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good excuses for not adding someone to my list?


danicah
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Just curious... sometimes you dont want to (or cant) add people to your friend list, but you dont want to be rude.

For example family members of your friends, or if your list is already very big. I mean... if i would add anyone i talk to, my list would be even more bigger. and after awhile i wont remember who they are lol.

What are good excuses for not adding people (maybe later)?

 

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danicah wrote:

Just curious... sometimes you dont want to (or cant) add people to your friend list, but you dont want to be rude.

For example family members of your friends, or if your list is already very big. I mean... if i would add anyone i talk to, my list would be even more bigger. and after awhile i wont remember who they are lol.

What are good excuses for not adding people (maybe later)?

 

What I tend to do is go ahead & add em. Who knows? they might be interesting...

Then, if they bother me with TP requests or IMs, I delete them later. Ever so often I go thru my list & delete whomever I can't remember who they are.

This way, it avoids having to make up some excuse for not adding them and running the risk of offending someone.

& btw, I never ask anyone to be my friend. I figure if they want to be friends they'll ask me.

Jeanne

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I like that Firestorm allows you to sort your Contacts list into categories because that is what it really is.  I will be really happy when v3 code stops giving my computer conniptions so I can use it.  I'd have a folder called 'wait and see' to put the random requests into.

I always ask first before offering friendship to someone.  That to me is just the polite thing to do.

I don't accept requests from people who haven't even said a word to me.  Sometimes I IM them asking why they sent the random request.  The onus is on them.

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Depending on the situation, I either ignore the friend request and/or tell them that I only add someone once I've gotten to know them.  I've only ever had a harsh response once, but even then it wasn't that big of a deal.

To JeanneAnne's point about not being able to remember who everyone on her list is -- I use the profile "Notes" field for anyone that I talk to or that tries to friend me, taking note of anything that will remind me of the circumstances of our association in the future should I run into them again.  For example:

"Met at <some location> 1/1/2012.  Friend request ignored due to <some reason>."

It helps tremendously! :)

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Ever see the film Yes Man? In the film, Carl attends a seminar called "Just Say Yes". The seminar leader asks Carl a few incisive questions and makes a request:

You once had a dream? You wanted to own a boat? A house? A fancy car? You wanted to be a doctor, a lawyer... a business man? You wanted to be more than you are. And yet you have suddenly woken up to find life is passing you by....

I want you to do something for me, Carl. Tomorrow, I want you only to say yes. Can you do that for me? For one day, Carl?

Why not just say yes? Is it such a big deal? Haven't there been times in your life when friends just couldn't be found? My resolution for 2012: Accept all friend requests.


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I accept all friend requests. It's not as if having a long friends list is somehow going to ruin your sl experience, cause damage, cause slow loading, or...whatever, lol. I still don't understand why people are afraid of having a long friend list. Or rather I don't understand why some think it's a bad thing. So what if you somewhere down the road forget who someone is.  There are people on y list I haven't spoken to in years. I may never hear from them again, who knows. A couple of them have passed away. I kinda like looking back on their profiles sometimes, for no other reason than it feels good to remember. Sometimes I go through my friends list and profile perv when I get bored. It's kind of fun, good way to get to know some people too. But that's just an odd quirk of mine, lol. I know some folks just don't want people in general on their list other than super close friends...whatever tickles your pickle, I guess, lol.

If people annoy me later down the road, I remove them, quite simple. Rarely happens, but, every once in a blue moon it does. Can't say it's ever harmed anyone, including me, lol.

If I have a reason for not wanting to add someone, I tell them. Why would you want to come up with some sort of excuse when the truth is all that really matters? For that matter who on earth would want to be known as someone who has to come up with excuses for things and can't be honest? That's a terrible character flaw if you ask me.

Honesty is the best policy, in my book.

 

 

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I don't accept friend requests until I get to know the person unless its for business reasons, such as a client I will be working with on a project or ongoing basis.  So when I get random friend requests or requests such as you described, I'm honest.  I tell them I won't add anyone unless and until we really become friends.  So since I don't know you I'm declining right now, but if you want to become my friend after we get to know each other, I'll be glad to accept once that happens.  I've never had anyone get offended at that that I know of, and if they did, then they aren't the kind of people I want to be friends with.  Friends respect the wishes of friends and don't get offended that easily.

I have this policy in my profile too, so anyone profile perving for friends can see it.

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Only once so far have I declined a friend request.. I received one out of the blue from someone I didn't recognize, and when I asked if I should know them the reply was that it was sent by mistake while they were profile pervin :smileyvery-happy: We both had a laugh, and the request was ignored. I do go through my list pretty regularly and delete the ones I never talk to.

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There is an 'intermediate' function that I know I have rarely used, that is exchanging calling cards.

You meet someone briefly and think perhaps it would be nice to get to know them better.  But how do you keep track of them with out Friending them? You could offer to exchange calling cards.

http://secondlife.wikia.com/wiki/Calling_Card

http://wiki.secondlife.com/wiki/Calling_Card

I prefer keeping my friends list short.  But at one point it had  grown to over 200 people.  Easily over half were brief random encounters.  Exchanging cards probably would have been a better alternative.

Maybe I'll start a thread about it.

 

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ooops

i don't know how that reply went to you.  i was meaning to reply generically.

it's not a commonly used feature nor do i think many people are even aware of it.

i think there has even been some discussion about deleting it but  hope that they don't.

but it is a very tangible alternative to random friend requests.  if more people used it maybe it would become more ubiquitous.

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I have used this reason when someone has asked me for friendship...

"I am building an alphabet of friends to make a Lucky Chair army and I already have a friend beginning with your initial."

 

Another reason I have given was that I don't have friends with beards.  He took it off.  After blinking hard I added that I don't have friends with sandals.  He put another pair of shoes on.  I turned to the fact he had a hat on and told him that I don't have friends with hats and he told me to go and *&%* myself. 

 

I'm more considerate these days and tend to accept friendship requests.  If they turn out to be someone I'm not interested by or we don't speak in the first couple of days, I delete them whilst they are offline.  They won't notice I'm gone from their friendlist and no offence is caused.

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  • 1 month later...

Some of the funniest and most annoying excuses ive heard here in sl, and rl

My Religion does not allow it

Lets see if you can play nice with my friends

My mic/phone is broken

Im changing my number

Im moving to Aruba (not exactly, but you get the idea lol)

Oh I'm too busy to have new friends

Your a weirdo ( i usually take that as a compliment, then they get pissed off and walk away lol :D)

Work has me coming at all hours ( usually means someones cheating, or just dosent wanna hang)

 

Its like why take the time to come up with all these excuses when you can just out right tell someone and not have to lead someone on with mixed signals lol.  In my eyes, if someone has the time to make up excuses, they are usually not worth the time.

 

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Yeah, sometimes its good to filter out who you want to talk too, but havint too strong of a filter will create many personality conflicts.  I've seen it, and was guilty of that at times.  Its still good to find ppls breaking point and see if theyll be friends with you after.  Thats what i consider a true friend, but ive toned that down alot sence ive started.  Its really hard to get a good friend to role with ya sometimes.

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Personally, I don't accept friends requests from people I have yet to hold a conversation to. I just reject their requests; I don't even give a reason for doing so. I also reject friends requests from people who's first words to me are requests for sex. And once again, I also don't bother giving a reply.

Other than that, I tend to accept all friend requests. There's really nothing wrong with adding more people to your list; who knows, they might end up being that best friend you've been looking for, or they might end up being jerks, which you can simply delete of your friends list and block them.

And besides, you can always delete them off later.

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