of commitment only comes about when you, yourself, have a lack of trust. Figure out where that came from, and work on it. That is, if you love the person. If not, walk away. Playing games with people doesn't look good on your behalf whether you're a man, or a woman.

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You are BOTH way too immature for a RL relationship, in RL you don't play those kinds of games, you don't "test" someone's love you just know it because you know them so well.  Drop him and develop a RL relationship.  Yes many people have found love in SL but many, many more have had their hearts broken.

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i imagine you would have continued to test him even if he had passed this time..

sorry but that was a pretty sneaky thing to do no matter the results..sorry to say ..but by being sneaky like that..you ended up decieving him before he decieved you in that situation..

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Well, first of all, unless you both decided to be monogamous in SL, then it doesn't really matter much.  No ring on his finger, don't you know.  But if you both said yea verily, you'll keep the naughty parts only unto each other, then what he did was out of line.  But only if you guys had such a STATED agreement -- "you assumed" is insufficient.

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Hermione Lefevre wrote:

Hi

I had a sad expirience I like to share because i am hurting and talking might help some.

I had my partner of 8 month in SL tested by an agent because we were talking taking the relationship to RL.

Only routine I thought,,he will be strong and tell this girl off.

Well :-( he failed and that on the second night of her coming on to him.

I confronted him and his answer was..I suspected it was a test and played along..i expected he say that btw
:(

He is fighting now for me to stay with him and I am so attached and in love I want to give him one more chance.

Mainly my reason for posting this too is to ask: do all men think with the part between their leg,willing to shut of the brain and risk loosing everything :´(

First off, I'm not a fan of "faith tests" or any tests in a relationship except for pregnancy tests.  The mere title of this thread made me twitch.  The irony here is that I think it's actually possible that I'd sooner end a relationship because someone was testing me than because someone was cheating on me...and if the test was "routine"...oh yeah, I'd be out of there faster than you can say "mindfrack" without so much as a backward glance.

Second, all genders think with parts of themselves other than their brains.  It might be the genitals, it might be the gut, it might be the heart and it most likely might be the ego.  A lot of decisions are made from the ego and blamed on some poor bit o' tender flesh.  You could argue that bisexuals probably have the best vantage point from which to see this, as we (people) tend to see so much from an egocentric position and if you are heterosexual, you really only see one set of people one way.  If you are a heterosexual female and your entire sample base is heterosexual males, then yeah, you're gonna start forming some biases that sound a lot like, "all men..."  All the while, there is some guy out there, going, "all women...."  You're both wrong.

Third, many (not all...calm down, people), but many people sign up for virtual worlds to get cyberlaid.  That skews the sample base too.   And there are many people of both genders using virtual relationships as an end-run around the risks of physical extra-marital or extra-relationship affairs.  Are you still watching what's happening to the sample base?

Fourth, some strategic people looking for cybersex will hunt in target-rich environments...such as romantic sims.

Fifth, in my travels I have discovered an amazing creature.  I don't have a name for it, but I'll describe it.  It's a person, male, female or something in between.  Let's use a male for this example.  This male has a real life wife.  This male has a real life family.  This male has real life extramarital relationships.  This male has a virtual life, a virtual wife and a virtual girlfriend too.  He may even show as "partnered" on his profile with romantic pics and romantic words in his profile picks tab.  This particular creature, with all those attachments, can often be found in Lar's Bar or B*kk*ke Bliss looking for his third "quickie" of the day and ninth "quickie" of the week and sometimes even a new SL gf.  Did you keep count?  That's a rl wife, rl family, rl gf, sl wife, sl family, sl gf and counting, maybe even an sl cybersex agent, and both rl and sl "quickies" or one-day or one-hour stands.  These creatures fascinate me, because I just cannot relate and cannot fathom where they find the emotional and sexual energy.  I tend to suspect a bottomless pit of ego-feeding attention seeking, but that's my own biased judgment and the rest of what I described is objective fact.  Now here's the other interesting part of this story...this creature is not rare or endangered.  There are a lot of them about.  Second Life, Utherverse, Inworldz, Yahoo, MSN, Skype, Camfrog, Camfuze...anywhere the real and the virtual overlap and people get randy.

Sixth, not everyone is such a creature.  Not everyone is a randy bugger.  Not everyone is a jerk.  Not everyone is an angel.  Not everyone is an average Joe.  If you are truly interested in the risky proposition of seeking a real life mate in a virtual world, even considering the odds based on documented evidence, then you might need to develop some advanced relationship skills and hone your judgment, and, despite any impulse to the contrary, that does not include cyberagents entrapping cybermen with cybersex.  (See first.)

One woman's (experienced-based) opinion.

Best wishes and good luck.

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Syo Emerald wrote:

Wait a moment...you say bisexuals are the better people?!

 No.


Syo Emerald wrote:

I only see that they can cheat on you with both genders.

 Sounds like a vision problem.

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Both of you did wrong IMO, regardless of his excuse or motive.  Both of you were immature and I seriously doubt either of you are ready to take it RL.  However,, he may well have figured you out.

It takes more than another avi and a fake profile to be a completely different person.  I'm sure he's picked up some nuances of your style of communication such as your use your words, your vocabulary, punctuation or even words you commonly misspell.  Sort of a voice recognition but with chat.  I know I've figured out more than once who someone that was using an alt. 

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