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Second Life Syndrome


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I am not surprised that i am not the only one who has been hurt and had his heart torn out and in all these posts of sharing from people responding I have seen that I was never alone. But for so long i had anger and resentment for those who stuffed me around but now I am passsed it.

 

In the end all we can give is our hearts and ourselves to another and hope for the best and that they feel the same and trust in them. For Life reaches out to Life and love reaches out to Love. Take heed and take note Bighose, keep on being you and we both will find those worthy women who deserve us. Namaste :)

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To stand still on the summit of reflection is difficult, and in the natural course of things, who cannot go forward steps back.

Gaius Valleius Paterculus

 

The main aim of this thread was not one of self woe or to reopen hurt wounds. It was to put a human face and human emotions to things that happen in this beautiful world that is Second Life encompasses. I know what I had with my ex is over, it will be treasured always by me. But it is over and done with. To coign a phrase she used on me over and over "It is what it is". We are each and every one of us shaped by our own moral codes, principles and thoughts on things. We come to SL for a many tailored reasons and we are changed as we experience and positives and negatives that this world has to offer. We are set awash on this digital landscape. But never lose heart. Always know that in the darkest time, you will rise again. To those who hurt and who have hurted or are hurting still is never stop believing in yourself and what you seek. For it is attainable.

 

I will not be responding again to this thread for I think the thread has reached what it set out to do.I have met new friends from here, people who have Imed me and reached out and said I have touched them. That my words sounded a resonance in them and those who read. This is one of the most viewed topics which tells me many who havent answered have returned back to read more and to find their own feelings and opinions on these matters. And now I say, thanks for all the kindness and the support. Thank you to each responder for sharing the pain and hurt that happened to each and everyone of you. And each of us will rise from the Oceans like Phoenix's into the open sky!

 

In the last few weeks a change started seeping through me, slow at first but it built and I attained a threshold. The final act of my ex not accepting my friendship request was the final spark to light the fires of change. AND positive things have happened. I went on AVMATCH and someone responded and we have been talking. It feels good letting it all go and enjoying the company of another without the past as hinderance. For the new year started early for me - I have finally a year and month said "it is time, Petar" And so it is. I don't know what my future in love will provide me but I know one thing - I am ready to explore. I am none the less weak for my experience but all that much stronger for surviving and fighting back the darkness for this is my new dawn.

 

I have tried to find ways of closing this thread but I can't. But this is my final response, my final message in this thread but I will be around :) Thank you to all readers, responders. A merry Christmas and festive tidings. And we will all step forward, no more steps backwards. Namaste

 

"Thus Spoke Zarathustra"

Man is a rope, tied between beast and overman - a rope over an abyss. A dangerous across, a dangerous on-the-way, a dangerous looking-back, a dangerous shuddering and stopping. What is great in man is that he is a bridge and not an end: what can be loved in man is that he is an overture and a going under. I love those who do not know how to live, for they are those who crossover.

Friedrich Nietzsche

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Gosh thats a sad story =[

I wont go into my own history but I will just say something similar happened to me. I think when a SL relationship goes to RL and its long distance it presents a certain set of issues. Can it work? Of course it can. Do I let it go that far? No. I did once and got burned. And once was enough for me. I wont do a RL long distance relationship...friendships are fine.

The thing that bothers me are those people that get on SL and think its a game instead of a virtual community. Im really sorry to hear about what happened. But in the end you are going to be better off. Hugs!

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  • 5 weeks later...

You show little to no respect to the men whom you get involved with in Second Life relationships. I don't know the whole story but based upon what you said in you post you are at minimum a user and more likely a cheater. You might have an open relationship with your husband but the way it sounds to me you don't. It looks like your husband has no idea what you do on here. I am wondering how you would feel if your husband was cheating on you?. Would you have such a callous attitude? I think at mininum you should tell these men upfront that you have no intention of talking things to real life. Atleast then they can decide whether or not to stay in a relationship with you. Whether be in second life or real life cheating is cheating and if you can't see that something is wrong.

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"I am wondering how you would feel if your husband was cheating on you?."

LoL I wish he would find someone. I really do. To tell the truth, I wish he would get together with my mom. They were friends before I ever knew him. Despite the age difference, I think they're more compatible than he & I are.

"I think at mininum you should tell these men upfront that you have no intention of talking things to real life. Atleast then they can decide whether or not to stay in a relationship with you"

I suppose that's fair Johanes. In fact, I dump guys who start bugging me for RL info & fotos, etc. But the point is... What you think or I think "should" happen is irrelevant relative to what people actually DO. You may have all these "shoulds" regarding relationships but when others crap all over your "shoulds" it's you who ends up hurt by it. What I think is that people shouldn't project their own expectations onto others. People shouldn't allow themselves to become attached to whatever anticipated or wished for outcome they may bring to the relationship. Only the moment is real Johanes. Enjoy yourself in the moment and don't worry about "shoulds" or about how the relationship may turn out.

"... and if you can't see that something is wrong."

Who ever said that something isn't wrong?

Grow up.

Jeanne

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"I think at minimum you should tell these men upfront that you have no intention of talking things to real life. At least then they can decide whether or not to stay in a relationship with you"

Letting aside any deliberations regarding cheating, I strongly disagree with this point…SHE has to explain that she doesn’t want RL and why she doesn’t want it?

IMO, more than one man and woman are the ones who should explain to their potential SL companions WHY they find so reasonable to look for a real relationship in a “fantasy playground”, so to speak.

If someone wants a RL relationship, the logical thing to do is to look for it in RL and quit judging and labelling the ones who want to enjoy SL without adding RL to their SL experience. Such approach doesn’t make anyone an user or a cheater, but just a person who understands that SL is SL and RL is RL.

Perhaps more people should try to understand the real meaning of “SL and RL are separate” and how wise to stick to such motto is.

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Keeping Rl and SL separate in a long term relationship (define that yourself in SL) where basically, you just talk, is like mixing oil and water. Eventually (and to some people the first dance), information about our real lives seeps into the relationships. RL is the #1 cause of realtionship death in SL couples.

But, couples aside, I know many details about my friend's RL, and many RL names. RL and SL are intertwined as far as I've been able to desern.

I've met many men seeking RL relationships. Some upon first meeting. I can count on 3 fingers the men I've met in SL who have never wanted to take it to Skype or RL meetings, married or not. These are my experiences as a woman in SL. Yours may be different.

 

 

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Well, yes, you're right in what you say...I have explained myself badly. When I say "the real meaning of “SL and RL are separate” I mean that usually, it's good and pleasurable to talk about RL stuff. Otherwise, no relationship would stand for long, because, what would be the stuff worth to share and talk about ?..."How pretty your avatar is"... "How handsome yours is" ..."How nice is this ballroom", or "How hot is this animation"? Though this kind of chitchat is for sure part of any relationship, if there was nothing else, it'd be pretty boring and shallow.

I am in a long term SL relationship, and we talk alot and we know alot about each other's RL details. But we enjoy our relationship, our feelings and friendship with the means SL provides us with and without thinking in taking it into RL,

What it's hard for me to understand is any need to clarify that one doesn't want to bring a SL relationship to RL, given that such relationship has started and is taking place in SL...

I know that many people disagrees with my opinion in this regard, but still seems logic to me, that if one wants a RL relationship, the right place to look for it is in RL, right from the start.

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