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****CHEATING***OMG THE MAGIC OF SL


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Funny My partner told me to check out the forms.It's been great love all the topics and all you that respond its awesome.The bad thing is it open my eyeys on Cheating.I now have lots of Questions about  so much I see in sl.Its funny how the magic of sl and it being a virtual world some how helps us to forget that there is  real people and their hearts are in·volved here and those in real life also.Very sad for the  Cheater ,the one helping the cheater and those being cheated on...........'Cheating is Cheating"

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onewith Slingshot wrote:

Funny My partner told me to check out the forms.It's been great love all the topics and all you that respond its awesome.The bad thing is it open my eyeys on Cheating.I now have lots of Questions about  so much I see in sl.Its funny how the magic of sl and it being a virtual world some how helps us to forget that there is  real people and their hearts are
in·volved here and those in real life also.Very sad for the  Cheater ,the one helping the cheater and those being cheated on...........'Cheating is Cheating"


Cheating & being cheated on are just part of the Game. ~~Embrace it !! ~~ ~

...or not. Be true to your partner & to your heart, if that's what you prefer.

SL is your game, play it as you see fit. Do as ye will...

Jeanne

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Tiger Lilliehook wrote:

Why should good people embrace cheating? will you embrace it if and when it happens to you? Yes SL seems to have a bad rep these days where relationships are concerned, but seriously...... People are not a game, sl does not win you points, you do not gain a score.

It isn't about "should."

If you don't want to embrace cheating, don't.

To each his or her own...

Do what ye will...

Jeanne

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I am afraid that you utterly miss the point of Second Life: To you, it may be an extension of your real life. It is not such to me and to countless others.

Your definition of "cheating" may - and does - differ from another person's definition.

Let's take myself and my mate as an example: Not getting into the real life nuances, we have very few rules concerning conduct within Second Life. The only aspect which tends to bleed over is that we have a D/s (very light BDSM mind) relationship. For Second Life, we allow each other to pretty much do as we please, provided certain lines (such as close, mutual friends) are not crossed.

To you, this may well be considered "cheating" - to us? At the end of the day, our hearts belong to each other - and that is all that truly matters.

With that out of the way, I will now say something which will come across as incredibly cold - and well it should: There are those that use Second Life who far too easily "fall in love" with someone they have never met in real life. They choose to believe that how a user acts here is in no way altered, hidden or restrained.

These users are foolish.

I learned that lesson long ago, on another service. Never assume a user typing at you is being the same as they would be after a month, or even a year, of real, face to face communication.

If you make that mistake ... you deserve what you get. 

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Cheating is one of those things that can only be self-defined. For some things you might be disgusted, and even feel pity for those involved, while they are very much enjoying their experience(all of them). It might not BE cheating to them. You just never know.

Me, I live my sl the way I want to, and let others do the same. For me and mine we are as true and real in sl as we are in rl. We are together in every way. We defined long ago what and who we wanted, and wanted to be. Both rl and sl have lived up to our expectations, and beyond. But I do realize that what works for us, won't likely work for others. Not everyone shares our ideals and our dreams and wishes. I may not believe that the actions of others are okay, by my standards, but in the end, those are my standards and they only really apply to me and mine.

I think when you are in a relationship, or want to be, regardless of *where that relationship is, you need to first define your own meanings and what you want. You need to figure out what your limits and desires are, before you can ask anyone else what theirs are. A relationship won't work if your ideals don't match. For someone who brings their whole self to the table, a person who is not doing the same, may not be a good fit. Someone who sl is truly treated like a virtual world far different from their real world, someone who has a "character" in sl that doesn't quite match with their real self(and I don't just mean physically here)...that person probably will be looking for someone similar. It's a recipe for disaster to try and mix the two. Not that it can't work out, but those are definitely rare occasions, imo.

So what may look or seem terrible to you(and I probably share that sentiment at times, lol) may very well not actually be that way to those participating. I have a friend, well not really that close but anyway, "cheating" tends to be a part of her life. It happens CONSTANTLY. She's always with a new man, and then something happens, "tragedy", she whines moans and complains about being hurt and whatnot....and shortly thereafter she finds a brand new "love of her life". That's just part of her game. For a while it really irritated me, and I had to distance myself from it, because that lifestyle does NOT mesh with my ideals(and I won't share the rest of my opinion on those actions here, it would be rude). But eventually I came to realize she had qualities I did like, and if I intended to have her in my sl at all I had to let her live her sl the way she wanted to. Now when her actions annoy me, I simply walk away for a bit. I laugh it off, when speaking to her, but I do distance myself at least a bit when it happens. She's a great person, in real life, but her avatar definitely does not match that same personality. She's truly "playing a game" as she says, and I don't have to agree with it, but I do have to respect her right to do as she wishes. Clearly the men in her life can tell what's going on, and don't mind. They're enjoying their "game" the same way.

There's room for everyone here in sl.

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If two people agree to 'cheat' then they aren't cheating, they have an open relationship based on a set of parameters agreed upon by both parties even if those parameters are anything goes.  As long as this is what you want and you are honest with the other person about it and come to an agreement, that's great.  If you like the soap opera drama of 'cheating', then become actors in a play about 'cheating' and carry on as you will.

Actual cheating is acting dishonestly and is itself lying. It is hiding something from your partner because you know its wrong or it will upset them.  You can even cheat in an open relationship if you have ground rules that you break.  Even if there is not real true love, if you cheat, you upset your partner at best, hurt them badly at worst.  Anyone is a fool that embraces cheating as it always has negative consequences.  If you are the other man or woman in a cheating situation, then don't be surprised if the cheater cheats on you in the end.   If you are the cheater, the person your cheating with thinks its OK too or they wouldn't participate, and you may find the tables turned on you in the future too.

There are lots of people in SL that don't play 'characters' and bring their RL to the table.  I agree that the people driving 'characters' should never have a relationship with those that are themselves.  Adults discuss this at the beginning of the relationship so they know where they stand with the other person.  While its true you hear of a lot of heartache in SL  I'm not sure that it happens more frequently here than in RL, other than when 'characters' mingle with 'real' people.  However, its like car accidents.  Accidents make the news, what doesn't make the news is all the cars that travel to their destination safely.  I know lots of people that have had very long and stable relationships and are happy, a surprising number have ended up together in RL too. 

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There are lots of people in SL that don't play 'characters' and bring their RL to the table.  I agree that the people driving 'characters' should never have a relationship with those that are themselves.

 

...I just never understand investing a "real self" in a pretend world. 

 

But that"s a personal comment.

The wise advice then is exactly what was said. Check where the other person thinks reality and make believe are.

 

As to what the op was saying about "cheating" , I'll be redundant because its already been said (and magnificently so) what each person comes to sl for is different, as are their beliefs.

It's erroneous to believe that "all people hate being cheated on". Some enjoy it quite a bit. Both male
and female
. They look forward to and revel in "the discovery", the burning  feeling that the object of their affection has been with another.  Even the humiliation. Don't believe that every woman is horrified 
and dislikes it
 to know that her husband/boyfriend/mate is twotiming her.

Everybody is not playing the same game you are :-)

 

Also, it sounds as if things were fine in your relationship before you "discovered" the forums, don't go reading someone else's mail -as it were- and bringing their issues/situations in where none exist for you

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me and my husband have this rule..he doesn't bother me with my second life stuff..and i don't bother him with his porn and sports and garage stuff..

not unless they end up interfering with us..

which they haven't as of yet..

i've been cheated on in rl and i've also been accused of it as well..

it won't matter what we think we are doing or not when it all comes out in the wash..it will only matter what the one we love thinks it is..even if it's only virtual..

if what they think doesn't matter ..well then i guess it doesn't matter lol

 

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Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my comment......I have been cheated on in rl ....But I have been love 100% by a man... he past away 3 years ago... the pain was as bad as the cheating buttttttttt the memry of a true love is what carries me on and of the two I would rather have a true love then a cheater... Why I think its sad for the cheater and all that are envolved is that they are not ever going to understand love in its fullness.But like some have said People like it that way and thats fine with me its a free world both sl and rl we get to like and hate what we want. Thanks again SMILES BIG love all  what you had to say..

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The thing that always stuck out in my mind is how clueless some of the females in SL are. For example, say you have an 'involved' guy 'cheating' with a female that is aware he's 'involved'. She walks around, acting like she's won some kind of prize, hoping that maybe he will 'leave' his other for her. So one day that happens and she thinks she's something special, never realizing that if he'll 'cheat' WITH you, he'll 'cheat' ON you. She may become his 'main', but all she's really doing is opening up a vacancy for a new 'side candy' to take the spot she once held.

 

Silly girls.

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Senobia Xenga wrote:

The thing that always stuck out in my mind is how clueless some of the females in SL are. For example, say you have an 'involved' guy 'cheating' with a female that is aware he's 'involved'. She walks around, acting like she's won some kind of prize, hoping that maybe he will 'leave' his other for her. So one day that happens and she thinks she's something special, never realizing that if he'll 'cheat' WITH you, he'll 'cheat' ON you. She may become his 'main', but all she's really doing is opening up a vacancy for a new 'side candy' to take the spot she once held.

 

Silly girls.

give it a time or two..they wil learn..but that man..he never will LOL

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Ceka Cianci wrote:


Senobia Xenga wrote:

The thing that always stuck out in my mind is how clueless some of the females in SL are. For example, say you have an 'involved' guy 'cheating' with a female that is aware he's 'involved'. She walks around, acting like she's won some kind of prize, hoping that maybe he will 'leave' his other for her. So one day that happens and she thinks she's something special, never realizing that if he'll 'cheat' WITH you, he'll 'cheat' ON you. She may become his 'main', but all she's really doing is opening up a vacancy for a new 'side candy' to take the spot she once held.

 

Silly girls.

give it a time or two..they wil learn..but that man..he never will LOL

i don't think these syndromes are limited to one gender or the other.

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Perrie Juran wrote:


Ceka Cianci wrote:


Senobia Xenga wrote:

The thing that always stuck out in my mind is how clueless some of the females in SL are. For example, say you have an 'involved' guy 'cheating' with a female that is aware he's 'involved'. She walks around, acting like she's won some kind of prize, hoping that maybe he will 'leave' his other for her. So one day that happens and she thinks she's something special, never realizing that if he'll 'cheat' WITH you, he'll 'cheat' ON you. She may become his 'main', but all she's really doing is opening up a vacancy for a new 'side candy' to take the spot she once held.

 

Silly girls.

give it a time or two..they wil learn..but that man..he never will LOL

i don't think these syndromes are limited to one gender or the other.

And they're not limited to Second Life as opposed to Real Life either.

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Perrie Juran wrote:


Ceka Cianci wrote:


Senobia Xenga wrote:

The thing that always stuck out in my mind is how clueless some of the females in SL are. For example, say you have an 'involved' guy 'cheating' with a female that is aware he's 'involved'. She walks around, acting like she's won some kind of prize, hoping that maybe he will 'leave' his other for her. So one day that happens and she thinks she's something special, never realizing that if he'll 'cheat' WITH you, he'll 'cheat' ON you. She may become his 'main', but all she's really doing is opening up a vacancy for a new 'side candy' to take the spot she once held.

 

Silly girls.

give it a time or two..they wil learn..but that man..he never will LOL

i don't think these syndromes are limited to one gender or the other.

ya i know..i was kind of being silly on that one..hehehehe

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Well Said, Tiger Lilliehook... people are not a game, we shouldn't just throw our morality out the window as soon as we log into SL. If we are coming here looking to treat our interactions with others as "just a game" then we ought to say so as a disclaimer because people come here expecting to be treated w/ basic human respect as they would in their lives lived anywhere else... on or offline, in or out of SL.

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You can not speak for any user of Second Life other than yourself.

Blanket statements concerning how users wish to be treated are little more than an attempt to make it sound as if your ideals are the norm.

Speak only for yourself .... or do not speak at all. 

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Gwen Difference wrote:

 ... If we are coming here looking to treat our interactions with others as "just a game" then we ought to say so as a disclaimer ...

Isn't this a bit backwards? When coming into a game, shouldn't it be assumed that people have the intention to play. Shouldn't the disclaimer be with those coming into the game to not play?

Jeanne

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JeanneAnne wrote:


Gwen Difference wrote:

 ... If we are coming here looking to treat our interactions with others as "just a game" then we ought to say so as a disclaimer ...

Isn't this a bit backwards? When coming into a
game
, shouldn't it be assumed that people have the intention to
play
. Shouldn't the disclaimer be with those coming into the game to
not
play?

Jeanne

Sure, when coming into a game it can be assumed people intend to play. Not all Second Life users consider it to be a game. Therefore it's best to make sure where the other person stands when considering a relationship.

 

 

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Parhelion Palou wrote:


JeanneAnne wrote:


Gwen Difference wrote:

 ... If we are coming here looking to treat our interactions with others as "just a game" then we ought to say so as a disclaimer ...

Isn't this a bit backwards? When coming into a
game
, shouldn't it be assumed that people have the intention to
play
. Shouldn't the disclaimer be with those coming into the game to
not
play?

Jeanne

Sure, when coming into a game it can be assumed people intend to play. Not all Second Life users consider it to be a game. Therefore it's best to make sure where the other person stands when considering a relationship.

 

Whether SL is a game or not is a dead horse that continues to be beat. I've come to consider it to be a meta-game. Games within games. Probably the primary game is just figuring out how SL works. You "lose" by getting frustrated & giving up, and "win" by becoming a savvy old-timer who knows what to do when something weird happens. The quicker you go from noobie to "helper" or "contributor" status the better player you are.

Then there's the make $L game, the toy economy game. Learn to DJ or build or script & sell stuff or be a prostitute or whatever, so you can buy land & pay tier & have stuff. "Points" derive from how much you make & can afford to spend. This, of course, is the game LL hopes you buy into.

Another really common game is the relationship game. Unfortunately, different people approach this game from differing perspectives. Some don't even want to consider it a game at all, and wear their heart on their sleeves. These people are as sheep among wolves. I don't have to like or approve of this reality yet reality it remains. Accept it as the reality of the situation or prepare to have your feelings hurt.

Jeanne

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Of course everyone is free to "play this game" howsoever they choose. By the same measure, everyone is free to judge others by whatever standard they themselves choose. Accordingly, if I discover that someone is a habitual "cheater" in SL, I exercise my right to treat them with the contempt that I believe their "dishonest" behaviour deserves.

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