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about faking sex and cheating?


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Dylon Blackheart wrote:

...Would that still be cheating? i mean... the one who is cheating would not be able to enjoy it if they have to fake it?...


 

Yes it's cheating, but you already knew that.  If you didn't, you never would have bothered camming out so your significant other wouldn't catch you!

Simple Rule of Thumb:   If you've got to hide it from your wife, hubbie or partner, it's not acceptable behavior.

Just my opinion, but I'm sticking to it!  

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yeah i guess you are right... but:

i am single in SL, and i went to a "freelance" escort girl once. She had a partner in her profile. I could see by her mouse crosshair that she was looking outside somewhere... and when i asked her for voice she said she cant because her RL is home.

So you think she was cheating on both her SL-and RL partner then?

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It doesn't have to be that way.

Maybe her SL partner doesn't have a problem with her job as an escort at all (there are even RL partners who doesn't have a problem with her Rl partners work as strippers, escorts and so on.). You don't even know what kind of relationship she has in SL or RL.

And for the thing with voice...well, do you want that your partner hear you when working as an escort? :matte-motes-sing:

Maybe she is cheating on someone, maybe not.

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Which is it.png

A rhetorical question perhaps?  It’s always fun and tricky to think deep…

Enjoy the subtle challenges of your ponderings! ;)

Lanas

P.S. If you're still having trouble picking whether it's 'cheating' or not, I'd go with Dana's particularly practical answer... "Yes it's cheating".

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The answer is too easy. If I would work as an escort I could say the exact same thing, but you won't even know a single thing about the background. I could still be alone at home and the partner in my profile could be an alt or some friend, or someone who wasn't online for a year.....:matte-motes-bored:

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Do you think maybe her "performance" would be much better if she wasn't looking outside somewhere, but focusing on you? :P

Where is the importance of finding out do escorts cheat? I could understand it if you were asking about your gf... 

Do you cheat escorts while u're with them??

Is it cheating if I type that I am reaching my panties and putting a hand in it to feel my hot and wet... while I am actually eating chips? And thats the main reason I can't voice? 

Or my friend could come and play SL with my avi (happens from time to time) and we could find some guy and rp an escort. Is that cheating too? If that other guy from SL never asked who is at the keyboard... 

In general I think that people are better in performance if they aren't cheating. Less distractions lol

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Randall Ahren wrote:


Dana Dielli wrote;
Simple Rule of Thumb:   If you've got to hide it from your wife, hubbie or partner, it's not acceptable behavior.


So masturbation also qualifies as cheating?

Only if you feel the need to hide it.  

But, ask your partner for a "hand", and it becomes something good and mutually beneficial! 

With that said, I'm probably being AR'd right out of these PG boards now.  

Dana Dielli zips her lip before any further damage is done! 

 

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So masturbation also qualifies as cheating?


@Everyone--   Oh ohhh... I so tried to control myself and not jump on this, especially since Dana already covered it satisfactorily... but I'll throw in another vote for "Good and beneficial" whether all on your lonely or with your special friend... I'll simply stop there, but I soooo wish I had the gumption to add a Picture Pose to this post!  I'd probably end up with the AR that Dana is worried about if I 'pictured' this though... ohhhh ohhhh it hurts.

@Syo--  I so agree with all the points you're making, my simple "Yes" was answering Dylon's first simple question, beyond that things got complicated... annnyywhoooo... I'm lazy when it comes to debating so I often just fall into 'simple' and leave the deep thoughts to the Dylons of the world.  If I'm lucky I can just let brilliant and clever folks like Ms Tamara make good points and then I can stick to pictures (  HEEELllllllooooo Tamara :)  ) 

@Jacki--  "Enjoy the Ride" made me snicker, and of course, it's like duh... how many distracting doodads must one pay attention too before they realize there's a wonderful wave to jump into that they likely just missed because they were looking at 'crosshairs'?  Another great thread might be "Is looking at crosshairs in SL while you're pixel poking the same as texting in RL while you're shagging?" :o

(I've been at this SL monkeybusiness for a while and I actually have no idea what/where those 'crosshairs' are... sorry sorry, please don't anyone derail this thread trying to tell me how to turn them on... but it sounds voyeuristic enough perhaps a quickie IM with the tricks... he ehhe ohhhhh)

The true fun for me is making the pictures... and this was fun... time to get back to enjoying myself (all by myself until later tonight... and no it's not cheating... Practice makes Perfect)

Lanas



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it depends, if he separate his real life from his second life, then is not cheating.

to say that he is cheating it would be like saying that the actor of a movie is cheating on his wife because some characters of the movie are having a relationship. since is not the actor who is having the relationship, altought he moves the character, is not cheating, so he dont have to hide it from his wife.

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It depends on the people involved. She clearly felt that she was cheating, since she felt the need to hide it from her RL husband.

Then again, perhaps he knew and simply requested not to see or hear it. After all, that would be a little awkward. Or maybe she wasn't enjoying herself, or just couldn't get her camera angle right, or something. Maybe she didn't want to voice because "she" isn't really a she, or she had a cold, or she was eating dinner, or her dog was barking too loud, or....Any number of things could have been going on.

As for her being partnered in SL, maybe her "partner" is an alt, or a friend she asked to partner with her to avoid getting other partnership requests. Or maybe her partner is perfectly fine with her being an escort, or even supportive of it.

Since none of us know her particular situation, none of us can say with absolute certainty if she was or was not cheating. It's subjective, and personal.

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Sounds like the person is cheating all around...on their "partner" and their "RL".  Cheating is cheating...it is a form of being dishonest...cheating in the sense you are using it is being sexually unfaithful...doesn't matter if you enjoy the act or not.  It is performing the act  that constitutes cheating...not what pleasure value you attach to it.

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I didn't bother to read any of the other replies. I just wanted to say that I do think it is a form of cheating to have a RL partner and go on to SL and either have cyber sex, sex chat or form a relationship with someone on SL. If you have to hide what you are doing then you know it's bad.

I have been with my RL partner for 10 years and I wouldn't dream of doing anything sexual on SL. Totally disrespectful to my partner. I think only people who should be getting jiggy with it on SL are people who are single.

But at the end of the day it's just the net.

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Canoro Philipp wrote:

it depends, if he separate his real life from his second life, then is not cheating.

to say that he is cheating it would be like saying that the actor of a movie is cheating on his wife because some characters of the movie are having a relationship. since is not the actor who is having the relationship, altought he moves the character, is not cheating, so he dont have to hide it from his wife.

I want to take this thought a little further.  My question would be: What do you expect from Second Life?  Are you trying to recreate RL or are you trying to explore ideas and experiences which may or may not be normatively acceptable in RL?  And if it's the latter, why would it matter if the person doing the exploring is single, attached, married, or a polygamist in RL?   And under this scenario is "cheating" even a relevant concept?  I think both approaches are valid ones in a virtual world.   People should be able to seek out what they're looking for and not be unfairly judged for doing so, as long as they stay within the TOS and Community Guidelines and they try to respect other residents first.  I would say all parties should be responsible for getting their desires and expectations out in the open first, regardless of what they're pursuing.  There can always still be problems which manifest - that's always a possibility when two or more people interact - but getting that out in the open before engaging in that type of relationship would avoid many potential problems.  I think the Profile tab can be very useful for sussing some of this out even before first interacting with another avatar. 

Also SLex is not sex.  As stated earlier, you have no idea what the person on the other side of the screen is doing while you're engaging in it.  It is fantasy not reality and about the mind only, not the body.  I would guess most people treat it as such - at least those who don't voice or cam.   I wouldn't really know about those features however.

 (I also find it a little ironic that someone who seeks out escort services is so quick to morally judge the person supplying those services because he's dissatisfied with the service he received but maybe that's me.  Also, if you have a problem with someone having a SL (and RL) partner why pick that escort when you could see that clearly on her profile or during the course of your conversation before engaging in SLex?) 

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If they have to fake it because their RL significant other is home, then the ONLY thing you can assume is that they wish to avoid *some* kind of unpleasantry if witnessed. It DOES NOT mean that this person is cheating on their RL partner, because you cannot know if that significant other would view the activities as cheating or merely something funny to tease this person about. It may be that the significant other doesn't care one way or the other, and this escort is merely avoiding the personal embarassment if they were seen not faking it. Only the facts carry weight, and the only fact is that they just didn't want to be seen for whatever reason. Any assumptions about what that reason may be is just drama fuel and speculation at best. When one purchases a "service" like that of an escort, you may get the real deal, or you may have purchased a fictional roleplay "performance"... it depends on the personal outlook of the provider.

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Tamara Artis wrote:

Do you think maybe her "performance" would be much better if she wasn't looking outside somewhere, but focusing on you?
:P

Where is the importance of finding out do escorts cheat? I could understand it if you were asking about your gf... 

Do you cheat escorts while u're with them??

Is it cheating if I type that I am reaching my panties and putting a hand in it to feel my hot and wet... while I am actually eating chips? And thats the main reason I can't voice? 

Or my friend could come and play SL with my avi (happens from time to time) and we could find some guy and rp an escort. Is that cheating too? If that other guy from SL never asked who is at the keyboard... 

In general I think that people are better in performance if they aren't cheating. Less distractions lol

Sonja Smedley wrote:

Why is it so important to you If she is cheating or not?

You only have taken her service...everything else is non of your business...that´s my opinion!:0)

____________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Between both responses they summed it up. What difference does it make? You paid her to participate in ....what you paid her to participate in lol. Who cares who she's married to, dates, cheats with, or what chips she eats while she's doin it,.  She's not there to be your wife or girlfriend or even "friend".

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Cheating is violating your agreements with your partner.  That's all there is to it.

Unfortunately (IMHO) in many relationships, many of the "agreements" are unspoken and assumed.  If you think something you might be doing might be violating one of these, there's a very simple way to tell: discuss it with your partner.  If you're afraid to do that, there's probably a good reason for that!

Better to have the discussions before the potential cheating begins, so there's no doubt.  You might be surprised about how your partner feels.  They may have expectations you never "signed up" for and wouldn't agree to -- best to know that as early as possible, and then figure out what to do about it.  Also, you might be following rules that your partner doesn't care about.  (Of course, these possibilities go both ways.)

IMHO, the more important question to discuss is "what agrements would you require with your (RL/SL) partner, regarding virtual worlds?"  There are no "one-size-fits-all" sets of agreements.

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Dylon Blackheart wrote:

just curious... if somebody would cheat on their partner, but their RL is home and they would have to fake it (camera focusing to a neutral spot)

Would that still be cheating? i mean... the one who is cheating would not be able to enjoy it if they have to fake it?

If that makes sence... what do you think?

No, it's not cheating.  Go to a nude beach in SL and you will realize you are just an avatar, hopefully, which is what I did and found it such a freeing experience, and all my immersion disappeared, although that was already happening as rl is far more important to me.    As far as faking it, I'm sure that happens (most) times, anyways as most people don't make love in rl while thinking of emoting love poetry of some kind, let alone reading it while making love.  If she is emoting a lot, she is also probably eating in rl because the mind is too busy thinking of words and typing, or copy and pasting.  And yes, I get emotes as a first "hello" on SL. 

Here's a thought, since you can afford escorts, how about getting another computer and making an alt and making your own gf/bf/or make your own alt an imaginary escort in your own mind instead of sitting on the computer judging pixels.  How about it?  Make your own gf/bf?   I'd guess you can do that with one computer also, just click inworld under preferences, allow multiple viewers, then you can decide if you are cheating on yourself or not by making several alts of yourself as gf/bf because the only cheating you need to worry about is your own. 

 

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