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Prodigy Shamen

going from a S/l relationship to a R/L one

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ok not sure if this has been posted before but was wondering on peoples views/experiences on S/L relationships moving onto R/L relationship?

 

about 6 months ago i met a girl in s/l and we just clicked from day one...we recently married in s/l and yeah we have talked about the whole r/l thing ...we are both single in r/l and have a love i didnt think was possible to share in s/l.

the main problem at the moment is i'm in the uk and shes in america....the main problem at the moment stopping us from meeting in real life is obviously the distance so i was just wondering if anyone has turned a long distance relationship in s/l into a r/l one....

i know its a huge step but if and when we meet in /r/l and if we hit it off like we do in s/l then i think i would be willing to make a sacrifice and move over there if need be !!

some people might think its madness but just wondering what peoples views and experiences are on the subject?

 

Thanks Prodigy

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I've been playing SL for a very long time and have seen a lot of this. Sometimes good and sometimes bad.

It can work! I've seen it work! Not with me personally but with a couple friends of mine. It can also go horribly wrong!

One thing you need to keep in mind is in SL relationships are fast! In a months time you can go from single, engaged, married, kids, and divorced...

Also when you finally do meet in RL you have to know you can't just pick up where you left off in the game. You basically need to start over and get to know the real person in real situations. 

Have you voiced with her? Webcam? Talked on the phone or any other messaging programs? Yahoo, Skype, MSN? How about Facebook? How far have you gotten with the RL part of things? You can always start there. You can learn a lot about a person by just doing that. And give the relationship time before you rush into meeting in RL. The relationships that I've seen work out are the ones that took their time. (1-2 yeara online relationship) Yes they talked and planned about RL but they didn't rush into anything.

Anything can happen and a lot can change...

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Six months is truly not long enough to know someone well enough to be thinking so far ahead about possibly sacrificing your life in the UK to go and live in America.  She might be the woman of your dreams, but it is highly unlikely.

My advice to you would be to enjoy what you have in Second Life, but never allow your Second Life to become your whole life. 

You're in the UK, so you will be aware of a series on BBC2 called Wonderland. A few years ago they made one about relationships in Second Life, and I think you should watch it. It's very enlightening.





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that video was AWKKKKKWARD... (the redhead and her english beau, gah... no chemistry at all!), and her husband!  what a wimp!

 

anyways.  i've had lots of RL stuff come from games, not just SL.  still friends with all of them.  it's all good. 

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I personally know four couples that met in SL were in your geographic situation - one in the UK and one in the States..  Of the four, three ended up married in RL, and one split up after the first RL visit as they found that in RL there was no chemistry between them.  The three that married, didn't rush into it.  After knowing each other in SL for a year or more, they visited back and forth in RL to get to know each other even better.  After about  a year they took the plunge and one moved to the other's location.  Some married right off, others waited a bit longer to get the person that moved established and comfortable then married.  All three are very happy now and feel they are really in a 'forever' marriage.

If you think you love the woman and your both single and are able to be together, then perhaps you should explore it.  But to start, don't go in with any expectations the first time and have a plan for what you are going to do if it turns out to be not what you hoped.  Also be aware of the steps you need to go through to get the proper visa's etc. for one of you to move if it works out. This alone may take a year or more.

More and more people are meeting on the internet and forming RL relationships, whether they meet in SL , another virtual world or game or even chat rooms and match making sites..  I saw a report on the news just the other day that 1 in 5  dating couples met and developed a relationship first on the internet, and the percentage is increasing every year.

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For a few couples I know that have tried it; it’s a big recipe for disaster. Especially if we are talking of such a large distance, or rather such an important change in the life of the one moving

In your shoes I really would keep SL in SL, take all the best your SL relationship may give you and would dismiss any idea about making such huge life change…it may seem feasible, it may seem worth but when the day to really start turning the idea into reality comes, most times, the whole thing becomes such a daunting project, that the final result usually is; end of the relationship in SL and nothing left in RL

I guess that I am full of prejudices in this regard. It’s just my point of view. Whatever you decide in the future; I wish you only the very best

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It's not madness, congratulations! 

Speaking from experience, I met my rl bf in SL in November of 2006. We hit it off right away. We met in rl not quite a year later and he moved across the country to live with me about a month after we met in rl. Last year we celebrated four years together, and it's really wonderful. We were very realistic in our expectations though, and very honest with each other. I met his whole family and many of his friends over a long weekend on our first meeting, and then he came and met mine.  Sometimes the stars line up just right and everything works out, here's hoping your stars line up too!

I can not tell you how many people I know that have basically the same story as me and my bf, met on the 'net and married in rl. Most of them, not all mind you, but most of them have happy, long-lasting relationships. Good luck to you, and the best advice I can give you is to be honest with each other, and realistic in your expectations.

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I know couples who met in sl - who are now living together rl - or are married rl. It can definitely happen that you meet someone in sl and it turns out to be a long term relationship in rl.

But! I would not have too high expectations before actually meeting and spending rl time together. Everything can be different the moment you actually meet the person rl. So, I would definitely want to meet the person in rl to see if something more real can develop from that sl relationship - but I would not plan on moving or anything - I would just want to meet the person for a short vacation or something - at first. Then go back home, have a nice long time to think about it - and then make decisions based on that.

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thanks for all your insight guys as i said its certainly not something we are gonna rush into as neither of us are in a financial situation to meet at the moment anyway....but its nice to know it can happen as a few of you stated more and more people are meeting on the internet these days.

obviously the big test will be if and when we meet in real life who knows we might not be compaitable?

 

thanks again for the info/stories

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My SL partner lives in the UK and I live in the USA.  After knowing each other for about a year, I went to see him.  We never skyped prior to the meeting.  In fact, we seldom voiced before meeting in RL.  He has since come to the USA three times for a month each, met my family and become a very "real" part of my life.

I will be forever grateful that we took a chance.  Yes, it could have gone badly.  Yet, I really wanted to meet him and see what was truly between us.  In my case, there were no surprises.  We'd both represented who we are through our SL.  Even if the chemistry had not been there, we both agreed we wanted to meet.  At the very least, it seemed a way to honor the friendship we had developed.  We took the "no pressure" route...expected nothing beyond spending time that very first visit.  

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My SL partner and I have both been in here 5 years. We met after being in SL only 2 months. After 6 months we were married SL. We still are after 5 years. We are also now RL commited with the view to be together this coming year. She is in the UK and I am in New Zealand. Makes the coomute a killer every day, but hey the bus driver is obliging.

Anyhoo, yes it can and does work. I know 3 couples in SL that have made it work RL.

My Princess and I are the 4th.

 

Cheers

 

Cashew

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Sometimes it doesn't work. I know one sl/rl marriage that is a disaster. However, most of the ones I know are wonderful. My sl partner of over 3 years is a big part of my rl, though we have stepped away from talk of making it a fulltime rl partnership as well.

On the plus side, in sl you relate mind to mind and heart to heart (if you are sincere when you are in world). This can create deep connections where they might not have had a chance to form if the distractions and superficial nicities of rl aquaintanceships had to be overcome.

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ah the old sl love to rl love story .................well i have to say i envy you most run from rl feelings here in sl . i have personally known serveral couples who did the sl to rl thing with great success. just be smart about it. visit each other when you can, work out which country will suit the both of you best , get to know the real yous and i am sure you will be fine, dont ever use the i gave up my life in such and such a country when one of you move you are moving to be together not to give up something ......i wish you all the love and happiness in the both worlds !!!!!

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I met my boyfriend in SL, almost 4 years ago (not this account, it's my alt for building)...we "met" in person after 18 months on SL...we are very very happily together and have a 15 month old daughter :)

Anything is possible, be realistic, but follow your heart <3

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I'm another SL to RL love success story!  Together 4 years, married, and have a 5 month old daughter.  I moved to another country to be with him after we spent enough time together to know we had to be together!  Lots of visits and voicing/camming.  I think it doesn't hurt to take a chance and meet someone to see how it goes...you'll know soon enough if its something you want to pursue and you won't care if it's hard to get to the end result of being together if you both truly want it to happen!

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If you're not married or otherwise involved, take a vacation and meet each other. What's the difference how you met? Could be fun. You probably know more about each other than you'd know from Match.com

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As other's have said it can work depending on what both parties are looking for and what both parties are willing to put into the relationship to make it work - like anything it takes work, understanding and a willingness to do what you need to do to make it happen. 

I meet my hubby though SL in 2008, we got SL married and a year and a day later got RL married - we meet face to face after only knowing each other on SL for 7 months a month after we meet face to face for the first time he asked me to be his wife and I agreed - actually though we'd get married a lot later then we did but we moved it up do to medical issues on my side of the family (ended up with a 6 month engagement).

The kicker is we where in two different countries not as bad as being UK/USA but close enough USA/Canada West/East cost deal was us up till middle of last year (had to go though immigration and that was a B and a half to get though with all their requirements, loss documentation and what not). 

The other kicker was he was looking for a relationship I wasn't on the market and at the time. I was open to being friends and maybe a little more in world but real life speaking I was so NOT interested in taking it there (at least at first) for me it would all hinge on meeting face to face to weather or not I was into him or just his mind or SL Persona. We clicked upon first meeting, he fell into my life like he'd always been part of it - we finish each other sentences and other things just go on around us. It was truly strange at how easily he fit into my life and me into his.

So I say you can find love on SL and take it forwards into RL but ONLY if BOTH of you are on the same page and both looking for the same thing when all is said and dun, plus when meeting face to face there is that connection that transcends the virtual world if there isn't the meeting of minds might be great but the physical side of it won't be enough for most to keep it going. 

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