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With One's Heart In Ones Mouth - Abide Moment


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To those who have ready my first ever thread post late last year which was called Second Life Syndrome, I am back with alot of stuff happening and a new view of things from experiences garnered. In my last thread I posted about my journey at the end of a long 5 year relationship and recieved many responses and Im's from people wishing me the best to which I have and say again Thank-You. And in that time I have come a long way with the New Years period being instrumental in fusioning a new seed and a new path into 2012. 

 

I was finally able to move on and forward in early January I met someone and we hit it off, being both DJs, we have certain things in common and I enjoyed talking to her. The more and more I spent with her the further I felt better and hope built that finally my break had come. And lets call her C for this thread, she is a great person and and has alot of great stuff going her way. She had a great avatar, a sexy voice and a kind sweet way about her. Just before meeting her to break with the past i changed my landline phone number, my email address, muted certain people, and changed my mobile number as well. This was a new start. 

 

I knew that next time I met someone, she would be different from my ex of 5 years and that it would be a brand new relationship with its own challenges and movements and changes and beautiful epiphanies. And I was ready and willing. I had opened my heart, mind and soul to this new experience. And I knew it was time. We both had our separate histories and I was not going to hide my past from her for it is a part of me. And always would remain so. I knew she would have her own issues and her own challenges. And I chose to accept it and move along with it. 

 

With C being an attractive avatar with a very nice voice I immediately came across guys who would compliment her and say sexual stuff and I chose to accept it to a point. As when I DJ I get comments as well, it is only natural to understand that there will be guys attracted to her as there would be gals attracted to me. I am not a easily led to jealouse guy and am not a self defacing protectionalist. C and I started spending alot of time together and I would go to her sets and she would come to mine, she met my close field of friends and I started meeting hers. Immediately she would tell me she started having issues with some of her closest male friends. A few would make passes at her, maybe its the factor of trying one's luck when a woman is taken, a game I suppose. Her open communication and her vocalisation was enough for me to take this all on board. 

 

During one of many long conversations on Skype she revealed to me she was married offline but not in a good relationship. I had met and spoken to her offline kids via skype and liked them. Having made a pledge not to get involved again with a married woman I didn't heed my own policy and chose to continue, believing that if I take things a day at a time and hoping she'd be divorced by the end of 2012 I could stomach this major stumbling block for me. So I chose to continue. My rule of thumb was never to get into a sexual or intimate relationship with a married woman cause I am single offline and believe in the sanctity of marriage. But I chose to carry on and failed my own logical set line. 

 

We were together for a full week for many hours on SL and Skype and then last weekend on Saturday we had gone dancing at a club she hangs out. She was trying on shoes and I get a IM from a girl already there who asked for a dance and said I was very good looking. I immediately said thank-you but was waiting for my partner. She said sorry and wished me a good day and left. I cut and pasted this to C, as I always believe in a open and communicative relationship. Later I had a DJ set and afterwards she said she needed to go to the same club we were at and talk to the owner about getting set up to DJ there at another time. I accompanied her and this is where the proverbial hit the fan.

 

I've only asked for 3 important things in a relationship, Honesty, Trust and Loyalty. I beleive in giving it to my partner and getting it back whether it is SL or OFFLINE. C proceeded to DJ at this venue and we danced. The owner started making suggestive comments at first how sexy she sounded and then it got more personal and lewd about how hard she was making him. I counted 10 comments and the worst thing this club owner could say in open chat was "I so want you and think your fu sexy, I don't care that your with your man". I am right there. Here I was biting my tongue knowing if I said something I'd be painted as the jealous and uptight man. What I waited for was a REBUKE or at least a stop comment from her. All she did was take it and do a LMAO after the comments. There was no respect by this guy for her or for me. And I said nothing and kicked myself. He goes "what did you do to deserve a sexy woman like her, Petar?". I didn't reply. 

 

I stayed quiet and C Im's me asking why I was quiet and I replied how I didnt appreciate his sleaziness and that I needed to have dinner and signed off. I had 3 hours to think about things and realised that this was a test and a possibility of what was to come if I continued. My trust however infant in her was shattered and knowing it was long distance I had none left and could not trust her. When I committ to something or someone I am there 100% and I want a woman who I feel can do that to me, knowing the timezones between us. If I cant have that trust, well then its pretty much over. 

 

I signed back on later that evening my time and she didn't raise this issue with me. Our IMs descended into one where we parted company and she could not understand why I took offence and her comment was "so your ending things because my avi is hot?". I told her she was missing the whole point of it and if she could not understand why I was upset it was indeed over. I told her this guy was not respectful to her or me. What was worse was in his SL profile he was PARTNERED and worse than that the partner was also a Offline partner which led me to realise this guy was a sleaze, and pretty much not a individual I could see myself around. And C could not understand how disrespected I was and she could not understand that he did wrong. She said they were only comments and that he was 'high', poor excuses. 

 

We no longer talk, ended in acrimony. And yet this experience has taught me that what I seek can be found. I want a lady who will be loyal to me, who will take compliments but when they get to much tell the person that she is with me and doesn't appreciate the ongoing attention. Cause it would work and does work both ways. That is the only way it can work. Respect, honestly, loyalty breeds committment true and strong. No doubts, no worries. No fears. 

 

With one's heart in one's mouth we carry on and we seek our abide moment when clarity becomes visual and tangled flesh becomes untangled. The belief that honesty, loyalty and respect can be attained on SL by people is strong. And I wont stop searching for that moment, abiding grace. 

 

Take care and Namaste :) 

 

Petar 

 


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In reply to the reply of Petar's post: sometimes it's not just that easy. Unfortunately some of us just seem to be, in both RL and SL, the focus of the Great Cosmic Cruelty Joke. You meet someone, you hit it off, things are great. But the second you allow yourself to feel happy the shoe drops and the joke gets played, and once again you are the fool everyone's laughing at when you're out of range.

 

My latest has apparently abandoned me. Haven't heard from them in three weeks--no notes, no 'sorry I haven't been around lately, RL has me busy, etc.'. Apparently I don't even warrant  a 'kiss my arse' or even a breakup via post-it note or text. Just nothing. And I would simply shrug my shoulders and say, 'that's SL for you, it's happened before, just drive on and find someone in RL' like you suggested. Except it's happened to me twice in RL as well. And both times when I simply allowed myself to feel happy, and the person I'm with has assured me they know I've been hurt before and they're just not that kind of person and can be trusted, blah-blah-blah.

 

At least Petar still has a more optimistic view than I do at this point, but he may need to come to the same conclusion I have: people in both RL and SL are divided into two groups--the ones meant to find happiness and those who aren't. Apparently I'm in the latter category, and the sooner I just don't give anyone else the chance to play the Cosmic Cruelty Joke on me, the better off I will be. Petar himself may have to come to the same conclusion.

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On the face of it I would also be upset if the sleeze was not told to stop as your happily partnered.  Not making it known  when your a DJ that your partnered is wrong when your getting hit on. It is one thing to playfully flirt with the crowd but to allow lewed and suggestive comments of the kind he made I think is over the top. Most DJ's I know actually introduce their partners if they are in the crowd and or have them somewhere mentioned in their profile. All round it appears to be very disrespectful.

I would not think SL is a good place to meet if you want real life but people do and if you want that I would meet real quick in real life before hearts are broken.

 

I believe SL should stay in SL i see it like a parallell universe a place to be and have the things you are unable for whatever reason to have in real life.

 

A little note about married people not all come here behind their spouses back and it is not up to us to be the judge anyway, only they can know if their actions are justified. It is however anyones right not to choose to be with someone married and be respected.

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I am sorry Melian and I read your post with a heavy heart and with great understanding for I was for a large part in 2011 cynical of both relationships in SL and RL. It was hard to understand after giving your heart for 5 years how someone who said they loved you could simply being with a new man in quick succession. I was hurt, sarcastic and pretty much devoid of any positive feeling. And I often wondered if this Great Cosmic Cruelty Joke was my lot in life. 

 

But for every negative situation around me are people and friends who have found people whether online or offline and are happy and I know it can be found cause I was with a ex for 5 years. I believe that we all can have happiness and sometimes happiness comes from seeds unknown left to sprout slowly but surely. Melian, please don't give up hope and if you wish to talk and vent IM me anytime. 

 

And if I don't find love at least i tried, I didn't give up and gave it my best shot. I won't stand still. And the Cosmic Cruelty Joke can kiss my ass :)

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Hi Arkie24, nice insightful post. 

 

I've choosen to never form a relationship with a married woman again. Just isn't for me. Should have followed my prior stance on it. Wont falter again. 

 

What I failed to mention was that at the club was myself, the girl I was dating, the club owner and only 2 further VIP and this happened in open chat. Thank god the club wasn't filled and that was a godsend

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Petar you know what I think that makes it so much worse that is was only the people you mentioned as the owner would know you were there without a doubt and she was not flirting to the crowd (a poor excuse anyhow) but directly to him and vice versa as if you never existed. Shame  on them both. What is wrong with people it seems SL is a place with no boundaries about hurting people caring about real peoples feelings or respecting committments.

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I agree with you that "C" should have told the guy to stop.  It was disrespectful to you that she didn't and I can understand why it was a deal breaker for you.

I too have had times in my life that I didn't think I'd ever find someone after several heartbreaks.  However I knew what I wanted and stuck to my standards. I gave up looking period it got so discouraging.  However when I least expected it I found someone to be happy with. 

I believe you can too. You sound like a decent guy that a lot of decent women would be happy to call their own.

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